Just wondering if anyone has experienced this type of jealousy from their significant other, created perhaps out of the frustration from being separated during the visa process? Not talking crazy stalker jealousy, just little things.

I was the one jealous , and yes the distance and time apart does things to the mind. Let me say that I was jealous of him spending tiem with his friends family and not me. Not from women.

Only a little and not often. For example, the other night my kids were with their dad and I went to the movies with a friend. I told my husband via the webcam and he asked very seriously if I was going with a guy or a girl. I looked shocked at him and told him, "why I'm going with my lover of course.......if you can't be with the one you love love the one you live!!".

lol. He doesn't ask that stuff that much but truth be told he knows I'm always home with the kids so he has no reason to ask.

absolutely.

I've always had self esteem issues so I'm naturally kind of possessive...always working to improve it of course! But he knows sometimes I can get a bit much, he has been nothing less than perfect though in that respect

I hoped that by moving to the US that kind of insecurity/jealousy would disapear but in some ways it is worse, just further proof that one has to heal themselves, a partner/husband cannot do it for you!

Some jealousy is a little natural, long times away puts a strain on anyone...over five years together but apart, some days were very very hard as you all well know!

I used to be the jealous one in the relationship, now he has taken on the role. I recall one episode of me finding old pics in a drawer of his former girlfriend who happened to be stunningly beautiful and the drama that ensued of me ripping up photos and crying like an idiot. He has vowed to seek revenge on me when he gets here to the States, needless to say I have a to-do list with clearing out old photos and love letters of my ex as a priority.
I'm just too darn tired to be jealous anymore. I am so preoccupied with work and with the Visa that I don't have the time or energy to think about anything else.

I think most people experience a little bit of that. Or just relationship stress in general. I was the one who was stressed at times. Usually it coincided with my period (we're all grown! lol.) I hate to admitt it but it was true. Once I realized that, I'd always check my calendar and then chill out.

Before my fiance and I met in person I was VERY jealous. After we met and spent alot of time together, though, I became very trusting. I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I do get a little peeved that he never gets jealous.

I think my husband tried to get me jealous once. We were talking and he told me that a few women in his neighborhood are mad that he married me. He went on for a few minutes telling me how they liked him, etc. so being sick of hearing it I finally just said, "well if you really want them you are free to marry them and that will save me airfare and some visa headaches...just let me know, k?"

lol he was shocked and quickly backtracked like no no no you donnot get what I am saying, but I was all "seriously....if you are talking about them you must want them so Im' just makin' it easy on you telling you you're free to go"



I'm sorry I don't have the time for jealousy. I was burnt bigtime in my last marriage and if they're that into someone else they can have them. I'll just be a happy little cat lady.

How odd.

Not odd at all. I have survived a very hurtful divorce where my husband left me for another woman. I spent a good year full of jealousy and sorry pining over the man. I finally got strong enough and with two kids under the age of 2 pulled myself up by the bootstraps and built my life over. So, call it odd if you will but I just don't see the point in the energy of being jealous. If he's seriously into someone else, why bother fighting it, since neither of you will be happy in the end. I don't need a man to fulfill my life. Sure he enhances it but I won't die if he leaves, so why burn up energy on worrying if he's gonna?

I think the same way. I had almost the same experience (except for the kids part).

My husband used to see this as me not caring about him. Some people think that if you are not jealous, it means that you don't care. But that's not true in my case. I care. But, I learned that if he wants to be with someone else, he's already left the relationship (in his mind, at the very least) and that means I will just be wasting my time.

In the past, I didn't get jealous until I had a reason to feel that way. And, now, even if I have a reason to be jealous, I won't let it consume me. I don't like being lied to. But, I am not going to spend another 3 1/2 years (like last time) trying to figure out if I am the only one in his life. It's too draining and it makes you miserable.

Right there with you!


Rika

I think that the distance and separation can get the better of you if you let it. I found that my SO and I are both trying to get through this journey the best we know how and we both surround ourselves with supportive family/friends...and I also agree w/others postings regarding being consumed with jeolousy...I have never been a jeolous person...I know this distance/process is a challenge and I hope all awaiting and those that have been separated from their loved ones far longer than I are reunited soon....

Completely agree with Doodle...you are free to go. Save me the time, the energy and the heartache in the future. There was jealousy on both sides. He would say that if things didn't work out betwee me and him that he would just marry a Moroccan girl. My attitude about was, hey, go ahead, it will save us both a lot if that it what you want. It was not a card that I was willing to let him ue as a trump card over me. Been through that same hurtful divorce like Doodle, so I would rather he move on before we he was here, we were married and having a life that would be destroyed. Maybe you just have to have been there to understand that.

I so agree with Doodle and PW. It takes two people to make a relationship work and only one to tear it apart. I don't think I would want a man who I couldn't be just a little jealous of, but not to the point of wondering if I really mattered to him. What would be the point of the relationship in the first place if you were constantly in fear of losing him to another woman?

I agree with the above folks. I put it this way, "If you can do any better, good luck, and don't let the door hit you in the ### on the way out."

I have come to realize that Moroccan men (this is what mine says) believe that jealousy means you love somebody. He does get jealous, but so far, I have done all right. He never does anything (yet) to make me jealous. However, it all came home to me yesterday when I met my new single beautiful blonde new neighbor that Hamid will be exposed to when he moves here. I actually stopped and worried about that--really pitiful. BUT I do worry about women chasing him here in the USA, but what can you do? And the difference in our ages worries me some, but not him. He worries that I will find an older guy and dump him--lol. We just have to go on blind faith. He tells me if he wanted somebody else, he could find her there in Marrakech with all those half-naked tourists and other women.

So what can you do???? Not a damned thing, just know that if something happens and you become single again, you WILL survive that. I thought my life was over when my hubby of 22 years came home and announced he wasnt happy, then filed for a divorce 2 weeks later. BUT I am now happier than I ever was...point is, keep going, things will work out. My mom's best advice: "Not one door closes that another one doesn't open." If you had told me a few years ago that I would be going to Morocco to see a younger fiance, I would have thought you were crazy. Just goes to show you, be open, anything can happen....and usually does!!!

A cute story: IMO
Sometimes I act as designated driver for a friend of mine who likes to go to clubs and drink and dance. Since I don't drink, but like to watch people dance and enjoy the music and the night away from my kids, I don't mind doing it. It's not very often, maybe once or twice a year. So, I was telling my husband about having gone out with this friend, and he asked me what I did, what did I drink, did I talk to anyone and if I danced. So, after telling him that I watched, I drank diet pepsi, and I talked to my friends, and no, I did not dance, I asked him if he was angry at me because I had gone out. His answer? No, I am not angry, you can go anywhere you want to go and you can do anything you want to do, but you cannot dance with anyone.....LOL I thought it was really cute that he said that.

I don't have the time to be jealous

I'm jealous of the fun he has with his friends. He's jealous because I'm with my kids and he really wants to be here with us.

Forgot to say that I AM SOOOOO JEALOUS OF THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE THEIR SO HERE ALREADY. And I am pissed that a person sitting in Casa gets to determine the path of my life. Wish I could make a few judgments on those folks' married lives---

This sounds exactly like my hubby. He always says that its not fair that I have the kids here with me to keep me company. I tell him that I can easily arrange to send them back over there to him.
He gets jealous of when I go on outings with the kids and family or functions at the mosque. He says that he feels like he is losing out not being able to be here and do those things with us. In a way that does make me feel good, I know that he really does love us.



That is too funny! You just gotta love how guys think. My husband doesn't care where I go as long as I have the kids with me. Guess he thinks that a guy won't try to talk to a woman if she has kids with her. He's got some learning to do about guys here in the States....I will let him figure that one out on his own.

nope..
I never felt jealousy toward javed. nor has he felt that towards me.. however, we both feel
jealousy for all the approvals and family reunions. thats the role jealousy has played.

Um, well in my case we knew each other for several years and there is a great trust there, so not much jealousy arose between us. We tell each other everything, have very few secrets and are both very understanding/unjudgemental about each other's thoughts and actions. We both have our beliefs, the deep respect we have for each other, goals in this life and relationship. I know all his friends and he knows mine. But of course, we both do have jealousy about others looking/admiring each other... I think if there is no sense of jealousy there is no love.
My husband always makes jokes in a poor attempt to see if I get mad with jealousy (just to see my reaction) Sometimes I indulge just so we can have something to laugh about later.

Um, well in my case we knew each other for several years and there is a great trust there, so not much jealousy arose between us. We tell each other everything, have very few secrets and are both very understanding/unjudgemental about each other's thoughts and actions. We both have our beliefs, the deep respect we have for each other, goals in this life and relationship. I know all his friends and he knows mine. But of course, we both do have jealousy about others looking/admiring each other... I think if there is no sense of jealousy there is no love. My husband always makes jokes in a poor attempt to see if I get mad with jealousy (just to see my reaction) Sometimes I indulge just so we can have something to laugh about later.

But I have stories where they is such jealousy (in my opinion distrust) that the couple reports to each other every action. Where the woman can go out with her childre or some other adult (mahram or female) guardian, never look or talk to any man for any reason, Internet time limitations, spying techniques better then the KGB ever was. Weird!

Oh doodlebug, I agree with everything your saying. I have been through it myself and I had 2 boys at home and had to rebuild the strength for my children and myself to continue. I figured my children are my life I can live without a s/o but not without them its amazing what a person can accomplish when minds are set. Having my husband in my life right now feels so right this time and this time there is trust . So I do agree with you.

there is a slight jealousy on occasion. today i am going out with a male friend of mine and abdou didn't seem too thrilled with that idea. i had to spend a few minutes reassuring him that he was a long time friend, and friend only. i'm sure he would rather see me not go with my male friends ever without him though!

From my experience in Morocco, it seems like minor amounts of jealousy are a sign of affection. (I'm not talking about controlling jealousy, but the types of jealousy other people have reported in this thread). I had to deal with my fair share of jealousy while we were waiting for the visa, and this was something I had to adjust to. We had quite a few discussions about it. Male friends were out of the question, and I did the whole "clearing away pictures of ex" thing as well. But for both of us, honesty has always been the most important, especially when the distance is so great. For example, we could have easily gone out with a friend of the opposite sex, not tell each other, and we would never know. But we would tell each other these things, even if they would make the other person jealous, because that was more important than trying to hide it (even if it was something in which neither one of us did something "wrong").

Oh, and he tried to get me jealous too, and he was usually sad when it didn't work!

ooooooh the whole "clearing pictures of the ex" thing! i forgot about that! last time i was in morocco i brought my laptop to show my fiance photos and burn music on his ipod. anyway, as he was browsing in my photo folders he came across an ex of mine and was kind of jealous about me still having those around! i hadn't even looked at those photos in quite a long time so to me it wasn't a big deal, but he must have thought i still look at them often and dream about the guy! lol

I remember something like this. Some girl SMSing him before (but turned out she was only instagating And I did find old letters from some old flames. I did not say anything about it, but it did drive me. But when we had to move out all our things, cos of the construction we went thou his drawers and we "found" them together. He made his explanation on who each was. Then torn them up and throw them out. Also there was one time we met some girl in the airport he knew. I mean, I knew she was a collegue and I had talked to her regularly on the fon when he was in the hospital, buuut in that moment that I actually saw her a pain of jealousy ran throu me as she was absolutely gorgeous.

Yeah, I thought I did a good job getting rid of them, but apparently there was a cd left at my parents house with pictures on it. He all thought I was stashing the cd over there, so I could look at the pictures secretly. It's like, if I thought about my ex enough to go sneaking around to look at his picture, we wouldn't have broken up to begin with! (oh, and my ex is always referred to as "that person")

Lol, my husband refers to my ex as "le merde". He refuses to call him by his first name.

Le merdre, hehe that's too funny:)

Yes not just with Moroccan men, but with all arab men, jealousy is a form of affection and the fact that they care bout you. In arabic, the word is "gherrah" which does not have a direct term in English so we native english speakers use the term jealousy. Unfortunately to those that do not understand (or who are ignorant), jealousy in english means different things. And of course many use that to their advantage when spreading stereotypes of arab men (which I have found to be untrue, at least in my case).

I think the msot form of jealousy (if you could call it that) that my husband showed was befor ehe left the USA to go back to Palestine. He said to me if I was only going to go off and find another man, forget the papers and don't do anything for him. He has it in his mind that many American women would just cheat on their husband when they are away. Well, as he should know by now, I am not like that. When I love him and committed to him, it was only him. And of course he knows I work 60 hours a week to pay for all these phone cards to call him and try to save money for palestine so he knows I'm not running around.

My situation is a bit different though. My neighbors (who supposedly kow his family or have a brother who is friends with one of his brothers) are spreading rumors like wildfire since we've been together. He does not nkow any of this is going on and it is better he doe snot because he already has enough to worry about being in Palestine. but the things they say about him and his family are semi confirmed untrue. (I could work for the fbi, I have weaseled information out of him to find out:)

So for a time, I was jealous. But I called him everyday and he never minded. He has never turned me away from calling and never gotten mad. he has never called me a pest:) Only one time he said I am at the dentist, call me back later and today he had a friend (a guy, I heard him, lol) there so he called me later.

Still the rumors are just annoying. And if I do not keep in good touch with him my anxiety is going to get the better of me as it did last week when I hinted around about somtehing. Talking to him everyday helps because it reminds me that we are still a couple, even if it is only for 20 minutes a day. And he still talks to me the same way he did before he left, even remembers the things we did and the things we say to each other.

I'm just determined not to let the rumors get the best of me. Not to tell him anything, especially thsoe regarding his family. That will just upset him and I am not with him to hold him down (or in his case, hold him back if he decides to go after someone for spreading rumors about his family). WE will deal with these people here when he gets back together and inshalalh be able to move away from these people and on with our lives free of hassle and immigration!!!

I can be jealous.. and so can he.

heres a story...

One time I call him.. I KNOW its in the middle of the night for him.. But I missed him and felt lonely.. anyways.. A woman picks up.. I asked where Mohamed is.. she said he was sleeping I said ok.. and hung up I didnt recognise the voice.. SO.. I didnt really sleep that good that night.. most of the night I tried to reason with myself.. and calm down - NO, i cant get on a plane that morning.. and go kick his A$$.. SO in the end I figured it was a family member... and that I HAVE TO have some trust for him.... So i bit my tongue.. for almost a week.. He set me off about something.. then it came out - Why is a woman answering your phone in the middle of the night?????? blablabla.. (it was his sister M)

in the end HE got mad at ME! not because I didnt trust him.. because I freaked out a week later.. and If I truely loved him.. I would of freaked out right away

Yeah, I wasn't sure if it was an Arab thing, or a Moroccan thing, because I've only been to Morocco, and I've seen the way guys act there but didn't want to speak about other places!

I do think this concept "jealousy" is also at our disadvantage due to American movies and American tourism, especially when our SOs haven't been to the U.S. before. Movies don't exactly portray us in a very modest manner, and it seems like when young women go to exotic locations alone, they many times go with the intent of "letting loose." At least in my husband's case (he worked at a hotel in Morocco) these are the two ways he developed he ideas about how American women act, but eventually I got him to realize that I'm not like that!

my husband wasnt that jealous when we were apart, i think he was mostly concerned with my well being....i went out alot, drank casually and hung out with a lot of male friends, and his impression was that the men wanted something from me ya know? as soon as i could see how much it bothered my husband though, i ended it...i agree with whomever said a man being jealous is a good thing.....becuase i see the couple where the man doesnt care what his wife does, and that normally stems from, him out doing things, and not wanting his wife to care....Just my opinion

I was a litle concerned while he was in Maroc because of all the rumors about Moroccan men. I had never considered a long distance relationship before, so it was tuff for me. He was never jealous while he was in maroc. He trusted me completely. Here it is pretty much the same thing.

I have to say that the opinion of American women through movies is not good at all. We all sleep around, have affairs, lie, cheat, steal, blah, blah, blah. Oh lets not forget that our bars, night clubs are all stirp clubs. I have heard so many different things that American women are from what is seen on movies. Ok yeah I have to agree that some are this way and yes, american women are more experienced then Arab countries.

I have to say I really wasn't jealous of other women it was everyone else spending time with him and not me. I wanted to be the one spending time with him. His bestfriend when we email now says he is jealous of me now cos i have him here with me and he is alone without his best friend. I am very thankful for web cams and mics, cos not only for his friends but the children.

As for beign jealous of others that are now with their loved ones yeah I used to get very jealous and it was killing me everytime I would hear soemone else was arriving. I prayed and prayed that God help me to not be enivous or jealous for me to be truely happy for them since it was the time that God wanted for them to be reunited and that once I got my heart stright He could reunite me, well it happend not excatly sure if the reason was I got my heart straight but .... I do know that shotly afterwards I was reunited. Plus it is always good to have a better heart.

No jealousy at all.
We talked on the phone every day for at least 90 minutes ( cheap rate to call the US for me)
It of course helped a lot to have the time get by seperately.

I was mostly jealous of him going out with his friends and family parties and stuff that I wanted to go to also. Never did I think he would cheat on me or anything like that. Once we sat down and chatted about what was going on, he said he felt the same way when I described my life here without him.

We did our best to dispel each other's fears.

Today, it's almost comical to look back at it all (fondly?) and laugh about it.

I made it a point to go through everything and discard anything to do with my ex. None of it meant anything to me anymore, and him feeling secure in my love for him is far more important.

He did get jealous when I was there a little. It seems that the men there love a tall blonde woman and are not shy to show it. He finally came to terms witht he fact that there wasn't anything we could do to stop the attention I was getting and to realize that I wanted no other man than him.

I did find myself, not sure if it would be considered jealousy, but pissed when he told me that his ex was doing her best to get in contact with him again. She knew he had married, and still pursued him? I wasn't mad at him, I trusted him. But what kind of trashy woman goes after a married man? Anyway, he was honest with me on everything, and made it a point to tell me rather than hide it from me. I was proud of him for telling me, knowing that it was possible that I might blow a gasket. This kind of honesty is what builds trust in my opinion.

Before Andre came here, I had these "haters", for lack of a better word, tell me he was using me, had girlfriends all over the place, just wanted a green card, etc. They told me just to wait. I knew they were wrong then. Andre has been here over a year now, and they ARE/were wrong.

Don't let those thoughts creep into your psyche unless he does or says something to make you think them. And, if he does, now is the time to work that stuff out. If you have doubts now, they will only get worse. Talk it out!

Moh and I were looking at my old photos one day and he came upon a prom photo of me with my first bf. Mind you this photo was taken in like 1988 so the hair and clothing styles were pretty lame back then. Moh didn't really get jealous of the photos but he will occasionally rip on me about them (not about my photo but about the bf's). Once in awhile he'll just say..."Steve" and make a face.

I have to say that I know I will be jealous when Hamid gets here. Of course, a blonde gorgeous single woman had to move in next door this week. He is so cute that I know the women here will be after him, plus his being younger doesn't help. But he said when I was there he wishes he was my age...lol. He worries that I will dump him for an older guy. I am just trying to look at it as I hope our relationship will last forever, but I can't worry myself to death all the time. Seems like Moroccan men treat women better than American men anyway. BUT I have also heard they become Americanized fast (damn it)....

Hamid is jealous cuz he knows I talk(ed) to other guys, but not any more. He is soooo funny when I am in Morocco. The men there don't mind giving you the once over (or twice over) with their eyes. And there seems to be a lax attitude toward trying to make off with someone else's girlfriend, so Hamid is not real trusting of some of his friends. Of course, this might have to do with the fact that he was royally screwed over by his ex gf when he caught her in the act with his best friend. (Hope he never reads this.) He sees the way the American (and other) women dress in Marrakech (tourists), but I know he will be in culture shock when he gets here and sees how everything is so sexually oriented and such. I just tell him that if he messes around on me or anything, I will kick his ###!!!

But as far as I know, he doesn't talk to other women. He calls it "giving somebody else my time". We agreed that avoiding getting into intimate situations with the opposite sex in the first place is the thing to do. Anyway, that's my two (or three) cents.....Debbie

I completely trust my man or I would not be in this relationship. However, I will say, he has been online talking with my lady friend instead of me, and although I know there is nothing there, I was extremely jealous that she got to talk to him and I did not. Go figure. I think it is a time thing. I never get enough of it with him.

I know this problem. My best friend is a guy. Has been for 9 years. He takes my kids on road trips(he drives a truck), when he's home we go out to eat or go to Goony golf with the kids. Mohammed has a hard time with this. I have always hated to see when a woman or man for that matter gave up friends because they were in a relationship...these people were friends before you got with your so. I try to compromise and not have Jerry in the home when I am the only one there. I have never been in a relationship where the man was "jealous" for lack of a better word and I agree that at least in Morocco it seems to be one way they show affection. At times it does irritate me and I tell him honestly. He also explains his feelings to me as he waited 34 years to find the one God made for him and it is his job to protect his family. You dont see men/women friends in morocco really unless they are family so this is a VERY hard concept for him to grasp. But I think its a fair trade for the love I get from him which is unlike any I have ever known. Case in point before I went to Morocco my mom was telling me how subserviant they like their women to be..make them walk behind dont speak blah blah blah. When we got there I didnt really think about it until one day we were out walking and everytime I tried to get beside him he would walk ahead still holding my hand but keeping me 1 or 2 steps behind. Now my american mind kicked in lol. Well I asked him am I not good enough to walk beside you? He looked at me like I was crazy. He said to me...My dad taught me that when you treasure and cherish someone you walk with them holding their hand but a bit ahead so that if there is trouble in one second you can have her behind you to block her from whatever the trouble is....yep I melted.

I have to say i've had two types of experiences with the jealousy thing... before our engagement he used to tell me as long as you are with George and Feras (his cousins) I don't worry about you - but anyone else is a problem. I don't know them. (Meaning guys) Which was ok with me cuz i had no interest in anyone else or hanging out with anyone other than George(he is like my big brother) since Micho wasn't around...

Now after we got engaged and I got back to the US its been a different story - I know it shouldnt be like this but I am the jealous one.. my uncle is there right now - and they keep going to parties (hafli's) together and whenever i call he's always preoccupied talkin to the other people around him.... i m getting irritated!! I am so jealous- mainly bc i am missing him so much and our time together was so limited. I cannot wait for him to be here.

Now while i was there as far as jealousy from other people is concerned.....I understand the language and so when girls would make a comment about us - he'd just lite their fire by holding me closer or kissing me... When people saw us together in the marketplace we got dirty looks but it was more like...look at them holding hands.... look at the skirt she's wearing... OMG she's smoking a cigarette....OMG look how close she is to him.... it was more the Islamic culture picking out the frisky American!! haha

i have always been jealous person throw in insecurities due to failed relationships in the past and it can be a little rocky sometimes between us. he is pretty jealous person too. distance makes the mind wonder sometimes, atleast mine lol. he is very attractive person, was working as model in cairo- and women pretty much throw themselves at him, but i keep in mind that i have him, mind body and soul and nothing else should matter.

he has female friends i have male friends he knows about. but he doesnt mind if i hangout with my gay friends lol. knows nothing will happen there. it is funny to me sometimes. just focus on our goal, him coming here soon.