Just wondering how other VJ'ers see it..........
Nat

Yes, I'd be mad as heck and would confront him. There is NO plausible excuse for continuing to be engaged in this type of behaviour if you've found someone who you truly love, and who loves you is there? I suppose if you were doing your thesis, or you were a reporter doing some type of article on this? However, if this was so, then you'd be sharing and discussing this with your partner BEFORE signing up for the site.

Carla

My answer can be summed up in three letters:

NFW!!!!!

not ok. dump his a$$ before it's too late.

I would tell him to stay on the site- cause I would be gone.

Not okay.

Wow, I'm going against the tide on this one........based on my personal experience.

Jerry and I met on a Christian singles website, and we both continued to be on the website long after we were engaged. We had a lot of friends on there that we would chat with in the chatrooms, and we didn't want to stop talking to them. So we stayed on there until we got married. So I voted "yeah, if the SO knew about it". Maybe not necessarily what the OP meant, but...

However, if I found him on match.com or eharmony.com messing around after we were engaged, he'd have some 'splaining to do.....

YAH, what they said!

it is a recipe for problems

I agree with Stacey33.

That makes 3 of us!

Four!

Definitely NOT COOL!

I'd smash our home computer to bits.

oh hell no!

FIVE

Hell hath no fury like a hormal pregnant woman scorned. Id beat his winkie bear off with the keyboard.

SIX

And I agree with you Cassie....it would depend on the intent of the person who is frequenting the site. If they are there to still chat up people of the opposite sex...then NO WAY. However, if as you say, you meet other people along the way that you are not interested in romatically but just like talking to, I don't think there is anything wrong with shooting out an occasional message or something. Hubster and I met in a music chat room....not what the OP is asking, but seeing as we talked to other people about anything and everything, why should we dump those people as friends? There is nothing romantic about it. And in fact several of us have found each other in Facebook and we are all friends in there now. We don't sit around and chat, but messages here and there are nice.

No, it is not ok or acceptable.

As Whitney says:



I hope this is just a random question, Nat!

SEVEN!



And LMAO!

First I'd be veeeery surprised and all like "WHAT THE...!!" ... so not ok, because engaged/married=commited
Then I'd go on him

Saludos,
Caro

ITA!



I also agree with you two on this, but I think it's a different situation. P and I met on a forum and we both still participate on the forum, but it's not a singles site by any means. I would never expect him to stop talking to friends online (a couple of whom are female) but then again, we all know each other (IRL) and I trust him. So in the situation you two are describing, then it would be cool with me and is.

Why would you need a singles site if you are engaged?

Thanks to everyone for the input.
My personal opinion is that forums like VJ or Groww.com ,stuff like that is ok.
Even some singles sites (but only when your profile shows your REAL marriage status) are ok,but whats not ok is to have a profile on a single's site that obviously states that you're looking for something.........AFTER you got together ,got engaged and so on.
Being heavily involved on such a site and actually even calling someone you met onthere is ,in my opinion,absolutley NOT acceptable and should not be done .As it raised red flags and concerns and often leads to at least two ppl getting hurt.The "cheated on" spouse and the person your SO is talking to and has no clue of your SO being engaged to get married.........
Yes unfortunatley I AM speaking from experience..........and the only two websites I communicate with other ppl in are Groww and VJ,so it figures............
Again,thanks for the input.At least now I know that I'm not the only one seeing it like that........
And PLEASE no nasty comments about it.It's bad enough as it is...........
Nat

Hope you get it sorted out Nat...it's been a tough road for you getting this far I know.

It's acceptable only if you're open to the idea that sexual/relational exclusivity is not always
necessary for a meaningful long-term relationship and can accept a polyamorous lifestyle
for yourself and your partner.

Otherwise, I don't see how it can possibly work.

I hope you work it out.

Wow Nat, I'm so sorry.

I don't know whether we can work this out.
It's a little too much right now to know that he calls her sometimes several times a day while "it's so hard to talk to me cause it makes him miss me even more".........
Besides that he apparently doesn't know right from wrong since right now he's mad at ME for "invading his privacy" because her number showed up on his cell bill and since it was called so much I checked the White Pages and she popped up.......
Right now I'm actually thinking about cancelling the I 129F............
But also,my head and heart are too confused to make any decisions right now........
It'll take a while for me to figure ut what I'll do.
Thanks you all for your input.
Oh and by the way,
I absolutley DO NOT tolerate an open marriage/relationship!
That may work for other ppl but definitley NOT for me.
Nat

I'm sorry to hear about your situation But all hell would break loose if this happened to me. I would not tolerate it. It, meaning the singles site. If it progressed to something more like calls, then that is totally crossing the line. You are not just friends, not just casually dating, you are engaged. Calling other women, or giving out numbers is strictly prohibited. The line "its hard to talk cause it makes me miss you more" to me is a line of BS to cover it up or make it seem like its this long distance thing. Its not, this just may well be a personality trait that hasn't come out yet. I truely feel for you, because its so horrible to experience something like this, especially during all the stress of the K1. When you think the light is at the end of the USCIS tunnel... this happens.

Maybe give it some time, and see where your feelings are. But definitely, I'd make him delete the profile. Its just an issue, can you regain trust in the relationship again.

I wish you well.

(((NatashaBrenda)))

I am so very sorry for your heartache.
Please know we are all thinking of you during this difficult time.
Hugs to you

~Laura

oh crap. after all you've been thru natasha, like tracking down the wayward wife so she can be served divorce papers and all that?

unacceptable