Hi all -- I just was hoping I could get some big ol' VJ lurve -- I need it! We are finally leaving the UK in 12 days, and although we're totally on track (maybe even ahead of schedule -- the boy is a consummate planner!) we're both starting to get a bit anxious about it all.

It's not about moving to America, which we both are SO excited about. And it's not about work when we get there, as I have a lot of consultancy work lined up. In fact, I'll be earning more in New Haven than in London, so it's not the money. It's just...sigh. I keep having awful premonitory feelings that something is going to happen at the last moment that will prevent us getting on the plane, like I'll get hit by a bus or something. I can't logically explain it.

All the plans and boxes and leaving my job and the boy winding up his life have left us getting snippy with each other. We both can't help feeling that we should be feeling elated, but the two-month delay between the visa and the departure has left us so anxious to just get it over with.

AAAAGGGHHHHH!!! Just needed a moan, and to fish for some support. Tell me it gets better!!!

I'm the same way maven! I'm forever convinced my great plans will never come to fruition, that something bad will happen! Its like its not real until it actually happens.

As for the squabbles, moving is a stressful thing to do, even when you want to move - but moving internationally is crazy! So hang in there, you will get through it with nothing bad happening!

And when you are really stressed, continue to come share with your VJ family! That's what we're here for!!!

Awwww, thanks Julez! This is one of the most stressful things I've ever done, way more stressful than when I first moved here and my life fit into 2 suitcases. Doesn't help that my family is coo-coo nuts at the moment, and putting all sorts of pressure on me (loooooong story). They try to be supportive, but my parents are preoccupied with their other child moving over here at the same time and are giving them more support as they are not as organised as me. It's as if I'm being punished for getting all my ducks in a row!

Tell me about it! I'm one of 5 kids and my parents just expect that I'm the together one, so they don't give me extra support, even though I really need it too! Even the most competent people still enjoy a little hand holding and coddling now and then!

I'm happy to try to keep your spirits bolstered as much as I can. You're such a great support to the UK forum visitors and one of our greatest cheerleaders! You better stay with us once you back on the US side of the pond!!

The three weeks or so leading up to my departure from the UK was hell on earth. I was just about the most evil female on planet Earth. I think what you are both feeling is completely normal and nothing to worry about. Regardless of what you've got ahead (good things) it is still a HUGE step and a massive amount of upheaval for the pair of you.

To make you feel better, an hour before being collected by the cab to go to the airport I was sitting on top of a huge suitcase, despairing at the things I had forgotten to put in and which would obviously not going to fit, desperately trying to then squeeze two mental cats into their carriers, trying to get a 13 year old into his coat and trainers and then running around locking up the house AND also having a major panic.



You'll be FINE.

Nah, I don't believe that

No, really, I was. Imagine the Wicked Witch of the West crossed with Cruella DeVille and you still wouldn't be anywhere near how evil I was!

Awww Maven! I imagine the stress is a bit overwhelming at the moment. I think it's purely natural to imagine something horrible that will keep you from following through with your plans. It's the same for me before I leave for a much-anticipated holiday or something. I just KNOW something HORRIBLE is going to happen before I get the chance to go. The good news is.... nothing horrible has ever happened.
Just try to relax and enjoy your final few days there and know that you'll be facing an exciting time of new beginnings once you get here! It actually sounds quite wonderful the way you've described it! And we're ALL here cheering you on! The VJ boards look exactly the same from American soil as they do over there. LOL! That should be comforting! errr.... I guess.
Anyway, big hugs and pats on the back from your friends here on the Brit Board! We're here for ya!

Thanks -- I try to give back what was given to me when I first stumbled onto VJ (through Wikipedia of all things!). Don't worry -- I'm not going anywhere. After all, we have conditions to lift on 20 May 2009!

Mags -- you crack me up! I can totally picture it. If I didn't have the boy around that is what I would be doing too! But no, we're moving out of the flat the day before and spending the night in glorious, glamorous Luton before we leave.

non-uk, but canadian love here!

WAAAAAH!!! So. Much. Love! You guys are awesome.

GOOD LUCK maven - you'll be fine! I know that is easier said than done, but I betcha you're organized and everything will be just fine.

My hubby was veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery stressed when he was getting all sorted. It'll work out. Do be prepared for culture shock thom for a few months when you guys come back...

ECM, you have nothing to worry about. You know the "people" who write lists of the most stressful things ever?! I think "they", and I still have no idea who these people are, put divorce and moving home as number 1 and number 2 of the most stressful things you can go through. I think that's the case although willing to stand corrected. Anyway...... these list writers have never gone through a visa process in my opinion. If you have got this far in getting the visa, you can get through anything.

From my point of view, I had no problem signing the contracts on my house, with no visa, no visa interview and nowhere to live as of the end of August. What really stressed me out was not knowing whether I was going to get the visa or not. That being said, after the contracts were signed, I did suddenly sit there thinking........ and thinking....... and the Embassy words "don't take irrevocable action" started ringing in my ears (and dreams.....)

So don't stress, everything will work out and don't forget to laugh .

Besides..... you've got a party to go to!!!

Thanks devilette! It is going to be culture shock for us both -- I haven't lived in America since 1995, and I've never done any of those adult-type things in America, like get a drivers license, get insurance, anything. It's like two new immigrants for the price of one! Luckily my parents are going to hold our hands and help us out, even if my mom is nuts. Okay, just usual mom-type nuts.

Yeah, par-tay! It started today with my farewell lunch (yum...chocolate tapas for pudding -- Mags, are you listening? ) and there's still two more parties.

I've done three of the most stressful things on the list -- get divorced, get married, move home -- in the past 8 months. I can't believe I haven't been institutionalised yet!

Mum kept making me tea......now that's LOVE! I'd send you both a "virtual" cuppa and hugs if you think it'll help?

!!!!! !!!!!

So what are you whinging about??

Now there was I starting to feel sorry for you, but I take it all back now!

(Chocolate...... mmmmmm!)

Oh, and the institutionalised bit??? Your hubby can do that for you if you like!!

Don't tempt him!

By the sounds of it I don't need to!!

Thanks, chelseafan! (Takes cuppa and swigs, accepts hugs gratefully!)

I had to move back & live with Mom for a year after over 10 years away, it was so freaking HARD! I miss her like crazy now tho.

Anyhoo, I think sometimes VJers (not speaking about anyone here, just in general) are so caught up in the romance of it a separation & all - but really, it is so freaking hard to do, for one person or a couple. It's probably harder for me & the mister now that we are settled into our new place & have jobs. More time to dwell on the homesickness. Onwards & upwards, right!?

Good luck with it all!

I think the most stressful part of the whole process is the after you get the visa and before you arrive.

We had three weeks and trying to get everything done and the apprehension about just what was waiting over the pond got to both of us. The worst part for me was leaving a job I had done for 37 years and becoming a retired person, I had real problems the day that happened.

The best part of the process was arriving and spending the following weeks getting our new life in order, that was great fun.

It is really natural to be under pressure now. No matter how well planned it is stepping into the unknown to move to another country and the person nearest to you gets the brunt of the stress. Hang in there it is all well worth it and will in no way be as bad as you imagine.

I understand entirely! I spent my last week in UK constantly checking and re checking and triple checking! eventually i decided as long as i had the essentials ( visa travel tickets clothes etc ) if anything else crops up then i will find a way to deal with it as and when. I think it helps to talk about it to friends as they sometimes remember something - or instance - i redirected mail via the post office because this would be indication i had forgotten to inform someone if i got it via redirection. Good Luck and try not to worry too much! UK Forum Love abound for you!

Maven, a stateside perspective as well here, I'm afraid something will happen too. Like one of Peter's family falls ill, or he has an accident before we can get his visa approved. Little anxieties because life is so unpredictable. Just have faith...all this process is one big leap of faith. All will be okay, complicated, but it will be okay. And just know...Americans, as you probably do know, embrace British people. We are fascinated with England and their people! You will mesh here and settle in and all will be FINE! Thank GOD for VJ!! It has been wonderful for me already to have this forum!

Devilette, I couldn't agree more. This is "freakin hard" for everyone, some more than others. For you and ECM, you were both by the sounds of it away for more than 10 years and therefore had a huge adjustment to go through. The good thing though is that you had family there to help out. And chelseafan, having someone making you cups of tea sounds great. I think you may well get the job of making virtual cuppas for quite a few people here, are you up for the job?

For some VJers (OK, I am speaking about one specifically.... me!) UKC and USC have NEVER lived in the States, and don't have family there to help us out when we arrive. So like ECM says, we really are two immigrants for the price of one, and that really is scary. We will have absolutely no clue how to do any adult or even childlike things. So I ask for everyone's forgiveness in advance if I come back here and do my own freaking out in a couple of weeks once we are in the process of arriving and thinking what have we done!?!

I always worry about the smallest things going wrong, so I know where you are coming from ECM. But I also know, sometimes I need reminding, that we never get thrown anything we can't handle. ECM, you've been through your fair share in 8 months, so you will easily pull through this one as well. And this forum IS hugely supportive.

Without a doubt applying for this visa is the most stressful thing i've ever done, and with the complete lack of official instruction I'm not sure how I would have coped without VJ. When I get to Chicago I know that there's still a hell of a lot to do, which is why i'm sooo glad that the Tafia exisits - they're the Welsh society in Chicago and its full of people who've already been through the visa process and I know they're going to be able to offer loads of support too.

So, to reduce stress levels I really recommend hooking up with any local societies like that in your area, i'm sure they'll be of help.

Plus I went kyaking on the weekend and, rather bizarrely, it was one of the most relaxing things i've done in a long time and really helped me chill out. There was a bit of exercise involved of course, but a lot of floating along with the current too! It was great for me, but maybe a spa break would be better for others!

Always late to post, but here goes -

I think my angle on this is the stress of having to do the move by myself - my SO is unfailingly supportive, but ultimately its me who's got to ensure that me and my stuff makes it to Chicago!

In some ways I feel very calm about the whole thing - I've been thinking about the move for months now, and I think that preperation has stood me in good stead. I have a sheet of paper on my wall showing the dates that everything has to happen (shippers collecting stuff, etc.). I also have a pile of completed forms to mail on the day I leave (overseas voter registration, HMRC forms, pension forms, Student Loans Company forms, all that sort of stuff).

What's driving me crazy is just waiting for the interview. Whatever the embassy says, it is really difficult not to take any irrevocable steps in advance of being approved. In fact, I don't think there's one irrevocable step I HAVEN'T taken! My job contract has expired, my tenancy on my flat expires at the end of the month, I've closed bank accounts, booked air tickets, trains, the lot.

Stress shows itself in strange ways - this morning I woke up CONVINCED that I'd left a load of washing in the washing machine from two days ago. I toured around the entire boarding house (I work in a boarding school) asking people if they'd seen my clothes. After about half an hour of searching in different rooms I decided to check my flat again. And there they all were, neatly folded and put away in the bedroom!! I belive if you're above 30 thats known as a "senior moment"...

Oooh! I think I have a ton of senior moments then. At least I have got a name for it now!!

They say getting married and moving house are the two biggest things you do in life and everyone here is doing them pretty much in the extreme! I think we all deserve a huge pat on the back (or group hug!) for being so brave!!! Or stupid

I'm one of lifes organisers, I hate things being out of my control and right now it feels like my whole future is out of my control. This whole visa thing is by far the most stressful thing I have done (along with flying for visits to US as I get physically sick I'm so scared of flying, not good for a transatlantic relationship). It's the uncertainity that gets to me. I've made numerous lists of things I need to do and when the earliest I can do them is.

At the end of the day though I sit with a nice cup of scottish tea (gonna miss the natural soft water hear) and remember why I'm doing this.

Big hugs to you all! All your support has really helped over the past couple of days.

Only 10 days to go!