QUOTE(flames9 @ Mar 23 2008, 01:07 PM)

Never mind "...you might be a redneck." Check out these "...you might be a Canadian." one liners.
If your local Dairy Queen closes from September through May ...you might be a Canadian.
If someone in Home Depot offers you assistance, and they don't even work there...you might be a Canadian.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time...you might be a Canadian.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversion with someone who dialed your number by mistake...you might be a Canadian.
If your definition of "vacation" means going anywhere south of Detroit for the weekend...you might be a Canadian.
If you measure travel distances in hours...you might be a Canadian.
If you know several people who have hit a deer...more than once...you might be a Canadian.
If you have switched from heating, to air-conditioning, and back again, in the same day...you might be a Canadian.
If you can drive 90 km/h, in two feet of snow, on the 401, in a raging blizzard, at rush-hour, without flinching...you might be a Canadian.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave them unlocked...you might be a Canadian.
If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your wife knows how to use them...you might be a Canadian.
If the basic design objective of your kid's halloween costume is to fit over a snowsuit...you might be a Canadian.
If driving on your street is smoother in the winter, because all the potholes are filled with ice and snow...you might be a Canadian.
If you have more miles on your ski-doo and your snowblower than you do on your car...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever called in sick to work to play road hockey...you might be a Canadian.
If you can sing one-half of your National Anthem in each official language, but don't know all the words in either one...you might be a Canadian.
If you know what double-double, timbits, touques, loonies, toonies, GST and poutine are...you might be a Canadian.
If you have ever asked what time it is using the universal sign language of pointing at your wrist...you might be a Canadian.
If you can recite all of the toppings on an "all-dressed" pizza...you might be a Canadian.
If you include your stash of Canadian Tire money when calculating your personal net worth...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever worn a maple leaf or put one on your luggage when travelling - just so that no one mistakes you for an American...you might be a Canadian.
If your ice-fishing hut seats more people than your living room...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever thought of buying Maple Leafs seasons tickets because "this might be the year..."...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever worn ski-boots to a wedding...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever worn your "good" parka and a tie to a job interview...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever been ejected from a curling rink for reasons of intoxication...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever called a friend to tell him about a great deal on road salt...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever bought a loved-one snow tires for Christmas...you might be a Canadian.
If you plug in your car every night, and your car isn't electric...you might be a Canadian.
If you've ever waited in the car while your spouse played hockey...you might be a Canadian.
If your car has ever gotten 40 miles to the gallon of gas, and 20 miles to the gallon of washer fliud...you might be a Canadian.
If you see yourself in five or more of these situations, you definitiely are a Canadian.

You forgot to add, "Thanks, you've been a great audience and don't forget to tip your waitress."