Ombeni is coming in 11 days, 21 hours, and 25 minutes! I'm starting to get NERVOUS!!!

It's hard to feel confident about my pending marriage to Ombeni when everyone around me is being so negative about it. Nobody thinks I'm making a good decision: my dad because he's black and poor, my mom because I'm too young and poor, and all of my friends are cynical and don't think marriages last.

But you know what? We are the romantics in this world. We don't marry people because they make our lives nice and simple and convenient. We make sacrifices in the name of love. We marry people because we honestly believe that true love is better than a few thousand dollars, and that our partners are irreplaceable. My dad told me, "Whatever qualities you like about this guy, find them in a white guy and marry him instead." I know tons of sweet, funny, sexy men of all colors. Yet I only fell in love with one of them. People are so much more than the sum of their characteristics.

I know that I would rather try this than give into wussiness and live the rest of my life in regret. I know that things are going to be hard at times, but I don't think it'll be so bad. I'm going to end up with a devoted, caring husband who will make a great father. I know I'm so lucky, I feel guilty being worried about it! I think I'm mostly scared because once he gets here, everything is unknown, and most things are out of my control. I don't know what he'll do for a living here, how long it will take him to adapt to America, or even if he'll like being in America. But everything will be ok, right?

Do you guys ever feel like this? Sorry I just had to vent!

Yeah, I felt a little like you do. Adapting to America find a job etc. Its all kind of exciting...but frightening at the same time. You're not alone. As for your family and friends, they may not support you now. But once he gets here maybe you will get a little more support from them. Right now he's "some guy in Africa" to them. Regular phone calls make no difference...at least not in my family. You dad will be much tougher. Try not to push him away, if there ends up being distance in your relationship let him be the one who caused and try not to be angry about it. I know...I said try.

-DA

I remember my sister going through the same thing before she married her husband and he is white. My dad was totally against my sister marrying a white man, but they loved each other deeply and got married and are still married til this day, that was 20+ years ago! Regardless of what a person says about your relationship, if God be for you guys being married then noone can be against you. God is the Ultimate sayer of all things. He ordained marriages to be honorable in all regardless of race. We are all one blood!

Love has no color and no boundaries. God loves us all and He has no respecter of persons, why should we, right? Just let your fiance come and enjoy the finer things of life here in the U.S. and settle himself. Let him prove that he is the man God sent in your life. Your parents will learn to love him eventually. It may take a little time.

As for your friends....hmmpfff....been there. I do think that marriages of today are ending in divorce more, but you can show them wrong that yours CAN work. Be an example. That's what I want to do.

As Bobby Mcferrin would say, Don't worry, be happy! Keep looking up girl!

You know what, some people never cross the street because they are afraid of being hit by a car even though they have been taught to look both ways. My point is that you should not live life wondering what could have been.....Your parents raised you to 'look both ways' before you cross the street. Therefore, they need to trust your judgment, but if they don't, you need to trust your ownself. People change daily. If today, you love Ombeni and he loves you, then that is all that matters. If for some reason it doesn't work, it is still nobody's business, but yours and Ombeni. This man is in your life for a reason. So, enjoy him. Soak up everything you can from this man. Bask in his love and allow him to bask in yours.

My father always told me to simplify my life. Sometimes, this simplifying meant me separating myself from negative people, including family members. Did it hurt? Yes! But I learned to value myself a lot more and the negative people around me either changed their view because they truly loved and cared about me or they kept going. Either way, I was at peace with myself.

You cannot please all of the people all of the time. True Love is such a rare commodity. If you have found it, you hold on like your life depends on it. Surround yourself with supportive people. People will always make comments, but they don't live in your house nor will they be sleeping with your husband. If everyone listened to the complaints of others about their relationships, we would not have the diversity that makes our world such a beautiful place.

I wish you and Ombeni all the love and happiness that a husband and wife should have. Marriage is an institution from God and the heart does not recognize color or distance. Remember you always have the VJ as a support system!

everything will be ok insha'allah

I have some of the same feelings you do. My parents are both deceased, so I don't have their opinions to consider, but I worry alot about how he will adapt to life in the US and being away from his friends and family. I agree with the others here and believe that we should bask in the love and enjoy it. If it is meant to work out it will. If for some reason it is not, we will have lived and loved.

I have many of the same thoughts as you.........When I stop and really take a long look at what I am doing I stop and ask myself is this the right thing ?? Can two people really meet on the internet and have such a long distance relationship and fall in love??? ANd yes I have wondered is it that in the end all he is after is a way into the United states???? One would have to agree if we are all truthful that those thoghts have entered into all our minds it some point in time.......I look at things this way.....When two people enter into marrige they ask themselves, What can this person do for me? How does he or she improve my life and how do I improve theirs? What quilities do we both bring to this relationship that makes us each a better person??? ....If my Husband can love me for what I can do for him by bringing him to the states and making a better life for him and his family.....IS that so bad??? Is it wrong of me to think that a person can love someone for helping them be a better person in all areas????....I dont think so......My family has thought I had lost my mind........When I went to Nigeria Ohhhhh they really thought I needed help....LOL LOL LOL When I came back and my family saw the viedo of our wedding there in the middle of the Village and saw all the people that were involved and helped in everything......Ohhhh They could not belive it.....My mother said that she could not belive what she was about to tell me.....She said that after watching it she could see the love in his eyes .....They way he held my dress so It would not get dirty.......The way he stayed close to me and whiped the sweat from my face .........My own mother was so very impressed......That is a statement..
However even with all of that .......In the back of my mind I still have questions that will only be answered when he gets here......If in the end Things dont work out like I have planed then I truely have nobody to blame but myself.......Going into this we all have to have opened eyes and know that as much as we truely have opened our hearts and given them away to the ones we love in our situation we have to except what ever happens in the end.....Lets all hope that we have our happily ever afters.......That our biggest dreams will come and stay true........

very well said... I couldn't agree with you more.....

You said that so eloquently and hit the nail on the head.

I have thought the same thing. Can we really be in love after meeting on the internet and having a long distance relationship? And there are times when I am nervous and scared. Marriage is SUCH a big decision.

But then I realize that marriage is a big decision NO MATTER WHO YOU CHOOSE. People get scared and nervous when they get married. That's not abnormal. And I KNOW that this is the right decision for me.

If you listen to all the negative things that people say, you'll go crazy. My SO always says to me "If you believe that what you are doing is right, it doesn't matter what other people say about it." I am lucky to have the support of my parents. They know what a wonderful man my SO is.

Hey my dear!

First of all, i am so happy you had the courage to post regarding how you feel! gurl, i have the SAME FEELINGS! i get soo scared, because nana will be here next month and that is sooo soon. i personally have a very demanding life, because i am devoted to teaching, writing, etc. i want to be the best wife possible and make sure that i make time for my marriage because that is NUMBER 1! listen, when nana and i got married, my mom was acting up, because he is african and poor and i am young with my "whole life ahead of me" blah blah blah... so i hear you on that! BUT GUESS WHAT?! we love each other and that is all that matters. some people are just jealous-trust me! nana and i still have NO IDEA what he is going to do when he gets here, but we will figure something out, and so will you and ombeni! i feel like we need to be a support system for each other! it took my family a while to get used to nana...acutally, it took them YEARS!! your family and friends will get used to him. he loves you and you love him. that is all that matters. the nerves are normal. that is all a part of love. if you wasn't nervous, then i would be nervous...hehe.

i know you two will be fine. just keep the patience, faith and strength and know that you are not in this alone. i for one, have all of the same fears you have. but the one thing that matters is love. some people die without experiencing true love. you have it already and it is gonna be good. you are also dealing with issues of interracial dating, which is not easy. just remember why you fell in love with ombeni in the first place. i'm rooting for you guys...

MWAH

"never say you fell in love, say you rose in it". -Toni Morrison

Wow, just reading all these thoughts from everyone is so supportive. I don't know what forum we go to after this one, but I for one would like to be able to keep in touch after our fiances get married.

You guys have said such sweet and supportive things! Thank you! I'm glad so many of us are in the same boat... somewhat hesitant, but still sure of what we're doing.

Reading this post brings me back to how I was feeling in Sept. and Oct. right before Wilmot arrived. I was lucky because I had some very supportive friends (actually one of them was who introduced us). I did not even tell my parents until he arrived, then we introduced him and a few weeks later we announced our marriage. The whole time I had many of the same thoughts you all have expressed. But I today he started his frist day at work. Things have been hard but I have not doubted his love or my decision once. But I remember really being anxious before he came. I would say keep your faith and remember that even high school sweethearts who have knowen each other forever can end up having a bad marriage. So do not let fears get in the way of your dreams, you will never know until you try. It just feels like we are taking bigger risks then others, because some people like to think that when you do something a little different then they did it will not work.

By the way I really love reading this forum, even thougth Wilmot came from the Netherlands he is orginally from Liberia. So all of your posts usually touch me and make sense to what I am going through.

Rhonda

Hello everyone just me moon again...LOL LOL .....While on my home home from work today was talking to my mother about our posts on this subject.......I came to another conclusion.....Along with all that has been said here .......Today marrige is such a guessing game as it is.......People do not take marrige as serious as they once did a long time ago......Others have gone into marrige and out with in a year or two.....With us, people say how can you fall in love with someone you have not met or have only been with two weeks .......You need time to develop a relationship.....time to see if it will work.....So on and So one......A relationship on the computer is not the same as being with someone in person......Im sure we have heard all these things before........anyway......You can be dating some one here 5 years get married and then divorced in less then a year.......SO when it comes to getting married we all take the same risks and the same chances .......There is no diffrence........and if there is , the difference is that from the way I see it where my Husband comes from they take marrige very seriously.....Alot more seriously then the way people here do.......They are a very close knit family taking care of extended family......Working hard every day just to survive..........For me that is what I belive helps build the family ties and bonds........Keeps the family together.........We dont have that here......We are a very spoiled people......everything at our fingertips.......Im not saying that we as people dont have personal struggles however when one goes to get water from outside and bring it in to wash clothes by hand or wonders when there will be light again, Not being able to see a doctor when we are sick. Sleeping in beds or thick pieces of foam that are only inches off the floor....Bearly having enough clothes to wear........those are struggles.........here we struggle to make sure we have the latest cell phone.......Or TV or Computers..........The latest clothes or what ever will make our life eaiser.........My Husband and family struggle every day just to survive........and yet they are one of the happiest families/people I know.......What im trying to say is that becasue of the struggles they have, it has a way of bringing them closer together and tieing those bonds even tighter.......I feel that if anyone has a chance at a marrige working out.......our chances are better then most........We have loved ones that can teach us if we dont know yet the ture meaning of Love and family and the VOWS (TILL DEATH DO US PART)............People like us who have been blessed to be a part of that world if only for a short time know what Im talking about...........We have been touched in ways that have changed the way we look at things and see things........We have been blessed to have seen the world through someone elses eyes and have come back a better and changed person.......I know I have....Wether this works out or not......I will never regret this journey im taking becasue in the end I am a changed and Blessed person.

So well said.....

I agree, very well said! I would like to add as well that I have personally ran into this same situation and have been closed out of several of my brother's lives, and that was for an American that they didn't approve of... he and I ended up breaking up after 7 years and I survived, even with no family support because I decided a long time ago that my life is MINE to live as I choose and I have never gone back on that, it's only normal for parents and family and friends to want to give their opinion it's what YOU do with their opinion that really matters in the end... it's most important to find yourself and decide what is best for you and your future. You've gone through so much at this point. I read everyone's posts and feel all of your pain - even though our journey will just begin in September, I am amazed and excited and disgusted at some of the things that I hear, I've even found myself in tears by some of the things that I've read here because it has to be miserable to be making such changes and feel like no one cares... then come the kind words of the VJer's (that's usually where I cry). You have to think that your lives together can be a beacon in the night for those to follow, let everyday be a beautiful unexplored journey involving you and the man that you love! Remember the reasons that you fell in love with him. Just take the criticism (no matter how constructive or unconstructive that it is) and learn from it. You only need to know that you love him and he loves you and if it is meant to be, it will be. I personally don't think that anyone here would have gone this far and not at some point felt the same way if they were in the same situation. I am terribly concerned about alot of things, where Kole is concerned, from how will he adjust to how will it be to live with someone again to what foods will he like or dislike to how will we raise our children... the smallest things make me realize that we are making life changing decisions. But, I digress...if it's the best thing for your sanity to part ways with the ones who push themselves away from you, I agree with someone who posted before in saying that you should let THEM be the reason. God will bless you and your future husband in great ways! And remember, anything worth having is worth working for! I wish you luck and I will keep you and your loved ones in my prayers! Sorry this was so long-winded... I felt compelled to give my 2 cents and some...lol!

I am hoping that all went well w/ Ombeni's travels and I hope that everything has been going great. Please update us when you have the opportunity....have a blessed day

yes, I have been curious, also!

I have been curious as well. Please update us!!!