The point is, EVERYONE feels attacked, and EVERYONE uses that as justification for attacking the other. This dynamic cannot be moderated by anyone other than one's self.

There are some pretty nasty things being said in here. I cannot for the life of me understand how one can claim the high road at the same time as contributing to the poo fling.

It's a never ending cycle which will only end when each party wants it to end. The mods can do everything under the sun....but finger wagging and punishments only go so far.

Is that the point?

I thought what we were mainly discussing here was what action the mods should take after someone is 'punished' - PM both parties involved in the fracas? Put the 'suspension' up in a thread? Or, as it is now, mete out the punishment 'silently'? Etc and so on.

I think we've had that chicken and egg discussion about culpability in attacks MANY moons ago (and mainly got nowhere with it, except people having to agree to disagree).

*edited for clarity*

There's no secret that it's very 'tit for tat' lately and then followed by a thread in site discussion as to what's wrong with the site. Why are we always on this merry go round?

I think it's because the tats are allowed to hang around. If there is no tat, there is no need for tit. We go around the merry-go-round because it is never nipped in the bud.

never? ouch.

The point that I was trying to make, Tracy, is that BEFORE it escalates into such a fracas, it can be diffused like adults. There's no secret that it's very 'tit for tat' lately and then followed by a thread in site discussion as to what's wrong with the site. Why are we always on this merry go round?

I've dealt with issues behind the scenes where a simple response was given which answered my question...I don't think it's a great conspiracy or a refusal of the mods/E to cooperate...I think the heart of the matter really is a bandwagon mentality situation to publicly complain about something because the decision isn't what some would like to see.

The point is, EVERYONE feels attacked, and EVERYONE uses that as justification for attacking the other. This dynamic cannot be moderated by anyone other than one's self.

There are some pretty nasty things being said in here. I cannot for the life of me understand how one can claim the high road at the same time as contributing to the poo fling.

It's a never ending cycle which will only end when each party wants it to end. The mods can do everything under the sun....but finger wagging and punishments only go so far.

I just matched up the language of your post with the footer (use of the word martyr being a give away) - not exactly rocket science. It was clear you had an issue with someone and were using your footer to advertise that fact. What's this about a raging arsehole you say?

Sometimes it's so ironic it's like reading Kierkegaard.

If we're that vile to be around, why the hell are you here? Mags is a big girl - not to mention smart and capable - which is why I'm quite sure she can handle herself without your 'help'. And we get it, you detest Dev. You think we're all whiners and tattlers. You enjoy stomping around here and being an arsehole. Etc. and so forth. Duly noted.

I can't speak for anyone else in this thread, but I did not contribute to it to pick on or attack the mods. (I think they have a thankless, difficult job.) I am trying to come up with feasible solutions to the issues at hand. I'm sure that won't stop you from stomping on me, but now that I know your M.O., I'll be sure not to take it personally.

And if this now makes me one of the whiners/tattlers, then yay for me!

The ONLY reason I posted to this thread was because I can only take so much before I have to say what's on my mind.

Oh. AND I quit smoking Sunday.

A troll? Thaught member joined in 2006.

But it is the first and ONLY post made by that member since joining; seems a very strange way to introduce yourself to VJ. Many people here have "alternative" accounts in which they feel able to vent or "troll" other members through. Just because the age of the account is 11 months old it does not mean that it wasn't the purpose of it when it was created.

It just means that they've not used it yet.

Grr I typed a big long essay and it's gone! (my error, not the invisibility elf)

OK I've hesitated on having any input on this thread for the last 2 days, following my warning for thinly veiled opinions and piggybacking on others comments. I don't see how I can comment without piggybacking and thinly veiled opinions seem to be running rampant in this thread.

There are 2 camps in the VJ UK forum. This isn't going to go away overnight, but really does need to go away as it's causing a really bad atmosphere. I would think out of everyone, the mods would be the people who would want this resolved as quickly as possible. The people complaining are not asking for an eternity of a$$ kissing and apologies, they're asking for acknowledgement. That's all. Acknowledgement that their complaints through the proper channels are not falling on deaf ears because of who they are. You don't have to name names, publicly humiliate or flog someone. I once complained about a mod and got the response from Ewok "read the thread, totally agree with you, I'll PM them now". That's all it took. I was happy my complaint/query had been dealt with in the right way and this person would heed the warning given to them.

As for members being rated on their valuability to VJ, damn right! If someone who doesn't or hasn't been through the visa process and only posts in OT is complaining about a member who supplies countless posts on visa problems and answers the poster efficiently and correctly, who is the more deserving to be here? I know personally that some of the people in this thread alone helped me immensely on my journey, and if it wasn't for them I would have been heavily medicated by now.

Now let's take this thread for instance. PlatyPius comes in and calls Dev names. Outright. No thinly veiled opinions, no code, nothing. I would like to think Mags has said something to him face to face. Do I know that's happened? no. If I ask, will Mags tell me? no. So therein lies the frustration. All Mags says is a disclaimer that her husband can call people names and she doesn't necessarily agree with him. This is just so wrong in my opinion. If it had been me who had called Dev names, I would have been reported, possibly PM'd and a warning would be in the thread to avoid personal attacks.
Also just for the record.. it really doesn't look too professional or fill people with confidence when even a Mod's husband admits to only being here to be an a$$hole.

Just my views. I don't have diseases and I'm not suffering from any withdrawals of anything, so this is me rationally saying what I think, no excuses.

When is asking someone to fill in their timelines a troll - people do it all the time. Or is this a question of perceived intent?

I'll admit that the 'troll post' was ill placed, but still a legitimate request.

Geez, benefit of the doubt much? There was a post yesterday with an obvious MENA troll that went on for pages without closing it or a warning!

Well, I suspect this thread will be closed ANYtime now. It was nice to have the discussion - I hope some of the suggestions were taken seriously and will at least be considered.

Would that be with or without addressing the personal attack issue?

There is a valuable time line filled out which pertains to our journey as a couple. I ask a legitimate question that is ask daily on VJ. We are having a discussion about all of the nonsense taking place with closing threads, making posts invisible etc. My point is and will stand why is there no time line for this person who always seems to be involved in so many of the locked / problematic threads? So is feather B a troll now that she wants to question my time line? Nope!

Anyone who has personally attacked anyone else in this thread will be dealt with.

As mentioned earlier valuable persons have or will leave this site due to certain people being allowed to post anything they like. Not that it really matters but I am a member here just like anyone else and I ask that someone fill in their time line big whoop.

Anyway !

Geez, benefit of the doubt much? There was a post yesterday with an obvious MENA troll that went on for pages without closing it or a warning!

isnt d_brit lisa's man? i dunno i couldve sworn i seen it before post one time. i could be wrong, it wouldnt be the first time

lol, nope. my boo's name on here is ddave. He doesn't use his acct all that much. Plus, it wouldn't make sense for my D to be asking me to fill in our timeline

_____________


As to the d_brit comment.....I dunno if that was really a trolling post, but it's a perfect example of the bullsh!t here lately. My timeline has sweet fa to the discussion, but it was pointed out why? Prolly to either deflect the issue to something else, or as a 'tit-for-tat' response like 'yer deficient cos you haven't done this'

either way, it's no big shakes to me....so I think we should get back on course to the topic at hand..

Edit: I checked his name and it's ddave!

I think it's because the tats are allowed to hang around. If there is no tat, there is no need for tit. We go around the merry-go-round because it is never nipped in the bud.

It would if he was messin with ya
ok well, i knew his username was short with a d.

....just because there is a 'tat', that doesn't justify the 'tit'

Maybe not. But after a while, lying down and playing dead just gets really old. Especially if the 'tats' are repeated.

But as Tracy coined the phrase 'chicken-egg' or whatever the exact wording is, I think it's a great way to sum it up...if one feels 'ok she attacked me so I can attack back'...well, what if all parties involved feel that same way?

That's where I disagree....just because there is a 'tat', that doesn't justify the 'tit'

or vice versa!


But as Tracy coined the phrase 'chicken-egg' or whatever the exact wording is, I think it's a great way to sum it up...if one feels 'ok she attacked me so I can attack back'...well, what if all parties involved feel that same way?

Maybe not. But after a while, lying down and playing dead just gets really old. Especially if the 'tats' are repeated.

Still doesn't justify it though.

Plus, if someone is goaded into acting like what they claim to loathe, it does that poster a great disservice.

I was once called passive aggressive for not giving tit for tat. I think it irritates tatters when you respond with an even-tempered, rational response.

I'm not justifying anything. I'm talking about human nature.

what do you do if someone bugs you in real life?? do you attack them back or just ignore it??

I really am curious about that...

Ok - now I have to go for Windex and paper towel.................lololol

what do you do if someone bugs you in real life?? do you attack them back or just ignore it??

I really am curious about that...

It's not really 'human nature' to degrade yourself by acting in a childish and vindictive manner.

Really, what is there to be gained from it??? name calling? What value does that hold

If something is repeated though, eventually I give that person a plateful of it back. After lying down for so long, it usually shocks them so perfectly they pull in their horns on the spot.

ETA: Different perspectives. I don't see it as retaliation or revenge. I see it as not letting someone walk all over you.

I don't think it's 'degrading', childish' or 'vindictive' to finally hand somebody back a bowlful of the vomit they've been spewing.