Sounds like office politics and the boss is trying to justify everything to the owner to save his azz, unfortunately he's grooming DH to be the scapegoat. That really sucks. That guy that DH rides with is afraid that he's going to lose his job so he's not letting DH do anything. DH's situation sucks, but one way or another these things always resolve themselves, in this case hopefully for the better.

I am like Mumsie ... I thought I had posted, but apparently just THOUGHT about posting and didn't actually type the words.

Necrotica - I'm sorry to hear about all the stress and difficulties. I hope the new Voc. Rehab. counselor is helpful. It does sound like things are getting better for you guys. I can't believe your last job didn't accomodate you. That can be something that the counselor can assist with ... making sure you receive the accomodations you deserve in your next job. Also, just an FYI, if you ever plan on applying for long term disability (I know you are going through the process for short term right now), know that you may get denied the first time, but don't give up ... appeal the denial. What I have seen happen is that people who truly qualify are getting denied initially but then are qualifying after the appeal process. It is frustrating though to have to do that.

Marilyn - Sounds like ridiculous office politics at your hubby's job. Hope it straightens itself out soon. My husband has experienced similar office politics and it can be so stressful and challenging.

Thank you to everyone who posted re: my breastfeeing vent. And Flames, very impressed by the sage advice. You are going to make a kickazz nurse!!!

I have been working with the lactation consultants at the hospital. They and the maternity nurses have been extremely helpful. One of the consultants who is also a maternity nurse told me that, in her years of working there, she has only seen a couple near term babies be able to nurse right away. Declan was 3 weeks early, everyone keeps telling me that has impacted the nursing.

You are sounding waaaaaayyy better.
I'm sure that your great intentions will come to fruition!

Held Hostage: Day 211.

See live coverage as Phoenix woman goes insane, next.

Bleh!
You must be losing your mind.
So sorry to read this Delicia.


And here in my town:
how is it possible that it is over 90 degrees and crazy humid yesterday and today it is in the 40s?
Brrrrrrrr!

Mantra: I like all weather. I like all weather. I like all weather.












I so want to move south.

Delicia I am so sorry to hear that, I am so wishing you hear something SOON.

If it helps any,

She must belong to San Francisco, she must have lost her way...

Awww sweetie...I'll tell ya now....I live in the South. It ain't so great in the summer lemme tell ya! Been here all my life and I can't wait to get out! Humidity is so thick here in the South in the sumemrtime that you could almost cut it with a knife. Makes it hard for asthmatics like me to breathe.

However, iced tea and lemonade (real, not the box stuff) reigns supreme here in the South, especially in the summer.

My short-term disability claim was denied.


I'm calling the EEOC tomorrow and filing a complaint.

Sorry to hear that! I hope there is an appeal option available. I work for an insurance company, and know how the "rules" can be. Ugh. . . . . sorry.

I'm sorry, Necrotica. You'll probably make headway in the appeal process.

Ah the deep south...
Yes, I have felt what you describe, hence why I am thinking West Coast.

My sweetie is terrified of dying in a mud slide, earthquake or wild fire.
What am I going to do with him?
He needs his mind stretched.
(This is what happens when you never move out of your hometown.)
I'm going to go and look in the basement and see if there is an apparatus for such situations.

That tea sounds delicious.
I will be making some mahself as soon as it heats up again.
The humidity on Monday (when it was around 90 here) was so incredible, I was running sweat just standing there.
Free sauna!

And thanks for the song Mumsie!



I believe it works like that.
They just string you along for a while.
Grrrr....
So sorry to hear Necrotica.


Here's one more:


BUGGERS!

Sweet friend --- I know only too well how effed up it is to deal with morons who don't understand disabilities. I almost choked when I read they did not accommodate you, since IT'S THE EFFING LAW . Go ahead with the LTD claim and don't desist.
Also, check out companies who actively hire folks with special talents like yourself --- you'll be surprised to find there are good peepz out there. I am sending you all the best vibes I can muster today. Love to Rejean as well.


Financial insecurities and difficulties are a strain in any relationship, and I try to remember to put first things first: bye bye prime rib, hello tofu; ciao 300 channels I never watch, aloha basic cable. It can happen to any of us. Words of "Lenwisdom": Life throws sh1t at us all the time: but HEY!!! We kicked MTL's azz when it seemed impossible, didn't we?????

Thank you... to you and to everyone here that has commented on this.

This is not the first time I've filed a complaint with the EEOC. I had to do it at a past job, too. They changed the policies around so much and took away so many privileges needlessly that it caused me to break down. Then they changed the shifts to 9.5-hour Mondays, 8.5-hour Tuesdays, 7.5-hour Wednesdays and Thursdays, and 7-hour Fridays, which there was NO WAY IN HELL I could do. But the people who were going to school could keep their regular 8-hour shifts. And you know what the EEOC said? They said it was a "borderline case", but they didn't have enough to prove a definite violation. Funny, since I had the actual e-mails as proof of what they did WAS a violation of the ADA.

I have NO faith in the ADA anymore. It's only for people with physical disabilities that can actually be seen.

Oh Necrotica,
How horrible to be fighting with every breath for your rights.
It totally sucks!
I can see you have fight left in you so

GO GET 'EM GIRRRRRL!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A vent about flying ORD to YUL and back.
Check out the exorbitant fees:

Passenger Type: Adult (hey that is supposedly me!)

Flight 1 - Departing airfare (Tango Plus) 194.00
Flight 2 - Returning airfare (Tango Plus) 196.00

Surcharges NAV 115.00

U.S.A Transportation Tax US 37.87
Sub Total 542.87


Taxes, Fees and Charges
Canada Airport Improvement Fee SQ 20.16 (still???? forever paying improvement fees!)
U.S Agriculture Fee XA 5.00
Air Travellers Security Charge (ATSC) CA 8.41
U.S Passenger Facility Charge XF 4.50
U.S. Flight Segment Tax ZP 7.00
Canada Quebec Sales Tax (QST #1000-043-172) XQ 1.59
Canada Goods and Services Tax (GST/HST #10009-2287) XG 1.01
September 11 Security Fee AY 2.50
U.S.A Immigration User Fee XY 7.00 (grrrrrr)
Total airfare and taxes before options (per passenger) 600.04
Number Of Passengers 1
Grand Total - US Dollars $600.04

I think I'm just going to go with plan A and drive....although with the price of fuel these days...

fuel costs only get worse in Canada and even worse over in Europe

Where the F is my DS-230 FORM?!

I'm having a major mental crisis, and I have no idea what to do. I just called my parents, who are the ONLY ones I can talk to about stuff like this, and the call ended horribly. Having to deal with me when I am like this is not one of Réjean's strong points, so that's out.

I have all these incurable disabilities, I'm about to lose yet another job because of them, and I am feeling like an absolute failure as a human being and am completely hopeless at this point.

Don't even mention calling 1-800-SUICIDE; it's a joke and they make you feel even sh*ttier than before you called. I know because I've tried calling them in the past.

I am sorry to hear of the despair that you're feeling right now. I'm afraid that I am not really good at saying anything inspirational, so I'll just leave it as - I hope these difficulties pass quickly. It so hard to feel so helpless, when all you want is to be well.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Necrotia,)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I am so very sorry you are having such a difficult time. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you.

You are absolutely not a failure as a human being - you are a woman faced with a lot of difficult challenges and feeling overwhelmed because you just don't know where to go, or what else may be coming. That is totally natural! Anyone with any modicum of common sense would feel the same way. You are doing the best that you can in a difficult situation. It is very challenging when you, as a unique individual, has to try and fit into a one-size fits all world. Unfortunately, we are not all one-size and some of us find trying to meet society's demands on us, that we just cannot fit no matter how hard we try. This is not a failure, nor is it a flaw or a fault or anything to blame. Nor is it fair. It is indeed one of those situations that can make us or break us.

Something I have found that helped at times when I felt hopeless and overwhelmed was to think forward in time, that in one year from now whatever I am dealing with has been faced and done with; it will be behind me and I have dealt with it. It feels reassuring, that I will 'make' it, no matter what. In the meantime, just take it one day at a time. Just keep reminding yourself that 'I can do today' and don't let the immediate future overwhelm you. If sometime happens or goes wrong, don't blame yourself, just keep reminding yourself that you are doing the best that you can, one day at a time. One day, it WILL all be behind you and you will be on the other side and you will be just fine!

I hope this journey becomes easier for you, and you will find a smoother path ahead. There is no other 'you' in the whole, wide world - and no one can do 'you' better than 'you'. That is how important you are!

Guys, I think I have a form of hives..

A little history first: Whenever I get a bug bite of any sort, the spot that I get bit becomes a huge hard itchy welt... toonie size and up..

Last week, I got 3 bites on my right arm. Since they were near eachother, they swelled to about a dollar bill size. The swelling lasted for about a week. The darkness in the skin is finally starting to fade..

So, we went to PA for Memorial day weekend and I got a bite on my right hand ring finger.. By the next day, my whole finger looked like a sausage.. I had it on ice packs, took benadryl, allegra d and advil and nothing really worked. I couldn't bend my finger or write! It lasted for about 24 hrs. You can still see the bite site now on it but it's not ittchy anymore and it's only red and about 1 cm x 1 cm

Yesterday afternoon: my left hand was itchy (area between my fingers and wrist...) so I scratched it for about 5 seconds.. didn't look like a bite or anything.. just really itchy burning..
It was quite itchy all night after that and I put tons of cortisone cream on it (that stuff doesn't seem to make any difference for me!) and extra strength benadryl cream (with results like the cortisone cream)

I even woke up about 3-4 times in the middle of the night to re-apply the cream that I store under my pillow while I sleep!!@#$

and now, I wake up at 8:15 in the morning ... why you ask? you all know I'm not a morning person unless I have to wake up for work or something..... why would I wake up so early on my own?

CUZ MY FREAKING LEFT HAND IS NOW COMPLETELY SWOLLEN... YOU KNOW THE AREA BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR WRIST.. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE BONEY BECAUSE THERE'S NO REAL FLESH THERE.. WELL, MINE'S FAT AND ITCHY AND SWOLLEN AND IT FEELS LIKE AN ETERNAL BURNING SENSATION AND i JUST DOUSED IT IN CALAMINE LOTION WHICH IS DOING NOTHING BUT MAKING MY HAND LOOK WHITE-PINK. IT'S PAINFUL TO TYPE!
YOUR HAND DOESN'T HAVE FLESH THERE BECAUSE IT ALLOWS FOR MOVEMENT OF YOUR FINGERS!!

So I just googled "itch swollen" and i found some reports of people who weirdly enough have had the same recurring itchy spots on their arm, finger, hand etc and it's all been within a few weeks and they lasted for 24-48 hrs also and it felt like hell and they got all swollen and itchy too..
and they said it's a kind of hive...

and all you can do is take benadryl or zyrtec and that's it...

I want to cut my hand off!!
I even slept last night without my ring on because of this!

and I don't have medical insurance...........
but I doubt a doctor would really be able to help me fix this.....

Your in luck!! if you have NO insurance I know of a free clinic!!

Culmore Clinic (it is in a brick apartment complex in the basement--its a community resource center)

3304 Culmore Court, Unit B
Falls Church, VA 22041
703.379.5217 not sure if the # is current

The medical clinic itself is only open a few days each week, usually Tues/Wed, but if ya phoned they could tell you

The bad news, it is staffed by us student nurses, lol, BUT they just take down your information, take ur vitals, THEN you get to see a qualified Nurse Practitioner. If ya go, say hi from Scott (the canadain),lol Depending on the day, it could take a few hours. Clinic hours are normally 0830 - 1300. Either go early or go towards noon. I was there last semester, you will get excellent attention, just with only 1 NP, it can be a bit slow, and its totally FREE, and if all possible the NP will prescribe a drug from the target/walmart $4 prescription list. You wil get MUCH better medical advice there than the internet!!

holy crap!
that's 1.9 miles from my apartment!

just called
they're only open Tues/wed and some thurs

its located in a small Spanish community. Like I said it is totally free--dont even get asked to make a donation--none is required as it is paid for by a VA grant to the school. And the students will love a english speaking person,lol as most of the clients are Spanish, which makes things very interesting,lol I can barely speak English!! So phone and see wht days the NVCC students are there. I think there may be anpther organization that puts on a clinic there as well, but not sure if it is free, but it would be at a very reduced rate

http://www.anhsi.org/map.html is another one, that offers a reduced rate, but ya need an appt. 2 East Glebe Road
Alexandria, VA 22305
(703) 535-5568

Culmore clinic is first come first served, and they see about 10 or 11 a day

Just took 2 benadryls.
keep you posted..

Flames that is great, I do have insurance and it is like 200 miles away but I am sure it can help out a lot of people. Liz I sure hope you get it fixed, I know what it is like I had an allergic reaction many years ago on a holiday weekend and had to go to the hospital my hands and feet were on fire and I had to itch and that only made it more itchy and burn more, they gave me a shot of Benedryl and some pills to get me through the weekend and that worked, sorry that it isn't working for you. I don't even know of any allergy medicines that work other than the 2 you mentioned would be the best I have taken. And I never did know what caused the reaction.

that's what's making me crazy!
not knowing what is causing this!

This isn't my area of expertise but it sounds like you are looking for some one to talk with? I'm not a religious person, but sometime church's have a great wealth of knowledge when it comes to social support. they know of free of low cost clinics that has some one you could talk to and get some guidance. As well if there are any universities in your area that have a medical program, lot of them offer free services. yes you will speak to students, BUT we students are highly motivated and are supervised by a trained professional. Our school offers 3 free clinical sites, of course it is only manned a few days each week.

One problem we guys have when it comes to communication is that we are FIXERS!!!!! When in most instances the spouse just wants the fellow to LISTEN!! So that can take a bit for the guy to get used to. What i do some times when my wife has a problem, i ask "Do you want me to fix it? or listen? And most of the times it is listen! And of course listening doesn't involve the TV being on with a can of beer,lol. The guy should ask questions every now and then, but not in a "fixer" way,lol Even if us guys just sat there and said nothing (and thought about hockey) but appeared to be paying attention, in most cases the spouse would be happy,lol Listening is such a powerful tool and many don't know how to do it.

I really like that

Sorry to hear this.

I keep getting bitten by something in Louisiana. The bites get so itchy and then develop a red streak- a bad sign. I go to the doctor and they usually give me a shot and then I have pills to take for 10 days. Last time they just did a steroid shot and no pills.

I have spent the last nine days in Edmonton- the best part of the trip- not a single bug bite!!

My good friend in Montreal just took a 6 week leave.
She is covered with hives.
Stress...anxiety.
Her job is high stress and she is an HSP (a highly sensitive person!).
As such, the skin can only be so thick...and that is all a facade anyways.
My other (best) friend in Vancouver is also sinking. She is an over-achieving individual.
Highly functioning...and so...

It seems like many women are being affected at the moment.
Many people I know at being hit harder than usual by depression or other such debilitating afflictions.
My deduction - if it isn't the alignments of the planets - is the mess the world is in.
How could a sensitive soul ignore all the violent/aggressive (passive or otherwise) and disrespectful/dishonouring energies?

Yup.
More love.
Less hate.

Arlington Free Clinic provides medical services to uninsured, low-income residents of Arlington County, Virginia who have resided in the United States for at least one year.

To be eligible individuals must provide:

* Proof of residency in US of at least one year:
* Proof of residency in Arlington County, Virginia
* Proof of income
* Verification of no medical insurance

How do you prove this out of curiosity?? I can't go to a free clinic anyway though cuz I haven't lived here for a year yet

I used a free clinic when I was sailing in Maine almost 2 years go now.
I only showed them ID I had from Vancouver and explained that my fever needed to be looked at (I almost never go to see anyone as I do not like Western medicine practices)...they saw me, gave me a prescription for expensive anti-biotics, and then mailed me a bill (to the dock where I was staying, ha). I called the hospital, explained that I was a visitor with no insurance, and that I had been told it would be free. They sent me a form to fill out and to write a letter about why I could not pay. that was easy. Done and no problems.

(As a person with no fixed address, I was honest enough to tell them where they could find me.)

Good luck with all of this Liz. Call and talk to a human being.
You never know.

In the meantime, try using icepacks on your hand to reduce the swelling and the itching. It does sound like an allergic reaction to something. I know that I get huge welts here - the size of a quarter - from a mosquito bite and I never did that in Canada. There is a small no-seeum type of insect around that also bites and really stings - and then there are fire ants that are really painful and blister. Spider bites also often blister so it is probably not that. Chiggers are smaller but intensely itchy and nothing works on them as well.

The thing I found that helped the most was the ice. An old wive's tale that you can also try is using meat tenderizer on a new bite - it is supposed to counteract what ever the insect has injected. Don't know if it works or not, but it is worth a try. A swollen hand though is incredibly painful. Try cold water and ice packs and see if that helps.

Good luck and hope you are able to get to a clinic or a doctor. You may wish to ask a pharmacist at a pharmacy if they have anything OTC they can recommend as well.

I have had my last squabble with my husband regarding immigration. I think 3 years in any immigration system is more than cruel and unusual punishment. While I have always questioned his motivation and he has always responded that he is naturally a procrastinator, we have fought about immigration since the beginning of our marriage.

The last few weeks have been us making plans to move the kid, dog and him here this summer. I have been pushing him to get all his paperwork in order (get a new criminal records thing done since the first one might very well expire before he ever makes it to the interview, get his shots updated, etc) and he has been dragging his feet. He claims that there is no point in doing it early because it might expire. The original plan was for me to fly to Toronto, rent a car, pick everyone and their stuff up, drive to Detroit, switch cars (yes, you can do this btw) and finish the drive to Phoenix where hubby would stay as a visitor as long as allowed or until he had to return to Canada for medicals, interviews, or his citizenship processing. I did the math, that roadtrip would run ~$3100. Its definitely cheaper to fly but the dog was the problem. I was leaning towards finding the dog a new home in Toronto, but he wasn't having it, so I dropped that from the list of viable options. The dog can fly via Air Canada except between June - September for $150 with his paid ticket. Regardless, since all 3 of us would be living on my income alone, its not like there will be tons of extra cash to afford multiple trips back and forth for him to Canada to get stuff done. So, we were down to him waiting until he could bring the dog via air or making the trip via road. But, and a big but, I wasn't going to arrange any of this until his paperwork was all in (do I need to mention that I have been waiting for him to get a translation of his birth certificate since February?) My paperwork is done. I have an employment letter, my tax transcripts, and can print off pay stubs the day I need them. My I-864EZ is completed, it just needs a signature.

His perspective: it will get one when it needs to get done. He, and I quote, "Doesn't do what I don't want to do and I hate when you tell me what to do!"

So, after he slams me with some horrible emails, name calling, etc, I booked a flight for my son for right after school gets out and sent my husband (soon to be my next ex) the confirmation. All he has to do is get the kid to the airport in time. My husband can do whatever. I am tired of living in limbo and if he wants to come down here, he can make his own way, with or without the dog or he can stay whereever he likes for as long as he likes. Bottom line: I don't even care anymore. But hell if I am going to spend 3-4 days stuck in a car for this jerk off not to mention, I feel no obligation to bend over backwards for him anymore.

Perhaps I am just not the marrying kind. Perhaps I am just tired of living this way. Perhaps Immigration got the best of me (can't use the word 'us' here because he has been rather disinterested from both processes we went through). I feel like if I don't do everything, nothing gets done and he is a dependent of mine rather than a partner. Perhaps me and him are just too different and we were both too stupid to figure it out earlier. Peraps I equate his 'procrastination' with a lack of caring or concern.

I am just done. I am not going to withdraw my petition, but I am not going to do anything about it either. No phone calls, no tracking, no checking the USCIS site, nothing. He wants to come, he can do everything or anything or nothing. I just don't care what he does or doesn't do. I am going to Western Union him some funds that he had transferred down here earlier and call it even or at least try to cut my losses. End of story.

Thanks for letting vent and unless there is some dramatic turn of events, I don't see any need to come here anymore.

No clue about the Arlington 1, but the culmore clinic doesn't check, they just go by ur word

Delicia, there are no words other than I am truly sorry.

Delicia I am very sorry to hear how things are going. I know we were all pulling for you. I hope that things turn out the way you want them to. I know that this process is very difficult, but know that we are here for you if you want to vent please feel free, and maybe someone else can give some words of wisdom.

Oh Delicia,

Wow! Well what more can be said.
You both have been bled and there is seemingly nothing left.
I am so sorry to hear how you are doing and about the constant battle.
At least if the two of you were on the same side...fighting together...alas.

Hmmm...all I can relate to is my tiny one year of "waiting" and worrying and fighting and debating and all that...and it created a rift we have yet to heal.
For me, I want to feel that I am understood and I want to have contact with what is being said from the other.
When words are flying around and I don't feel them, I do not even remember what was said, let alone feeling like I am in a relationship.
Bleh!


I often wonder if we can recover from the disagreements, and really it is up to me to let it go...the past I mean.
Perhaps if the now was without troubles...

As for cutting your losses, well, some people recover completely. Others partially, and others not at all.
I guess that choice is up to us.

Cutting one's losses is sometime the way, and other times the person finds themselves still unhappy; not where they want to be.
Life can be a circle of events that repeat themselves...it is for us to learn that particular lesson.

Your husband and you are exhausted and have no one to take things out on except each other.
That is all.
If you each can find forgiveness (for-giving...for-give, see how cool the word is broken up? it's true meaning)...
For giving.
For getting.



Please do think I am lecturing you or anyone.
I care and so I respond in the best way possible at that moment.
Yes, I everything I say to you I say to myself.

Delicia, I can only respond to what I've read as I don't know you or your husband. I can relate to your frustration & anger though. My fiance and I went through a period of time like that too. He didn't want to get anything done ahead of time for fear of it expiring and wanted the dates to coincide with when we were approved etc... He seemed to be procrastinating and I got irritated because I had all my ducks in a row, why couldn't he? He expressed his frustration with my impatience as well. I backed off and lo-and-behold he got everything done. On time too. You'll be going through Montreal just like us. He will have time to get that stuff done when your approval happens (not sure about the birth cert. translation though, have no clue about that). I can sense impatience and tension in alot of your posts. You're adding up all the time since you've been married into one bundle of immigration headache when in reality you've had to restart the process for lack of movement from Canada. I know it's frustrating, but I think you're letting the lump of time fuel your fire. I don't say this to be mean, I say it in the hopes that you can see it for what it is and it helps you relax. There are many of us who's cases take ridiculously longer than everyone else's (we were DEAD last in the July filer's group!!), but everyone gets through eventually.
You and your husband are just very different in that aspect. I hope that you can patch things up and remember why you married him. After all this crap is overwith the difference in your personalities may very well compliment each other. You can learn & take the best each has to offer.

Oh fergawdsakes...I meant to say that I hope you don't think I was lecturing, not that I was lecturing.
Sorry.
My bad.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


ahh, now I feel better

Delicia,

I read your post and thought about it for a while and I don't have any words of wisdom.

It is a tough tough time for you both and I hope that this 'stand-off' passes.

sorry to hear that, delicia

*****************

minor stupid rant...

so today hubby went to go fix his brother's gf's sister's air conditioning unit and also have a "meeting" with his brothers and dad.. so I asked him if I could drop him off and use the car to run errands and he said no because he might need the car to pick up stuff .... so now I am here stuck at home... if he needed to pick up stuff he could have borrowed his brother's car or something just so annoyed....

Ok, here's my rant for the day:
P and I have been getting along TERRIBLY lately. We argue over everything and there's constantly a misunderstanding. I know it's just stress of everything that has to happen before he gets here (for him) and the end of the school year stuff (for me) and the added stress of wedding and blah blah.

But GAH it's just so....frustrating. I am ready for this to be all over (6 more weeks) so we can just get on with things. I suppose it doesn't help that my sister has been living with me for the last 3 months and won't be out before my wedding and I'm dealing with my ex and his wife who knows EVERYTHING and is utterly insecure and demanding.

Perchance I am pmsing?

double post.
that's how frustrated I am!

So much sadness and frustration. I hope today is a better day for everyone, and that you will feel peace in your hearts.

My neighbour behind me passed away. She had a stroke and lay for 24 hours all alone in that house before her son found her. She died, later, in the hospital. I feel horrible that we all went about our daily lives, never knowing she was in need of assistance.

aww that's so sad Krikit...