Have you noticed that this board is a little more animated and full of action than the other forums? Why is that? I think it takes a little bit of guts to go to MENA countries for the average american and to embrace a new and exciting culture. I think the women that marry mena men and meet them in their countries are a little more gutsy than some of their friends. To go on a plane half a world away, especially one engulfed in controversy ( world politics and opinion) perhaps takes a little bit of a spitfire. How have your friends and families reacted to all the phoning, planes, traveling and changes in you as a mena marrying woman? I often wonder about this.

call me cheezy but my man uses tons and tons of smileys and I started doing it back.

My family calmed down a bit now that I've been there and back alone, it was the weeks before I left that we were making worst-case-scenario preparations (as in the "Mom, I don't want to be cremated and dammit if you cremate me I'll haunt you forever!" talks). hahaha

The biggest change in me has yet to be discovered by them--it's easier to admit you're gay in my family rather than admitting you're Christian!

I'll write more on this later as I'm at work

i dunno i think someone who marries someone of a different culture and visits a different country for any reason is just gutsy. not just MENA

My hubby is from Ethiopia, but I sure enjoy reading in the MENA forum. Its very entertaining and insightfull. I can relate to a lot of the things you ladies post.

On my end, they thought I was crazy for calling so often...I don't think they every really knew how often we talked. And much crazier that I went back just to visit my then fiance. I always had questions like why doesn't he come here? They never did really understand about the visa situation, especially since the saw me travel so freely to Ethiopia, they though he could do the same, but didn't want to. Changes in me....well, he's here now and we're married. Everyone is fascinated when we speak Amharic. My I speak a few other languages, people in my fam know that, but they never really get the chance to hear me speak. Also, I never really brougt any of my boyfriends around, so they're all amused to see how lovey dovey we get.

In the beginning I'm quite certain everyone thought I had lost my mind. Not because he was from MENA (well except for the parents who couldn't believe I married another one of THEM) but because I married a man half way across the world that I met online. Honestly, I would have thought the same about them had it been a reversed situation.

Now they're so over it.

No now you are responsible for the information for your neighborhood childrens projects on EGYPT ( hehe)

I totally agree.

You are assuming that all of us are somehow doing something out of the norm. My engagment and marriage was not in the slightest "gutsy".

Some of us knew there was such a thing as MENA and traveled there long before a potential husband was involved.

And many have not. I was fortunate enough to live overseas from a very young age and travel there. But many have not traveled. I would love to hear from them. I would be curious to hear from people actually in the immigration process about their journeys and experiences. Many people took their first overseas plane to meet their spouse. It would be interesting to hear from them


For some people , marrying outside of their culture and travelling outside of the country is a gutsy move. Perhaps it was the norm for your family


Maybe you have travelled on planes and travelled a great deal. Not all the people on the forums have. And many are in the painful throes of immigration, a stressful and difficult time for all petitioners.

isn't it what we hear about everyday in this forum? And believe me, sometimes it is not interesting at all. Entertaining, for sure, sometimes painfully embarrassing yes, but not always interesting.

Why do people talk as if they have just made some huge discovery? Immigration is a difficult and complex process. We are the the first to go through this process nor will be the last.

Because for some of us this is our first encounter with such a huge bureuacracy. For some of us each day apart is hell. I am flying to see my husband in 2 days and I count down every day to each visit. To some of us ,the wait is hell. You maybe dont remember but mine has already been an 8 month ordeal and I have at least 8 more months to go. Its hell when you love someone

Maybe I don't remember???? I'll tell you what I remember. I remember those here on VJ who have waited years just to get the USCIS approval so that the petition can finally make its way to the consulate. I remember couples going through consulates like the domincan Republic who wait 18 months or more just for an interview to be scheduled. I remember the couples here separated by legal red tape becuse families do not merit much value in the eyes of USCIS. I remember all the children who are growing up apart from their parents. I remember the couples who will never be able to overcome the obstacle of immigration and have to make choices they would not be forced to otherwise.

Let's have some respect for real suffering.

I have for the most part really enjoyed this site because there is no one else in my situation in regards to my family and friends. While I have some support, it's not the same as talking to people who are actually going through the process. I'm also a single mom and don't have alot of opportunity to socialize through the weeknights.

Please don't discount those of us who are coming here for the first time and really enjoying the company.

I am one of the one's that everyone told me I was crazy, how could i fall in love with someone I don't even know, You met him on the internet nad have never touched him and you are engaged. You are going to fly half way around the world to marry him. You have only flown once in your life 20 years ago and that was a 2 hour filght and now you are going to be in transit for 22 hours. Have you seen the movie, on and on and on...................................................

YES YES YES that was me. I went met my husband and 4 days later was married and we are now together and it is great. We celebrated our 1 year ann last month and I love me husband so much. Is the adjustment easy HECK NO but I can only pray that God will continue to help us and bless our marriage.

And that's all of us.



Ever notice how many of our topics turn into dramafests? Guess we're all pretty gutsy

MBP, that was a great post.

I waited 17 months for his fiance visa, and evertime I felt the need to complain I would think about other members on VJ, like Shon, Yasi, Dipsticks and say to myself "How can I complain? Things could be worse.". Just because I am reunited now doesn't mean I don't remember how hard it was, I do remember but I thank God everyday that we are done. For those of you waiting, its hard, no matter what.

I have to respond because I find some of this so outrageous.

1.) I am sorry to break it to people, but there is a lot more to immigration than just getting the visa. There is adjustment of status for some, lifting of conditions, and naturalization (if so chosen). Some get lucky and this happens in about four years from arrival. But this is not the case for all. To write off people because they are not wringing their hands waiting for visa approval is VERY short-sighted.

2.) This is a HUGE assumption to make. It might not be gutsy for some to marry outside their culture as they have always been attracted to different people and experiencing different things. For them to marry someone nearly like themself would be the gutsy thing to do. It also might not be gutsy for others to travel outside the country as they don't drink too much of administration's "terrorism kool-aid" (in other words...they can think, read, and interpret for themselves).

3.) Refer to number 1: this is an arduous journey for everyone who steps into it.

well, I totally agree. I was WAY out of the norm in my family and friends to do something whacked out like go overseas to meet an online love in person and then marry him
and I was utterly blindsided by the huge government bureacracy that is immigration. I guess in my 30+ years prior to that I had not only never had any reason to deal with it but honestly had never even given it a thought. Yes, I had travelled a great deal prior to this but not to North Africa and certainly not to hook up with a future husband. I guess most of my friends considered it kinda 'gutsy' but then, they always thought I was crazy anyway.....

ETA: not sure why this needs to turn in to a drama or judgement fest instead of just an exchange of thoughts and opinions.. oh wait, its because its the MENA forum, thats right.

I remember right before I left to see my husband the first time my best friend signed me up to win a contest on the radio titled "she did WHAT???"



And guess what? I didn't win!!! I lost out to this woman who, during PMS, drove into another car on purpose 'cause she was ticked off that they stole her parking space in a grocery store parking lot.

i got buttered kettle corn

Mmmmmmm Koolaid



Excellent points tnh -- there is a whole LOT of assumin' goin' on today.



Most of this is not at all specific to "ME/NA women," nor is it any kind of evidence that they're necessarily any "gutsier" than anyone else on VJ. I mean come on, the vast majority of people on this site had to travel long distances by plane to visit a different country, often a place with a different language and "exciting new culture," and also had to suffer the "painful throes" of stress and separation.

If you want to talk about visiting "controversial areas" or "trouble spots, ok... but MENA doesn't even have that on exclusive lockdown. I guess what I'm saying is: please stop trying to exalt and romanticize women who go to ME/NA countries as somehow more generically "exciting" than any other woman on this site. Some ME/NA gals are actually quite borrrrrrring. And some of those gals in the Canada forum are WILD I tell you.... just WILD!

Hey! you talkin' 'bout me?

A vibrant gutsy sassy spitfire like you ????? No way !!

gimme. please.

How about a stiff drink to go with it too!!!!!!!!

only since you asked nicely

awha???

I know your not talking about me!

As everyone said, excellent post.

It's official, Wahrania is nuts.

I agree too... I think the great fear and thoughts that I was crazy was stirred up more due to bad media (MidEastern), terrorism and the war.. this plus meeting online did not bring peace to the minds of those who loved me. My bestfriend called my parents crying saying she was afraid I wasnt coming back..and surely I lost my mind. Of course my parents tried to console and reassure her I was fine and they believed Ahmad was a good man. My son asked me to make promises etc.. (he was so worried, and would have been anyway even if he wasn't from Jordan) My youngest daughter was trying to talk me out of it up to the day I left. But thank God.. my parents and my eldest daughter were able to accept and gain more peace prior to my leaving. My son and youngest daughter gained it after speaking to both us in Jordan.
Ahmad and I knew we were entering into a journey that would not be easy..but more than willing to learn & do it together..all in the name of true love and committment. This is all a part of our life.. a journey within our journey in this life together.. Alhumdullilah!!Oh.. as for my bestfriend.. when I got back..I called her and she cried again..then said in her own sweet Rican way.. "You fricka.. you crazy girl.. I was so scared for you.. I thought I would lose you over there in only God knows where.. I swear you have more ba11z then me .. I love you girl.. Thank God you ok"
Well.. it isn't an easy thing to do..but majority find ourselves doing things beyond what we would have ever imagined with the Power of Love in Action... which seems to give some of us more guts (or "bigger ba11z" than our norm.. ).

Something that bugged me in this thread...
I think it's fine if someone wants to feel themselves that their waiting might not be as hard and long as others who have waited longer, but it also doesn't give anyone the right to dismiss someone's pain while waiting because it wasn't as long as someone else, even if you don't like the person.

What I can say about that is that the 2 years before being able to meet Sujeet, and then the 11 months separation after meeting was very hard. And yes I knew of people going through longer waits than me and I applaud them, but it didn't make me feel good thinking about that until Sujeet was here face to face with me. Then you realize you have it better than others who waited longer. But no one should make you feel like you have no right to be upset because you didn't wait as long as someone else. Being apart was horrible still even if I think of people who were separated longer than us. I would not want to go through it again.

i'm sure you have the professional credentials to arrive at that assessment.......

Charles...plllleeezzzeeee make my drink a double!!!!!!

You need a better hobby, Charles.



This sh1t's getting OLD.


ETA: Psst, there's a gun thread in Off Topic.

This crazy immigration process is long and difficult enough...can we please just be helpful and supportive of each other instead of cutting and competitive?

I do know that VJ was exceedingly helpful to me as I was separated from my habibi--the people here were a great wealth of information as well as a fascinating way to spend my long lonely nights...please help keep VJ a positive site.

Oh crap! I was hoping no one would bring that up here

Esalaam/Hello/Salut

I do not think travel or just merely getting another culture is too gusty... but actually commiting to a person clear across the ocean is pretty gusty. It is true for many marrying outside of their locale or culture is a gutsy move, esp when you barely the know the person and you have outside issues like your family's ideas of ideal spousal material not including the one you choose. For some, marrying someone they barely know is normal while for others totally and utterly insane. Intercultural and trans-contiental marriage (mixed marriage if you will) adds an extra set of dynamics to relationship. Regardless of how those differing people (and sometimes cultures) met, then love one another, the desire to marry comes and a course is set to be together. Couples who find partners abroad often come down to earth when they start considering the reality of building lives together under complex circumstances. Many questions arise.Working through the details of what the relatives will think, where they will live, and how they will arrange the paperwork becomes a test of fortitude and staying power. Will our families understand? What about spousal roles? What differences will be encountered and handled? Etc etc ...

Deciding where to live I think is the most difficult and gusty decision. Flexibility and the willingness of at least one spouse to live as a foreigner or immigrant abroad can make things easier. I have experienced the convenience, privacy, and mobility of American life as well as the frustrations of open discrimination( another topic) . At this point for me, hopefully for us the benefits of living in the U.S. outweigh the disadvantages. I live here for now. And it is what is. Good days and some very bad. Many times I hit my head against the wall, thinking this would not happen in the US. But I know even in my own country of birth, I am the foreigner now, having been living aboard for so long. So my husband moving to the US, then later back to Algeria, slowly developing third world country where we both would be foreigners.
Living in an area where diversity is common can make the move easier. Building a community of international friends also helps tremendously. If it’s financially feasible, yearly visits home can also help your spouse feel more in touch with family.

Getting over assumptions about how we live come with each culture is gusty. All of our life experiences through family & cultural background teach us how to deal with life's challenges. Within an intercultural/global marriage (the marriage we all here on this board face), many different assumptions will surface over time. We will formulate our opinions & make judgments based upon our world views. Initially, these judgments will be external or on the surface. In time, all of the internal areas will be exposed also. Often, this is how we begin to formulate our own prejudice against other cultures.

Feeling as though you are expected to be like the wives or husbands of the culture you married into can be a monumental hurdle to cross. Cultural and social norms may be so diametrically opposed to your country of origin that you become emotionally confused. Forces or people can be out there consphering to break up your happiness. And just the pure inability to understand the new perceived role is difficult enough, without the fact that you may not agree with the traditions.

Statistically, intercultural, interracial and interfaith marriages have a high rate of failure. But many succeed. When we look to older generations who dealt with a climate of greater disapproval and discrimination than we do today, we find keys to how to make these marriages work for a lifetime.

Women or men going to MENA or anywhere in this world... I would call all that gusty ... brave. For giving that person a chance, loving them, understanding, knowing each other's culture, being accountable, accepting, embacing each other, taking the time and effort to make possible a life together ( from first meeting, to marriage, to visa, to the new life in the US( or wherever else you may decide), to children, buying a house, to even the final step of immigration: citizenship. As Twila said getting the visa approval is only but a small step on the path. I would call that very brave. Not usual at all.

i've been replying in it already

Are you saying that there was a time Boston did not have all this road rage going on all around and it was not NORMAL for people to become irate behind the wheel? Wow! I cannot imagine that:)

I'm still going through the reactions, some good, some, bad, some just puzzling.

At first people were nervous about him because he's not a USC....they
were afraid he was going to use me. I think that everyone or at least most people must go through times like that when they marry a non USC. But before he left and even now, there's no evidence to suggest he is using me....so why should I worry? And once my friends (the Muslim ones) saw that he was a standup guy before and after he's left, they now cannot wait for us to be together again too and are completely happy that I've finally found someone who treats me as well as he does.

One family has done a fine job of spreading rumors about my husband and his family before and after he's left. But after some investigation by me, I find everything they say to be false or exaggerated. So thoe people once were my friends, but now? They have drifted, are glad he is gone, angry at me for missing him, and all this other bs. And who is the one standing by my side through this whole thing? My husband. There's enough evidence right there to show me who is really caring about me. And that is what counts and for that I am thankful for him.

As for my family...they are a midwestern farm family who have probably never seen an arab in their whole life beyond what they see on tv:( Since I live so far away, they have not met my husband. When they found out I got amrried, they immediately asked if he was needing a green card (next person who says that to me I wanna punch them in the face really, I'm so sick of that q)....and I could tell there was something unsettled in my mother's voice when I spoke to her. Of our immediate family, everyone has only married white people so I am the oddball who goes off and marries an arab:)

I think my nonmuslim assosiates are just waiting and seeing. They know I am going through a lot of stress with him being away and in palestine at that.....so while they are supportive and want things to work out, they still hold their judgements about arab men:( They have the stereotype of arab men in their mind....woman stays home, has many kids, and washes his dirty underwear all day and sits at the stove all day. (How can they get that stereotype with me as the wife...they know my horror cooking stories:) One of them had the nerve the other day to blurt out "Oh please, if it was up to him, she would not be working!" Excuse me.......my husband supports me working, knows I am a workaholic, wants me to become self employed, was upset because I stopped school while we go through this immigration process......I told her she was way out of line for saying such things agaisnt my husband when he doe snot do anything bad for me. She just looked at me....well, we'll wait and see wont' we?

Really i am asking myself this. Why must my husband have to answer for the backwards men who really DO lock up their women? And why is my husband being lumped into the category of "out for a green card" when it was me who fought him to even let me apply for hiim because even he does not like being assosiated with people like that?

So far so good...my husband has come out on top of things and been the winner in all this. I just pray that his winning streak continues and we can be together again soon and further prove to people that he's not a monster from the desert but a handsome prince who treats his princess as she deserves....like a princess:)

my 'gutsy' mother wants to go to syria. i guess after me going 2 times and coming back alive she dont worry so much. i know the second time i went it was right after my gall bladder surgery and the gastorlogist was lebonese and she was expressing her concern to him and he told her...its not like the media portrays it over there stop worring she will be fine. that put her at ease alot.

yes and if you are in a developed area over there, I think you can get health care cheaper than you can get it here!
I was reading something last year where some people were going overseas to have surgery done because it was too expensive here, even with our health insurance plans. (and some things our health insurance does not cover).

Yes, some countries such as India and Thailand have excellent health care, comparable with USA but much cheaper.



I can relate to a lot of the stories here - there are some very similar issues for a white or non-Asian American woman marrying a S. Asian man as there are if she marries a MENA man - similar family dynamics, expectations, etc. even if the religion and other factors may be different.

My family thinks I am extremely gutsy - since I was little I have always been fascinated with different cultures and languages. I was the first in the family to travel to Europe(and live there), let alone 'the 3rd world' - by now this is the sort of thing they would expect from me. Like someone said before, the 'gutsy' thing for me would be to marry the boy next door... I am a practicing Buddhist/Hindu and this is what brought me to Nepal for the first time. I fell in love with Nepal and learned a lot about Nepali cultures way before there was any romance in the picture, so when I met my first Nepali bf(the relationship turned sour but he ended up introducing me to my husband) I knew what I was getting into, sorta... I can't imagine getting into a relationship with someone from such a different culture without knowing something about it first, but that's just me - everybody's experience is different...

Very interesting thread.

you guys are amazing looking