I hear you loud and clear Necrotica.
What a ride, huh?

It's funny how things can look so good on paper...

Until someone walks in your shoes, i.e. gets into your heart and mind, for a while, who could truly know how and why.
So people may make suggestions and in the end the only that may help is divine intervention! Ha.
Oh I am only being slightly facetious.
IT is like when the raging fire has gone to burning embers to a tiny spark to something cool,
how do you respark it?

(I need to transfer this question to the "love advice thread".)

Let's keep these dialogues going and see what we all come up with.

I wish for all of us:
love
understanding
bliss
compassion
harmony
peace.

Spirit...I love you! Your positivity and passion for life is so inspiring to me. Coming from a home that was nothing but negative and pessimistic, that's how I've been my whole life. It's only been the last year and a few months that I've really been focusing on being positive and letting that energy flow instead. I know you're having troubles, but honestly, what I see is that you're handling it with grace and compassion for him and for yourself. (You might need a little more for yourself though!) I appreciate every post that you write. Thank you for being you, and inspiring me to be a better me! You and hubby are the only two people who have ever done that for me, so thanks!

and

Thank you kindly ATeam!
I realize in moments like this that this is why I do what I do.
In the allowing of some vulnerability, we create community, build each other up, and everybody rises up together.

Me likey!

Onwards and upwards.





I have spent some time with my sweetie, and it has been a rollercoaster ride, well, like life is.
Ha! (Literally and figuratively...he had tickets through his work for some huge amusement park here on Friday eve/night.)
And we got to someplace that feels good and peaceful.
This is this moment.
I accept it.
I allow for the possibility of harmony.

I was able to express, without having to freak out about it, hee hee, that I do not feel heard, and that our agreements were not being respected.
We agreed to new agreements, updated some, reviewed others...there is much work to be done.
This is not on paper...perhaps writing them down would be good.
It's time.
Part of the many exercises I know will help.

I do not do things as a means to an end.
I do things without attachment to outcome and/or reaching a goal or destination.
I have none.
Flexible & exploring.


............
.........
......

I read your post again Autumnchik.
I feel like throwing up when I hear of medical bill woes.
WTF?!
Can't this freakin' government keep one of the trillions they spend on the "war effort" to keep its citizens/residents from living on the streets due to medical bills?!

Why do people here (generally speaking) think socialism is the same as communism?
Read people read!

Ahem...sorry, I feel a little strongly about people and hospital bills.

Why is there not a sliding scale at least?!!!

It must be the toughest thing ever...to have a baby and to worry about money. Sigh.
How could HEALTH insurance not cover doctors' bills?!!!!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I am sorry to go on another subject but I need to let something out.

Worked a 12 hours shift today with 15 min of lunch, only because I devoted myself for the worst case of neglect I have seen on a cat in my life. 4 hours were dedicated to that cat.

Anyways, I don't understand some things and it makes me sad. I don't understand how some things can go that far when it could have been prevented by simple measures.


The cat was found at an old lady's house by his family and brought straight to the emergency, and the family is paying for the care, but still. What I saw today was the results of YEARS of neglect, and this lady, no matter how she cantale care of herself, is definitely too senile to be responsible for the life of an animal.

What I saw today is beyond any limits and describing it would be too graphic and I don't want to offense or disgust anyone, and it wasn't the cat lacking food or water, or any beating involved. Just pure neglect of grooming that turned into a total disaster. I cried as I was taking care of it. I am now worried about the afterwards, and not sure if the family is going to take charge of that cat, but it's gonna need some intensive care for a long time that I doubt the old lady can even think of. And of course wanting to volunteer myself to take care of it at home until it's better is an idea my dear husband doesn't share at all with me.

Her name is Torri and she is a calico Female. So sweet when she arrived she was purring for us, even with the severity of her condition. I hope she is gonna get better.

I <3 animals and just reading that was bad. I can't imagine what you had to see. I hope someone else takes care of miss Torri.

and though i don't post much here, i rly hope autumnchik gets a break soon. seems like a lot at once, but you seem like a very strong woman. hopefully things will start sorting itself out soon for you.

I can take the kitty temporarily!!!

Let me know....

Oh Mephys - I am sorry that was part of your day.

I am grateful everyday that there are people like you who take care of pets in need and despite how difficult it must be, ensure that they get the best fighting chance. I know it must have been hard - but you made a very significant difference today in life of a pet that deserved much love and care.

Have a good cry for the little kitty and remember the good you're putting back in the world, even if it starts from a place of pain.

I can't say it any better than Catt did. Poor Mephys. Poor poor kitty.

Thank you all. I had to meditate a little over that and I took a nap to pass my headache. It's so hard because I keep seeing it in my head.

Anyways I called later at work to see if she had woken ok. I'll see how she is tomorrow.

Mephys, ditto to what everyone else has said, i`m so sorry for you and the little kitty.

Ok so my Husband went to look at a house here in Lake Mary, he is on his way home now.

Here is the thing, his work contract just finished Friday - so we are basically unemployed - however we can pay rent - but anyway.

So I am talking to the home owner and he wants:

- SSN's
- Husband's Green Card
- Chequing account number
- Pay slip and gross income amount
- Personal Reference
- Monthly debts (credit cards, car payments etc)
- Previous address
- Credit Check

Ok so, then thing is, he is paranoid and I don't blame him, however he should also understand that we don't know him from a hole in the ground either and that is A LOT of personal information!!

I can understand a few of the things, like a reference etc, I can even see him wanting our SSN's for a credit check - but geez, we only want to RENT the house, we are not BUYING it!

So my Husband showed him his last pay slip, gave him our SSN's and previous address and my Sister as a reference - I think he gave him a cheque too.

Some things in this country are just way overboard (as in most rental places do a credit check).

It is too much.
I miss my days in Quebec sometimes where a potential landlord can not and so would not ask you anything.
They can take your cheque and sign the lease with you and that is it.
The rental board there is so strong in favour of tenants.
In B.C. it was similar to your experience Trailmix.
They even wanted work references, etc.
And in Chicago, they also do credit checks as well as demand all kinds of info.
Well!!

What no blood sample?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and birthdates! I hope this means we get gifts.

Oh and because we prob won't have much of a credit rating, putting down 2 months deposit is ok isn't it.

For heaven's sake!

I mean really, he lives next door

unfortunately because of other idiots not paying their bills, others get hosed! land lords have to take precautions because of it.

Just wanted to bring a quick update on Torri the cat.

There she was this morning in her cage, purring and resting calmly. She is so cute. We gave her treats but she isn't feeling too good anyways so she didn't eat. Some of the little sores she had already closed this morning. The bigger wounds will heal overtime, some of the skin might scab and fall down and then cicatrice. She was going back home tonight, but not with her owner, with the daughter. She will be taking care of her, hopefully permanently, and she will also get antibiotiques for her.

So I am feeling a little better. It's just being at work for 12 hours with a 15 min break kinda got me emotional yesterday and this case really disturbed me. We all have our bad days I guess...





Hey Trailmix, don't forget to tell your Lanlord the color of your underwears


Seriously, it's ridiculous how many people as for SSN in the USA and also all the info they ask, no wonder there is so much identity theft.....

Glad to hear the kitty is doing well Mephys.

I agree with you, it is absolutely no wonder there is so much identity theft. So now we have given all this information to this guy (oh forgot to mention - he also asked for our credit card number on the application). Where is he going to keep it, in his big safe?? Umm no I don't think so - it will be somewhere in his house where who knows who will have access to it.

I understand Flames, I really do, that some home owners get burned by tenants (it has happened to my Sister and we cleaned up after it).

It is still, in my opinion, totally unreasonable and basically an invasion of privacy. Plus, we don't even know if we will get the house, he is showing it to others - if he offered it to us and then say wanted to check our credit - no problem - but he has gone completely overboard.

I agree with you Trailmix - that's just not a comfortable amount of information to give to a person. Had it been to a corporation you'd have remedies if they were not careful with the collection of your information. With a regular Joe - you're much more limited. Plus, its just a plain invasion of your privacy to want that amount of info.

Credit card # - I'd live in a cardboard box before handing that over to someone. Maybe not in hurricane season . . . .

Well, at least it's our american credit card, so the limit isn't very high

Oh boy....just finished a conversation with my 14 year old daughter. What have I done? I'm at fault for her having such a rough time now having to live with rules. She tells me that she wishes I hadn't met my hubby cause then I would still be there and she would be living with me.

I was very relaxed with rules. Now I get to see how much not having them is really afftecting her. The rules she has are not that bad but she sees them as being an intrusion on her personal life and the choices she wants to make in regards to certain friendships. She feels that no one loves her where she is living and I know better.

She can't go out on school nights - I would let her out after homework until about 9 p.m. She isn't allowed phone calls after 10 - well there weren't any of those during the school year with me. I guess she forgot that part. She wants to hang around a 23 year old male, that I had issues with when I was there and still do. It's been made very clear to him that he is not to call or see her anymore.

She's angry with me that I don't step in and tell my sister to let her do things. I'm still her mother but my sister is her guardian and she lives there. Am I wrong in not getting more involved? She really got to me - guess kids do that sometimes, right?

Things will be fine. Just have to have faith. Thanks for "The Vent".

whew - tough age BH!

Agreed, tough age and tough situation. I'm not sure why your Daughter is living with your Sister - is this because you couldn't get a letter from your ex that would allow her to immigrate with you or was this her choice.

I guess whether you broach this with your Sister depends on what ground rules you set up before your Daughter went to live there? If any?

14 year old daughters are a pain. I had one myself...actually I WAS one myself! I'm not making light of your situation, truly. I can't imagine long distance parenting. That being said, you mention your sister is her legal guardian? I think you have to let your sister handle this one. Her rules, period. If your daughter is complaining to you about the rules then you have to stay out of it. You and your sister are going to be battling if this keeps up. You'll be in the middle, a horrible place.

I too can't remember if you mentioned earlier why your daughter isn't living with you?

Dear BH45,

Girls today are more mature than we were at their age.
They grow up too quickly.
Well, their bodies do and the conversations are "older" too.

They are still kids though.

It is so challenging to know how much discipline to instill, and that delicate balance of the highly reactive emotional state of being at that age until about 17 or even as far as 19. It all feels like a mountain!!! and 'there is only now and this moment'!!!
Hey, some of us are still like that at times, hahaha.

So
what to do...
hmmmmm
this is a tough place to be.
You are far from each other,
want to stay connected,
want to be in each other's day to day lives
and yet
geography and circumstance have separated you
for now.

For your daughter, keep talking to her like "an adult" and let her choose, feel responsible, and talk to her about her understanding of the word consequences.
What else can you do?
I am not too sure about raising children, and the experience I had over the years with age groups from 5 to 16 (teaching karate, and other activities), taught me a lot more than I ever taught them. I had bullying issues to bring up with the girls at one school (ages 11-13) and that was mind-blowing to all concerned. I believe I helped them see... And I had the boys of 7-8 sit and assist me in finding a solution to their own aggressive behaviours to each other. I got them to do the work and I facilitated.
Give them the responsibility and they will rise to the occasion, was my big lesson with kids.

All of this might not help at all...it is my experience with lots of kids all at once.

Oh and there is one girl, I have done "child care" with her since she was 11.
I put that in quotes because her mom once exclaimed when I brought her back after a day of riding my scooter all over the place, going for treats, and a hike up a mountain, etc etc...we used to do so much in a day...her mom said, "It is not like you do child-care, you guys HANG OUT!"
Which made us both giggle like mad and hug eachother (the girl and I). Go figure...hee, hee. Very high energy, the two of us.
Her mom, a struggling single woman, had a few of her girlfriends help raise her, help take care of her (she lived with her full-time).
That girl is now a smart and interesting young woman of 20!
She and I are friends...and being our birthdays are a day apart (although many years), we are very much alike.
I could go on about this remarkable young woman...

As for you sweet BH45,
breathe.
Know that you are not doing anything wrong
and remind your daughter not to "make you wrong" when you talk to her.
Tell her what this means.
Ask her what she would like and ask her how she sees that could be possible.
Explore options.
Remind her that whatever she chooses to do, is truly her choice, and that what she does can never be taken back.

In other words, let's say you do something big, like have sex with someone.
Can you take that back?

This is what I'm talking about.

Well, I'm certain you know way more about raising children than I do.
I am giving you my outsider's take.

Wishing you a smooth and loving solution.....until the next situation.
Hee, hee.
Ah kids...


Remember one more thing:
approach everything with love and not from fear.
This is the best way to live.

Love you Marie <3
I'm so sorry that you had to experience that....poor Torri.

Good advice, but I also think, in my experience, how children react to their parents, or to their Mother's in particular, is quite different to how they react to an 'outside' person

I guess it depends on the relationship with your mom, and also how it's brought up.

true

I'm just speaking from my own experience. I don't think I very much cared to listen to my Mom when I was 14

My Mom is a very kind person, we also never had very many 'rules' (don't get me wrong, we weren't without rules )

When I was 14 I did think I knew a lot and really wanted to run my own life. In hindsight - I still think I was ready to make my own decisions.

Okay okay okay.
Think whatever you like of me and my attention to detail,
and
please do think about this:

The forum headline
"Moving Here and Your New Life In America"
is a misnomer.
Many of us here already lived in America... North America.
Last time I checked, there were 3 large countries there.
Many humans live in a huge place called South America, too.
And let's not forget Central America.

Sigh.

The U.S. is the U.S.
It is not America.

Get it USians?


Language is important.
It is energy.
It has resonance.
It has weight.

She is living with my sister because my ex wouldn't give me the letter to let her move here. The ground rules were she would be living with my sister and her rules. I believe Kelsie was informed over and over and over that she would not like the "new" rules she would have by not only me but also her cousins.

My sister is a teacher in the high school. She deals with teenagers daily and raised two kids of her own. I have never interferred in the last 2 months with her rules nor do I intend to start now. I, agree Carla, that it's my sisters call regarding rules and discipline.

My mother raised 12 children. None of us are any worse for the wear for having rules and consequences from breaking those rules. I know I put my parents through the ringer when I was in my teen years being the baby of the family. My mother also said to me that "I hope you have a daughter just like you." She got her wish.

Haha, that is indeed the circle of life BH45.
Did you read my entire post?
Trailmix abbreviated it above...

Not that that is critical.

I'm so sorry to be reminded of why your daughter is not with you.
What a choice you had to make.
I do not envy that.
You are a strong woman!

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

But really Emancipation, how do you feel?????

She needs a hug and a nap


((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((E))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Ok, I called the house guy back (he sounds like a really nice guy btw - just paranoid).

He was wondering if there is any way he could verify our bank balance.

Long story short, I told him how I feel about giving a someone all this personal information and how different it is where I am from.

No bank balance for you!

He actually understood, he said he will call me back in a few hours

Awe... thanks girlies.. sometimes I wish i could bundle up ALL the pain and frustration and agony and futileness of my 1st marriage and let some of my "engaged" friends experience it for like 5 min... just to help them understand how IMPORTANT it is to chose well in life and marriage..

HONESTLY!!!!!!!!

Been talking to your friend from Japan again? lol

Ding ding ding ding!!! We have a winner!!!!!!!!


Now tell us Johnny what great prize Krikit has won today!!!

Oooh! Let it be a big prize, let it be BIG!!!!!! *jumps up and down*

A decade worth of free Timmy's??? Can it be?????

A all expense paid trip to PEI for a night on the town with lover boy!! Accommodations provided by his parents!! Congrats Krikit!!!!

Well duh, he wanted to make sure he could spend the money he wanted to spend now that he has your name, date of birth, crdit card number and signature, just wanted to make sure you have enough in the account!!!

Seriously, they did a credit check on my hubby for the appartment, but they didn't ask for that muhc informations....its kinda creepy





Today, Krikit won this wonderful toaster:



oh wait, my name isn't Johnny...

ok you beat me

I'll take the toaster.

You seem so happy

I wasnt too happy about PEI when I visited there back in 2001. Tim hortons XL coffee was an extra 0.10 over Nova Scotia prices,lol Burn down the bridge I say!! lol

It's outrageous!