I can threaten to lock it for you? Would that work?

Edit: How on earth have I missed this thread? Flippin' hilarious!

Dearest Mags,

Please don't lock this thread. My Pascale is a good boy and this is the only way we've been able to communicate lately. He's been so....... distant. All of these boys call and leave messages for him and he has no time left for his me.

Thank you,

Pacale's Mommy

Dear Pascale's Mommy (shouldn't that be Mama? ),

I apologise if I came across heavy handed but I must explain something to you. VJ is an immigration website not a mother son dating service. Please don't hold us responsible for your complete lack of maternal bonding with your son. Perhaps you dropped him on his head when he was a baby, perhaps you insisted on hugging him and calling him "my ickle wickle baby" at the school gates when he was 16, perhaps you still made him warm milk before bedtime when he was 19, perhaps you insisted on bathing him at 17...I really don't want to know.

However, I must warn you that any continued Pascale/Mommy banter will be laughed at in a very serious manner and continued pelvic floor muscle work outs will be required by many to avoid embarrassing accidents.

Mags,
that's Moderator with a capital M to you.

lol....my thanks to sister jen and sister mags for bringing class to this worthless thread

Dearest Mags, the Moderator from Heaven,

Thank you very much for your understanding. You see, Pascale has been a troubled child most of his life. It all started when he was about 6-7 years old. His stuffed bunny rabbit went missing. We scoured our home looking for it and finally found it tangled up in his blankie in the back of his closet. When we unwrapped it, it had been torn under it's belly and it was all sticky and messy. We had to take all of his stuffed animals away after that because the same thing started happening to them for some strange reason. Perhaps removing all of his 'lovies' had more of an effect on him than I realized.

His father and I have been careful to tend to his needs and not upset him.... he does have a temper and likes to throw his toys around his room. Some of these toys I've never seen before. I haven't shopped for toys in a long time, but they must not sell toy trucks or airplanes anymore. These are very strange looking. I do help him keep his Barbie dolls organized... he does take proper care of them.

Best regards,
Pascale's Mama-Mommy-Moomoo
(he used to call me moo-moo... he had trouble pronouncing his 'a's' too.....)

Dear Mommy Moo Moo,

The stuffed bunny rabbit that was all sticky was a disturbing problem, I understand this, but is it information that is needed on an Immigration website? If he was marrying a USC and she found out that his long held affection for Mr Floppy the bunny was still strong, then there may be issues that would no doubt end up in a locked topic. However, since you are his mother and not a USC I fail to grasp the relevance.

May I make a suggestion? Barbie has a new selection of dolls and Christmas is coming up. Buy Pascale one and let us know how much he enjoys it on Christmas Day. That advice was free, everything else I charge a flat fee of a bag of Cadbury's chocolate Buttons and a Dime bar for the husband.

Regards,

Mags

Dear Magnificent Mags,

Thank you so much for your kind suggestion. I do not mean in any way to disrespect this Immigation Website. We are, however, in an off topic poll forum so I thought that it might be a helpful way for me to reach my Pascale. He usually doesn't come out of the closet much when he's home, so this is a helpful medium for me to reach him. As a side benefit, I can make sure there are no more stuffed animals in there when he's gone.

For your kindness, I'm sending you a case of Cadbury's chocolate Buttons and a case of Dime bars. I'll include a few doughnuts just to be sure we remain on topic.

Forever grateful,

Mrs. Mommy Moo Moo Mother

Pascale writes: You embarrass me with your idiotic drunken ramblings like the old bag woman of Montmatre with the crazy teeth. I am asking Marcel to escort you to the rear of the restaurant where we keep the rubbish for the dogs so that we can laugh at you wholeheartedly.

you guys are crazy...

I was actually LOL ...

Dear Pascale,

I have something to tell you that I have been keeping secret for quite some time now. Mags has given me the courage to tell you the truth. After your father and I married, I found out that he had been unfaithful to me on our honeymoon. I forgave him for that and he agreed to commit to our marriage. Our sex life dwindled because we grew increasingly distant with one another.

In an effort to revive the romance, your father took me to a circus that had come to our small village here in France. We held hands and reconnected as we walked among the cotton candy vendors and carnival games. When we arrived at the ring where the animals were going to perform, there was a young, handsome ringleader who introduced himself as Ronaldo. I was fascinated with his movement and his booming voice as I watched the acrobats and animal trainers perform. He was very stimulating. We left the circus and when we got home, your father and I made passionate love but as I closed my eyes, I saw Ronaldo, and not your father.

The next day, as the circus was packing up to leave, a few of the circus people were shopping in our village. Your father was a work and I was shopping for bread, cheese, and tomatoes. I saw Ronaldo walking among the vegetables and our eyes met over the squash. We instantly knew that we had to be together. Pascale... he followed me home, and, well.... you can imagine the hot, steamy sex we had in our kitchen among our produce. Ronaldo left the next day and I never heard from, or saw him, again.

Pascale, you were born nine months after those two days, so I do not know who your father is. Will you agree to a DNA test to put your poor mother's mind at rest? Perhaps you are the son of a ringleader (which might actually explain a lot....) and you deserve to know the truth. Your father found out about Ronaldo because I had to explain why all of our tomatoes were smushed and why the back of my dress was stained with tomato juice. He decided to forgive my transgression as I forgave his.... will you please forgive me too?

Your ever loving Mommy,

Mommy

whoa, Pascale, you bastard..

1:22

Pascale writes: The odour of rotten fish heads which eminates from your pores may be considered charming in the slums you usually frequent. However, it offends my nasal passages to the point of revulsion. The maitre d' is summoning a gendarme to remove your unwelcome presence from my sight and smell. Please be so kind to replace all the silverware you have secreted upon your person before he arrives. With my compliments, you may keep the matchbook with which you used to pick your teeth. Au revoir.

22

Pascale...you chopf##k...bring me my Port

Pascale writes: Monsieur, you seem to have mistaken me as a slave from the Roman era, or perhaps a servant from an old Victorian novel. The clicking of the fingers you employ to gain my attention - as if your eating habits were not sufficient - may be acceptable in the 'Red Lobster' or other such 'gourmet' establishment. How silly of me not to realise that thirteen bottles of Chateau Le Croissant Neuf would be merely an aperitif for your party of four. I will of course ensure that you and your alcoholic simians are refreshed at once. Bon appetit.

lol..that is funny...

pascale...your pokey azzhat.....where are my damn snails and french bread.

***BREAKING NEWS***

To the surprise of Hollywood-watchers, John Malkovich has been added to the cast of the new Fox film 'Biggest Poll EVER'. He will be playing the role of Pascale, the Parisian waiter. Says a source close to the actor, "John is essentially a character actor. Pascale has a fascinating back-story - an over-protective mother, a disputed heritage, repressed sexual issues regarding soft toys, etc. John has a lot of material there. I wouldn't be surprised if we were talking Oscars in a year from now."

Malkovich was not available for comment. He is 53.

***END***

Classic. All hail the comedy genius of SteveLaura Pascale!




Good choice.

sidebar... i played football against him and his brother..he was from a small town about 20 miles from mine..i racked his nuts good on one play..i am still proud of it

Who gets to play Mommy?

So do you guys think Pascale deseves a tip?


Mommy dearest? NO WIRE HANGERS!

**takes popcorn back from Jen**

She's used to Pascale's insults but everyone has their breaking point.

This is still going on

We're making history.

yeah right

***BREAKING NEWS***

Oscar-winning actress Helen Mirren has been approached to play the role of 'Mommy' in the forth-coming Fox flick 'Biggest Poll EVER', it has been rumoured.

Mirren, 62, is expected to play the mother of Parisian waiter 'Pascale', played by John Malkovich, despite being only 9 years his senior.

In related news, Malkovich has pulled out of rehearsals for the multi-million dollar movie, citing an old football injury.

***END***

f##k... i just heard from my attorney and i am getting sued by malkovich ...states his nuts still hurt and has not sired any offspring because of it....also, had to pull out of a movie contract.....

asking for my left nut as compensation..damn

can you get james gandolfini to play hubby?

You make it sound like Dean & I have some control over this.

We are still waiting on Fox to confirm the director. I am sure they will let us know who has the coveted role of 'Charles' all in good time...

I can't wait to find out.

Better hurry up or I might accidentally lock the thread through boredom.

I think bugs bunny should have a role in the movie somewhere, as well as myself. I have worked pretty darn hard at making this the 'BIGGEST POLL EVER" and I didnt even get my freaking donut!

JP as Bugs Bunny??????

Helen Mirren would be present day Mommy....

Who will play her in the flashback to her one-kitchen-table-tomato-squishing-stand with Ronaldo?

Hmmmm..... and of course, we need Ronaldo....

I think....this is brother charles...

I think Pamela Anderson should play me.... her chest is almost as big as mine

sister marilyn....we need pixs...

Pamela Anderson!!!! No way! Uh Uh! According to Brother Dean, she has every STD known to man.

I want James Gandolfini as hubby

my husband doesn't look like a gay nerd. he's big and very macho!!

Bro Dean, why does your burro (in your siggy pic) have a twig/branch for a penis?

yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

bump. brownies?

From the Management:

Owing to the continuing Writer's Strike, we are unable to bring you a new post on 'The Biggest Poll EVER. Instead, here is a post from August 17th 2007. We hope you enjoy it.

muffins?

back from the coal mines..and still the place is a mess....no donuts..my coffee cup has two cigarettes floating in it..and FEFE is missing...

POST IN THIS THREAD.



IT WILL NEVER END.