Things didn't work out, and it's a real shame, but sometimes pride...intense and foolish...has consequences.

Under the regulations, I withdrew the affidavit of support, and the adjustment of status was denied (no green card). I believe that deportation proceedings are now underway. In defense, the immigrant (from Cuba) has dispensation and can try to get her green card another way, but it's no longer my problem.

Anyway...moral of the story is, you CAN withdraw the affidavit of support any time until the green card is issued. Again...it's a true shame after all that was done to make this relationship work, and it's just time to move on...heal the wounds...

One of the unfortunate consequences of this (besides a broken heart), is that my now wife (soon to be ex) will have to shell out a bunch of money to start over again.

New I485? $1,000 +
Attorney Fees? $2,500 (or more)
Wait time? another year...while also trying to defend deportation

Truly a shame when this situation was something that could have been something to work on rather than simply to abandon.

Sorry to hear. Sometimes things are just not meant to work out the way you think they are. Everything in life happens for a reason - just remember that.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Thank you for deciding to post this personal situation. I think it will let other VJers going through problems know what their options are.

I guess u did it cuz the relationship between the two of u didn't go well or something, unless you changed your mind and wanna get back together, in that case the most important thing is for you two to work things out out rather than worry about this now... it sucks but what is done is done...you have the chance to do this process again and it will be easier for u since you already went over some stuff... be patientttt alright

Yes, I am and have been patient, and I wanted more than ANYTHING to have this work out. But as they say in Cuba...lo que sucede conviene...or, simply put, yes, things happen for a reason. There were difficulties to overcome as there are in EVERY relationship, but it take a commitment on BOTH parts to make it work, especially with the many differences (cultural, social, economic, religious, age, background, exposure to the world...everything!). For her own reasons and her own psychological state based on things that happened in her life as a young person, she doesn't have that level of commitment and would just as soon walk (as she did...) than work on things.

I love her tantamount to my very own life, and devoted everything in my life to create the possibility of our relationship, and the result is very sad (sorry for the introspective interlude!! But that's the way I feel about her...).

From the standpoint of this forum, however, yes there ARE options to avoid being on the hook for minimum poverty requirements up to the point the green card is issued.

I see... but..with time every wound heals even if you don't beleive it now )

Just be careful bc once have withdrawn supprt you can not take that back and then your only hope is to go in front of an immigration judge or hope that paperwork doesn't get where in should be in time.

Dear Tito,

It's good you posted your experience on the website. For people here in the US and those who may consider marrying to get a greencard.

I can only hope that the time passes quickly. The wounds are profound. She walked away without saying ONE WORD, and hasn't called, written, or otherwise tried to contact me...after a 4 year relationship (or what I perceived to have been a relationship). That was on August 11!

Problem is...once she's out there in the world driving, interacting with people, whatever, the risks associated with that would be ones that would fall on me if I didn't get out from under the Declaration of Support.

It's really too bad...after all the effort, money, time, sacrifice...

tito then for a person to be and act like that is not worth it even worrying about it, I know u have feelings and they're stronger then u right now but after u get over this everything will be fine trust me.... and time passes by quickly if you try to concentrate on other things...and whatever we say here is not going to make u feel better I know that cuz that's how it is ...but good luck

Thanks, Una...it still does hurt, though. And you are right. Someone with that little empathy and that devoid of feelings isn't worth it. I was in love with an illusion! And it's quite consuming nonetheless. But yes...moving on.

Thank you for the info. I know of someone who I anticipate will need to know this information in the near future.

You are very strong and brave for speaking publically through your pain. I hope your words can help others.

I read your story and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I think about all I have to go through for my fiance, and as I said in another post its like having a second full-time job. No one should have to go through what you are going through.

I pray that your wounds will heal sooner than later and I thank you for sharing your story. I am sure you story will help a lot of people.

I very much appreciate the prayers and support. More than ANYONE IN THE STATES, we here can relate to the frustration, the effort, the cost (monetary, emotional, innumerably), the anxiety, the pressure, the struggle, the time...so I do appreciate the sentiments.

It's just so...damned...hard to let go after all I'd been through to make this happen. And the immigration process is only a tip of the iceburg! Each trip (15 in all the time we were together) was at least $3,000 (just for flights, accommodations, transportation...basics...plus the things I'd bring to help out)...the time away from my work let a huge snowball wither and melt away to the point I'm starting all over...I sacrificed friends and even family as I pursued the relationship with a fierce determination to make it work...and I ended up quite frustrated in what was really a one-way highway. Rather than work on it and be a participant in the relationship, and with absolutely no regard for what was done to make this happen, she walked! I'm still amazed at the courage and the, well, let's see, in yiddush, there's a word for audacity that is, "chutzpah" or guts or "cojones" she had to do this... I'm amazed that ANYONE had the capacity to be that hardened.

I look at the circumstances of her life and see some emotional scars from her youth that put up huge walls between her and the world, and it's just a shame. Someone said I should never feel sorry for a Cuban because their pride is so intense and is so often to their detriment that they always survive and never look back. That's just cold. Plain and simple. Yet, I'm the one suffering this loss, but I feel sorry for her.

It's tough to move on after such intense dedication and struggle...after you put your heart and soul out there without reserve and to have it end abruptly.

On the good side...it's probably the blessing in disguise. There are reasons that it was a longshot, that's for sure. The problem is, I wish that I could speak with her so I could be complete and so that she could be complete, too. When you just walk, no matter how fast you go, or how deeply you try to hide, these things follow you around and eventually govern your future.

Wow. Once again my prayers are with you and also that she finds some peace within herself so that she is able to face hardships instead of walking away. Good luck to you.

Sorry to hear things didn't work but glad you got your situation straightened out

I'm sorry to hear of your loss and ordeal. I know how it feels to lose someone. I only lost my love in a little different way. She was greedy for money and a green card, and our relationship didn't work. I ended up filing for divorce.
I just wish there was a way to withdraw after the conditional green card was issued and before conditions were removed. I know the waivers and everything are to help protect immigrants... but who's here to protect U.S. Citizens? I've been forced into bankruptcy, will likely lose my house, and she gets a "free" green card! In the meantime, she's jet-setting all over the place... to California and Lake Tahoe for her birthday, and jetting to Russia TWICE in the past 10 weeks! And guess who gets to foot the bill!

Sorry you are having such a bad run of luck, but curious? Why would you have to file for bankruptcy? or continue to bankroll her spending sprees? What happened?

I saw your reply in another topic, but I'll fill in folks here. Temporary orders force me to support another residence while paying for HER to say in MY house (separate property in Texas). I have to pay for all her utilities (electric, water, sewer, home phone, cell phone, and calling card to call Russia also) and luxuries (satellite TV, high-speed Internet, etc.). The *wonderful* Travis County standing orders in divorce cases prevents me from canceling any of the services (yes, even luxury services). And since I have to pay her monetary support (about $500 cash each month), I can't afford to pay the credit cards any more. Thus, BANKRUPTCY!

And to think... Before I met this evil woman, I was down to only about $5,000 in credit card debt that I was paying off in less than a year. Today, I would have been debt free (except for my mortgage). By the way, her total benefit of spousal support while she's here is about $2,600 each month, that *I* pay for.

UNREAL, SHOCKING, I feel for you, that is truly sad, may God Bless you and 2008 start off better for you, this is horrible what you are being put through and so unfair, I am sure you probably already went to a lawyer or tried taking your name off all joint accounts, and I guess you did not have a prenup either, man that is simply so unfair the county judge where you live has made you continue subsidizing her lifestyle just because. Maybe someone else on here has had experience in this matter before and knows what to offer you to do for real. Take care, I feel for you, you did not deserve it.

Thanks for the kind words. My lawyer advised me to get her off of all my joint accounts as quickly as possible. Because they were mine (separate property) to begin with, my credit unions had no problems removing her, and the credit card companies were quick to cut her cards off. No. No prenup. She constantly tested my feelings for her, always telling me that "Normal families don't do that. Normal families do this..." and "Do you think that's normal?" Things like preparing a budget and watching what we spend. And not going on numerous and massively expensive vacations when there's no money in the bank - only credit cards. Well, YES! I do think think that's normal! She asked me if what I'm doing in the divorce is normal. You mean by letting each of us resume as much of a normal life as possible, even if that means returning to where we were before we married? Well, YES! I do think think that's normal! She wore me out!

There's not much more I can do at this point, except get all this legal stuff done. Just gotta keep my sanity and try to recover best as I can! I won't admit to being jaded by this experience, but my hindsight is 20/20 and that will be applied toward any new relationship - here or abroad (if I even think about doing the overseas bride thing again).

Another sad part about all this is that I met my wife through a friend at work. My friend at work married my wife's best friend ("O"), and later introduced me to my wife ("N"). Now the best friends don't speak or even acknowledge each other's presence. I know there's hard feelings between them because "O" trusted my wife to be true and faithful, and "N" wasn't. I think it really pissed "O" off, and now "O" is to embarassed (or something) to even talk to me any more. I think "O" feels somewhat guilty for introducing me. It's not "O"s fault, and I certainly don't blame her for my wife's actions. No one knew, except my wife.

Anyways...

Happy Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! (choose one to your liking!)

That is a terrible story, Austin. I have come to learn that many of these immigrants are well-schooled before they come here in how to work the system. But to be on the hook like that for such a short marriage? Get a better lawyer! That just doesn't seem right!! It's not your job!!! The role of the affidavit of support only goes to the fact that you agree to make sure she does not slip below the poverty level...if she's making $1,200 a month, that's all you are on the hook for...basic poverty level, and social services that are afforded to her up to that amount if she does not make enough.

It's not the lawyer... It the stupid Travis County Court standing orders for ALL divorce cases in the county! Any divorce in this county automatically gets hit with these orders that basically say you can't change any of the living conditions of or levels of service to the other spouse. So automatically she gets the house ($1300), utilities ($300 'cause she runs the aircon/heat as much as she wants and I can't tell her otherwise), satellite TV ($75), etc. etc. etc.. It's a nasty law and the only way to change right now is to finish the divorce. But those temporary orders have forced me into bankruptcy; the court and the wife don't care about that. I know... It's not fair, but it's my curse for living here.

As for her being well-schooled... I believe it! Though she emphatically denies it, she's getting coaching from others. Only problem is, she is listening to them too well. She's asking for alimony for her and for child support for her child. Texas is not an alimony state. Her friends in California or some other state are telling her to fight for that. And the child is not mine. As much as I love her daughter (beautiful 3 year old, innocent of all her mother's wrongdoing), I cannot and will not allow my life to be ruined more than it already is. This woman (soon-to-be-ex) doesn't understand or, more likely, just doesn't cared that she's ruined both our lives to this point. At least she can return to Russia and resume the life she had before. I CAN'T! I'm forced into a bankruptcy that's going to take years to recover from! I'll recover; it just won't ever get back to the point I was at before the marriage.

Why do they get so greedy when they get here? Is it because they had so little for so long in Russia, that they feel they have to grab it all at one time and hoard it (my wife has about $200 of candy, chips, and other snacks in the pantry that she'll never even eat!)? I mean, why can't people just be happy with living a normal, wonderful life with someone who loves them? It's not like we were poor or anything close to that. I make a good salary; have (for the moment) a good home, good vehicles; always put good food on the table (not living like a pauper); bought nice clothes (not expensive, but not rags either!). I will never understand some people's need for greed and power.

I am not Russian and can't say that I know their culture very well. And certainly don't want offend anybody. And I am from Poland so for some people Poland or Russia is all the same. Long story short I know three Russian women here who married USC for immigration purpose only - they are not even trying to hide it, but those discussions never took place with their spouses present so I have no idea what spouses know about it. Marriages don't work but wives stay quiet and wait for the right opportunity to get out (two of them actually told me this up front). Now my USC friend is also bringing fiance from Russia. I know their "love story" and I can bet it won't last. He wouldn't listen and doesn't even think twice why a beautiful 20 year old fell in love with more than twice her age, rather unatractive, but quite well off American guy. Don't know what it is but some of these women can really get what they want.

I am sorry for what happened to you Austin, I would really try to find a local woman if I were you.

Hope nobody feels offended by my post

Ana

This is such a sad story. I don't think you sound jaded. I think you sound hurt and your are dealing it the best you can.

It's one of those stories we will hear over and over again on this web site. I always hope to learn something from each and every one of them. So, thank you for sharing.

I hope the future brings you peace and happiness.

Ana
You are by God right! And there is a very strong pattern of this behaviour out of Russian women. It does happen. And your USC friend you are talking about is completely foolish in thinking that he meets some 20 yr old online or with mail order bride service that it is going to work, I agree with you, it will not. At least you were trying to be a good friend and tell him to open his eyes and stop and think about what he was about to do. I know, for my spouse is from Ukraine and has told me that there are numerous women that do just exactly what you describe to get out of Russia and they know what they are doing it is all planned out ahead of time and they are just "sleepers" waiting for the right time and moment to come awake and leave along with ruining a USC dreams and life in the process. It does happen. Not all are that way but there is a high percentage and a strong pattern or trend with some Russian heritage to do what you just described. Like you say not to offend anyone but I have met and know people married to Russians and it is identical to what you describe and point out, exactly!

I just hope Austin V can recover soon financially and be able to put his life back together for himself first, for no one deserves to go through what he is going through.

Tito,

Firstly, my sympathies with your situation. I can relate to it though. It didn't work out for "us" either. America is a lot different in real life than on tv. We don't get whatever we want on a silver platter.

I won't go into lengthy details, but her visa expires in 6 months and last friday I reluctantly sent in the complete package for adjustment of status. Shortly after, I noticed it's the same water going under the bridge over and over.

If it's this bad with her immigration status depending on me, then how bad will it be when she has permanent residence? I have to end this now.

I have already cancelled the checks I've written, but how do I legally withdraw my affidavit of support?

Thanks for any,

Brian

Letter to the Service Center and local office, requesting that your endorsement for the alien be withdrawn is necessary.

It is with a heavy heart that I take this course of action. I believe she was sincere in marriage, but for the wrong reasons. Maybe we both were.

Thank you for your kind help.

I'd send it to every single place that's ever touched the file...where you had the interview, the service center where you applied, the offices who sent you notices of action...all of them. Here's the buzzwords...the key is DISAVOWAL of agreement to act as sponsor. You can do this at any time BEFORE the green card is issued. Otherwise, you're on the hook. Good luck!

RE: [Insert Immigrant Name]
Insert Alien Reg. #
Insert Application 3
Insert ANY AND ALL identifying information for immigrant

NOTICE OF WITHDRAWAL OF AFFIDAVIT OF SUPPORT FORM I-864; DISAVOWAL OF AGREEMENT TO ACT AS SPONSOR

Essential elements:

1. Affidavit of Support for proposed immigrant's Form I-485 for Adjustment of Status is specifically WITHDRAWN and REVOKED, and is and has been from its inception a NULLITY for the application referenced above.

2. Sponsor for proposed immigrant specifically DISAVOWS his (or her) agreement to act as sponsor for said proposed immigrant.

3. Insert your name (sponsor information), including address, telephone number.

Thanks for the good wishes. I hope so, too! It's going to be tough... but I'll persevere.

My immigration attorney and USCIS (San Antonio office) at the InfoPass appointment I made to inform them of our divorce both said she's going to have a REALLY difficult time proving her case to get a waiver for her conditions. 1. Married less than a year when divorce was filed. 2. Very little mingling of finances (practically none). 3. No job, i.e. can't afford to pay an immigration attorney or the fees associated with the waiver. Though I expect she'll be swindling the money out of any man she knows and can make feel sorry for her.

And that includes the conditional (2-year) Green Card! Not just the permanent (10-year) green card.

How did you go about withdrawing the Affidavit of Support? I am in the middle of the legalities and want to make sure I get this done ASAP. Please let me know. Thank you!

Alej5,



Please read Titos postings on this thread, he wrote some instruction for withdrawing the 485, sorry that your marriage didn't work but now your faced with protecting yourself financially. I hope things work out for you.

First, as Tito wrote, the Adjustment of Status must NOT have been approved with the "temporary" green card issued. Once that has happened, it's too late.

Next: Without doubt, you will need to send certified mail, with return receipt requested. At that point, I recommend a consultation with an immigration attorney, or two. I had a detailed consultation for only $50, so call a few and ask what they charge.

I've ended up in bankruptcy because of my wife, and now my employment options are limited and my life is just going to be more difficult for everything I do. I only wish mine had walked... It would have made the divorce (still pending) more in my favor. I'm paying over $2000 a month as ordered by the county court in support and benefits. I don't even have access to my own house!

To All in this process: NEVER, EVER add your spouse's name to your deed! It's not a requirement for the Adjustment of Status and just screws everything up in a divorce! Yes, experience speaks.

alej5: Don't delay on this, and Good Luck!

Austin,
I hope you recover fast. Sounds like she did married for GC mostly. I wonder how old is she? Looks like young and spoiled (is she very very cute and used to male attention?). Just want to add that for many Russians, America is a money paradise. Every USC is a flooded with money...(I am from Moscow and it is a rich city and people make more than here but still the same old stereotype about Americans).
So, even if your wife is from poor family, her expectations would be--everything expensive dresses, cars, vacations...(that is why I asked about age-if she actually had to work and make her living, she would understand life better).
And Russia culturally more like mid east-it is expected that man provides everything. Even a loser but man has some "status" in family/society (just check job adds-most good, well-paying jobs are advetised in Russia like "co is seeking a male to fulfill a postion of manager etc").
Have you ever thought why Russian woman look so 'sexy' (not other Eastern European but Russian, Ukranian, etc)-THEY ARE PUSHING THEIR SEXUALITY. Because it is what expected-without pushing sexuality women cannot advance in any field. But men is paying price for this too.
For most Russians budget in family is equal to male inadequacy (even if husband makes a lot-it is expected that man is generous, never creates budget etc). Russians are missing some rationality-but it is taken as a good sign. What can I say, there is some crazyness in Russian attitude, expectations, constant desire to live above means, etc.
I know some Russian girls who walked on USC after less than a year of marriage. You would say that because they got GC and that is it. But it is more complicated. These women were irritated almost every day of marriage due to small things (like budget, etc). While they liked their husbands in the begining, once they started to live together, it all fell apart (like one Russian friend of mine could not understand why she should not buy $20lb cheese if her husband is a cardiosurgeon; why he does not buy better car since he can afford it, etc; when I talk to husband, he just dont get it why she needs that cheese if she can get a very good one for $10, etc.)
My understanding is that most Russians get married in hopes to have a good family. But very soon they understood that the lifestyle is not what they hoped for (they need to show off their lifestyle; for many USC this is very alien). Some leave right away, some wait for GC to arrive.
PS: but I cold never understand one thing-what 40-50 years old USC guy expect when he brings cute 20 years old Russian girl to this country? That she is going to brighten his retirement while he gets fatter? One USC told me (he was 23 years older than his ex Russian wife who left him after 5 years of marriage) that he could not hope even for 5 years. They got good 5 years full with fun, etc. But she has grown up and left (never mind that she has not taken anything; just left once her job became secure). What can he do (he is almost 60, she is 23-she wants clubbing, he wants sleeping)?

Thanks for the good wishes. I know I will not be able to recover fast. The divorce settlement has her taking EVERYthing that has been purchased since our marriage - furniture, fixtures, everything. She's even taken the toilet bowl brush! My lawyer is of the belief that if I try to get it split 50/50, the judge will view me as one of those Americans who went overseas to "buy" a wife - which couldn't be further from the truth. In any case, I'm screwed - plain and simple - and she gets rewarded for her illicit and possibly illegal ways.

As for the wife, she will be 33 in less than 2 months, and is attractive and very used to male attention. She denies it, but every moment we were together, other men were always staring at her.

She did have a job, but had been married twice before me, and had a fairly easy life in that she's always been able to seduce men into paying for everything she asks for.

We were married less than 1 year when I filed for divorce (after she physically assaulted/batteried me).

I have been through that. Just because a friend bought his wife an old junker used car, my wife wanted a newer car to learn to drive. And she had "thrown away" $400 that I had sent her to learn to drive in Russia. All she did was bribe them to give her a driver's license. She never learned to drive, and never told me what she did with the money. I'm sure it went to buy candies and other junk food. (She has a VERY sweet tooth!)

Yes, that's how they lure the USC to marry them - to have a good family. Unfortunately, we don't always see through their disguises and how evil they can be.

My wife and I are not that much different in age. She's just too greedy and has already found her next "victim", I think.

I'm still fighting the divorce battle. Hopefully ending soon, but I've got to make sure the Final Decree has the correct wording to prevent her from filing a suit against me for financial support (a la I-864 affidavit of support). I have heard of someone successfully executing a Final Decree that prevented this. Does anyone have a link or know more about this?

thanks!
Austin_Volgograd

Would be interesting to hear the wives's side of the story. My ex USC wife portrayed me as the most meanest, evilest, selfish, cruel, abusive, dirtiest man ever in the history of all mankind. But I had my side of the story as well, and somehow managed to gain full physical custody of our three children in a court of law after our kids underwent extensive background checking, professional counseling, and interrogation by court appointed attorneys.

Always two sides to every story, only reading one here.

I dont think you should worry about affidevit of support. It relates only to poverty levels-gov might push expences on you if she applies for some gov support. My girlfriend went to a few lawyers regarding I-864, nobody knew how to enforce it and she was told that alimony and affidevit of support dont relate anyhow in family court.
I feel for you Austin. I am sure that wife story would be different but I believe that divorce should be done in civilized manner no matter what. And taking toilet brush is way too cheap. And ruining your life in a process is not a smart move-it just does not improve hers (unless, ofcource, if you did not want to negotiate a reasonable pay off; and for people like her-it is a pay off).
I do believe that most people do want to start a good family. But there are exeptions. Sounds like your wife is one of them. Few Russian woman I know, who left after less a year of marriage, -just left without taking anything-just because they could not take the life with those men anymore. They never asked for alimony, child support-they have been just happy to leave and start again. All of them still friends with exes (of course, after a couple of years of no communnication and bitter feelings).

How long does it take these days to get the green card?

Tito and Austin please tell us how are your lives going??? Has it been any positive change??? It's always really sad to hear stories like the ones above, the heart is too delicate to play with, sorry that you got played! it's just a game for them and a LIFE for you, I am sorry

I blame the system, from the beginning money and your financial resources become an issue, you must file i-134, then the i-864 form. Many of the girls think they can get alot if they divorce, they will more money that ever so why not?? Thats why this f-king system attratcs so many scammers and dishonest people

A girl I met in ukraine told me one time "everybody knows"

This system encourages divorce