All right inquiring minds

So she shows up in Canada - and he meets her at the airport in a dirty t-shirt and jeans.. he gives her her birthday present (she's exhausted from the traveling and tells him she doesn't want to open it - but he makes her) which is stock inventory out of his "business" (classy move loverboy) .. so they go to his family house where she will be living until they get married and it's a tiny house and she's sharing his bedroom with him (and he hasn't even cleaned up at all).. she's horrified (being a very traditional kinda gal) and then she hates the food they eat (high fat maritime diet) and can't stand all the "family" around all the time (traditional maritimers)..

So.. now she's stuck in the "boonies" with no vehicle, she can't stand to live in such proximity to his family, but she has no $$ and she knows she needs to move out, but can't on her own, and she wants to get married, but doesn't cause she's not sure at this point WHAT she's got herself into...

All the while she's been complaining to me.. yeah.. nice one.. I told her from the very beginning that she's rushing things and you don't really know someone until you meet them in person for real.. and she needed to stop being so rash.

And all the details she seems so shocked by them - like how her fiance lives, what his life looks like - i don't understand what the heck they talked about before she moved to Canada - did she not realize who he was? did they just never talk about it?

GAH! I've asked her point blank why the HECK would you marry someone under these circumstances..

EWWW.

BAAAAD move with the b-day present. Way to go, loverboy. Well.... at least he's giving her some signs that he may not be the right loverboy for her. <----------- really huge understatement

yeah i'm exasperated at this point.. i mean.. really... what is there to love?

She tells me that she's negative and is looking at everything from a bad light - and I'm like - he shouldn't be dissapointing you at this stage -he should be wowing you!! It's only down hill from here lady!! I know love deepens, but the "romance" of those first few days will never be there in the same intensity or at least not in my experience.. that's the hard bit to keep alive..

She's oblivious.. and I really think she's going to end up married and miserable.. She's too "nice" and "proper" to put a stop to this.. perhaps a bit of personality, perhaps a bit of culture, but it's irritating me today.. i've said all that i can say..and told her 1000 times that she needs to take more time and really not rush into anything.. fine if they want to date, but for goodness sakes marriage is for a life time!!

Well, there are some things I'm thinking he's a goof for doing...the dirty jeans and t-shirt, the present. But really...from other things she's said, what's the big deal? Is she "too good" for the traditional maritimer? She doesn't like the food (well, maybe she needs to ask if she can cook some meals for them), can't stand the family around all the time (well, like hey...they LIVE there). What do you mean she's a traditional kind of gal?

Sounds like they're from two different planets. Don't know what she expected, and don't know what he expected, but they probably need to get out on their own, and try living together I guess...unless that's what you mean by she's a traditional gal in that she doesn't want to live with him before marriage?

Gosh, this is like a soap opera.

\lol.. well there is a lot of the snotty tendencies happening here, but some of it is from her "romantic ideal" about PEI and she thinks life is like the Anne books (gag me).. I've tried to kind of balance her expectations, but this is classic she expected this amazing romantic life and she didn't get anything she bargained for - duh.. they only knew each other since MAY!

They are from different planets, and yep.. the traditional reference means she doesn't want to live with him before they are married (although she is already doing that)..

Some people just require one-on-one experience with reality. Let it go, E. Give her a final message and tell her to find someone else to discuss it with. She'll either sink or swim.

And I'm with Carla on the family bit. In fact, that's the first thing that went through my mind when I read that. I totally enjoy downhome hospitality and family time. Except if I have to go to my in-laws'.

I can't sleep and i think it sucks

that does suck! warm milk?

UGH... i dunno what I need.. i was exhausted before the Margarita I had earlier

Wait one flippin' second.. what are YOU doing up Catt?

- I went to bed right after posting that and . . . . . I had a nap soon as I got home from work yesterday and woke up at 8pm.

I'm still pouting a little that I got an RFE for a TB skin test in the mail today.

Interesting. I also wonder what she is coming from (not in terms of living with the inlaws and complaining about eating their food - I mean really).

I mean in terms of accepting what she had not expected (from him), which she obviously does not like and just saying hey...well i'm here now.

Ok, my own private vent here - one I don't indulge in often . . .

I am frustrated with this own VJ taking so long! Over on the citizenship forum someone who got married September 2004 just had their citizenship test and will receive their oath in 2 weeks. I am happy for them, but heck, we got married in June, 2004, have applied for every single step along the way the soonest that we could apply and I can't even apply for my citizenship until the end of February, 2009, let alone already have it and be able to vote in this upcoming election. These people started the process a year after us and are going to finished it at least 2 years before we are. USCIS sucks big time - sure wish we could end up on the fast moving path for at least ONE part of this process! Big Sigh - so back to waiting for I-751 which will probably be adjudicated sometime NEXT Spring.

Probably faster because they were cr-1 or ir-1. I know as a cr-1'ers i could apply 3 yrs from the date I activated my CR-1 (minus the 90 days) at the POE. With k1'ers when can u first apply? is it after AOS? There are + and - of each visa.

Kathryn, do you or your SO have any children? I don't know if that would have a significant effect or not, but maybe kids (i.e. dependents) would slow down the process.

I know exactly how you feel. I got married in July 2002. Sent AOS application in August 2002. I then had my AOS interview in December 2002. Well I sort of got approved but couldn't get the official approval until the fingerprint checks had cleared. I had to be fingerprinted a total of three times because the prints were not coming out. It wasn't until July 2004 that I got approved for the 2 year residency. I had made inquiries in the 18 months just to be told basically to hang in there. If truth be told I think I got stuck on the backburner and then my file was discovered during "spring cleaning." When I got my approval the date was after the 2 year mark of my anniversary. I went in to our local office and pointed that out only to be told that they didn't have to issue me the 10 year card as there was nothing clarified in writing that that was how it was to be. When it was time to remove conditions, I sent my application, fees, etc in to Nebraska. I then get everything sent back to me, cheque included with them stating that I was supposed to have gotten the 10 year card back in July 2004 and I was issued a 10 year card. I sent my application in for citizenship near the end of July 2007 to Nebraska. In early November they claimed I owed more in fees. I then sent a copy of my receipt from USPS showing that my package had been received by their office before the new fee deadline. I then get a letter from them stating that I didn't owe the fees. I figured I wouldn't get a notice from my local office for the fingerprinting until at the earliest November 2008 so was shocked to receive a letter in late July to come for fingerprinting on August 11. Of course problems once again with the fingerprinting so I could foresee having to come back for fingerprinting in the future once again. Surprise! A letter in yesterday's mail stating my citizenship interview/testing will be September 29th.

Kathryn, you rarely post anything negative or even with the slightest annoyance, so reading this, I can tell that it's wearing on you. I think its absolutely ridiculous the way applications are processed north of the border. It seems like there's no rhyme or reason for it - just whatever seems to fall across their desk. And to see other people have their stuff done, when they're not next in line is so aggravating. The way the system runs is so counterintuitive sometimes - but I guess that because we're operating on logic and they're operating on some magic roulette wheel that stops on some applications and not others.

Sorry that you're both still in limbo

I feel for you too. I hate unfairness of any kind. Especially when you're patiently waiting in line.

I have no kids and my step daughter is in her late 30s and hasn't lived with Joe since she was 2 years old. We applied June 16, 2003 for the I-129f which was approved the last day of December, 2003. The K-1 was approved March 30, 2004. I had to give a month's notice at work, so we moved to the US May 6, 2004, married June 19 (the first date my maid of honour was available), applied mid July (don't recall the exact date now- about 3 weeks later) for AOS, did biometrics the end of August, 2004, was transferred to CSC September 30, 2005 (yep more than a full year later), re-did biometrics early February, 2006 (because the first had expired), AOS approved May 26, 2006. Filed I-751 February 28, 2008, transferred to VSC March 18, biometrics April 19 - and still waiting.

No kids, no RFE's, no explanations. And thanks for the sympathy, guys; it helps. But it doesn't help seeing people who submitted their I-751s to CSC 2 months after we submitted to TSC (and transferred to VSC) getting approved - we could have been approved by CSC twice now in the time since we submitted it. And we never received the NOA either, even though they promised to resend it. Grrr (gee, I think I can find all sorts of things to gripe about if I really put my mind to it, hehehe)!

yeah it is really unfair that some service centers seem to zip through the petitions and others take forever..

Is it ok to post a video vent here too? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5i7R2yac9M

for fvcksake, can USCIS please update something... anything!? The processing dates were last updated July 15th (as I'm sure many of you are aware), and our case is still not showing online after over a month! I realize it's too early to hope for any action on our case, but it would be nice to have some idea as to wtf they are doing there!
This process is not a good one for someone with so little patience to get involved in.

Kelland,

I feel your frustration but unfortunately, it doesn't get better.
This process will teach you patience, lots of it. Please keep yourself busy or you will lose your sanity.

On another note, I hope your case will be showing soon.

I don't think this process taught me patience at all..... it taught me the value of a good cry and a good temper tantrum.. but not patience.. Patience would require a logical process

My visa to immigrate to Canada was completed in under six months (as I posted in another thread) and yet, my father still believes that if I had used an attorney, the process would have gone faster.

I fail to see how it could have been any quicker, really. Especially when compared to the extremely lengthy U.S. immigration process (one which my dad does not believe is anywhere near as long as I state it can be, as well).

Of course, my dad also thought that when I was visiting my wife, CBSA wouldn't turn me away (regardless of any proof or ties to the U.S.) simply because "they'd want me to spend money in Canada."

Do you get the feeling he just didn't -- and still doesn't -- quite understand?

This process has taught me that bureaucrats do not care about the people whose lives they affect in any way shape or form. Its taught me that these people enjoy playing with other peoples lives. Its taught me to revile government officials even more than I used to. Its taught me that no matter how you try to speed things up, someone or something will always get in your way and mess up your plans. Its taught me that the US is perfectly happy with bringing Canadians to work for businesses in the US, but for some reason, treats Canadian fiances of American citizens worse than it treats illegal aliens. Its taught me that crime is rewarded (illegal aliens can come across the borders and be with their families immediately) while following the rules is punished (we have to wait up to a year to be with our families). There's more, but I'm too angry and frustrated to think straight.

I bet there are a lot of Canadians that enter the USA as well and just stay,plead the "I didnt know" stance

job hunting sucks... I just got another rejection and just because I didn't have any recent references .....

I agree with you but I honestly think the system is backlogged, not enough people working for USCIS and too many frauds forcing us -honest couples- to just sit and wait.
Don't get me started about illegals! It drives me up the wall! About a year and half, the US politicians were in talk to legalize illegals. Why would we give a free pass to people who willingly didn't respect this country??
I understand that all illegals are not the same but I have been abiding by USCIS and US laws for the last 6 years so why someone should have it easy?

*rant off*

Marilyn, I am so sorry. Have you worked here in the US or is this your first job?
If it is your first job, your best bet is to get a temp job. Build up some american experience and get your dream job!

By the way, I do not understand this whole reference dealio. What do potential employers expect to find out this way? Nobody in their right mind would not chose a person to be their reference unless they were willing to say glorious things.
It seems a waste of time and networking effort.

Don't get disheartened, Marilyn. Think of it as eliminating the jobs which aren't right for you. Eventually you'll have it narrowed down to the one(s) which are perfect for you.

We seem to have enough people processing work visas, investor visas, outstanding persons visas, military visas, refugee visas, pushing for amnesty legislation etc. Did you know that there are only 32,000 K1 visas issued a year, in comparison to the 12 million illegals in this country right now? If you think about it, how long does it take to process 32,000 visas? Most take about 15 minutes. 15 minutes times 32000 = 8000 hours. There are 2000 hours in a typical work year. 4 people working full time could process all the K1 visas assuming that there was no backlog. How many hundreds of people work for the USCIS? You would think that even if they had 50 people working on this full time, the backlog could be cleared in a month. Why not? Bureaucracy.



Agreed. I think they used that as an excuse. I think of all the jobs I ever had they might have checked references on me once. You dont need them - a better job will come along.

Although I agree with what you wrote, I just wanted to point out that just because 32,000 K1 Visas are issued per year, that doesn't mean there aren't thousands more that need to be reviewed and sorted beforehand. There are many people who get denied a visa to the United States and those cases, even though the visa didn't get issued, still took time and manpower.

I'm not suggesting that USCIS should take as long as they do. I'm sure they could cut their time frame by at least half if they just acted efficiently and removed some of the aforementioned bureaucracy. Unfortunately, that probably won't happen.

There is also a lot more Visa categories than the K-1....and some of them might be harder to process depending on the immigrants situation, family, etc...

never mind.

Ya I know - I'm just saying why not have people dedicated to K1s and K3s? I mean its one of the few visas where an American citizen is personally inconvenienced by the wait.

I am looking for my first job . I haven't worked in the US before and it is kind of hard to find a temp nanny job


thanks krikit.. yeah that is what they tell me


when someone is looking for a nanny for their children they want to talk to who else you have worked for

95% of the people I have interviewed with have checked my references..

Marilyn,

How about them and them?

If you google "nanny agency in Los Angeles", a lot of places pop up. It might be worth a try if one of them was willing to recognize your foreign experience and give you a shot!

yeah not to sure about an agency.. I got hired by an agency for elderly care a few months back and I haven't heard a thing since then.. so I am kind of leery about trying another agency...

I am sure the right and perfect job will come soon..

You might find this helpful: http://www.google.com/coop/manage/cse/create/1?

It's designed by Google to let you create your own Custom Search Engine. That helps to narrow down the useless junk that's out there on the Internet and when you do find websites that are relevant to your search, you can enter them into the search engine as well, so it'll look at those too. You can also place it on your iGoogle homepage too, which is handy.

What in the flippin' hell. Why are there STILL people being approved for their I-130 in less than a month when people like me sit on our asses for OVER 200 DAYS waiting for things to go through. What. The. Hell.

I'm about to cry. This is ridiculous. I feel like a big ball of stress.

Andrew and I have been married for one year and two days. This is NOT what I thought married life would be like.

And why won't they flippin' update the processing timeframes for VSC? If they had, my I-129F would be outside of them. BAH.

So sorry to hear that you are stressed... hang in there.... one day this will be over..

Yeah, I feel bad for everyone having to wait for their processes too. It really does throw a wrench into your plans. lol

Yup, it sucks.
I'm sorry to hear and know that you are in great company...not that that helps really.
"Married life" already would be a huge adjustment for people, let alone, immigration crapola, moving and being referred to as an "alien", sensing and dealing with the differences of this different country and its people's ways....etc etc.
It's quite the thick soup...and we are swimming (drowning) in it.
If only immigration was like dealing with any other issue and one could make a phone call or a visit to some office and there would be something that made sense and some human being would tell you they have your file and they are looking at the physical thing and it will take x number of days.
This zero accountability shtuff is maddening.

I seriously feel like I need to get my head examined for having embarked on this life.
I chose it,
and
I am not dealing with it too well.

Obviously.

I have been examining my own head, and that is not working too well.


More than that, my tooth that needs attention is going to turn out to be the bionic tooth.
the amount of work and money to heal it...WOW!
I have been through 2 procedures, insurance has already run out (it was way too low a cap), and there are 2 more brutal steps.
Ouch....in so many ways, ouch.
Bleh.
I am not having a fun time of it at all.


/rant

I'm sorry to hear about that Rachel, try to hang on in there That's the hardest part, not to know when, but one day it will be over and you will be able to forget all this crap.

And if it can make you smile, about how you think married life is, wait until you will have to pick up all your husband's socks around the house








What's the matter? Are you talking about just adjusting to the US, or your married life in general ? How is it going with your husband ?

Awww, I'm sorry you're having such mouth pain. Been there, done that...to the tune of $10,000.00! I'm at my suckiest when I have a toothache.

What about CR1/IR1/IR5?

I think it would be nice if no one was terribly inconvenienced by any visa process.

Anyway Waiforever, that video rant you posted - I assume that is your intended??

Oh and I wouldn't worry too much about the 6 month waiting list comment you got in email, you obviously got the grouchy email response

Thanks Carla.

Yup times are tough for a free spirit having to deal with nonsense problems Mephys.
I only want and crave harmony and joy.
Oh, I have been around long enough to know that life is not always rosy...do I ever...and yet,
if there is less joy than everything else combined,
then
why?

We did get dealt a heavy hand for a start to any relationship.
Complex K1, FIL's illness and death, doggy's illness and death, no home established as of yet.
Etc.

I do not mean to sound bitter.
I am just so sad these days...well, I have been sad for a long time concerning my current life choices.

What I am doing is looking at each part and trying to make peace with it and/or change things that can be improved.
Sometimes it feels like I'm climbing an ice mountain and I forgot my cramp-ons and ice ax.

This is what happens when two first borns get together.
Everybody is used to carving their own path and being "right".
It is a lose/lose situation.
And when I point that out, well, you can imagine...

it is like my ego needs to win sometimes (I see that!), especially when dealing with a person who has never been challenged about anything in their life.
I am the queen of such things.
Challenging people
bringing awareness to things
shining the light into "dark" corners...

Yes, I never let sleeping dogs lie.
And I never made a secret out of that.
Every one knows.



Comments?
Suggestions?

Well since you asked

The first thing that came to my mind when you asked comments/suggestions.

Why would a 'free spirit' really want to challenge someone about the way they live their life?

It seems to me that there is a lot of room for diversity in the way people look at things, it is not necessarily 'right' or 'wrong' - it is just that people see things differently - I don't see what is wrong with that.

Plus, when we request someone try to see things the way we see them, while it is respectful for them to try to see where we are coming from, we can't expect them to necessarily agree - just as we would hope they would not necessarily expect us to agree with them.

Ok this is probably going to sound like a shallow analogy...but oh well.

Some time ago I was out shopping with a friend. She liked this certain kind of glassware finish that I thought was just horrendous. So we were out that day in the store and she spotted something and commented how nice it was...although I thought it was rather repulsive. Then I had an epiphany

She saw it as BEAUTIFUL - how I saw it didn't really matter - it brought her joy - that's all that really mattered and I would respect that.