So sorry, seems his mind and heart were not strong to look thur this persons input and see what a good life he had, hopefully you can get the ticket soon and return to your house and he to his family

Dee I really applaud you for making the best decision for not only yourself but also your kids. I really did not want to say so before now, but girl your husband is a whack job. Oh and I know you left your house to protect yourself and your kids, but hell no that is your house and HE NEEDS TO LEAVE! You can call the Egyptian embassy, or something,but he needs to go. You have kids and they do not need to be uprooted like this even though it is family thank God, but you need to keep it as normal as possible for them. Nevertheless, your so-called friend, she never was and it is good the wool has been pulled from your eyes.

I wish you all the best

Thats great you could cancel the checks. Im so sorry for what you are going through. He seems to have extreme issues and you don't need that.

Dee, out of curiousity, how do you think his family will react to this? Did you have a good relationship with them?

my arabic is NOT good enough to relay all of this .. plus he made me erase all of their #'s out of my phone during one of our last fights

I wanted to ask about his family also but didnt want to pry, dont you expect he will just turn it all around to be none of his fault....or maybe the family knows this flip side of him that wasnt seen before.

Well maybe the Imam can relay the story for you? I'm sure you can get the number from an old phone record. If he went to all the trouble to erase the #s then he knows he is being a jacka$$.

I have to wonder why he had you erase the family numbers????? Im soo sorry you have gone through this...

Alhamdolellah you and the kids are safe...May God be praised for His wisdom and mercy in your case. You could have been hurt worse..or the kids. Allahu Akbar. I am praying for you sister. Keep your eyes on Allah, He is most merciful and all compassionate. Stay close to God, He will carry you through. Sending you peace and love....

Salam Alaikum,
Faith

Dee, you are going to pick yourself up from all this and you will move on. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do, but I know you're a strong woman and you will do it. I truly beleive all the bad things that happen to us in life do happen for a reason and from it we become stronger. I once muttered those exact same words to myself and although I wouldn't want to repeat those things that happened to me in the past, I know that I'm a stronger person because they did happen. (I'm hoping that remotely makes sense) I wouldn't go back till you know he's gone. He has time to sit and dig through your belongings so he has time to sit and think about other things. Does he have any way to get back to home? Stay strong and keep your faith through God during all of this.

{{{hugs}}} praying for you {{{hugs}}}

This is really bugging me. Why is he the one that gets to sit comfortably in YOUR home? I think you need go home and ask him to leave. If he doesnt leave, call the cops. If he asks you where he should, tell him its not your problem. He got himself into this mess, let him figure out a way to get out of it. He has not faced any consequences for his actions and he should.

Also sorry to hear about all this. I think what you are doing is the best decision for you and your kids.

I have one question though that kind of confuses me about the myspace. Did he know about your myspace? Only because I am not sure if you meant your myspace was private to non-friends or if it was private so that he could not see it? And then maybe you only made it private after the trouble started. Anyway just wondering if it was always private or just after the trouble.

Surely he had to know you had a past and how Americans might joke around in pictures. I guess really his problem is beyond that though.

The fact he comes from a place where same-sex affection is totally normal, even for men, in a way we aren't used to here, makes his blow-up even more ridiculous than it seems on the surface. He was looking for a way to ruin this.

I am so sorry..............I am very glad to hear that you and children are safe now. I have been thinking and praying for you and your children everyday. I sincerely hope that you and the kids can get to a place that you feel "Safe" and not threatened anymore in your own home!!

Dee, does he even know you are gone? You left without taking anything, does he think you just went to work?

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You are an exceptionally strong woman.

Dee, I think you should have someone get him. Call the police and make a police report and let him be transferred to Immigrations to be deported. Cultural shock???? No way!!! This man is abusive by nature!

He isn't here illegally, he can't be deported. The police aren't going to take him anywhere, he is in his own house.

I'm hoping the imam can go to the apartment, get him, take him somewhere to stay overnight for a few days until his flight leaves.

Dee, I think filing a police report is a good idea. It solidifies this whole thing, and it can start to put into place a restraining order.

dee, if you need (or want) to return to your house, please take along a friend or neighbor as a witness. Preferably a big beefy cousin or brother, but maybe ask the imam to come along with you.

I think the cops can actually request that he leave but they can't force him too. I know this has always been the case with my cousin and his wife. He gets drunk, comes home, she calls the cops, and they ask him to go somewhere for the night.

But I think you are right, the Imam is your best bet at this point. However I do think she needs to stress that she is scared for herself and her children at this point.

DEE I’m truly sorry that you had to go through all of this. It’s a shame that this man did not see or value the wonderful wife he had in you and that he ruined his chance of working towards building a better future together. Good luck to him on starting his own business when he gets back to Egypt.

Im proud of you for not being shy about this whole situation since day one. You have proven to be a strong woman. You tried your best and did all that you could. Physical mental or emotional abuse should never be tolerated UNDER ANY CIMCUMSTANCES. I commend you for being a great example to all women. The safety of your kids and your own come before any thing else. I feel that you should go back to your house and have the Imam or some one come get him. Its not fair that you have to leave YOUR home while he makes all the trouble and is nice and cozy in your place. Dont worry if he has no where to go, let him go with your so called friend they deserve each other after all the BS that they have cooked up against you. If she was good enough to poison him she should be good enough to take him in now that he is out since she collaborated in doing so much damage to your marriage. A true friend would see the sings from afar and would not be supportive of such demented, idiotic, and abusive behavior. That is no friend at all. You should go back and take control of your house and send him packing. Put a restraining order on him in case he tries to come back or gets abusive when you ask him to leave.

Stay strong Dee I will keep you and your kids in my prayers.

oh dee i'm so sorry to hear this happened.


just to be safe, don't post where you are in any public site as it seems your friend is doing her best to not be a friend. good idea with the aos/ead.


agreed. she needs to file a police report and take the cops with her when she returns.

Hi not that I am an expert, but when my ex husband pushed me and I called the police (he was from morocco) they told me to be 100% sure I wanted to file the complaing. They said they would love nothing more than to take him in, but that once I started it would most likely end up in deportation and that they had seen it before. My ex had his greencard at this point and the police said that did not matter.

I could be wrong, but it may be possible to get deported especially since he isn't even a greencard holder.

I also wanted to say this so called friend may have wanted your husband from the start. I don't want to cause any gossip or say something out of place, so if I do please forgive me, but since she introduced you guys do you think this may have been the plan to get him here in the first place? Also, I don't know much about egyptian culture but with my ex husband and my husband, marital discussions are not to be discussed with friends. Its always better to go to the parents. My husband and I had a couple of disagreements and once we talked to a female friend of mine, but he will not talk to her unless I am present. Otherwise, we talk to our parents and take advice from them. It's been small things, but still he does not like the idea of "others" getting involved. This is why I question both the so called friend and your husbands initial intentions.

Nevertheless, I am so sorry this has happened. I don't know you, but from what I've read you are a very strong woman. For you and your kids. Not to mention, thank you for not being shy about sharing your experience here. I think some ppl seem to think its all roses once the men get here. They are human and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Hopefully any one else who may face this issue will take strength from how you handled things and know it's not ok, nor is it "adjustment." So Dee, THANK YOU.

I think Peezey and Amira gave the best advice - get him out of your house, call the imam AND the police (based on my experience they can make him leave). Smart move on cancelling those checks as well. When you feel up to it you can go to your local USCIS office and put in a request to cancel the AOS.

Again, I hope I didn't say anything out of line and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

If the friend who wrote that stuff introduced the two of you then she knew him first. So it may not be that she wants him for herself but that she believes his word over Dee's because she knew him first. Just another perspective in all this.

Wow. I am so sorry but so happy for you that you ended it. You are a strong woman!

Al Salamo Alyikom (peace be upon you):

Mrs. Deemabrouk:

I am not sending this post to ask you to stay with your husband or not. But, I want to give your attention for a fact; it may be hidden among clouds, fog and the dark lines of the situation you are facing. Allah Almighty states an important fact in a verse that talks about divorce;

The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad
{[2:237]And if you divorce them before having touched them, but after having settled a dower upon them, then [give them] half of what you have settled – unless it be that they forgo their claim or he in whose hand is the marriage-tie forgoes his claim [to half of the dower]: and to forgo what is due to you is more in accord with God-consciousness. And forget not [that you are to act with] grace towards one another: verily, God sees all that you do.}

Even if during divorce, do not forget that both of you had some good moments someday. He sometimes made you laugh and felt with happiness. Both of you have shared the same life and had dreamed with the dreams. Both of you sometimes were so caring about the other. Do not forget the love was in you heart for him. Do not let the anger inside you now turns your kind personality. Do not let the Satan take his interest from you.

Allah Almighty put a solution for your problem in His Book; have you tried it.
The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad
{[4:35]And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, God may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware.}

Please, put these words in your consideration "if they both want to set things aright". So, if you both guys still want this relationship to workout, insha Allah the result will be "God may bring about their reconciliation".

Allah Almighty assists and guides and blesses you sister for what causes the best for you.

I and he came from the same background. Again, if you want me to talk with him, I may help insha Allah.

WTF kind of b.s. is this? If they want WHAT to work out? He is abusive and he got physical last night. Why don't you rustle up some quotes about what the qu'ran says about a MAN WHO BEATS AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSES HIS WIFE?

unfriggingbelievable

You're not wrong. A criminal conviction could buy him a one-way ticket back home. I am uncertain about just being charged with a crime. But at any rate - don't ever call the law out in a family matter unless you mean business. These days, even if the complaining spouse drops the charges, law enforcement can continue to pursue the matter.

Dee, your husband has no idea of the concept of family. You know what I said earlier about everyone sticking together for the good of the family? That means EVERYBODY. When that is violated to the degree you have experienced, then the remaining family unit needs to join ranks, stay safe, and cling to each other.

And if somebody told me Allah wouldn't send me another 'good' man like that - my response to that would be 'praise Allah'.

You're in my thoughts -

Becca

Ditto.

That's pretty messed up that you are posting that. Do you also want her to give him half of everything she owns?

\

Dee,
After reading this thread, I must say my heart is very sad for you . I will pray you receive clarity and wisdom over this matter. I have no answers or advise to give, as I believe you know what is best. You and your children are safe and that is all that matters now.
I think 'Stina makes a good point here. Remember to keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.

STFUUUUUUUUUUUUU Now this may be the wine talking,but you have some nerve!!!!!!!! Her husband is a total, whack job!!!!!!!

The whack job is Gladiator. What the ###### is wrong with that man?

Yep it is not helpful.

Of course in normal circumstances conflict betwen a husband and wife should be mediated and they should try to find common ground...but this is not normal circumstances. The quran is very clear. A husband has no right to harm his wife. Maybe you should try to find some guidance from the quran to guide her husband in the right direction.

He Breathes????

Gladiator- have you NOT seen that Dee's husband has been abusive? She is putting her children in danger by staying with him. Wow.

I'm not super religous but I am religious. However I hate when people try to drop that mumbo jumbo crap in order to make a relationship work. Gladiator, you have A LOT of nerve to post that. I think she has done everything in her power to make it work and he is the one that can't see through the clouds.

Another word of advice to anyone else that wants to advise a women to stay with an abusive husband. ALLAH WILL NOT REWARD YOU FOR THIS, do you really want this person's suffering to be on your hands? I am all for people working out their problems in NORMAL situations however this is far beyond normal.

I'm not sure of Gladiator's intentions with that post, but Dee if your husband promised you any dowry he has to pay that to you regardless of what happens. You are entitled to it and you don't owe him anything. In fact, I'd send him a bill once he's back in egypt for the plane tickets and immigration expenses you incurred.

Let justt be very clear here. Islam does not in any way allow for women to victimize themselves even to save a marriage. A believing Muslim man will never harm his wife no matter what the circumstances.

I had the Bible preached at me for years while I was with my ex. I constantly was being told that God forbids divorce, etc, etc by my parents and being very naive at the time I tried to do everything to make that man happy since I thought it was my Godly duty as a women. (yes, I was a tard in thinking this) I think my family put on blinders when I came to their place at 2 in the morning with my son and I had a broken nose and black eyes. It wasn't until he beat me, raped me and more less left me for dead in the kitchen floor that my parents FINALLY decided I needed to get out. (DUH!) It was while I was in the hospital the chaplin came and talked to me about how none of what happened to me was my fault and God did not want me to be with a man that did not show me love. I don't care what a person quotes, Bible, Quran, Dr. Phil.....a women DOES NOT need to nor have to go through this B.S that Dee has been going though.

Allah did provider Dee with a solution. She got the hell out.

Allah has helped Dee and has already helped her choose what is best for her.

Dee...your voicemail is full Can ya call me please?

You are the strongest woman I know. You did everything you should have Islamically by taking him to the Imam to mediate your marriage. It only works when two people are willing to try.

I hate to say this but I kind of think the "friend" who fixed you up has alterior motives as well. Please stay the heck away from her!!!!!!

Again, call me if you need anything. I sent you a text message just now.

And I agree....get him the heck out. Go with your family tomorrow after a good night's sleep and bring the police after you file a report. File a restraining order if you have to. Wouldn't that demand that he leave? List out EVERYTHING that he has done in the report. EVERYTHING.



bridget

Have you completely gone MAD OR WHAT???? IF YOU CAN INTERPRET THINGS from the Quran why cant you simply read her posts and COMPREHEND THAT HER HUSBAND crossed the line with the physical abuse! YOU MUST BE A NUT JOB IF YOU THINK THAT IS STILL OK. YOUR ADVICE IS NOT FIT FOR THIS SITUATION. I hope your SO follows your train of thought for your sake. DEE HAS DONE ALL THAT SHE CAN TO HELP her husband and save her marriage. IF YOU ACTUALLY READ WHAT SHE HAS SAID these past few days, you will see that they even went to talk to an IMAM for help, yet it did not work. I mean what better mediator for a married couple than a religious leader when the family is not available? EVEN he recognized that their marriage was on thin paper because of his behavior. HIS behavior at this point is NOT acceptable and should never be under any circumstances!!!!!!

IT LOOKS TO ME THAT YOU ONLY READ INTO WHAT YOU WANT TO. GO READ YOUR HOLY BOOK AGAIN AS IT IS EVIDENT THAT YOU MISSED A FEW VERSES. Makes me think your as wack in the head as her husband if you think that Dee's head is just clouded at the moment. I wonder if you had a daughter or sister in this siuation and their husbands beat them, would you react the same way ? Im sure as hell glad that Im not related to you because you might advice me to stick with my husband till he beat the life out of me.

I SEE NOW THAT MEN NOT ONLY SUFFER FROM SELECTIVE HEARING BUT ALSO SELECTIVE COMPREHENSION WHEN READING!AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

not all men....i'm 100% behind dee on this.

Oh Dee, you're in my prayers! I'm glad you got out of there somewhat safe!!! I have to admit I'm a little worried though now that Doodle said your voicemail is full...of course it could just be incessant badgering from HIM but I hope by now you have gotten in touch with the police, even if they can't help they can surely point you in the direction of someone who can. Even though you've found a place to stay, have you thought about contacting a women's shelter for advice?

I hope you are okay......my thoughts and prayers are with you............

Dee.

I am not sure which state you live in, however all states have a women's crisis center with in person and telephone support, most have 24 hour hotline for concerns or to have someone to talk to. You indicated your husband became physical w/u and if ur in any way afraid for ur safety and ur children you can talk to a DV support person regarding the pros/cons of obtaining a restraining order. You know ur SO better than anyone and can judge if this is helpful...you would file a temporary order at your court house and if granted you can request that he leave the house. The Police will have to serve him and he will be ordered out of the house, if he violates the restraining order he may face other charges...however I only know the laws for my state, so not sure of yours...It is worth checking on to see what are your rights and what is the best course of action for you. ** Forgot to mention most women's centers will be able to provide an advocate to help u w/the process of filing the restraining order, taking you through the steps, what info to include, etc...wanted to state that as well....

I agree with others it is unfortunate that you are out of your house w/your children. Your strength during this horror is amazing and I am sure you will choice the best plan for you and your children.

Stay safe and I would strongly encourage contacting your local woman's crisis center, it may be helpful to talk to someone about some of these issues......again you will know what is right for you..I only offer input.....my thoughts are w/u, Melinda

Dee,

I have been following your experience from the beginning and can't believe how quickly things had escalated. I am sorry that you and you little ones are facing this horrifying situation. You and your boys are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so amazed at your strength thru this ordeal and you enormous bravery - I hope that things will work out and this nightmare will be over soon. Please do all that you can to distance yourself and your children from this man... He sounds like a dangerous individual who needs serious reality check or a mental evaluation. Take care and keep us posted...


Dorothy

I have not followed your story much, but as I said the last few posts I am truly sorry you are going throu this Dee. No women deserves this. Esp when children are in involved.

I, personally would attend the AOS (if you filed already) and tell them the whole story. Saving him from ever filing again or tricking them into thinking YOU abused him.

What Gladitor said is total nonsense. Abuse is not an Islamic tradition. In fact, Islam does not condone abuse to women and children. It is forbidden. But unfortunately there will always be men out there "picking and choosing" surats (an-Nisa 4:34) to suit their current mood and cause. MENA husbands still (sometimes) they are still in MENA and try exercises complete and rigid authority over his wife and family.
Many men cannot adjust, since life in the US is so different then life in their own home country. They do not get their way and after a time abuse can occur. The Qur'an exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not overlook her POSITIVE ASPECTS. And all agruements should be dealt within 3 hours. But obviously the situation is way beyond.

Have you talked to an imam? Has he tried to speak with your husband or have another brother speak with him? As I am not sure what the current living arrangement is ... but him living there just angry is not healthy for anyone.

I would also expose him to all the masjid, if he attends and his family. Surely they will *not* side with you... buuuut at least they will hear the "other" side instead labeling you a putan or judging you without hearing your side.

You are very brave, patient and strong sister. If it were me, the least he would be out in the street with nothing but his drawers and some shoes. I would not even put it past myself to do a Lorena on him! I truly from my heart pray for you sister.