I stand by my statement. Why would you apply someone else's bad experiance to your marriage? If your marriage is going well what is the point of disrupting it with someone elses bad experiance?

Hypothetically, lets say Nessa had an ex that was liar and cheated on her. How would you feel if dragged that baggage into your marriage? Constantly accusing of things you haven't done just bcz someone else did that to her in the past? What if your neightbor who is was in the military is having an affiar, and Nessa starts accusing you of the same.

Do you get my point? Even more importantly, we only know 1 side of the story and everyones there are 3 sides to every story. When Jackie and Mohammed broke up, everyone went into a frenzy, comparing their relationships to hers and jumping to conclusions. Maybe you can learn something *prior* to getting into a relationship but once you are in one, you can't use someone elses marriage experiances in your own marriage.

Well if people are worried about their situations after seeing what is going on here, I don't think it's bad to anaylze their own relationship.

If you don't want to hear it then maybe you shouldn't be reading those threads. I find them to be a great help to others as well as an interesting discussion. People should never feel bad for sharing something negative that happened to them just because you don't want people to think it could happen to them. Wise up.

I'll admit that the negative feedback did have an impact on me. I knew it had nothing to do with how our marriage is going but it scared the heck out of me. I don't want to be another person that is blindsided, ya know? I don't think he's goin to do anything shady but then to hear the stories from the girls who "never saw it coming" made me question everything I "thought" I knew. I now realize that was silly of me and that if I start looking for problems, I'm only going to cause problems to arise if I keep questioning everything. I also realized that I have to move forward with the best intentions and a pure heart or I'm going to be in a state of constant panic attacks the rest of my marriage. .... If I were at home I'd have soooooooooo much more to add to this...... I do want to add that once I came to my senses...my relationship has already improved drastically.......

amal

so who's making it personal now?
while it's obvious that you'd not benefit in any shape or form from the previous, which we've beaten to death over and over again, what's so wrong with someone who has committed visa fraud posting their motives and methods? or do you really hold that once two individuals are in a relationship, they can't learn anything afterward?

You clearly don't get my post. If you read Amal's post above yours, you will see exactly what I am talking about. I didn't say there was anything wrong with anyone posting anything, so don't put words in my mouth.

Hey if anyone wants to hear his side of the story, you can find him in Florida opening a business with his old busniness partner from Jordan. Took 5 years for them to both get here and see their plan to fruition. Good luck to you Mohammed. Tell Abu Ali I said hello.

I only posted our breakup because I needed some support. I never meant for anyone to question their own relationships. I watched his 2 cousins leave their wives after greencard. I NEVER thought it would happen to us. I consider myself pretty average as women go. We had some flags but he 100% convinced me he would never divorce me. Well he signed during Ramadan. Being muslim dont shelter you from being left in the dust as the 2006 Nissan truck heads to Florida to realize a life-long dream.

I told Amal this and I will tell you all, DO NOT let doubts affect your marriage. It will kill what you have. If you plan on killing it, then get it over with before years of being financially and emotionally involved. If you love your partner, do what it takes to keep them, but dont lose a sense of yourself, because when they go, they dont come back and when they go you are left with yourself. Make sure you still like yourself enough to survive.

Jaklen

Hey amal, you came to your senses? lol

i'm glad you finally conceded that.

conceded that? I never said there was anything wrong with it.

I felt a need to post my story BECAUSE there was all this warm and fuzzy stuff floating around.. And not too many saying it didnt work out... esp in the MENA area

I felt the need to have it be seen.. cause Never did I think my husband was gonna come here and pull the stuff he Pulled!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didnt have too many red flags.. and I was doing the my habibi/ my hayati stuff too

It might have dampened some peoples mood, popped a bubble and/ or put doubt in peoples mind.

My intention was just to bring awareness.. thats all.

I dont think woman should then go home and rip their SO's a fresh one.. but rub some of the cupid's love dust out their eyes.. and be SMART.. especially if you got kids

All this talk affected me too. I asked my husband if he has an Egyptian wifey lined up. He saw the text and went back to sleep. Apparently I sent the text 3 times by accident so when he woke up and saw the other two he thought "oh crap I better call her or she'll think I'm at my wedding!!!"



He called this morning and asked if I'm pms'ing. He soooo knows me!

Exactly and I don't think anyone posts their story with the intention of making anyone else have doubts. If you look for something, chances are you will find it.

OK this is just my thoughts here on this. If you read these stories and you have doubts or feel like your situation might be the same my thought is that those doubts were there all along. I am not pointing fingers or singling anyone out but I feel like in a lot of these situations there were flags that other people saw and pointed out and maybe those who have the flags saw them too but really really wanted to discredit them. If you doubt your relationship even 1% you should really talk it though and decide whether or not to go on with it. There are always signs in a bad relationship is whether you choose to realize them or not. And this is not just in MENA relationships - I'm talking across the board. I have never read any of these stories and thought "oh wow that sounds like us" I haven't ever felt any inkling or saw any of the classic signs about cheating, or greencard using. I'm not bragging or boasting or anything of the like - I'm simply saying it because I think that as Sarah mentioned I think a lot of people do have blinders on in relationships and then after the fact are like "oh no what happened??" It's true not all cases are the same, but if you have a track record where 5 relationships ended and all of them the fiance never met the husbands family or all of them had a big gap in age or any other variable reason how can you not take that into consideration and just write it off as "yea but we're really in love, our relationship is real" You have to consider every angle and not just take it at face value.

I think that's absolutely true, but I think there's also a value to introspection, even if you end up concluding that their problem isn't a sign that it could be your problem. Comparing can be important just in the case that it makes the person think.

I mean, counselors compare. That's how they know patterns that abusers fall into, and pointing out to a woman that it is a pattern can help her break free of it.

Those who feel bad for posting their stories should not feel that way. Like Amera said, your stories didn't bring on doubts about themselves, they were already there to begin with. Keep posting and we are all here to support you.

I'm waitin' on Jackie's story!!! Jackie I think you should write a book!!!!

I wanna know where in Florida so I sure as hell won't shop there. Bastard

but of course not......
I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point?

Ok now you are just taking my posts out of context for your own personal benefit. What I said above doesn't mean that people shouldnt post, I already made it clear that they should post and that they need support.

not taken out of context jp. it certainly came across that way: that you didn't see a reason for anyone to post their story as it would not be of benefit to you and perhaps even pointless. i'm happy you finally clarified that.

Dee, I never meant that you shouldn't have posted your story or anyone else who has gone through hell shouldn't have told us they did.

What I don't like are the topics that pop up around the same time that keep beating all the warning signs and red flags to death. And all the fights that start over these topics. And the topics about the fights that end up getting locked down especially when one topic after another turns into nitpicking and trivial arguments, how is that support?

boohoo.

Would you rather everyone stick their heads in the sand? All these threads are coming up because all this stuff has happened to VJers like you and I. We can't deny that this stuff happens. If you don't like the subject matter, don't read the thread.

Why the hell do you need a warm and fuzzy Sparrow, your husband is on his way here? And hell after this week in MENA, I don't want a warm fuzzy. I want my freaking NOA2 and to get the hell out of USCIS..

BY THE WAY>> THE TIMELINES ARE FARTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHER OUT

I am so pissed


I think I am making a red flag t shirt and going to be in it with a box of chinese sub gum wanton. I am getting heart palpitations from all this MENA crap LOL

I'm not arguing with you.

The warm fuzzy thing wasn't really about me, it was about other people who could really use something like that and might be too damn afraid for saying something because they know their heads are going to get bitten off.

Just because he's on his way doesn't mean he's here yet or that I haven't seen him for 6 months and don't still miss him.

you are scaring me .where do you meet these guys?

charles, go to your corner, TIME OUT FOR YOU.

amera, you go to your corner, TIME OUT FOR YOU.



J/K i love u guys hehehe

Anyway... I was in a relationship that had absolutely 0 red flags. I loved that man more than the world and out of the blue he left me and my son. Found out much later that he couldn't handle my sons illness and couldn't handle the fact that he was watching him die. Nonetheless, I never once saw a red flag.
I'm saying this to point out that every relationship is different and sometimes flags appear and sometimes they don't. Every relationship is different just as there are all different types of ppl. Some ppl won't think for 1 second about what happened to someone else in their relationship while others will go crazy with worry. I was one of those ppl that couldn't help but question mine since it seemed that everybody else was having serious issues with their husbands leaving them. I was trying to look for flags but in the end caused myself a nervous breakdown. I know someone else who said...that is stupid to worry just coz it happened to someone else. That is called having "different personallities" and that is what makes this world so great.
If we didn't have all different types of ppl on this earth, nothing would get accomplished. So, in conclusion ... worriers, keep worrying, we need you.
non- worriers, keep not worrying, we need you too. Middle of the road ppl, keep stayin in the middle of the road coz well, who else will direct traffic???

amal

I'm not sure if we can learn anything from them or not. There have been more than one occassion of women being warned about their "internet cassanovas" before getting married or getting the visa and they didn't listen because they didn't want to believe their man could be like that, only to go through hell after their SO got to the US.

That was exactly the point i wanted to make. Selective hearing or reading...

I think those of us who try to direct traffic end up getting hit by cars

Ok, so I guess we need the clean up crew too. hehehe .. seriously...try to dodge the cars though... its not pretty when u get smeared....

Upon further consideration, I have decided not to post any more details in this thread. (now I didn't say FORUM,lol, I said this thread )

I have shared enough and will continue to post where I think I can be of help or support. No use beating a dead horse. Anyone that knows me, knows how much I love my husband. I won't be posting any more negativity about our situation.

Good luck to all of you

Jackie

Oh sweet niblets!!! I feel like when the 11 o'clock news keeps on stringin' ya along to make you watch the news by saying they'll talk about this big story and they end up telling you stuff you already know. Here I am sittin' through the commercials, trying to stay awake and BOOM. Nada.

I'm proud of you though Jackie. I'd be blabbin it all over town and posting pics. You have a lot more patience then I would have!

My sweet doods, I am coming to tell you in person.

J

Hehehe...doodle said niblets.

I'm of the notion that no one will learn anything, I'm afraid.

The heart wants what it wants....and most of us are here long enough to see that there could be a relationship where every one of us would be 'omG what a mess!', yet that petitioner won't see a thing. Or won't acknowledge a thing...

Everyone here might get a little nervous and whatnot when hearing about horror stories...but the ones who are really snowed will never think anything's wrong with their relationship.

Yanno...'there are none so blind as those who do not see' and all that jazz........

Good luck!