Hi this is a very hard question for me to ask and a very terrible thing that happened in our relationship.
My Wife was raped and I really dont want to go into details of it of course ,and now she is pregnant from the guy. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.
I know she was really raped becuse after she went into details of it she broke down crying and I could tell she was telling me the truth. She is also a very shy sweet Pinay from the philippines and would not be in her character to cheat on me. We have been talking on cam and chat for 10 months now on average 6 to 7 hours a day almost so we also know each other very well. We also talk on the phone alot and messenger computer to computer call.

My question is will this affect her in the interview when she will try to get her visa to come here and finally be with me? As many know abortion in the philppines is illegal. She will have the baby a few months before the medical exam and interview but plans on telling them the truth if asked if she has a kid. Our worry is if they ask if it is ours, she will have to say no its from an other guy. And we are not sure if they will belive she was raped if she needs to tell them why it isnt from me? We just pray this wont affect us finally being together becuse we are in so much love and can't wait to be together like the so many other couples going through the same process.
If anyone can help I would apprecaiate it so much.

You should report to the authorities immediately the man who raped her...That will help so much....They will provide her protection from him during prosecution....Good Luck....

I suggest you be present at the interview and have a sworn statement from the doctor she hopefully went to see , attesting of the rape.

What did you do after this happened?

Why did you not take her to the Authorities to report the rape?

That's a TOUGH one.
Seen worse tho. My friend bought his fiancee to the US pregnant. Timing was fine for him being the father. Turned out 2 years later he wasn't pops! At least you know.
Abortion is illegal but there a still LOTS of abortions in the Philippines. I've no idea how safe they are tho. If she lives in a remote province probably not safe at all.
Your next big decision is what happens to the baby? Bring it with her?
Takes a good man to except the responsiblties that goes with what you will have to deal with.
At the same time my wife was widowed and has a child from her ex.
At first I was a bit apprehensive about her already having a child as I'm up there in age.

Ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me! I adopted her after she got here and we are VERY much a father a daughter team now. I care less that she isn't my blood and to her I'm "Daddy".

Hang in there and everything will work out for the positive. Tain't going to be easy tho.

This is in the Philippines?

When did you find out about the rape? After it happened?

Daveg,

I am so sorry that this happened to your wife and I know that many times women do not report this incident to the police or authorities immediately after this horrific event. As other vjers have mentioned, if it is possible for your wife to have some sort of proof from a doctor or from the authorities (if she now wishes to report the rape incident) to have documented proof of the cause of her pregnancy from another man this would probably help her out in the interview. You being there for the interview would look even better for her and if you cannot go there, then probably a letter from you to the embassy verifying your knowledge of this might be useful for the interview....Where your wife lives is there any sort of community agency where women who have been abused/raped can go?-This might be beneficial for your wife to seek out and join a place like this not only to possibly use them as a letter reference for the interview but also for her to get some counseling and get the help and support that she needs after experiencing such a traumatic event.

Good luck and hope all goes well on the interview and that your wife will recover from this traumatic experience and live safe and happily in love with you!

I take it she is still in the Phillippines...and you are the USC....So why haven't you or she reported it ...despite the threats...she would get protection from the law..and if she knows the person, what more evidence would she need than that of the DNA of the baby. How long have you been married/separated from one another. Call me skeptical, and I apologize, but I feel there's a bit more to the story than what is being told.

To those urging her to go to the police: I've been to PI, and can tell you that if she's saying the police won't protect her, then she knows what she's talking about.

Having said that...damn. My heart goes out to you both. I'm completely unequipped to offer advice of this nature, so let me just say that I'm a huge believer in karma. Best of luck to you all.

As I said tough one!
As she is the wife of a USC you might consider reporting the rape to American Services at USEM. At least it will be recorded and may ease problems at the medical and interview.
Only problem is what they do with the report. May go to the police in her province and even to the Barangay Captain.
It's going to be public knowledge where ever she lives when she starts showing unless she moves.
Pinay love gossip especially if there is a American puti involved!
Just my 2 cents.

Thanks so much for the support and help, I did tell her she should tell the doctor but she felt the doctor would not care why or how she got pregnant don't know why but wll talk to her today more about that and going to counsling center to.

This is a rough situation. I'm sad either of you has to deal with it.

As for the practical issues, since your wife intends to disclose that a rapist, not her husband is the father of the child, you have some decisions to make and unless she puts the child up for adoption, some immigration issues to deal with. Since the child is not a child of a USC, it would be your step-child. Your timeline indicates CR1/IR1 so this means there is no I-130 filed for the child and, of course, can't be until it is born. This means the child will not be issued a CR2 visa until after an I-130 is approved, then gets through NVC and to Manila. This most likely means your wife won't be coming to the USA as quickly as you planned, unless she leaves the child behind.

Have you thought these things through yet?

WOW! The rapist pays the medical bills?
Sorry but things don't add up.
The CO may have concerns about you/her having a bonafide loving marriage.

Hmm I am not sure that you can find out before these things happen becca.....lol I know you are very busy moving!! haha

Guess all that matters is we know she was raped and she is thinking of the baby being taken care of now.
We have plenty of proof of a good relationship, and plenty of love in our hearts to hopefully get through this.

Will the Manila consulate not automatically order a paternity test on the child?

Be Honest..... but don t get your hopes up!

Put yourself in the position of the CO with these questions...

You were raped and you don t want to report it?
How will you handle this situation in the United States if you were raped again?
If you husband was to abuse you, would you report it to the authorities?
Have you heard of a battered wife/husband?
How would you deal with it if it was to happen again? (Hopefully never as it is a bad situation)

When the rape thing happen? before you had communication or relationship?
or it happened during the period that you are officially "in a relationship"

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand why it matters if her story is believed. Where is the child going to live? If with you and your wife, you have an immigration problem. If the child will stay with the father, then again, why do you think there is any issue with the medical or interview?

Maybe but for what purpose? The OP hasn't indicated whether there is any intent for the child to immigrate at all but certainly has indicated they don't intend to pass it off as his natural child.

Just what immigration issue is it we're discussing?

Well...the bonafides of the relationship. If there is any doubt in the CO's mind about paternity of a child, eyebrows could be raised.

Hi, it happened after I went there and we married. I seen that you got your interview did it go well? Do they ask if any children? She is in Butuan now with her family thank god, she is gradually getting over it, it is a horrible thing to have a baby from someone that is not your love, and someone she thought was a freind, and is very hard on her, but I always tell her don't worry I wont leave you becuse something bad happened to you my love is forver just like yours. One thing I love about pinay women they are so sweet and nice and down to earth and most are very good wifes and there love is forever im always told.

Hopefully she will be approved. Unless you are planning on moving there your lady will be "hung out to dry".
No divorce in PI and annulments are expensive. For a pinay that is.
To me your main goal is to have overwhelming evidence of a bonafide loving marriage. Sh1t happens!
Don't know how many trips you've made but if only one. Get on the plane. Most common question asked is!
How many times you met and for how long !
Plus plan on going to the interview to show your support.

if I had to move there I would becuse we love each other so much.
As for proof of bonafide marriage I have chat logs saved about 6 hours a day for 10 months now.
plus hundred photos being there with her and her family, wedding etc...
Also many phone calls hope thats enough.
I am being honest I truly know her and she is a sweet shy nice girl not her character to want to cheat on me.
And after she told me in details of how it happened and her breaking up crying I know she was really forced.
I was told they might just need a letter telling them im aware of what happend and if I still want to be married to her.

hi daveg, i will it's illegal there, but her case was that she was raped, so it should be fine for her to have an
abortion? how come she didn't report it to the police authority after she was raped? and let the fetus grows
until now? please very careful, many filipinas do everything they could to be able to get out of that country.
and this raped case of your wife, doesn't make any sense at all that she was raped. because you mentioned the
guy who raped her is paying her medical bills. why not tell her to asked him to marry her?

You should have a LOT more than that as she is your wife.
How about a will, joint bank account, money you sent her receipts, life insurance etc.
Best thing you have are the pictures.
However scammers have them also. You have to do one better than the phonys and they are good.
Lots of rich Filipinos pay guys to bring relatives to the US. You have to beat that trip also.

FLY! Get more pics of an ongoing loving marriage.
It is difficult for me to understand why you didn't fly over to show your loving support when she told you she was raped. I'd have been on the next plane!
Chatting and cam wouldn't hack it for me if my love went thru what yours is going thru. That's just me tho.

Reason I think is becuse she will probably be asked if she has children at medical and visa interview, also probably by the medical exam she will still show signs of having been pregnant.
Then if they ask was it by your husband and she will say no then will that cause a problem becuse of course they will think she was with another guy on pupose and we are already married of course.

Sorry to hear about your situation

Saludos,
Caro

So your wife was raped and you did nothing, you did not immediately fly out here?

I send her money monthly to, no will or life insurance yet or joint bank yet planned on that when she is here of course.
As for going there I really really want to it kills me I can't really go there becuse I cant afford it unless put it on a credit card which Is very high now from paying for going there and the wedding when I was there the first time. She is with her big family now and they are giving her alot of support now. I talk to her for hours to now on yahoo messenger computer call for free. It is almost like being with her in her house then becuse I talk to her family to.I am barley making over the yearly amount to get her here to, but yea your right I really should find a way to go there again.

Yes of course!
May not be any later!
Some peeps get approved with hardly wala!
Some don't tho. It's a crap shoot!
I was denied first time around so I hit them with both barrels the second time.

More ammo the better!
They don't give you much of a chance to reload!
I tryed but it didn't work!

Dave,

The $64,000 question you still haven't answered is, "Where and with whom is the child going to live?"

I'm trying to get a handle on just what immigration problems you'll be dealing with. Right now, you've not taken any action that can result in the child immigrating with its mother.

The child will stay with the parents of the guy in the Philppines ( she thought was a freind) he is in korea now back working and will support the child and hopefully take the child at a later time.

That breaks my heart.

[font="Arial Black"]I feel she is not telling you the whole truth, but what can you do? when you are really in love, you are totally blind. Later on when you find out what happened, you are already screwed. I knew of a case similar to yours. The person brought his wife to America then in three years she became US Citizen and end up living her husband and bringing the person who she claimed was the person who raped her. If I were you, I would go to camping and meditate about what happened? Ask God to help you decide what to do next? [/font]

Just my opinion so take it for what its worth as I am a cynical person by nature, but....

Bottom line is....I think there is a lot of question in people's mind here about whether this was a rape or a woman that cheated and accidentally got pregnant. The latter would call serious questions as to the validity of your bona fide relationship. Because of that you both will need to be prepared for some heavy duty questions from the CO at interview time. I don't know that a letter from you is going to relieve her from a grilling by the CO about the origin of this baby and how it came to be. I would not put it past the Embassy to do a field investigation and contact people she knows to see if there is any discrepancies. It seems she knows this guy that "raped" her and if I were the CO, I would want to interview family and aquaintances to see if there was any lovey lovey between them.

If I were you and this guy raped my wife, I would insist she go to the police and turn him in. This guy committed a crime and RAPED her!!! He is not to be protected, she is the one. If she can't do that, maybe there is a reason why? If she has a big family there with her, what's to worry about him threatening her? She is coming here to the states anyway. Maybe her family can hide her in a far away relatives residence till she get's her visa if she is scared?

A rape report/investgation will help the CO clear it in his/her mind what happened. Without it, I believe you are inviting questions and cynicism into the room with her. The CO's are already very cynical as it is because of all the fraud there. Admittedly, we don't know the whole story here from this thread, but something doesn't seem right to me. I think another red flag to the CO will be that the child will go to the parents of the "rapist". I just see a lot of problems ahead in getting a visa approved, but that is ONLY my opinion. Only God and your wife really knows what happened at this point.

If your wife was truly a victim of a rape, then I am sorry for you, for her, and for her unborn child. It's hard to be objective when you are close to the situation. You love her so much and want what she says to be true. I pray to God it is true and she has honest intentions as I am sure that I, nor anyone else will not change your mind at this point, based on what you have already said about believing her.

i agree with pushbrk - what's done is done
whether your wife's telling you the truth or not is none of our business
but you have to decide on what to do with the "unwanted" (for the lack of a better term) child with regards to your immigration plans

however, i do feel you should be with her right now during this most difficult time in her life (given the benefit of the doubt)
rape is the worst act a man can do to a woman - it's a complete disregard for her humanity and dignity
as a woman, it pains me to hear that this was done to your wife, and i hope you both overcome this obstacle together

Skeeter211 also laid down logical points in different perspectives here
i admit, it really is dubious

neenuh....thank you for having the courtesy of not slamming my post with your own views. I respect your opinions as well. I understand that rape is a total crime of violence, regardless of whether she knew the perpetrator or not. The decision is up to the OP as to what he believes and what he will do. In that respect it is "none of our business". Having said that, this board runs on 80% opinions and 20% facts most of the time and I guess I did contribute to that tonight.

I will only stick my nose in one more time where it probably doesn't belong.....As you said, what happens to the child is a prime concern, which is another red flag for me. Giving the child to the parents of the "rapist" so that he can support the child and hopefully take care of it? Why not adoption so the child has a chance away from this "RAPIST" as he is called. I wonder what the CO would have to say about that in the interview?

To Daveg....my heart really goes out to you bro. You are in a very very sad situation for everyone involved. Please don't interpret my opinions in the wrong way. It's obviously your marriage and your decision. I just hope you think long and hard about it. I am sure you have, so that is all the more reason to have different points of view to examine. Good luck and best wishes with whatever happens from here.

Scott

Would that be a cultural norm in the Phils? For a child to be 'given' to a true rapist to be raised?

It just smells to high heaven.

At this point I think there can only be speculation about motives, etc. Those issues will not be resolved on this board. I think it's probably in the best interests of everybody here to just focus on the immigration issues, answer his immigration related questions, and let him and his wife sort out the rest.

I agree. I think it's clear now that the "rape" while still a rape, can be more accurately characterized as non-consensual sex between two people who are acquainted. Since the result will be a child who has a family who wants to love and raise it, I see nothing to be gained by criticizing that decision.

We have enough information to start focusing on the immigration problems at this point. Since there is no intention for the child to immigrate, the original plans can procede without a delay to get the child's immigration dealt with.

I agree that the bona fides are the greatest issue to deal with. Without multiple visits, at least one during the pregnancy, I see some big red flags for a Consular officer to overcome.

"I had a child as the result of non-consensual sex with a person I thought of as a friend. Since abortion is not an option, and the father's family wanted to adopt and care for the baby, I decided that was the best course of action." , is a viable explanation but a Consular officer still must overcome the natural reaction that the story isn't entirely true.

A full and candid explanation of the events and decision making process, backed up by strong evidence the petitioner behaved like a husband during the process, will be critical to convincing the CO, the marriage relationship is bona fide.

Your question is "Will they believe her?" The answer is nobody knows. Your best bet is to have and effectively present what a reasonable Consular officer would believe is a bona fide marriage relationship.

What's the plan? Will you visit? Have you already? When? How many times?

this is not going to be popular to say but it comes from my heart and anger.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR GONNA GIVE YOUR WIFE'S KID TO A RAPIST? YOU IRRESPONSABLE B@##RD!!! I GOT A BETTER IDEA GIVE THE CHILD TO A LOVING FAMILY PUT THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOURSELF AND THE CHILD JUST DON'T PERSECUTE THE BABY CAUSE OF THE FATHER.. OMG where is your soul???? I pitty the child cause of your stupid decision.... the rapist has no right to abuse one more life... also, its very wierd that the rapist has a concience all of a sudden to support his child never seen an honorable rapist before wow this must be a first!!..... this does sound fishy... sorry for my harshness but this picture doesn't look right and it is a blow to my gut on the immorality of it all handing a rapist a child.. maybe i'm naive but that seems sickening to me..... I just think you are taking the easy way out on things.... and this situation is the hardest of them all on you and her but it doesn't exuse both of you from doing the right thing...... I think you should think long and hard on whats in the best interest of that child WHO IS INNOCENT in all this but now you are condemning... I surely hope that loser does not hurt that child I will pray for his or her future... God protect that little angel

I can see where those thoughts would come to you and perhaps even to a Consular officer. In a way, expressing them can be helpful to the OP in achieving success because, portraying the chain of events as simply a "rape" and the father as simply a "rapist" would tend to invoke such thoughts.

However, as the facts have come out, as despicable as we might want to think the father's behavior, the circumstances are not that simple. In fact, we don't know much about the actual circumstances except that the child's mother and father were "friends" at least as recently as the day or even hour before the non-consensual sexual intercourse took place. Given that, other relationships may well come into play. Since natural grandparents are available and wish to care for the child, such a decision may well be a good one, or even actually in the best interest of the Child. This is not for us to decide or opine about really, except that the Consular Officer will need to go through a similar thought process, to decide whether the picture being painted by the parties is true and that approving a visa is reasonable. The issue of the child will impact the judgment of bona fides. As such the evidence of bona fides must be solid overall and particularly as it relates to the events surrounding the birth of a child conceived during the marriage but not fathered by the petitioner.

At interview, the circumstances and resulting actions and decisions need to be explained truthfully and plausibly enough to be judged reasonable by a reasonable person.

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?