If you knew some folks at work were doing drugs, would you rat them out? Here's the deal: A couple of friends at work have regularly offered my husband and I pot. Neither of us want it and Im rather offended that they keep offering it. It's getting so we can no longer spend social time with them. One of the friends is also freshly out of rehab and on probation. Normally I dont give a crap what people do with their own money and bodies, but this is getting really annoying. So should I rat them out to HR? Anonymously suggest some random drug testing? Telling the friends 'no' isnt working very well.

I think simply telling them that you want them to stop offering it to you and if they don't then maybe you'll have to go to HR will be just as effective.

I wouldn't rat them out. I would just tell them straight that I don't want any, and it's annoying that they keep asking. If that doesn't work I would ignore them, they might get the message then. If they don't then they are not true friends in my opinion.

Yeah,
who needs annoying drug using friends anyway?..
Still, I would not rat them out, unless they put other people's life in danger...

Why would you ever rat out friends? It would take a lot more than, "You want some drugs?" before I'd ever turn in a friend.

Well, it depends...

If you're going to "rat them out," make sure you do it after you know your friends have doing pot and haven't been on a month-long break or something. The reason I say this is because marijuana can last several weeks in your system (or at least, remain in there enough to be detected through drug screening) and if you tell HR about this, I'm sure they'll want to screen these people before disciplining them (otherwise they could turn around and sue the company you work out for "wrongful dismissal.")

If you wait until the drug is out of their system (or they get wind of this and stop using it far enough ahead of time), then the tests will show up negative. You'll look bad then and they'll be in the clear. In fact, I'll bet you could be sued by them in that case for "defamation of character." So you'll want to make sure they've been smoking lots of pot before you tell HR and they get tested, so the screening shows them as positive.

Just some advice.

Anyone who encourages anyone to take drugs would not be any friend of mine... If they were to offer durgs to me the first place I would be going is the local Police station... people who do drugs and supply them to other need to be stopped...

Kez

i have friends who smoke pot./.for years and still do,....i would not rat them out...

It's one thing they smoke it,
it's another when they keep offering despite being told not to offer anymore.
This show lack of respect (or poor memory).

Very useful input. Thanks for the opinions folksies, I appreciate it. Normally I couldnt care less what people do on their own time. Im just getting irritated that they dont understand the words 'No thanks'. The last thing I need is pot. And the next to last thing I need is for me or the hubby to get caught with it. *shudder*

One other thing to consider, after you make it very clear that you don't want it offered anymore.

I personally wouldn't rat them out - however if you decide to, you might want to think about the effect it will have on the environment you work in. Have you ever discussed this with anyone at work?

If someone figures out it was you, the HR dept isn't going to be looking at you saying, she's that great gal who turned in the 'drug' users. You are going to be the trouble maker (maybe not to all, but to some).

Your co-workers may find out it was you, or suspect it was you (especially if you have ever mentioned it to them). It won't bother some, to some you will appear untrustworthy for causing so many people so much trouble for what (to many) is a non-issue.

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't - you will do what you want, I'm just saying you should ponder what the outcome will be for you.

As an aside, what kind of 'friends' are they? From what you have said this is a social setting where they are offering this to you, not in the workplace. If you object, you really should consider finding new 'friends'.

No, I havent mentioned it to anyone at work. I find the majority of people on VJ infinitely more trustworthy than the masses of women I work with. Im not too terribly concerned about being known as the narc, Im more concerned about getting my point across. One girl offers it regularly in her home, the other offers it at work. So Im kinda torn as to whether to treat it as strictly a social situation or a work one. Saying no isnt a problem, I repeat it often. But what really frosted my cookies is when one of them suggested (in a non-joking manner) that pot would make a good Eid present for my husband.

So you go to the house of a person who has drugs. I am no lawyer and know next to nothing about drug laws in the U.S. (or anywhere else for that matter) - however is there any risk that you/your husband (who I am assuming is the immigrant) could be implicated if the police decided to stop by their house one night while you were there?

If you feel that strongly against it then I would sit both sets of freinds down, look them in the eye and tell them that it's offensive to you that you suggest that either you or your husband would want to smoke, then tell them that you no longer wish to be friends with them.

I think turning them in is a bit extreme.

I stopped going to her house some time ago when I realized what was going on there. She does come by my house occasionally, since we live in the same complex. But yeah, my biggest fear is that somehow my husband is going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

ETA: The chick who lives in our complex is also married to a foreigner (although he's been here for some 20-odd years). My husband used to hang out with her husband, but the relationship has pretty much faded away because of his problematic behavior and my husband's desire to hang out with people who speak more Arabic than English.

Though...pot doesn´t seem to be causing as much harm and breaking families as alcohol does...

Sure seems that way to me too. But in this case, the pot could break the family by getting the OP's husband deported.

I don't think I would tell HR either. That could backfire in several ways. But I would ask my coworkers to stop offering it and hope they finally got the message, and I would also keep my distance from them outside of work, especially because of my husband's immigration status. I'm probably too careful sometimes, but we have everything at stake.

I'd treat the offer the way I'd treat a friend offering me an alcoholic beverage. Just tell them politely and clearly that it's not your thing. If they're chronic users, their memory may be compromised. You may need to be short with them and say, "For f#cks sake, I've told you 'no' a million times already! Is your memory that fried?"

Um...all the advice is great...but what about your unborn baby? What kind of people do you want this baby to be around? Around people who habitually break the law with drugs that are illegal? So why not just drop these "friends" who can't seem to respect you or your husband AND your unborn baby?

Just my measly two cents worth.

Sorry, but what kind of people would those be exactly? Putting the issue of them inappropriately offering marijuana aside, how exactly is their marijuana smoking harming her unborn baby?

I wouldn't rat them out to..... human... resources... because I can't imagine how that conversation would go, or what would come of it. The employer isn't going to fire them on your say-so; there's rules about how often and when drug tests can be administered (if this is even a profession where that's normally done); and the most likely result is nothing coming of it at all, especially if her work performance hasn't suffered.

Except that you'd look like a jerk who tried to handle her personal problems by getting someone fired. I think Steven's got it exactly right. Lose your temper if you need to and cut off contact if you need to.

Yeah, Karen, I have to agree with Jenn here... It doesn't make the OP an unfit mother for KNOWING someone who uses marijuana any more than it would harm her unborn baby by knowing someone who was obese due to poor eating habits.

I mean, not the person you'd let babysit your kid, probably, but otherwise, not really a big deal. Chances are any middle-class woman has several drug abusing neighbors, statistically speaking.

Plus, if the illegality of the drug use is such a horrendous character flaw, it's that whether the woman is pregnant or not. The baby doesn't add anything except a 'but think of the children' trump card.

yes!

and no, I wouldn't get involved in any way with HR. If the employer has their own drug-free-workplace policy in place, you shouldn't be the one to police it. Even if they don't, that is the employer's problem.

Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches.

Just tell them no thanks and keep it moving.

Although I don't agree with what they're doing - I wouldn't rat them out either. I think it's a bit extreme as well.

I say no, especially not for pot. Just tell them to stop offering, you're really not interested. If they're not stupid, they'll get the picture.

Id love to drop them both like potatoes sometimes. But I work with both of them in close proximity. Repeatedly telling them "No we dont want or need any" goes in one ear and out the other. The reason I was contemplating going to HR is because they dont restrict their offering of the substance to outside work. On the whole, Im not one to make waves. But this is ridiculous. How do you make someone understand that you're not interested without putting a boot up their a$$?

I'd stop hanging out with them before EVER ratting anyone out. I think that's one of the lowest things one could do. But then again, I'm a New York Italian, so I think that's in my DNA

I do find it atrocious that you're considering sticking your nose and causing absolute chaos in a life of what you consider to be a 'friend'. Your friend isn't freebasing crack or shooting up heroin....it's marijuana. No, I don't do that crap either...but a little perspective, please!

Tell them to stop asking you, or remove yourself from being around them so that you're not 'annoyed' to the point of possibly destroying someone's career over your annoyance.

Sheesh.

gotta agree with lisa on this one! i would never rat on a 'friend' for offering me (or anyone) marijuana and possibily ruining their career.

So, as they also offer it outside work, but you don't call the police - it's not about the pot.

It's about the fact that they are annoying you. Destroying someones career and a large part of their life is pretty dramatic because of an annoyance

Okay. Thanks for your opinions everyone. I think I have enough well-rounded advice to go on.

Good question. I have known people like that. They just don't listen and they assume everyone wants to smoke pot. Even if you say "stop asking me!" They'll still ask. Even if you say "drugs are disgusting and I hate them" a day later they'll ask again. Some people are clingy and even when you hint you don't want to be around them or want what they are offering they don't stop bugging you. And you are around them at work so that's awkward. I guess you can try to be firm and mean about it to make them mad at you and maybe they won't like you anymore and leave you alone. That's the solution I would try.

NO!! don't rat them out. if you have made it clear you're not intrested & they keep it up, change friends. if you go to HR w/ this you are not only turning your back on your "friends" but, their families as well..( if the get tested & fail, they not only lose their job, the also have a black mark on their employment record. it could cause them problems for years.) don't threatin them w/ HR either. that will put a black mark on you in your place of employment. it's their personal business not HR's. again if they keep on offering & don't respect your choice, just cut (after work) ties w/ them. don't do something that could ruin their lives over pot.

Read carefully...I said NOTHING about her being an unfit mother...implied or otherwise. That was your interpretation of my post. Sorry for offending you or anyone else with MY OPINION. Second hand smoke is dangerous to the mother, ergo whatever is dangerous to mom is dangerous to the baby.

I could careless what mom does, who she hangs with, or otherwise. I was merely wondering if she had thought about the implications of being connected to people who use illegal drugs and if continuing with such a friendship would send a good message to one's child. Like I also stated at the END of my post...it was my measly little opinion. I give them rarely and it appears I shall need to limit them even further.

I wouldn't do it. And if it was bothering me that they were offering I'd tell them I'd appreciate if you didn't offer me anymore or I'd just quit hanging out with them. So simple.

Easy now. I'm allowed to respond to your posts, and I wasn't offended. No need to limit your opinions at all. Saying 'it's my opinion' doesn't mean that no one should respond to you.

Well, my husband is from Jamaica, so, I'm going to have to say no.

No. The rat is the lowest life form there is.