Hi folks

I have a big problem i hope you can help me with.

I am a UK citizen and been here on K3 with EAD for a year. We've been married for over 2 years and have our AOS interview on the 7th Nov. The problem is that our marriage has been failing for some time and although we've both been working hard to keep it together recent event have shown me it's futile and basically put me in a position where I have to get out but I don't want to loose my AOS.

I know that once I leave my wife she will do all she can to mess up my application. There's been some verbal abuse in the relationship, on both sides and my wife has slapped once or twice but I don't have any proof. The main problem is her emotional abuse..she's a master of manipulation, before I left the UK she lived with me over there for a year and systematically alienated all my friends, making me choose her or them...now all the friends I have here are basically hers as I have been working from home over here and she's a completely different person in front of them. She never listens to anything I say and constantly criticizes me in front of other people. She took "ownership" of our joint account and now I have to account for every penny I spent even though I urn $90000 and she brings in $12000 !

Is there anyway I can just attend the interview on my own and get my AOS approved ? From what I've read you can file to have the condition approved if you have a "good faith marriage" which we do, but if I leave before the interview we will not be devoiced and plus, like I said I have no evidence of her abuse even though it's been ongoing for the past 2 years.

I'm worried people will think I was just with her for the visa but this is not the case, I do love her, and I married her because of this. I have hundreds of loving emails, cards and letter etc plus photographs of us together, big white wedding etc.

Please help me.

Sounds like a great woman (NOT). Why are you wasting your life with her? Move on!

In my understanding, You need your wife to go to interview. I don't think they will believe you if you just show up yourself (I'm sorry )
They will ask about your marriage, if they believe ..they will approve your AOS, for that they will ask you and your wife, how's your marriage.
Good Luck to you.

Adjusting because of marriage is now invalid as you are no longer in a good faith relationship. You just admitted it is failing and you want to pass AOS anyway. This is fraud, and you will get caught. Time to give up this path and adjust another way.

Sorry for bluntness, but it's fact.

That is not fact.

I should add that I didn't mean to imply you can adjust status this way. You can't go to the interview alone and claim that your wife is happy to support you. Your K3 visa is still valid and you'd be able to stay until it expired and try to work out something with your employer in the next year.

THAT IS NOT A FACT!!!!!!!!


You are saying it is fraud.... how in gods name do you know that... you have decided using the very limited info that the OP has provided to make the decision that he is committing fraud.... is there something you know about this person that we dont...

Rico21, If your wife refuses to go to the interview with you, yes you can still go and take all your evidence with you... will you get your AOS approved? it is doubtful. Your AOS is based on your on going marriage to a USC. if it is already over then they are not likely to approve your AOS.. An appointment with a immigration lawyer would be a good thing for you to do before you go to the interview...

Good Luck

Kez

Not only is this not FACT it's very rude. You don't know what you are talking about. Good faith is all about this very condition where you go into a marriage with the best of intentions but it breaks down. I came here thinking that you folks could give me some assistance. I don't appreciate you commenting on something you obviously know nothing about. All you have done is cause me further missery. You should think before you post.

Rico,

You really should seek the assistance of an immigration attorney. I wish I could offer more assistance, but this really is best left to the professionals.

Do worry about ignorant posts.

Good luck with the journey and we are here to support you to the best we can.

John

Have you considered marriage counseling? Marriage isn’t always easy and sometimes it takes a lot of work. Could you reschedule your appointment until you can see if the marriage could be salvaged? She could tell USCIS that the marriage was fraud even if it wasn't which they could start deportation proceedings if they choose. Unfortunately USCIS may not be sympathetic to your situation if it is within there power to not give you an approval.

Wouldn't it be wise to start collecting evidence that he entered this marriage in good faith?

I don't see anywhere that fraud enters into this...this sounds like a bonafide (albeit miserable) marriage and just because it's not working out doesn't mean fraud enters into it.

Of course, Rico, we're only getting your side of the story...but based on what you're experiencing, you should def consider counseling to overcome this absuive situation. So sorry that you've had to go through this. best of luck.

Sorry about using the word "Fact".

Think about it, I am about the least rude person on the board. But reading a guys post who says he is adjusting because he is married, but basically saying he wants a divorce and his wife will not attend an interview? This is basically saying he is trying to adjust while married, then get a divorce. Can someone point out how this is not breaking any rules?

"will you get your AOS approved? it is doubtful. Your AOS is based on your on going marriage to a USC. if it is already over then they are not likely to approve your AOS"

This is exactly what I was saying Kez.
Stop getting all of your panties in bunches, jesus f-ing christ.

To the OP: If my post is causing further misery maybe you need some vacation time. All I did was point out what you said and then inform you of what Kez just said. Calm down.

Based on what you have written here your chances are slim at best. If your SO wanted to mess up your status, a copy of this post would go a long ways toward reaching that goal. Be very careful what you post. This is evidence.

You may read it differently but what I get from what you wrote, you are seeking AOS based on a failed marriage. You may have married in good faith but you indicate things have changed. It would seem that your marriage was indeed in good faith. You had every reason to believe that this was "forever". The question is should you go to the interview, either stag or with your SO, and pretend that everything is hunky dory? If you feel that you are lying, then it most likely is fraud. Let your conscience guide you.

As for the legal aspects of the AOS being granted in a failed marriage, I have no idea. They have waivers and exceptions for lots of things. IMHO I think you have nothing to lose by trying but I also think a lawyer should be consulted to pursue whatever avenues may be open to you. I know that exceptions can be made in abuse cases but I have no idea what the burden of proof is in such matters. I am sure if you looked up the U.S. Code for this you could find the answer. If you do go for the abuse defense, leave out the hundreds of loving letters and photos unless necessary to establish good faith. Again, see a lawyer.

Good luck.

Thanks for all your help people. I know this sounds like a bad situation, which it is, but we are trying to work through it and remain together as we do love each other very much.. it's hard to see the positives through the negatives sometimes and I think maybe I was over-reacting here when I posted.. maybe I should think before I post.. but I guess I was just trying to establish my options in a worst case scenario, at a very low point.

We're pursuing AOS as we love each other and wish to remain together but the strain of the process and living in different countries has made our mariage very difficult at times. It is really a testiment to our love for one another that we're still together as we've endured a lot of big problems that would test the best of relationship, even in a normal situation.

Hopfully if/when we get approval this will remove some of the presure.

R./

We're all under pressure. This process strains ALL of us. It forces us through extreme hardships we are not used to or that anyone should go through. Patience is the key.

Sure your wife may be a bit controlling and vindictive. But if she wasn't, then I'd be convinced she wasn't a woman - but a man.

BUT if you truly feel how you wrote in your first post - my advice: Get the f out of your relationship and start life over back in the UK. It's NOT worth it.

There seems to be a tendency for people on this board to side with an OP who posts a short sob story and makes claims with very little details.

We have no idea if what someone posts is true or not. In this case this poster could be a cheater who really did use someone for a visa, got caught, and now they want advice on how to adjust.

The facts are simple. The relationship failed. The USC refuses to go to AOS and probably should call USCIS and state the current nature of the relationship and remove her support.

The OP, if they are making $90K+ is a professional in a skilled job and should be able to get a work visa.

Or they can make the claim the relationship was real, but abusive and they would like to adjust status on their own.

Hmmm. Not sure I agree with that. I know contractors and carpenters that make 90K, but they certainly would not qualify for a work visa.

I feel sad for you .All I can say is try to reach the home page of U.S Immigration services and you will find the information for your situation now. or try to gather advice from lawyers or close freinds. Seek for a help- before doing some actions. I just wish you will find the right answer for your questions.

If your wife makes $12,000.00, you have no kids (I assume), then clear out our account and valuables when she least expects it and apply for a divorce... she may come around and realize what she had.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. A similar thing happened to me.

I really do hope you can both work it out.



Shona

Best of luck to you and keep strong

OP,

Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

I am of the opinion that if you make a marriage last because there is a true/solid loved shared between you, then you are doing the honorable thing.

But ..

If you believe someone that truly loves you would do what your wife is doing to you, then your love is a blind / one sided love.

That being said ..

According to your account of the situation, you did enter into the marriage in good faith. Although your wife systematically alienated all of your friends in the U.K. you believed that your marriage would last thus you believe that you entered the U.S. with good faith on your K-Visa.

I won't tell you what is the right thing, or the smart thing to do, but you need to be happy with your life. If you are truly honest to yourself in this situation you need to consider what you are asking in the original post.

Is staying in the marriage because you want to adjust status fair to either you or your wife? If you stay just long enough to adjust status, is it legal as far as Immigration laws go?

You obviosly aren't happy with your life now. Would you be happy back with your friends in the U.K.?

And finally, why is it so important that you stay in a go-nowhere relationship with a person that keeps you beat to the ground just to receive a conditional 2 year card when you have so many more legs of your journey to complete and you could go home and be happy tomorrow?

CB

Well its Nov 9th, so did you go with your wife or alone to the interview? Give us an update of what the outcome was. Hope it was positive.

I am sorry that you are having such difficulty. The bottom line is that you need something. You have to make the decision that you somewhat as my fahter would say "Suck salt on a wooden spoon", do must what you must to get what you want (Morally that is). Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Do everything that you have to do, go to an immigration lawyer, speak to her, try to find a medium, there is one. Think positive your tables would turn soon. Your interview date is not far away, and the sacrifices you make now are only temporary. The things you deal with now are small, compare to what this card opens up to you. Dont get me wrong I am not telling to sell your soul, but only you knows what it is worth to you. I wish you all the best.

that would be pretty low, don't you think? if she makes only 1k a month just how would she pay any bills?

sounds like going back to the UK would actually be the best idea: afterall you have friends there and none in the US according to what you say: certainly doesn't sound like your wife is going to help you out with the AOS interview, so you would be forced to become an illegal immigrant


the only way around this would be for you to get your employer to file for a H1-B visa: if they're not familiar with the paperwork you would have to do everything yourself or hire a lawyer: if you plan to do that, it would be best to forget the AOS interview: depends on your line of employment whether you would be eligible for a H1-B visa

keep post what u deceide to do ur in my prayers

He can stay until his I-94 expires, not until his visa expires. The dates may be close together but could be as far apart as nearly two years. The legal status is derived from the I-94, not the visa.

Right, the visa is the entry document. The I-94 indicates the period of "authorised stay".

Hi Folks,

She did finally come with me and we were approved for the visa. It actually went really smoothly. Our relationship has also actually improved somewhat since my original post and we've made a couple of major changes that appear to be working. I do love my wife very much and I trust that she does love me. We've had more than our fair share of problems and it's been hard to balance the bad with the good sometimes however now that we have the AOS out of the way I think this may perhaps take some pressure off our relationship... we'll see, I do feel like I've done all the changing and accepting so far so now it's down to her, and I've told her as much. I actually have managed to have a frank and open converstation with her for the first time in months since the AOS and that has really helped.

To those that suggested jacking it all in and going back to the UK, well this is not my style - I firmly believe that you work for what you get and sometimes it's hard, when you fight for something you often get more than you were looking for but it often takes a little longer. It's amazing what you don't get if you don't try.... right now I feel this is the right thing to do, my career and life is now over here and now that the threat of loss of visa has been removed I think I can concentrate on what the right course of action is for me with regard to my relationship. Thanks to all those that wrote kind words !

R