The child will stay with the parents of the guy in the Philppines ( she thought was a freind) he is in korea now back working and will support the child and hopefully take the child at a later time.

It just smells to high heaven.

. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.


i agree...the rapist supports the child..but intimidates the lady..........it makes no sense.....

this is not going to be popular to say but it comes from my heart and anger.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR GONNA GIVE YOUR WIFE'S KID TO A RAPIST? YOU IRRESPONSABLE B@##RD!!! I GOT A BETTER IDEA GIVE THE CHILD TO A LOVING FAMILY PUT THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOURSELF AND THE CHILD JUST DON'T PERSECUTE THE BABY CAUSE OF THE FATHER.. OMG where is your soul???? I pitty the child cause of your stupid decision.... the rapist has no right to abuse one more life... also, its very wierd that the rapist has a concience all of a sudden to support his child never seen an honorable rapist before wow this must be a first!!..... this does sound fishy... sorry for my harshness but this picture doesn't look right and it is a blow to my gut on the immorality of it all handing a rapist a child.. maybe i'm naive but that seems sickening to me..... I just think you are taking the easy way out on things.... and this situation is the hardest of them all on you and her but it doesn't exuse both of you from doing the right thing...... I think you should think long and hard on whats in the best interest of that child WHO IS INNOCENT in all this but now you are condemning... I surely hope that loser does not hurt that child I will pray for his or her future... God protect that little angel

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?

It's not mean - I was trying to be delicate.

The real question is when did the OP learn of the rape? After it happened - or after the pregnancy came to light?

We can wax on all we want about not standing in moral judgment. That's not what I am doing.

I am asking daveg and NOT the Consular Officer to decide if this is a bonafide marriage relationship.

It's not mean - I was trying to be delicate.

The real question is when did the OP learn of the rape? After it happened - or after the pregnancy came to light?

We can wax on all we want about not standing in moral judgment. That's not what I am doing.

I am asking daveg and NOT the Consular Officer to decide if this is a bonafide marriage relationship.

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

I think the cogent question we don't have the answer to is whether she told her husband about the rape before or after she learned she was pregnant.

I agree. I think it's clear now that the "rape" while still a rape, can be more accurately characterized as non-consensual sex between two people who are acquainted. Since the result will be a child who has a family who wants to love and raise it, I see nothing to be gained by criticizing that decision.

We have enough information to start focusing on the immigration problems at this point. Since there is no intention for the child to immigrate, the original plans can procede without a delay to get the child's immigration dealt with.

I agree that the bona fides are the greatest issue to deal with. Without multiple visits, at least one during the pregnancy, I see some big red flags for a Consular officer to overcome.

"I had a child as the result of non-consensual sex with a person I thought of as a friend. Since abortion is not an option, and the father's family wanted to adopt and care for the baby, I decided that was the best course of action." , is a viable explanation but a Consular officer still must overcome the natural reaction that the story isn't entirely true.

A full and candid explanation of the events and decision making process, backed up by strong evidence the petitioner behaved like a husband during the process, will be critical to convincing the CO, the marriage relationship is bona fide.

Your question is "Will they believe her?" The answer is nobody knows. Your best bet is to have and effectively present what a reasonable Consular officer would believe is a bona fide marriage relationship.

What's the plan? Will you visit? Have you already? When? How many times?

Yes I have visited once of course to marry her and stay with her family the whole time.
My problem now is as lame as it sounds is I have no money I barley make enough to get her here as my yearly income is just over the amount needed. So basically can not afford to go there now.
I am there for her 6 hours a day on chat and cam and yahoo computer to mic calling.
She has meet the parents of the rapisist and they are very nice they are willing to take care of the baby while the guy pays for its support from working in Korea.
If I made enough money to adopt the kid I really think I would.
I can see how this whole thing looks weird to people of course.
All I can say is im sure my wife was forced to have sex, after talking to her so many times about it and knowing her well. She is a very shy sweet girl who loves me so much and is having a very hard time with this.
She still breaks down crying when we talk about it.
Thanks for everyones opions and thoughts as well as help.

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

my thoughts to you is that if you really love your wife, you should go to your country as soon as possible. Console her and then, if you have decided that you do not wanna tell this to police, your only option is abortion. You have to do that. Adn then, everthing will be ok after a while. You need to console your wife and do this right away.

Don't you think it is odd that your wife was raped and you did not go to her side?

Well that's the one part I do understand. He said he can't afford it and can barely makes the poverty guidelines as a spoinsor if I remember correctly. Not everyone can afford to fly on a moments notice to another country. I don't think that is unusual. However, as has been said....more visits right now certainly won't hurt their immigration case.

neenuh....thank you for having the courtesy of not slamming my post with your own views. I respect your opinions as well. I understand that rape is a total crime of violence, regardless of whether she knew the perpetrator or not. The decision is up to the OP as to what he believes and what he will do. In that respect it is "none of our business". Having said that, this board runs on 80% opinions and 20% facts most of the time and I guess I did contribute to that tonight.

I will only stick my nose in one more time where it probably doesn't belong...As you said, what happens to the child is a prime concern, which is another red flag for me. Giving the child to the parents of the "rapist" so that he can support the child and hopefully take care of it? Why not adoption so the child has a chance away from this "RAPIST" as he is called. I wonder what the CO would have to say about that in the interview?

Would that be a cultural norm in the Phils? For a child to be 'given' to a true rapist to be raised?

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?

That's actually a very valid question. If it's what you had in mind, it would have been good to ask it more directly.

It's a question a Consular officer might ask. I've been thinking about this all day long. I see it as nearly impossible to convince a reasonable person that the wife and father aren't visa scammers. I don't actually think they are but the difficulty is convincing a Consular officer. daveg can show his own bona fides with visits but how does she show hers under the circumstances.

The best solution I've come up with is for the couple to spend several months living together in the PI between now and her interview. Cohabitation (and plenty of evidence of it) is the surest two-way evidence of bona fides because in the case of long distance relationships its the most difficult to pull off. It's still lopsided on the USC end but I can't think of any better way for the foreign spouse to show her bona fides, since she can't visit the US.

It's just a really tough scenario to sell in a high fraud station like this.

Your right I should go there but can not afford it. She is with her family now and they are helping her alot.
We are talking chat and cam to cam 6 hours a day and computer phone talk about it.
She can not have an abortion it is illegal there and she does not belive in it also.

Your right I should go there but can not afford it. She is with her family now and they are helping her alot.
We are talking chat and cam to cam 6 hours a day and computer phone talk about it.
She can not have an abortion it is illegal there and she does not belive in it also.

I understand you can't afford to go. However, I think if she is going to have any chance for a visa, you must be there at the time of her interview and have spent some more time with her and her family. I don't know if you can be with her during the actual interview in Manila but that would be good too.

If this means you must borrow or beg to afford to go, I think you must do it.

I just do not see a visa being awarded in a high fraud country like the PI, to a woman who became pregnant by a man other than her husband, during the visa process, then gave the baby to the "friend's" family to raise. I don't mean to be dismissive of her ordeal but the above are the verifiable facts. As sad as it is, her ordeal is not verifiable.

If you are there in the room with her presenting a bona fide relationship, the two of you together have the best chance of presenting a relationship the Consular officer believes in.

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

I am NOT being a wise-a$$ - is that a cultural truth?

Rape is a very traumatic experience. It's difficult for me to understand why a woman would NOT tell her husband immediately. Telling your husband you have been violated isn't the same thing as telling everybody in the village.

If there is ANYTHING about this story that doesn't wash as culturally believable to the CO, it's not going to matter diddly-squat if the OP makes more visits or is even present for the interview. If the CO views the beneficiary as using an American citizen solely for the purpose of immigrating, the visa will be denied.

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

The answer to your question is "Maybe". But perhaps it'd be best to discuss via a seperate thread if you wanted to explore the cultural nuances to this, rather than subjecting the OP to this.

Neither you nor the OP need worry about what I am 'subjecting' him to. It's nothing compared to what the CO may do. My questions are designed to make you THINK about what's likely in store at the interview. It's not doing anybody any good to sit here and pat him on the head and wish him good luck. After all, he asked us what is likely to happen. We'd be doing him a disservice to be less than honest.

Consular Officers at high fraud posts are trained to look for signs of immigration fraud. That training includes questioning the visa applicant in a manner which will yield pertinent answers. If shame over a rape is a cultural norm (to the extent a woman might not tell her husband) then the CO will know this. But you can bet your bottom dollar the CO will still question the woman to see if the shame is real or not. It's their job.

If you think I'm turning up too much heat on the OP, then there's little hope for him when he really gets into the kitchen.

Whether it is a "cultural" norm or not, the CO will be concerned. "Cultural norm" is not the same as "Acceptable behavior". I'd suggest that the CO bases decisions on "Acceptable behavior" (based on US Standards) rather than "Cultural Norm". IMHO there is substantial difference.

My point was if you wanted to devolve to a philisophical or cultural discussion, it might be better elsewhere. As has been pointed out repeatedly, the CO is likely to be concerned in this case. Shall we repeat that over and over?

I've seen adoption mentioned a couple of times. here's a link to the Phlilppine law on adoption for anyone who might me interested:
http://www.chanrobles.com/republicactno8552.htm

What are you on about? CO's don't judge the behavior of visa applicants based solely upon US 'standards' - whatever THOSE might be. They absolutely take into account the cultural norms, behaviors and idiosyncracies of the people their consulate serves.

That, IMO, is VERY relevant in a discussion about whether or not a denial might occur. Some things NOT 'acceptable' by US standards might be excuseable in another country.

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

I am NOT being a wise-a$$ - is that a cultural truth?

Rape is a very traumatic experience. It's difficult for me to understand why a woman would NOT tell her husband immediately. Telling your husband you have been violated isn't the same thing as telling everybody in the village.

If there is ANYTHING about this story that doesn't wash as culturally believable to the CO, it's not going to matter diddly-squat if the OP makes more visits or is even present for the interview. If the CO views the beneficiary as using an American citizen solely for the purpose of immigrating, the visa will be denied.

You bet the CO's take cultural norms into account. At the same time, their training and ability to separate their own values and feelings can vary widely. I think a civil discussion on the cultural norms is appropriate here.

I tried to have a conversation about this with my wife who comes from a similar (somewhat) culture but even when we go past the part where she didn't believe the woman's story, a glaring cultural difference raised its head. In China, abortion is legal and the common remedy for all unwanted pregnancy.

As far as cultural norms, there are many variations within the US too. Many women would have done just as this woman says she did, even without a threat from the perpetrator. I wouldn't call it a US cultural norm but common just the same. Shame is a universal emotion.

Neither you nor the OP need worry about what I am 'subjecting' him to. It's nothing compared to what the CO may do. My questions are designed to make you THINK about what's likely in store at the interview. It's not doing anybody any good to sit here and pat him on the head and wish him good luck. After all, he asked us what is likely to happen. We'd be doing him a disservice to be less than honest.

Consular Officers at high fraud posts are trained to look for signs of immigration fraud. That training includes questioning the visa applicant in a manner which will yield pertinent answers. If shame over a rape is a cultural norm (to the extent a woman might not tell her husband) then the CO will know this. But you can bet your bottom dollar the CO will still question the woman to see if the shame is real or not. It's their job.

If you think I'm turning up too much heat on the OP, then there's little hope for him when he really gets into the kitchen.

I am sorry to hear about what happened to your wife. If I were in your situation I would personally do the following :
+ support my wife in reporting the crime - the animal can not roam free and do this to someone else
+ finance a trip for both of you to a place were abortion is legal
That 's my personal opinion interview or visa are really not what worry me in your situation , what I would need if I were in your situation is to rebuild my life and of my special one.

I apologise in advance if it is not what wanted to hear

Neither you nor the OP need worry about what I am 'subjecting' him to. It's nothing compared to what the CO may do. My questions are designed to make you THINK about what's likely in store at the interview. It's not doing anybody any good to sit here and pat him on the head and wish him good luck. After all, he asked us what is likely to happen. We'd be doing him a disservice to be less than honest.

Consular Officers at high fraud posts are trained to look for signs of immigration fraud. That training includes questioning the visa applicant in a manner which will yield pertinent answers. If shame over a rape is a cultural norm (to the extent a woman might not tell her husband) then the CO will know this. But you can bet your bottom dollar the CO will still question the woman to see if the shame is real or not. It's their job.

If you think I'm turning up too much heat on the OP, then there's little hope for him when he really gets into the kitchen.

One other thought.....I know money is a tight spot, but an immigration attorney would also be very good here and I think we would be remiss in not at least saying it as necessary advice to the OP.

Probably the best advice to offer him.