Just wondered, what prejudices have you experienced (or not) from family, friends, or the public, regarding:
Age Differences?
Race Differences?
Cultural Differences?
Religious Differences?
In the USA or in your SO's country?
Thanks, just interested in how you handle these things. Debbie (and Hamid)
Full Version: MENA RELATIONSHIPS
there are quite a few posts on this topic in this forum if you do a little search, but, i've had no problems really expect from some immediate family members who think i'm absolutely nuts! i'm sure they will change their minds after meeting my fiance, and seeing him here, adjusting well, etc. but for now, i understand some of their concerns (but not all) about our relationship. their concerns are mostly about our religious differences than anything else....and the fact that he has never been to the US and worries about how he'll adjust here, job accessability, etc.
QUOTE(abdounjen @ Jul 11 2007, 07:24 PM) 
there are quite a few posts on this topic in this forum if you do a little search, but, i've had no problems really expect from some immediate family members who think i'm absolutely nuts! i'm sure they will change their minds after meeting my fiance, and seeing him here, adjusting well, etc. but for now, i understand some of their concerns (but not all) about our relationship. their concerns are mostly about our religious differences than anything else....and the fact that he has never been to the US and worries about how he'll adjust here, job accessability, etc.
Yes, I got a letter from my brother today. I had asked him to write a letter of support for Hamid and me---for Hamid to take to his interview. He wrote me a one page letter telling me why he couldn't do that in good faith. Which I understand, but it is sad. He mentioned age difference, education differences, my divorces, race differences, my small town. All of this makes me start doubting, but then I think, naw, I wanna have some fun!!! lol Hamid has never been here either and will probably make lousy money. Then I worry about the younger women chasing him. So it becomes a vicious cycle. But I get back on here and try to get my sanity back. Thanks for the support. Debbie
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 11 2007, 07:40 PM)
QUOTE(abdounjen @ Jul 11 2007, 07:24 PM)
there are quite a few posts on this topic in this forum if you do a little search, but, i've had no problems really expect from some immediate family members who think i'm absolutely nuts! i'm sure they will change their minds after meeting my fiance, and seeing him here, adjusting well, etc. but for now, i understand some of their concerns (but not all) about our relationship. their concerns are mostly about our religious differences than anything else....and the fact that he has never been to the US and worries about how he'll adjust here, job accessability, etc.
Yes, I got a letter from my brother today. I had asked him to write a letter of support for Hamid and me---for Hamid to take to his interview. He wrote me a one page letter telling me why he couldn't do that in good faith. Which I understand, but it is sad. He mentioned age difference, education differences, my divorces, race differences, my small town. All of this makes me start doubting, but then I think, naw, I wanna have some fun!!! lol Hamid has never been here either and will probably make lousy money. Then I worry about the younger women chasing him. So it becomes a vicious cycle. But I get back on here and try to get my sanity back. Thanks for the support. Debbie
I've had relatively very few problems with family as to my relationship with my husband. Most of the negativity came from co workers who thought I was crazy for going to Morocco in the first place. Most of it had to do with the fact that he's Muslim. Our age difference has never even come up. I am 7 years older than he is so it's not a huge difference anyway.
Now that I've been there on several occassions and lived, my co workers are more accepting. Many have spoken with him on the phone and say he sounds like a real sweetheart, which he is. There are still a few friends that have reservations about all of this but they don't make comments anymore. They don't ask about him or how immigration is coming along and that's fine with me. It's my life and I made the right choice.
Yes, there are differences in our cultures and races but we, as a couple embrace those differences. They make life a little more interesting. It may make things a little more difficult too but we'll get past them.
Dgintenn, I'm not picking on you here but this statement reminded me of a conversation I had with a gf of mine recently. I have a friend who is married to an Egyptian (not from VJ). She mentioned once that she was afraid the young girls in her town would be after him and he wouldn't be able to resist. This causes her a lot of grief. She and her husband are about the same age (she's my age). I have noticed several comments on this forum about this very thing....my SO is so handsome the younger women will be after him, etc. My question is, how can one be with a man who they're always afraid will run off with someone younger? Doesn't that cause too much stress? Sure men of any age/race/ethnicity could potentially run off with a younger or older woman. But it this idea it bothersome because of the particular person you're with, how do you handle it? Again, not speaking specifically to Debbie, I'm speaking to those who have this "insecure" feeling that the young girls will be after their man. Not trying to stir up anything either. Please don't take it this way. Just curious.
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 11 2007, 08:40 PM)
Then I worry about the younger women chasing him. So it becomes a vicious cycle. But I get back on here and try to get my sanity back. Thanks for the support. Debbie
The only prejudice I've experienced is from my own family and really it's just a couple of people in my family. The rest of my friends, co-workers and other family members have gotten to know Hicham and care about him very much. The couple of my family members are just caught up on the whole Muslim thing. They come from a deep Southern Baptist teaching that believes Islam is of the devil. The other family member is glued to the TV all the time and believes that all Arabs are terrorist. Even though Hicham has helped me care for this family member when she was ill, she still has to call me everytime there is anything to do with a terrorist bombing anywhere in the world. 
I have never experienced ANY prejudice from Hicham's family or from my visits to Morocco. They have been wonderful to love me as the person that I am and not where I come from.
I am adamant that I will teach my son to respect people for WHO they are and not for the color of their skin or how they pray!
I have never experienced ANY prejudice from Hicham's family or from my visits to Morocco. They have been wonderful to love me as the person that I am and not where I come from.
I am adamant that I will teach my son to respect people for WHO they are and not for the color of their skin or how they pray!
QUOTE(moody @ Jul 12 2007, 07:27 AM)
Dgintenn, I'm not picking on you here but this statement reminded me of a conversation I had with a gf of mine recently. I have a friend who is married to an Egyptian (not from VJ). She mentioned once that she was afraid the young girls in her town would be after him and he wouldn't be able to resist. This causes her a lot of grief. She and her husband are about the same age (she's my age). I have noticed several comments on this forum about this very thing....my SO is so handsome the younger women will be after him, etc. My question is, how can one be with a man who they're always afraid will run off with someone younger? Doesn't that cause too much stress? Sure men of any age/race/ethnicity could potentially run off with a younger or older woman. But it this idea it bothersome because of the particular person you're with, how do you handle it? Again, not speaking specifically to Debbie, I'm speaking to those who have this "insecure" feeling that the young girls will be after their man. Not trying to stir up anything either. Please don't take it this way. Just curious.
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 11 2007, 08:40 PM)
Then I worry about the younger women chasing him. So it becomes a vicious cycle. But I get back on here and try to get my sanity back. Thanks for the support. Debbie
I see no reason to be with someone if you have to watch and look over your shoulder, Debbie if you think that could happen here, my question would be what do you think is going on back there when your not around.....
Well the only prejudice I get is from my family. I cannot even tell my parents I'm going next week to see him 'cause they'd totally freak and I don't want the migraine.
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
Luckily I haven't had too much from my family, except my mother is constantly trying to get me to eat pork (I was never a big fan in the past- aside from pepperoni). One time, when I said I didn't want pork, she blurted, "you're not converting, are you?" And she mentioned that my dad said he worried I was converting. So the main issue has been religion. But I'm lucky to work in a school with a teaching staff of about 50% muslims, so I have that support there. It helps.
Edited to add: But who knows what they say behind my back? If they have any, they wouldn't tell me, because they know it would just push me away.
Edited to add: But who knows what they say behind my back? If they have any, they wouldn't tell me, because they know it would just push me away.
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 11 2007, 06:23 PM)
Just wondered, what prejudices have you experienced (or not) from family, friends, or the public, regarding:
Age Differences? We have a very small age difference. Most ppl don't even know we have an age difference since we appear to be the same age so no problems there.
Race Differences? I live in an area that is quite diverse. Ppl are used to seeing mixed race couples here. No problems with this one.
Cultural Differences? I've only been married to Mid Eastern men (twice) so everyone who knows me is used to me being married to a man from that region. My parents didn't like my ex and I know it's because they thought all Mid Easterners are "bad". Now that they've met Moh they really like him. He's not the boogy man Arab that everyone imagines. Surprisingly, most ppl don't realize that Egypt is an "Arab" country. They're always asking Moh, what language do you speak? So far no issues with this one either.
Religious Differences? I'm Muslim and have been for 14 yrs. I don't wear it on my sleeve but everyone I know is aware of this fact. My children are Muslim. Everyone in our lives is used to this. My parents aren't exactly thrilled about this but because I'm not strict about it they can pretend it's not there. As far as the public goes...just by looking at Moh and I you wouldn't know we were Muslim. We were at my parent's house for the 4th of July and one of my old neighbors was there. She's a fundie Christian. She started talking to my husband about Egypt because she had gone there several years ago for a holy land tour. She started talking to him about Jesus and he told her he was Muslim. They had a nice civil conversation about religion and Moh taught her a lot about Islam that she never knew about before. He opened her eyes to the fact that Muslims aren't as evil as the media likes to make them. She got a little aggressive about the Jesus saves stuff but her son told her to lay off then he apologized to Moh for his mother.
In the USA or in your SO's country? No probs at all in Egypt regarding any of the stuff mentioned.
Thanks, just interested in how you handle these things. Debbie (and Hamid)
Age Differences? We have a very small age difference. Most ppl don't even know we have an age difference since we appear to be the same age so no problems there.
Race Differences? I live in an area that is quite diverse. Ppl are used to seeing mixed race couples here. No problems with this one.
Cultural Differences? I've only been married to Mid Eastern men (twice) so everyone who knows me is used to me being married to a man from that region. My parents didn't like my ex and I know it's because they thought all Mid Easterners are "bad". Now that they've met Moh they really like him. He's not the boogy man Arab that everyone imagines. Surprisingly, most ppl don't realize that Egypt is an "Arab" country. They're always asking Moh, what language do you speak? So far no issues with this one either.
Religious Differences? I'm Muslim and have been for 14 yrs. I don't wear it on my sleeve but everyone I know is aware of this fact. My children are Muslim. Everyone in our lives is used to this. My parents aren't exactly thrilled about this but because I'm not strict about it they can pretend it's not there. As far as the public goes...just by looking at Moh and I you wouldn't know we were Muslim. We were at my parent's house for the 4th of July and one of my old neighbors was there. She's a fundie Christian. She started talking to my husband about Egypt because she had gone there several years ago for a holy land tour. She started talking to him about Jesus and he told her he was Muslim. They had a nice civil conversation about religion and Moh taught her a lot about Islam that she never knew about before. He opened her eyes to the fact that Muslims aren't as evil as the media likes to make them. She got a little aggressive about the Jesus saves stuff but her son told her to lay off then he apologized to Moh for his mother.
In the USA or in your SO's country? No probs at all in Egypt regarding any of the stuff mentioned.
Thanks, just interested in how you handle these things. Debbie (and Hamid)
QUOTE(doodlebug @ Jul 12 2007, 10:40 AM)
Well the only prejudice I get is from my family. I cannot even tell my parents I'm going next week to see him 'cause they'd totally freak and I don't want the migraine.
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
OMG, that is awful. I hate that for you.
I know how you're feeling. I had a year that I didn't speak to my parents because of their behavior after I married Moh. I didn't want them in my life during the visa process. I was having a rough enough time without them adding their negativity. Now they like him but I'm still leary. I didn't tell them about my sons going to Yemen with their dad for the 3 weeks. I don't need to hear my mother's crap about how it's unsafe there blah, blah, blah. As if I don't worry about them enough myself.
QUOTE(doodlebug @ Jul 12 2007, 10:40 AM)
Well the only prejudice I get is from my family. I cannot even tell my parents I'm going next week to see him 'cause they'd totally freak and I don't want the migraine.
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
QUOTE(allousa @ Jul 12 2007, 11:02 AM)
QUOTE(doodlebug @ Jul 12 2007, 10:40 AM)
Well the only prejudice I get is from my family. I cannot even tell my parents I'm going next week to see him 'cause they'd totally freak and I don't want the migraine.
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
I talked to my sister and she said their big worry is when he gets here. They're actually praying everyday that he gets denied!!!
OMG, that is awful. I hate that for you.
They're weird to begin with though. Not like they're normal parents that suddenly turned on me. They've always been very bigotted.
I have pondered telling them about the trip though 'cause God forbid what if something does happen....then my last words would have been a total lie to them. Everytime I try though somelike like a terrorist incident happens and I think better of it.
granted its not good to Lie... BUT sometimes its not worth the extra stress, worry, freakouts..
I didnt tell my mom.. cause I know she wouldnt sleep.. and freak out the WHOLE time.. So when I came BACK i told her..
She knew something was up.. and she actually thanked me that I didnt tell her.. cause she would of been a wreck the whole time..
BUT now.. everytime I take a trip (say.. driving to NJ) she'll be like "Oh what country are we flying off too now?"
I didnt tell my mom.. cause I know she wouldnt sleep.. and freak out the WHOLE time.. So when I came BACK i told her..
She knew something was up.. and she actually thanked me that I didnt tell her.. cause she would of been a wreck the whole time..
BUT now.. everytime I take a trip (say.. driving to NJ) she'll be like "Oh what country are we flying off too now?"
QUOTE(deemabrouk @ Jul 12 2007, 11:30 AM)
granted its not good to Lie... BUT sometimes its not worth the extra stress, worry, freakouts..
I didnt tell my mom.. cause I know she wouldnt sleep.. and freak out the WHOLE time.. So when I came BACK i told her..
She knew something was up.. and she actually thanked me that I didnt tell her.. cause she would of been a wreck the whole time..
BUT now.. everytime I take a trip (say.. driving to NJ) she'll be like "Oh what country are we flying off too now?"
I didnt tell my mom.. cause I know she wouldnt sleep.. and freak out the WHOLE time.. So when I came BACK i told her..
She knew something was up.. and she actually thanked me that I didnt tell her.. cause she would of been a wreck the whole time..
BUT now.. everytime I take a trip (say.. driving to NJ) she'll be like "Oh what country are we flying off too now?"
QUOTE(moody @ Jul 12 2007, 06:27 AM)
Dgintenn, I'm not picking on you here but this statement reminded me of a conversation I had with a gf of mine recently. I have a friend who is married to an Egyptian (not from VJ). She mentioned once that she was afraid the young girls in her town would be after him and he wouldn't be able to resist. This causes her a lot of grief. She and her husband are about the same age (she's my age). I have noticed several comments on this forum about this very thing....my SO is so handsome the younger women will be after him, etc. My question is, how can one be with a man who they're always afraid will run off with someone younger? Doesn't that cause too much stress? Sure men of any age/race/ethnicity could potentially run off with a younger or older woman. But it this idea it bothersome because of the particular person you're with, how do you handle it? Again, not speaking specifically to Debbie, I'm speaking to those who have this "insecure" feeling that the young girls will be after their man. Not trying to stir up anything either. Please don't take it this way. Just curious.
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 11 2007, 08:40 PM)
Then I worry about the younger women chasing him. So it becomes a vicious cycle. But I get back on here and try to get my sanity back. Thanks for the support. Debbie
my best friend met a guy abroad also...although they are similar in age (and young). but she is very insecure about what will happen once he comes to the US and is around lots of beautiful girls. i always try to reassure her that he will be coming for HER, but finding help for your insecurities comes from within. if he can't make her feel secure about their love, who can?
I've never been worried that my husband would find other women in the US attractive and leave me for them. Actually, the thought never even crossed my mind until I read this post. I guess I would have been worried about our relationship if that was an issue and wouldn't have filed the visa in the first place. Not picking on anyone, that's just my personaly opinion...
Before we left to visit his family in Algeria my parents (and some extended family) were worried about my safety - but then again, so was I. They didn't want me to go, even though they had been right next door in Morocco the year before. I think it had a lot to do with the terrorism that plagued Algeria when they were children. I think that image is set in their heads. Of course everything ended up being fine, but with all the bombings in Algeria lately I don't think I would go again any time soon... I'd like to wait for it to calm down a bit. That being said, I do think my family/friends would have had a MUCH bigger problem with my husband if I had met him on the internet or if he was still unemployed here (he's been here since November) and I was supporting him. The fact that we met when I was in France and he came here and had a job within a month and a half have made a BIG difference (in my opinion).
Everyone that my husband has met in the US has been nothing but nice to him. My family and friends welcomed him with open arms and everyone at his job loves him. His employer knows that he just came from Algeria and they have been wonderful to him. He was employee of the month in April and was chosen as employee of the quarter this past weekend and won a iPod shuffle and a weeks paid vacation!! He is 1/2 italian and he looks very much italian, perhaps this has something to do with the way people treat him - would people on the street treat him differently if they knew where he was from? Maybe...
Before we left to visit his family in Algeria my parents (and some extended family) were worried about my safety - but then again, so was I. They didn't want me to go, even though they had been right next door in Morocco the year before. I think it had a lot to do with the terrorism that plagued Algeria when they were children. I think that image is set in their heads. Of course everything ended up being fine, but with all the bombings in Algeria lately I don't think I would go again any time soon... I'd like to wait for it to calm down a bit. That being said, I do think my family/friends would have had a MUCH bigger problem with my husband if I had met him on the internet or if he was still unemployed here (he's been here since November) and I was supporting him. The fact that we met when I was in France and he came here and had a job within a month and a half have made a BIG difference (in my opinion).
Everyone that my husband has met in the US has been nothing but nice to him. My family and friends welcomed him with open arms and everyone at his job loves him. His employer knows that he just came from Algeria and they have been wonderful to him. He was employee of the month in April and was chosen as employee of the quarter this past weekend and won a iPod shuffle and a weeks paid vacation!! He is 1/2 italian and he looks very much italian, perhaps this has something to do with the way people treat him - would people on the street treat him differently if they knew where he was from? Maybe...
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 11 2007, 06:23 PM)
Just wondered, what prejudices have you experienced (or not) from family, friends, or the public, regarding:
Age Differences?
Race Differences?
Cultural Differences?
Religious Differences?
In the USA or in your SO's country?
Thanks, just interested in how you handle these things. Debbie (and Hamid)
Age Differences?
Race Differences?
Cultural Differences?
Religious Differences?
In the USA or in your SO's country?
Thanks, just interested in how you handle these things. Debbie (and Hamid)
THANKS FOR ALL THE INPUT. I HAVE DECIDED TO SAY SCREW ANYBODY'S OPINION AND JUST TRY TO LET IT GO AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. You can tell I am a control freak--lol. Hamid is the nicest guy I have met, no matter what our differences. So.....I'm just hoping to hear from CA soon--been like 93 days now.
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 12 2007, 06:33 PM)
QUOTE(dgintenn @ Jul 11 2007, 06:23 PM)
Just wondered, what prejudices have you experienced (or not) from family, friends, or the public, regarding:
Age Differences?
Race Differences?
Cultural Differences?
Religious Differences?
In the USA or in your SO's country?
Thanks, just interested in how you handle these things. Debbie (and Hamid)
Age Differences?
Race Differences?
Cultural Differences?
Religious Differences?
In the USA or in your SO's country?
Thanks, just interested in how you handle these things. Debbie (and Hamid)
PS--Also just wanted to add that Hamid has NEVER given me any reason to doubt him or be jealous, so I am very lucky in that regard. As he says, I don't give my time to other women.
THANKS FOR ALL THE INPUT. I HAVE DECIDED TO SAY SCREW ANYBODY'S OPINION AND JUST TRY TO LET IT GO AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. You can tell I am a control freak--lol. Hamid is the nicest guy I have met, no matter what our differences. So.....I'm just hoping to hear from CA soon--been like 93 days now.
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