It feels really good to have once again found the forum thats been helpful to me in the past when i was relocating from Scotland about a year ago..
It's only sad that this time around i'm not hear to discuss anything of joy,like,'HEY, I GOT MY K-1 VISA!!' etc..
I'm rather coming here to seek help after about over a year of mental torture, stress and lack of peace of mind..

I moved here from scotland last year after my spouse filed a k-1 visa. Everything was fine back then and our love life was second to none..even though we were having a long distance relationship as she was here and i was back home in scotland.

After i moved here and got married, we moved in together and ever since then i havent had one full week without a major fight, arguement or misunderstanding..
We have been to 2 marriage counsellors and 1 financial counsellor. We even been to marriage group sessions.
We seem to have lots of expectations from each other considering we're both from different cultures.
We havent been able to agree on any major thing as the other person is still pushing for personal agenda.
The fights have gotten worse and she's getting physical.. the police have been involved on a couple of occassions and i refused to press charges on both occasions.
A lot has gone on but now, its looking like the best option is to go our seperate ways...She already has told me she's moving out b4 the weekend.
I'm tired of begging her to stay and i feel like i'm just gonna cave into her threats..

Now, the main concern is what my options are concerning my status here...I already got the condtional GC in january and have 2 years to go.
Sought legal advice and i was told i could file an i-751 but i dont know the success rate of that if i was to file alone on grounds on entered marriage in good faith but it didnt work.. I know i could go on the grounds of abuse and mental torture but i unfortunately didnt press any charges when i could so i have no proof of that..Not even proof of the time, she put all my property in trash bags and brought them to me at work or the time she destroyed all she ever bought for me even up till toothbrush,birthday cards, joint vision board plans etc..she shredded it all..
I'm scared for my life and sanity. My family is worried she may hurt me but i dont wanna lose my status here but it feels like i'm caught in between fire and the deep blue sea..

I NEED HELP, ADVICE !! I need protection. My career and every other thing is going just fine but its a living hell at home.

What are my options and where do i go from here...My conditonal GC expires in january '09 but whether i'd still be able to cope with my spouse till then is a major doubt only by divine intervention

If divorced you can lift the conditions on the green-card on your own, you can file a waiver to the joint filing requirement.

http://www.murthy.com/news/n_remcon.html

don't you have to married for at least 2 years?
correct me if I am wrong...

No, lifting conditions on a conditional green-card tends to happen close to 2nd wedding anniversary for K-1s, but in a case of divorce or annulment, the conditional LPR can immediately file to lift the conditional status, even well before the normal 90 days.

yes, but what is being missed here is the OP's question on 'success' rate based on very minimal evidence....help him out there in that.

And of course, the only advice that can be given, is get a compotent immigration lawyer, one registered with AILA
i think the website is www.aila.org good luck.

If you wanted to stay in the US, and remove your conditions without your spouse, you would A> need to be divorced (separation is not good enough), B> or if still married, prove that you were battered or subject to extreme mental cruelty (need all kinds of documentation, check the removal of conditions application for a complete list) or C> your spouse would have to be dead.

I don't know if that is helpful to you, but at least you will know your options.

As for success rate - I would think that those who entered their marriage in good faith and can send in documentation proving a legitimate marriage probably have a pretty good shot at self filing once divorced.

Ozziekan101, if I were you, I would be contacting the individuals and/or agencies that handled all of the counseling. Get them to write some kind of brief letter for you confirming your attendance at counseling (dates especially), and get copies of any receipts for payments you may have made. Imho, counseling is excellent evidence that a) the marriage was entered into in good faith and b ) the marriage was having serious problems and you tried to work at it.

I imagine also that, even though you did not press charges with the police, there are probably police reports on the incidents on file. I'd request copies of those, too.

And of course any other evidence of co-mingling of finances, lease, etc... I'd also be creating a timeline of events in the marriage, too, while my memory was still fresh.

Best of luck,

Maya

You have documentation.

Everytime police are called there is a police report, regaurdless of weather you filed charges or not.
Also you have the counseling you attended you can get letters from them.

When you file divorce, file on grounds of abuse and secure a restraining order against your spouse.

That would be enough to prove your case with USCIS

USCIS only requires evedience of abuse. No conviction of abuse is required.


Rick

You do not HAVE to stay married if it is not working out for you... in fact, if your marriage is the warzone that you describe, you have every reason to divorce your wife and take up an independant life in the US. To lift conditions by yourself, you'll need to show that your marriage was entered into in good faith and was a 'real' relationship, not just a way to get a greencard. Having gone to counselling is a good proof of effort... you could get a letter from the counsellors to say that they saw you and your wife for X period of time.

Hmmm, she's abusing you so bad to can't stay with her, but you refused to press charges. I wonder why? Sounds like we're only getting one side of the stroy here. Unless of course you just used her to get into the US and now you want to justify your separation, then it all makes sense.

Oh, this should be good.

Yeah, because people from the UK are just DYING to give up their "free" healthcare, long vacations, and many other benefits to move to a strange country where they get absolutely nothing. Good call there, Einstein.

Charlie, I’ve noticed your posts before like for that girl from an East European country getting her B2 visa to go to her fiancé funeral. And Platypius is right. People do not give up on their lives just to go to the States! Free healthcare in Europe is really good and people here are really lucky to have some benefits that don’t exist in the States but they go there to be with the person they love not because they are going to live better. Maybe they will maybe not. I hate to go true this process and I know I have to start all over although I have Masters and bunch of work experience. But I’ll do it for my love!

I'm sure their "free" health care is great!

Erm... Yes, actually it is! I'm actually rather worried about giving it up!

Thanks for all the response and advice.
So far we still stayed together and thought things were fine..
During our wedding annivesary,the fighting started again...All boiling down from selfishness...
Cant go much into detail but now she wants out again..
Its a schizophenic pattern...One moment she's happy and talking about kids and buying a house, the next she's unhappy and wants a divorce...
My mum came visiting from england and even though isnt staying with us, she's insecure about her presence her..even claiming my mother has come to spoil the marriage and still the attention i'm supposed to be giving her.
My mum had an emergency and has had to be hospitalized whilst visiting... I've asked if my mum can move in with us upon her discharge so i can cater for her till she's well but she's refused..
So i may have to rent somewhere else to keep my mum and then have to care for her there as she had a mini stroke.
Its a difficult time but she's too selfish to see past herslf now and is requesting a divorce cos i'm always at the hospital..

I think i'm done... whatever situation happens..i dont know... Need advice..i'm thinkin its time to actually get separated..

So sorry you're going through all of this.

So sorry for what you are going through !
You have gotten some good advice here on how to proof the abuse and I think you will be ok documenting your situation carefully.

lessen to me and lessen good....\you have one mum you can never have another.from what you are saying you married
a horrible person.
run and run fast while you can.
I can t believe it, where does she want your mom to stay when she is sick ??? if she doesnt show her love to you thru caring for your mom, you are better of with someone else..
best of luck

I totally agree... There have been new developments. While i was waiting for my mom to be discharged last nite, She started calling my phone but i was upset and didnt pick up as i didnt want to get into another arguement.
She eventually sent text messages saying she was going to throw my things out of the apt. I responded that i will get the authorities involved if she did so.She further went on threatening to annul the marriage of over a year and get me deported.
I told her to do what suits her but not to throw my things out.
She had done it on one occassion where she packed up all my things and brought them to me in the office while at work.
So i knew she wasnt threatening... I decided to go home and as expected all my things were in trash bags ready to be dumped..She asked me to move out but i told her my name's on the lease of the apt and will only move when its condusive.
Her father then came to the apt and got involved.. Since i was driving a car registered in her name [even though i was paying the note on the car], he requested the car keys and when i hesitated, he tried to intimidate me by threatening to punch me.. So i gave in, and she packed some of her things and left with him... She said its over and she was going to start working at seeing me deported..
I asked them only 1 question, and i said, 'so is it cos my mom is in the hospital and i've spent the last 2 days looking after her there that youguys are doing this'?.. They said i was being manipulative by insinuating that...
Its miserable going thru this but i think i'm about to just count my losses and move on with life...
Whatever happens, i'm gonna accept my fate... but i think for my sanity and the life of loved ones... i gotta move on.

GOOD FOR YOU. I wish you the best, you sound genuinely tired and worn and battered. It's time to move on. Your health and the health of your family comes FIRST above all.

pff what a Psycho she is....man if i was u screw everything...even if the worse thing happen I don't think it will be worse than what are you experiencing now..... live her cuz her presence will make you crazier than she is lol

Wow, talk about moral support. I hope your mother is feeling better.

Why don't you just move back home with your mom? That way you can take care of her and you'll be away from this woman. Is there a reason you want to stay in the US? I'm not familiar with Scotland but if what everyone's saying is true about the free healthcare seems like you have it better off over there.

Feel for ya mate, yes there are two sides to a story and then there is the third side that makes it come together , but make sure you get those reports from the police on the abuse. When filing domestic violence charges against another, sometimes people dont want to go this route if not familiar with the laws of the USA. Give the guy a break for hes got enough shyte on his plate and yes shes bonkers mate from what you are writing.

Go on with your life, let her threaten all she wants and call daddy, oh wow, luved that one and yes big thing on mum. If she could not accept mum being at home while getting better, theres a big split personality persona going on here. RUN FAST !!!!!

Hope it works out for ya whichever step you take.

Cheers

Susie

Cannot adjust on your own. Have to be married, better get a good lawyer that knows immigration law and even then it is 50-50% you get it to stay, with a waiver. Sounds like you married a psycho American woman, which does not surprise me in the least for they are everywhere in the USA now. Also based on all these great wonderful benefits and gifts you all get from the UK why not just go back home and live there, for it sounds like you are so disadvantaged to be living in the USA compared to the UK, it would appear that you should not even consider staying in the USA at all.

One absolutely can adjust "on their own" given circumstances. Please note - the OP already has their conditional perm residence and will only need to lift conditions should they choose to stay (which is what the OP is asking for - help with how to stay).

If there is enough bona fide evidence that the marriage was entered into legitimately, there should be no problems although the suggestion to seek competent counsel is wise.

The suggestion that psycho women are "everywhere in the US now" really isn't helpful and is a ridiculous statement.

Well well well well thank you LAL! You have experience dating American women?

i don't suggest you continue on that track. she is a moderator.

Even better to suggest not going on this path because it is devoid of subject matter in this thread and utterly ridiculous.

Z, from my time in alaska and back/forth they're also all up in Canada too (brrrrr) weather can be pretty frigid up there

To the original OP, THIS one sounds like a good case for self-filing, you sound like you've had a rough time at late. A lot of advice was posted on the evidence that can be collected, the counselling records I think are better than the police reports because it will look like you really tried. Self-filing of lifting conditions is done, passes approval, but there is a burden on you to make sure you have good solid evidence, not necessarily of her mistreatment but that through it all you were really trying to sustain a viable marriage. I wish you the best, and watch out for psychos. They could show up anywhere, even on these very boards. Good luck to ya

I feel for you and so sorry you have to go through this.

But you defenitley have to look out for #1 and move on..... Get an immigration attorney and they can help you greatly!

I'm so sorry.

All the advice i've received from this forum have mostly been very helpful and supportive till date. Lots have queired my decisions to stay in the situation i'm in but i really did enter into this marriage hoping to make the best out of it. Sad thing is, i'm drained with all the events going on and dont even know if i honestly feel the same way.

Recent updates:
We've lived apart for 2 months and till now,been physically involved a couple of times. She has begged me to return home but i told her and her mother that i will return home once my safety and security is guaanteed. I told her i wanted to return home because i WANT to not out of PRESSURE. I also said i wanted to feel i wouldnt be thrown out of the apt again. Sad to say bt i've had a little bit more peace out of the house and reluctant to return until i feel i'd have the same peace.
My expectations from this statements would be she would at least do things to make me feel safe in the relationship or that all the unusual behaviour will somehow seize.
I'm currently seeing a psychologist to help me through this time and i've suggested to her to do the same as she claims to have suicidal thoughts because her marriage isnt working. This scares me quite a lot and even makes me rather stay away and visit her from time to time.
We got into another argument last weekend cos she said i didnt pick up my phone when she called me and said that my claims of me being asleep at 10.30pm are false.
I tried visiting her to talk it out but she asked me to leave the apt.
This morning she's at the court house filing for divorce. Not sure its the common trend of threat as she's always threated to do this everytime we have issues or maybe she's serious this time.
For me too, i'm too embarrassed coming here and acting indecisive about what decisions to make but going back to scotland isnt an option for me at this point because i'm doing my MBA in college here and gradually building a decent career path.
We have till end of this year to request for a removal of conditions..

What do do?

Right, sure it is so good you left it behind to come to the USA and suffer, why not make your love go to Europe for that wonderful free healthcare and live there instead of USA.

But his flag shows Togo. Is he from Togo?

you know, you're the first person in here who's made me want to resort to name-calling

Are you some kind of nut? Please stop subjecting everyone to your unhelpful and offensive posts and keep your personal feelings to yourself. If you have nothing to offer, then offer nothing. Thank you.

I wondered the same thing!

If she is really filing for divorce, there's not much you can do for the marriage, but there is a lot you can do for yourself. While things are amicable, make sure you have copies of all of the evidence of your commingling of finances, and joint obligations, taxes etc. You will need them if you file alone to remove conditions.

Just wanted to say...stay strong

I guess the truth hurts or else you would not be so upset, how is it offensive to suggest that someone go where the health care is much better than in the USA? I mean how is it not helpful, just great advice, go where it is free and great, why not go????

The "ignore" feature on tihs site has saved me a lot of aggravation.....

Tell me about it Jen... what a life saver in this case!

upset? oh, not at all; I get upset about people or things that matter... see, either you ARE as stupid as you come across, in which case there's no point arguing with you, or you're NOT actually that stupid, but you enjoy coming across that way (which makes you a whole different flavour of stupid), but once again, there's no point arguing with you
so, I'm not arguing with you

and it IS great advice, excellent in fact; I expect you to be putting in your application to emigrate to the UK very soon; I mean, why not go???
truly, on behalf of the whole VJ community: WHY NOT GO??????