Yup, I did it. I married a guy from Jordan who seemed like a great guy while I was posted in Iraq and he was working there too. We have a child he finally got here to see once the little guy was 14 months old, but the marriage is NOT working out and he seems somewhat reluctant to get and keep a job.

I'm feeling a bit used here. His brother got sponsored to come here a year before him so I KNOW that he knows the "ins-and-outs" of the process including filing to be separate from me in a divorce, but proving the marriage was bona-fide (having a baby). He was a responsible worker while I knew him in Iraq and was even helping to support his family in Jordan, but he's been a YEAR without a job (6 months in Jordan waiting for his appt at the Embassy) and now 6 months here.

I NOW fully comprehend the depth of the I-864, but my God, I am having trouble making ends meet now! I cannot possibly support our baby AND him!!! Do I have any rights as the US Citizen in this situation whatsoever???

Oh yea, and BTW, if he manages to get out of the country and back to Jordan with our little guy, I have NO custodial rights in the Middle East as a Christian mother. Jordan does NOT participate in the Hague Convention for the return of abducted children. So, I have this additional fun little thing to worry about if he decides to "go home" as a result of the divorce...

Women beware! Marrying for love can put you in some STUPID and SCARY situations...

I'd actually like to know your opinions on this support thing too. I know someone else in this situation and I'd like some input. No child in that situation. Nor, is it a MENA man.

I-864 only kicks in if EX uses means tested benefits from State and US government, you can be billed for those services.

Only way out of the I-864 binding contract is when one of the following 5 conditions are met.

• Immigrant Dies
• Sponsor Dies
• Immigrant works and is credited with 40 quarters of work.
• Immigrant leaves the USA and abandons LPR status
• Immigrant naturalizes and becomes a US citizen.

I brought up these points. So, someone says to me "what if you can prove fraud?" This person I am referring to has made statements that she can prove from some phone bills he has that he was seeing someone else in the US before and during their marriage. I tend to think PROVING fraud would be really nearly impossible. We aren't talking the guy left this gal for another. He's still with his wife and she is contemplating kicking him out.

What is your take on the fraud angle?

I've done some research on the internet before finding this site, and oh yea, if the alien knows how to work the system, you can get sued to provide a payment to the ex for 125% of poverty level as a support - check out existing New York and Florida cases...I don't have an extra $12K a year to give this guy if he won't work to offset the amount unless me and the munchkin live in a cardboard box somewhere to cut the expenses required to be able to pay him to sit on his butt. Some incentive for aliens to become "useful" residents of the States...there is no incentive for him to work or become a citizen if there are no penalties for his behavior, or lack thereof...

Only thing you can do is file a complaint with USCIS, and particularly with Immigrations and Customs Enforcement. This may cause problems for immigrant if and when trying to file I-751 to remove the conditions on green-card if they have a conditional card.

http://www.ice.gov/

He is in Conditional Status as far as I know because we were married less than two years when he got here and got his card. I will check the link - thank you. I would hate for him not to be here to be part of his son's life, but if he isn't worried about supporting himself, never mind his son, obviously his priorities aren't in the right order.

This is exactly what stopped me from going forward with our IR-1 when I had doubts about the marriage (not fraud-related). I couldn't bring myself to send in that I-864. You're really stuck by it and at any point in time it can come back to bite you in the butt. I hope you find a way out. If you suspect and can prove any kind of fraud enough to get him out of the country that would end your responsibility. Otherwise, the soonest way out is his citizenship. Good luck!

I already suspected we were in trouble, but idiot me thought it would be important for him to meet his son and for us to have a fresh start after the 1+ year wait for him to get here. I talked to an attorney and he said not to feel bad about that part because if I had stopped the process and someone else had then sponsored him to come over, he could have gotten here and snatched our little one before I even knew he was in the country.

Even the attorney does not know how this situation will play out with the family law judge which is why I thought I would ask about folks' personal experiences when I found this site today.

I even told the attorney I will support my son by myself (duh! I'm doing it now, though getting deeper in debt with no help from the spouse) if the spouse will get off his butt and get a job and agree to take care of himself...he says it all depends on the judge...

I feel like I am getting an ulcer living on pins and needles daily waiting to see what happens next...

No, you're not an idiot, how many people go through this process so carelessly-at least you thought about it. I just got hung up on that 10 years thing...oh my gosh, that's assuming he gets a job right away. I just imagined myself 35, married to someone else with 2 kids, probably living paycheck to paycheck, then the US Government coming and taking me to court because he got injured and had to start mooching...kept me up at night! I-864 is a scary scary thing. It amazes me how many people are in such a hurry to put their name on the line.

Basically unfortunately, the quickest way out of the I-864 obligation (assuming he's staying in the country) is for him to become a citizen, which if he's not married to you will take 5 years, assuming he knows what he's doing and that's what he decides to do. Other than death, that's it. If you stay married he can become a citizen in 3 years, just food for thought.

Proving fraud to the USCIS would more than likely involve written statements or utterances that your spouse made to either yourself or others, and such statements making reference to his "entering the marriage solely to gain residency" directly or implied. Implied would take other peculiarities in conjunction to present a compelling case before the IJ. Having illicit relations with another person, or a dalliance during the marriage is not always indicative of fraud or an alien's initial intent for the marriage to be simply a vehicle to secure permanent residency. Indicative of an alien's lack of respect, and commitment, perhaps, but not necessarily indicative of his intent upon entering into the marriage in the first place.

Do not sign any papers whatsoever that would get your child a passport.

See a family lawyer.

I am working with a firm that deals with family law and immigration, but so far, every one involved is acting like having a child in this situation is so new that no one knows how the deal will work... But yes, once I realized that Jordan is NOT part of the Hague Convention, I put my son's name on the list to NOT be granted a passport and that I am to be notified if anyone attempts to sign him up for one. (Since it requires both parents' signatures these days to get one, the attorney says he would get in trouble for fraud if he attempts it).

Any of you women who are NOT Muslim and have children with somebody from the Middle East, beware - Israel is the ONLY country in that region that participates in the Hague Convention and you will NOT have any custodial rights if your children get taken over to the Middle East. Even if a court in Jordan found my ex unfit to be a father, HIS MOTHER would be next in line for custody...

I can handle supporting my son - well, I will figure out a way, but I cannot support my ex too - what happens if I end up filing bankruptcy and no longer make enough to meet the requirements of the I-864? I wonder if he would have to get another sponsor or face being deported???

I'm not sure exactly what 'support' you are worrying about having to provide.

The I864 holds the USC responsible if the immigrant avails themselves of means-tested benefits. That 'support' is different than the type of support a family judge may award your husband (if that is your concern).

I've heard (and the Mermaid might know more about this) that there is some family case law wherein the immigrant presented the I864 to the family judge as evidence that the USC had agreed to 'support' them for 10 years, and prevailed. I've also heard this is very rare. Personally, I think it would take a judge asleep at the wheel to interpret the document in that manner, but I don't have a law degree so that makes my opinion pretty much without merit.

Let's address this issue of support. First, the I864 is a binding contract between the "petitioner" (the USC sponsor) and the US government. That contract is irrevocable and obliges the USC sponsor to make certain that the alien does not avail him or herself of means-tested benefits until he or she is eligible. IF the alien does avail him or herself of such benefits, the terms of the I-864 articulate that the government agency that has provided aid to the alien has the right to and can make a claim for reimbursement from the USC sponsor. And if such agency chooses to do so, the sponsor would either remit payment or face a legal claim from the agency for reimbursement. If the USC sponsor were faced with a lawsuit from the agency, the extant contract (the I-864) would afford the agency judgment in their favour and the USC sponsor would have to pay up.

Agencies have that right. Do they all decide to pursue it? No. But it can and does happen.

Now, as far as the other form of support that rebeccajo alludes to is concerned, this is quite different. First, the I-864 is a contract between the USC sponsor and the US government, and is irrevocable. There have been quite a number of separate civil lawsuits of late filed by aliens that are divorced from USC sponsors to seek some sort of financial aid, using the extant I-864 as a tool to demonstrate that the USC pledged to the government that the alien would not become a ward; that the alien would not have to resort to government aid and that the USC sponsor was going to assure the government of this by asserting that the alien would be kept and provided for to the sum of 125% of the poverty guideline figure ( a figure that would obviate qualification for aid).

These lawsuits, while few in number compared to the vast number of divorced aliens in the USA, can be and have been successful. One may google "Stump v Stump" a recent Pennsylvania case to see that the USC sponsor can find him or herself providing a sum up to 125% of the Poverty guideline figure for each year that the alien's own income falls below that, until such time the the alien satisfies the Affidavit of Support, by either naturalising, meeting the threshhold that the Social Security Administration has established of 40 qualifying calendar quarters of work, leaves the country permanently or dies. The judgment awarded to an alien that seeks remedy by virtue of this sort of civil lawsuit, would be the difference between his or her own income and that specified as 125% poverty line figure.

Here's the BIG rub! In Stump v. Stump, the court determined that the language of the I-864 does not articulate that the alien has any obligation to mitigate or improve his or her circumstances. In other words, the court ruled that there is no requirement that the alien mitigate the damages that a potential USC sponsor might incur by seeking work! So, in the worst case, a USC sponsor might find him or herself in such a lawsuit and with a judgment to provide 125% of the poverty guideline figure in damages to the alien for each year that the alien does not earn, and without any requirement for the alien to better his or her income, or even work at all!

While this might appear a gloomy prospect for any USC sponsor, it can be and is, in some situations, reality.

Diaddie -

What reasoning or precedent was used to come to these brilliant conclusions?

There was no precedent, in fact, I believe that the Stump case set precedent and it was in Indiana, rather than Pennsylvania (There's another case similar in scope in Pennsylvania that I was confusing it with).

The court in Indiana granted summary judgment for the plaintiff, Ms. Stump (the alien), and found that a sponsored alien could bring action against its sponsor for financial support, and that such action was and would be independent of any action that could be brought by government agencies seeking reimbursement for benefits given out to the alien. As for the matter of amn alien not attempting to mitigate the situation by seeking work, the court found that the alien was not precluded from enforcing the obligation that the US citizen spouse had made by way of the endorsed Affidavit of Support, despite not having worked or even attempting to seek some sort of income producing activity. In this respect the court held that the issue of mitigation would be dealt with in terms of the amount that could be claimed in damages, and that failure to secure employment or income did not in any way obviate the liability to which the US citizen sponsor had obliged himself through the Affidavit itself.

It's the Stump vs Stump case (there's one in FL too) that causes me worry in the face of believing that he used me to get here - child and all (since if he petitions to stay in the event of divorce, having a child "proves" our marriage was legit). His brother is already in the States and he knows exactly how the process works, all the ins and outs...

He sat on his butt in Jordan for 6 months waiting for his appt and he has sat on his butt here for 6 months and if there is nothing built into the system to motivate immigrants, why should they worry about doing more than sitting on their butts for 10 years soaking up the free support???

The one thing I did not realize (and I probably would have stopped the process had I known this beforehand), was that he might not get deported in the event of divorce since he is in conditional status. My concern is that we divorce, he disappears and I am left trying to support our son AND fund some bank account for him to the tune of 125% of poverty level. Now, $12k extra a year might not sound like a lot to some of you out there, but with trying to support our son by myself, it's just not doable...

Well a real fair judge would clearly see that this woman loved and had her husbands baby, and he basically is being a loser and not helping support his wife and child... If he comes after her for money, she should sue him for childsuport. Im willing to bet she will win this one.

on a lighter note, have you talked to him, what is his rationale and reasonings, where is his mind and heart. I took Manni a year to adjust and assimilate into a job he wanted. Good luck

Take a look at Tito's post on "Successful withdrawl of I 864". I can not remember the exact situation but I know he was able to withdraw the affidavit of support.

Withdrawal is possible, either:
1. prior to adjudication of the adjustment application (which is clearly not the case here)
2. a compelling report of fraud by the USC petitioner

floridalaurie,

Being a "dead beat" husband and father (pardon me for such a blunt reference) and being an alien that has engaged in defrauding the government of permanent residency are two highly different things!

Having a child does not "prove" his intentions upon entering the marriage were bona fide, IF there is evidence to the contrary! If that evidence that you have is mere speculation or circumstantial, then you are facing an uphill battle trying to disprove the marriage is legitimate but with a "dead beat" for a partner.

Since he has his green card, but is in conditional status since we were not married for two years when he got here, all that happens for him next is applying to remove the conditional status at the end of being here two years, right? What happens to him if I end up declaring bankruptcy (entirely possible between his ability to keep spending money though he isn't supplying any and supporting our son) and can no longer meet the demands of the I-864??? Would he have to find a new sponsor (his brother has been here for over a year already).

No, I don't think so! My feeling is that bankruptcy would not alleviate you from a court order to pay a sum of money to a government agency as a result of the responsibility you are obliged to under the terms of the Affidavit of Support. In bankruptcy proceedings, an applicant can reduce certain debt ~ dischargeable debts. Some debt is not dischargeable. You'd have to speak with a bankruptcy attorney to double check, but I would sense that the US government would be considered "secured" and/or "first priority" debt.

Meeting the demands of the I-864 is not a choice, it's a requirement for you.

Well, if I end up having to declare bankruptcy, I will most likely lose my job and won't have the money to support him anyway and my mother certainly isn't going to let him move into her home if I have to move back to her house via losing my house...

Oh man this sucks so bad. I wish there was a way out for you. If there's a chance he doesn't know that technically he can sue you for regular support then you should be alright. Maybe he doesn't realize that and is only aware of the government benefits side of it. Or does he know about any of it?

Why do you think you will likely lose your job and/or house if you file for BK? It should have no effect on your job - I filed for chapter 7 in '01 and nobody even knew - fortunately most people have better things to do than read the Legal Notices in the back of the newspaper I guess.

Also, unless the new laws have changed, you will not lose your house - there is a 'homestead exemption' - since I rent it did not apply to me but I think unless you are living in a McMansion you will be fine. I hope it will not come to that point, but just trying to allay your fears. GL.

If I can just add some things here...
First, if he did use you, and you really think theres some family agenda that doesn't inclue you, I would not sweat the support thing at all because if that is the case, his family is no doubt expecting him to get on his feet and start sending home money on a regular basis. At some point, his brothers or whoever you said was showing him the ropes is going to help him get his act together by either getting him a job or cutting him into someone's business or something. Its sad to say it like this but whats keeping them from getting him going sooner might be that you are still around. Thats of course IF you are being used. 6 months is not a crazy amount of time to not have it together yet. It could take him longer too and it wouldn't have to mean that he came here to mooch off you.

Second, about passports and keping your hands on the baby... consider getting the baby's passportS now. And don't forget he gets a Jordanian passport, too. The first parent to apply for the passport will get it, the second one there who shows up alone to replace a 1-yr olds lost passport looks suspect, So get the passports, control where they are located, and inform BOTH embassies that you want to be notified if a replacement is ever applied for. Jordan may not be a party to the HC but they do honor parent requests, I've heard. Also you never used the word Divorce, but should you go that way, you can have "who controls the baby's passports " written into the cust order too.
Anyway, 6 months really isn't a long time and adjusting to each other is sooo stinkin hard even without money problems. Try to keep open to the idea that the situation just might not be what it looks like now. Wish you the best

Another thing about applying for the Jordanian Passport, You will know if your child has been issued one already. If your other half ever did think about taking off off with the baby, he would have certainly picked up a passport for him before leaving Jordan. (I think its like $15 there, easy, one trip and its normal for dad to apply solo...To get it while in the US its over $200 and theres a lot of waiting, and they look out for custody things more.) If no passport has ever been applied for, you probably don't have as much to worry about as you think.

Don't get ahead of yourself! I can't imagine how stressful and scary this must be for you, but imagining losing your house and your job (bankruptcy isn't fun, but it doesn't require being fired) isn't going to help.

mermaid and rjo have covered most of it in their posts, but I wanted to point out a couple things that often get overlooked:
1) The I-864 only binds you for reimbursing the government for certain types of cash-equivalent benefits. The FAQs on this site get into more detail, but it does not encompass everything we think of as 'welfare.'
2) There have been a couple of court cases that have concluded that the USC can be on the hook for poverty-level equivalent support, and that the LPR doesn't have to show an attempt to get work. (There are good reasons for this, but it does sound counterintuitive.) But that would require a court order, and for a judge to decide that the precedent in the earlier case applied to you. It is still a legitimate worry, but you can't conclude from a couple of court cases that he himself has a slam-dunk case for support.
An attorney might be helpful here.

The reasoning goes something like this if I understand the case correctly: the USC signed an agreement with the US government, and the court is trying to decide whether that agreement can result in a cash payment directly to the sponsored alien. There's nothing in the original agreement about it's being contingent on the alien finding or attempting to find work. Nothing at all; I can't get out of the I-864 by saying C. is a lazy bastard who should get a job.

So, if the court is extending the reasoning to a direct agreement between the USC and the alien, then they should rightly conclude that the right of the alien to seek damages is *not* contingent on proof of seeking employment, any more than the right of the government to collect from the USC would be contingent on proving the alien had been seeking employment and unable to find it. In other words, the USC can't use as a defense for paying up to the government that the alien hadn't found work, so the USC can't use it as a defense against a claim by the alien, either.

Now, this does not entail that the alien automatically gets poverty level support. The case was just about whether the alien had the right to seek damages even if she hadn't been seeking employment. The conclusion of the case is that yes, she has the right to seek support, and that she isn't working or seeking working can't obviate that right, but that doesn't entail a specific monetary amount. The judge can say, e.g., the I-864 means you have the right to seek support from your former spouse, but the fact that you are not working when you could be means you only get (say) half of that amount.

Thanks for the encouraging words. I do have an attorney and he is about to get served for the divorce and I am on pins and needles because I have no idea how he will react. He runs the gamut from "trying to make things work out" to telling me about Middle East news stories where a man got permission from his father in law to burn his wife to death because he thought she cheated on him...he needed to share this news story with me, why???

The attorney does not think those two cases will apply here because we have a minor child to consider, but it is up to the family law judge ultimately. BTW, for those saying to go ahead and get passports - the attorney and the State Dept both say NO WAY! The only way he can take our son out of the country through normal channels is with a passport and BOTH parents have to sign for it. The State Dept already has my son's information flagged, so if he tries to get him one by forging my name, he is in big trouble.

My hope is that he will be amicable, especially if my attorney is willing to help him get another sponsor or whatever to stay here on his own, but not tied to me and I will continue to take care of our son since supporting him does not seem to be of much concern to my ex. Strange to me considering the way I saw parents with their children in Amman, Jordan - I would never have guessed he would behave this way once here.

I am relatively certain that there is no way to switch sponsors or renege on the I-864 once AOS has been approved. But let us know how it turns out, whether there is a way to withdraw sponsorship (which I doubt) or a way to mitigate its secondary effects.

Take care of yourself and your baby.