Hello All!

I'm faced with a few choices and seeking guidance on what to do. They say wisdom comes with age and while it's my 29th Birthday today I still feel young Therefore not so wise.

Since joining VJ I've learned that there is this process called the black hole of AP where MENA applicants can fall into astronomical proportions of wait time thus exceeding the typical processing times. Some people have been in the AP blackhole for 10 months. I've even read in another post that the offices told one person AP can take anywhere from 6 months to 6 years! Ack!!!

Taking that into consideration I am thinking now it's possibly a good idea to go visit my Husband, Waleed, in Egypt because we can't predict the actual time he'd be here. He is so optimisitic believing he'll be here in April 2008. However, if we fall into AP then who knows how long and Egypt is having one of the longest and most painful wait times.

This brings up possibilities for me. Waleed said he could fly me to Egypt for our first anniversary this December but only if I could stay for the next 6 months. Being a non-traditional student I could take the next six months off with no problem put my things in storage and come back Fall 2008 for my Senior year. As of right now I could graduate Dec. 2008 so another semester wait is not a big deal for me.

I was looking at taking this internship next summer 2008 on "The Late Show" with David Lettermen. It would give me good contacts for my degree which is Radio/Tv/Digital Media Production. Waleed and I are planning to move to LA after I graduate if all goes well. I've never been to NY. The closest I've been is Washington D.C. for New Years Eve 2000. If Waleed comes while I'm at the internship in New York he could either stay with his Sister and Brother-in-law and their two kids in Baltimore, or share the closet space with me in NYC while I'm on the internship, or stay in my apartment in Moscow? This immigration timing thing presents all sorts of options to consider.

The last thing to consider is waiting to see what happens with immigration and if he comes in April or not. If he doesn't come then we've talked about me coming for the summer to Egypt to be with him.

There are so many considerations maybe those that see this might have some wisdom for guidance for us?

Thank you!

Olivia

I would take advantage of any opportunity to live in another country in a heartbeat. So I chose #1 for sure, immigration and husbands aside even!

But maybe that's not as big of a deal for you -- you have an apartment in Moscow!?

Hi!

If I were you I would make school my priority for now. You have done everything in your power as far as immigration goes and I think you just have to wait it out. I really think the best thing to do is to try to finish school or get through as much as you can before he gets here. Things might get hectic and it might be difficult to be a student during the first few months that your husband is here. If you can visit him during the summer than that's great but like I said I think school is the priority. I also think that you should definitely go for the internship in NY. If you get it then that's a great experience and if not then you can go visit Egypt.

I know it's hard to think of now but he will be here eventually and I think it would be a shame to let an opportunity like your education or an internship in NY pass by to go to Egypt. HE will be here and you can spend every second together when he comes!



I definitely would take any opportunity to live abroad also but I don't know if I would put off going to school for it. I would probably wait until after. Sometimes when people stop school for a reason they never make it back.

Oh, plus I find Letterman annoying, so that may have affected my choice.

Get that man some braces!

i say option 1.....if you know that 1 more semester isnt going to throw u off, i say take advantage of it!!!!! goodluck in your decision.

I htink Sarah makes a lot of sense about putting school first, but I have to go with Jenn- the experience of living abroad is so worth a year of school. and it is a chance to really get a handle on understanding the cultural cues that are going to raise their heads in a bi-national marriage.

It really is a hard decision. I keep thinking that if I didn't go to Egypt then maybe I never would but if I didn't finish school first then maybe I never would.

What I would do, if you could figure out how to do it, is apply to the American University of Cairo and finish up your degree there. I know a couple people that have gone there and loved it. You could even just take classes that you know can get transferred to count towards your degree. My best friend finished up her degree in Scotland... you just have to make sure your current school will accept the credits so you actually get credits.

I lived with my husband for a year and went to school in Paris, but then had to come home to finish up in Boston. I wanted to finish school and he lived in a different country. At the time finishing school was priority #1 for me. But if you can figure out a way to make it work i think it would be an awesome experience

ETA I just realized i don't know if your husband lives in cairo, but that school is just an example of a place i know that americans have gone

Why? Just because he has a gap? There are many people who has perfect teeth that has gaps..it's no big deal and they definently do not need braces.

It's a joke!

I have a gap and I like to pretend I'm Danielle from America's Next Top Model. But she closed it....sellout.

I hope she still has that awesome accent, if it can be called an accent! I loved it.

When you become America's Top Model please don't sell out like she did ok?

I had a gap and I closed it


I would live abroad. There aren't many opportunities to do so as you get older. I did a lot of stuff prior to completing my education that I wouldnt have been able to do later on. I finished my education quickly afterward as I wasn't distracted by what I *really* wanted to be doing!

I agree, I would live abroad too, see if you can incorporate some independent study into it or something but Laura is right, I think it gets a lot harder as you get older to do something like that and it would be so cool.

With any choice that you make, I think it would for the best that it's a choice that you both can live with. Considering what your major is, the internship sounds like it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I can only imagine the contacts and experience that you would get by doing that.

You could possibly be out of AP sooner than you think (let's hope so!) and Waleed could be here. As hard as it is to be apart, I think it's really crucial to consider those opportunities that you might not get again.

I do also agree with MBP about what a wonderful experience it is to live abroad.

You've got some TOUGH choices to make. I don't envy you one bit!

Yeah Moscow, Idaho. I go to the University of Idaho and keep an apartment throughout the summer. www.uidaho.edu

Hmmm... I just got off the phone with Waleed and he's getting really excited about the 6 months thing. He said he has an offer from a pharmacutical company that says they'd give him a fulltime job after graduation and a car if your wife is coming. I told him your idea and he's going to look into the American University of Cairo. Our flat is in the 6th of October City which is where the University moved so that's a plus.

Oh, LOL. I was picturing you with apartments all around the world!

LOL! My husband told his Dad I went back to Moscow for the semester and his eyes got wide and his Dad asked "She's Russian?" As if he was confused. LOL

you do NOT want to live in Egypt for the summer.


I cannot stress that ENOUGH. Unless you will be coddled in totally reliable airconditioning 24/7 no amount of love in the world will overcome that kinda heat. TRUST ME. lol.

If you have the chance to go to Egypt AND come back in time for the Letterman internship, totally do it. I'm 6 years younger than you and I didn't have that kind of opportunity because I left school at 21 and have been in the working world for 2 1/2 years soooooooooooo once you're in that it's so hard to break out! GO FOR IT!

It is indeed a tough call but I agree with sarah. I would put the schooling & internship first; it will put you two in a better position in the long run.

Well not sure how much wisdom I have at 32...haha, however I voted to spend 6 months in Egypt w/ur hubby, that being said if I had the opporunity to spend 6 months or any period of time with my SO I would take it, because yes nobody knows how long this process can take......


however, I am sure you will make the decision that works best for you and will find support here whichever choice u make.....good luck w/ur decision! Melinda

I would be tempted to wait it out with my SO as well, but I really think school is always #1 priority. I almost say wait it out because living in a foreign country is so different from visiting and sooo hard sometimes. I know 2 girls who went to egypt to be with their husbands and 1 hated it and couldn't wait to leave and the other says it's fine.... not great reactions IMO YET... on the flip side I am really happy I did live in a foreign country after the fact, for the cultural experiences and it has made me really appriciate being in my home country for so many reasons.

Really hard decision and sorry I'm not so clear on my opinion, that's why I didn't vote I guess in the long run I think you should look into working towards your degree in Egypt and apply for the internship and if you get it try to come back in time. I probably wouldn't be able to give up the chance to live with my habbibi if it was at all plausible

I think Sarah is right about the school. It would be really nice if you could get as much school out of the way before he comes to live with you. That way, you will be that much closer to stabilizing yourself and getting a good/better job. The first few months will be rough, so you would benefit from preparing as much as you can right now.

Also, I think sparrow and Sarah are right that once you get into the workforce (usually fulltime), or step out of school for a while, you start moving away from returning. So, it may be harder to get back into the groove of things.

But, definitely don't burn yourself out on school and try to take the first available vacation that you have to go and see him for a while. (Even if it is in the summer! )

Now, I am curious. What should I vote for??? Cause I think you should go to see him, concentrate on school, and I also think that you could do both if you looked into the AUC and be back in time to possibly do the internship in NYC.

Good luck, girl.

Awe rough!

I'll ask him about the AC in the apartment for the summer. I know it's hot hot hot but I think I'm adaptable. I grew up in Texas after all and that's dash board melting, rearview mirror falling off windshield, people dropping like flies in their apartment type heat!

So far it's close between staying the course with school and/or going for the 6 months to Egypt.

My Mom just said stay on target with school because it will be difficult to focus when you're Husband is here and he is needing your attention all the time. She said to get as much school as possible out of the way. My Mom has big sway with me. Hmmm...

Does anyone know if egypt is like israel in summer in terms of heat? i LOVE that heat! its like a dry heat - not as humid. I love being crazy hot! I actually did yoga yesterday for an hour and a half in a 105 degree room so I guess I am a little nuts.

I voted letterman internship because it seems like a great opportunity. I did an internship and it resulted in a very lucrative career. I see what folks are saying in regards to the abroad experience but the way I look at it is if you are like me you might travel there often after he is living here. We go to israel usually one time per year. For 3 weeks and we have been doing that since 1999 - so cumulatively I have been living there 6 months! i know its not the same, personally i couldnt take 6 months straight w/ my MIL

Well your situation is quite similar to what we went through. When we were still in the application process I often seriously considered moving to Morocco, I even had a good job ready and waiting. BUT I knew that I had to finish school and once Youssef came here it was going to be tough, as one of us needed to work. (again it might be a little different situation as your SO may be able to work as soon as he comes). Anyway, I stayed in school, went to Morocco for the summer and came back to finish and wait out immigration. I still had to finish my last semester when he was here, and honestly if I had much more than that to do it would have been very very hard. I don't regreat my decision, yes it was hard to be apart but I really feel like were in a better spot now for doing it this way. I think the suggestion to try to go to the AU in Cairo is a great one. Really I feel like if you are considering the 6month or it's an option you definetely need to look into. Plus just imagine your husband working all day and what are you doing? Sitting home with your MIL? I don't think I could take that for 6 months. When you actually move there it's a lot different then just a visiting trip you know? Life has to take place not just chilling out and site-seeing. I too think the internship is a great opportunity but honestly there will be others. That's a big move for you, and if he's coming then I think the financial and just logistical strain would be big (unless you're considering staying in NYC afer the internship. OK that's my 2 cents.

Hard decision. You have one shot at making this relationship work and distance certainly can make it hard. Plus the cultural differences of an Egyptian/American marriage. I also think Education is very important, with that said...I'd finish out school...go to Egypt to wait out the rest of the visa process. There are many employment opportunities...but only one love if its true. Protect your relationship....finish education and go to him.

I wish I found this forum sooner.

Finish your school in one shot. Once you put it on hold, you won't want to go back.

Never, ever, ever, never put off school for any reason other than total physical inability to get there.

And don't pass up the internship, no way will you be able to guarantee an opportunity like that again.