time to dig out some of the work jokes i have......
You know you work in 2007 when:
1. You have 5 passwords, but can remember only one.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do
not have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone
in a business-like manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9"
to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
11. You can only write on sticky pads.
12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of
your best jokes.
13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job
14. Contractors out number permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards.
15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World
countries' annual budgets combined.
16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience,
terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all
the latest features, but you have time to go for lunch while your
computer boots up.
19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your
department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time
management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with
computers."
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE . . .
22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
23. As you read this list, you thought about forwarding it to all
your "friends."
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and to keep everyone up to speed on office etiquette:
How to Poop at work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in out cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING
When Farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY
The act of Scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if the catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing make both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, To the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in the busts you . As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper of magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N.)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
A Seldom Used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is on of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
A Phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that that stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, Create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH
HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astare.
UNCLE TED
A Bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
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and then we have health care issues answered here:
Q:What does HMO stand for?
A:This is actually a variation of the phrase "Hey MOE!" its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Dr. Moe Howard of the Three Stooges who discovered that a patient could me made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q: I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A: Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parent. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who are participating in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are not longer part of the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patient has an office just a half-day's drive away, and that diploma from a small Caribbean Island is still very fresh.
Q: Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A No. Only those that you need.
Q: What are pre-existing conditions?
A: This is a term used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing condition. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with "pre and now" meaning the same.
Q: Can I get coverage for my pre-existing condition?
A: Certainly, as long as you don't require any treatment?
Q: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of treatment?
A: You'll need to find alternative forms of payment
Q: My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic brand, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A: Poke yourself in the eye.
Q: What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A; You really shouldn't do that
Q: I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A: Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there is no harm in giving him a shot.
Q: Will health care be any different in the next century?
A: Probably not, but if you call right now, you might be able to get an appointment.
You should be drinking REAL cream. 
Maybe in few days 
but alas.. with our lifestyle, the poor thing would be terribly unhappy..
)
