Hello everyone,

I fully expect a torrent of abuse from a lot of people and to be called a fraudster etc… but heres my sob story –

I’m a British guy, left a good job in the UK to come here and marry my US wife.

Got married August 2004, Got Conditional GC August 2005.

Wife and I are and have had problems, no abuse or anything crazy – we both just want different things out of life, plus she has confessed to a few things about her past life that had I know about Im not too sure that I would have married her in the 1st place.

Our marriage is real, no doubt about it. We are not talking divorce yet but I can see it coming – I know how everything goes about the good faith waiver etc once the divorce goes through, but does anyone know what my chances are? – I mean the worst they can do is send me back to the UK, and ive got no problem with that – but ive got so many financial ties here that it would just be a huge pain in the ###.

I work in a Government job, I have the following proof of our relationship –

Joint tax returns for 2004 and 2005

Stack of utility bills in both names for the whole marriage

2 x Car registrations and finance bills goes to each of us at the same address

Whole marriages bank statesments showing us both paying our wages in and paying joint bills

Cell phone records showing that we call each other about 5-8 times a day for up to 30 mins a pop (as any real couple would do)

Several credit cards in both names

A huge pile of birthday / valentines / xmas etc cards from across the years to each other and from both of our respective families mentioning both of our names.

Copies of both of our health insurance cards covering both of us.

Letters from our work showing each other as Next of Kin and life insurance benificiarys.

Copies of cell phone text messages in which she details her faults and confessions

Emails to each other

I’ve no doubt that I could get at least 15 affidavits from other people (neighbors, co-workers etc) showing that we lived / existed as a couple – but don’t have them yet.

Copies of all medical bills used by her and paid for by my insurance

Receipts and doctors notes for an IVF treatment that we went though together in an attempt to get pregnant together, which failed and cost us $6500 out of pocket.

Photographs of us together taking trips, at work functions, house parties and of course photos from the wedding (attended by 200+ people) And a big pile of stuff like little notes relating to everyday things that we’ve written to each other.

Any one have any ideas what my chances are?

And purely out of interest, what happens if I re-marry before the expiration of the conditional card??? – can I still prove good faith, would it hurt me etc???

Thankyou all for thaking the time for reading this.

Todd

"Wife and I are and have had problems, no abuse or anything crazy – we both just want different things out of life, plus she has confessed to a few things about her past life that had I know about Im not too sure that I would have married her in the 1st place."

Who she was or what she did in her past shouldn't matter in your marriage. I assume that when you agreed to marry her, you did so out of true love first and foremost, and not b/c of who or what she presently appeared to be.

My immigrant ex-wife left me over the same reasons 4 mos. after we married and submitted her AOS paperwork, even though my past life was something she had known about and was fully aware of during the year we dated and before she agreed to marry me. She then out of the blue used my "past life" to justify abandoning me.

"Cell phone records showing that we call each other about 5-8 times a day for up to 30 mins a pop (as any real couple would do)."

Why then divorce?



Good luck to both of you, whatever your final outcome turns out to be.

How long did you guys date and have been married for?

From the list you've provided, it seems quite comprehensive to me. Barring anything not disclosed, it appears you have the documentation required to demonstrate a bona fide marriage. Statistics on successful I-751 approvals don't specify under which category they've been approved, but the majority fall in your class, I'd imagine. You can remarry, it has little bearing on the removal of conditions.

Thankyou both for taking the time to reply -

I hear what your saying about marrying out of love, and i withgout a shadow of a doubt did that.

When we were talking about getting married I actually tried to get her to come to england with me, but she refused on the basis of her grandfather being here and that she needed to care for him.

Well here goes..

After we got married, the "grandfather" bought us a new house to life in - cash (he's very wealthy) as a wedding present and gift to his beloved granddaughter.

Well it turns out that granfather isnt grandfather at all, and in fact is an old guy that she used to sleep with several years ago (before the marriage) and in return for this mutually benificial exchange he took care of her.

Now id be willing to forgive and move on, but she wont leave him - ontop of that me being the nice guy that i am ive been taking care of "grandad" everyday - basically a nurse who free of charge changes the bandages on his legs (he has cancer) and showers him in additiion to all of the domestic stuff.

Its all pretty messed up

having said that i really do still love her, but i cant deal with this.

If makes me a bad person then so be it - but i just cant, he doesnt know that i know....

its all a mess

thanks

I couldn't, nor wouldn't put up with her, him, nor the situation you're in.

How come you've all along and so far agreed to practically be this old man's nurse? Don't you say your financial situation here is better than in England and as such, is that what's currently keeping you here? I mean, what do you do beside change diapers and babysit an old man every day, all day long? I mean, if this is all you do, get paid for and financially makes you better here then, why even complain?

If you have a CGC as you say you do; what's holding you back from talking to her, setting the record straight, then moving out? If you're in-love with her like you say you are, you put up with it. If you can't, nor want to any longer, move out. It's that simple.

I find it very hard to believe that you, as a man, would put up with such an absurd situation. Where's your dignity and sense of self respect as a man? You stay there b/c you want to.

Even more absurd to me is the fact she married you, brought you over, then had you move in at his house of all places to take care of him. Are you an Au Pair by any chance?

Todd, you do NOT have to reply or go into detail about your private life. Warning! The more info you provide the more people will pull apart your life and find fault with your choices. Leave it alone, unless you want us to comment on how you live your life. It won't be pretty.

You told us you wanted to divorce but stay here, you gave us a list of proofs to Lift Conditions, and you got reliable advice from the mermaid saying you're good to go. You haven't been around long enough to see that she knows her stuff.

Again thankyou for your replies...

ive got no problems coming on here and baring my soul.... if i get critism for it then so be it - i dare say that i deserve some.

I'm not some fraudster thats here making all of this up - there would be no point at all in me asking for advice if i wasnt presenting the full facts, because obviously if i was lying then any advice given on a fake situation would be useless.

As for what happened with "Grandad" - well he did have a nurse that used to come over every day and do his legs etc but she ended up leaving him for a house move... so he asked me to do his legs etc for a couple of weeks till he could find someone else... well time passed and that was 9 months ago.

Should i be doing it? - No, but its hard to say no to the guy who put a roof over our head and literally paid cash for a house thats now worth in the Mid $600's and is all ours.

Until i found out about the history thing, i really did think he was a nice guy and didnt mind helping him out...

And no, i dont do that full time... like i said i have a 9-5 job.

As for wanting out, and staying here.... Well i gave up everything in England to start a new life here - i did it with honorable intentions and regardless of whether or not things work out between us or not i still have ties here, I like it here and I can get my old job back, but here.

I came here clean, but was cheated by the other party.... its going to be hard enough starting over again - and thats staying here.... going back would just be even worse.

Having said that, she can have the house and everything else - im not the goldigger type.

Thankyou mermaid, i have the proof and have it well documented - ill go for the waiver and the worst they can do is say no.

Thanks

todd

First,

"Should i be doing it? - No, but its hard to say no to the guy who put a roof over our head and literally paid cash for a house thats now worth in the Mid $600's and is all ours."

Then,

"Having said that, she can have the house and everything else - im not the goldigger type."

Based on the above statements; am I wrong in interpreting them as being contradictory or not?

The post above seems like a personal attack to me. I would ignore it.

Just getting back to the original question ... I think u have enough info. I am in a somewhat similar boat, as I was divorced before filing my I-751. My marriage was 100% legit. I don't have as much info as you do, however I have joint investment statements, copies of our wills, 2 affidavits from friends, photos, valentines day cards, joint taxes. My attorney seems to think I have enough. My interview is on Monday morning in L.A. so I will let you know how I go.

Wow,

thanks for posting - good luck to you for Monday, i really mean it.

Look forward to hearing about the positive outcome!

Thanks

Todd

First he is helping the man out because he was so nice to them

Second he does not care if he gets the house because of who gave them the house

Wake up dmartmar, He was being nice to someone before he found out and after he found out about the ex he had no desire for the house. No they are not contradictory, and yes you are wrong and out of line!

I Sometimes Wonder why on Earth do Members come on here to rip into somebodys post...Is there lives so crap! they just want to try to be-little somebodys elses?....

It seems to me this guy was being human as possible, and asking a decent Question but some just want to twist and turn the hole thing around & Nit-pick... i find that Quite sad indeed..

Get a Life member you know who you are!

That's cool rbhigday and I respect your opinion.



But as you can see, he still nursed the old man AFTER finding out the truth, but now is using that as the reason to justify seeking a divorce. That's what I can't seem to understand. I mean, if this bothered him SO MUCH, why stay, nurse the old man for a while, THEN decide to seek a divorce?

Todd,

I think you have enough evidence to prove the marriage was bona fide, should be able to lift the conditiions and remain in the US. However, it is my understanding that you will need the final divorce decree in order to file the I-751 without your wife. I don't know what you timeline is, but if you are sure the marriage is doomed you should proceed with the divorce in order to file before your two years of conditional residency end.

I am sorry the marriage didn't work. Being divorced myself, I know it's harder than I imagined to live with someone you love. With the number of people who do marry for a green card, the thought of the foreign person using the USC for that reason does come to mind. I am NOT saying this is the case with you. It happens, it happened to me. I think when a person is used and hurt badly by someone they loved enough to marry it is only natural for him to be suspicious of others.

Good luck!

Hey Casboyle!

Hows it go then?????


Waiting with baited breath

t

Todd,

Either file before you start divorce proceedings, or after you have received the decree absolute. If you wish to stay here (and I realize you are in a position to return to the UK if you so wish), filing to remove conditions during a divorce can put you in jeopardy of going into deportation proceedings. That can occur if an immigration judge does NOT grant you an extension.

I looked into this, the USCIS confirmed it.

I hope you won't mind my adding a quick note about your marriage: you married a) for love and for life. Good times and bad. This is a bad time, but it's not going to last forever. The promise you made was to stick with her, no matter what.

In order to save your marriage you have to work together with your wife to make it better and acceptable for both of you. Both sides need to concede at varying times to make it work; whether she makes some kind of concession in this situation, or you do.

Don't cheapen your marriage by bailing out. A marriage is a promise, a devotion, a dedication and a commitment. The vows aren't empty, and they don't have conditions attached to them.

Go and find this guy a replacement nurse to change his bandages, then spend some time with your wife away from the situation. If she was a fruitcake my advice would be to take her to a shrink to get her stabilized. If you were a fruitcake I'd advise the same. If all else failed and the situation was untenable, then think about separating.

Your marriage was entered into in good faith... it ought to e continued in good faith. To fail over a situation that you don't understand or don't agree on, which isn't necessarily constituting abuse to you, is bad for both of you. You cannot leave a marriage over something this trivial.

She doesn't understand your position on this. Trust me when I say this, but try marital counseling. You may be surprised by the results. It has worked wonders for myself and my husband... who were on the verge of splitting, but for far greater reasons than yours.

Good luck, Scott,

A Fellow Brit - Lucy

I don't consider this trivial, and to be honest I don't think it's your right to tell him that he can't either. As for saying your reasons for splitting were "far greater than his", that's a judgment call you cannot make.

If he wishes to leave his marriage then that is his decision. He asked for advice on how to do it, not a lecture on the sanctity of marriage.

Another Brit - Christina.

Todd,

I don't know what to say... Good luck man!

to folks who gave marriage advice... don't point your fingers at him... god forbids one day this could happen to us... just pray for him and keep trying guys...

Love

chuck and kim

If and what you say is true about this entire situation, it does seem the wedding and marriage was in fact done for the correct reasons and wasn't for immigration intent only.

Now with that, I'm just curious if in fact the marriage was in good faith why would you ask even out of curiosity
"And purely out of interest, what happens if I re-marry before the expiration of the conditional card" for? I would think people would need time to reflect on their marriage and then take their time before jumping into the next relationship let alone getting married (remember your conditional GC ends in about a year and a bit). I would figure anyways that if you did get divorced, then I'm not sure what the status would be since you have a lot of time before your conditions expire. You would probably lose all status and have to leave. Now if this was closer to the date you remove your conditions, then maybe you would have some leeway. Either way, getting divorced from one, and then re-marrying the next in a short time frame, INS will surely take that into consideration and raise possible Fraud attempt for immigration only, and then deny you everything...

Hey everyone,

Thanks again to everyone that replied.

even the negative comments are helpful as it gives me some ideas as to how USCIS might think.

Since my last post "Grandad" has passed away (and no i didnt push him down a set of stairs!) We have decided to go through some counselling and see what happens. I hope it works out but if it doesnt then we will go our seperate ways and see what happens with a good faith I-751 waiver.

If they approve it, great! - if not ill go back home.

I know this might sound like a crazy question to some, but when grandad died he left a $700,000 house to both of us, along with a sizeable lump sum. IF we do decide to spilt im of the opinion that she can just have everything as given the circumstances i really want nothing other than out. IF we do in fact split, would me just giving her everything count against me with USCIS???? (i dont want them looking at it like a payoff!)

In the mean time Ive just started as a Police Officer so maybe that will count for me when they take the waiver into consideration.

Warlord, i understand your comments about the 2nd marriage - but when i said that my question was purely out of interest, it was exactly that - out of interest!. There is no other woman and after this debacable im not too sure if ill be getting married again anytime soon (if ever!)

Thanks again,

Todd

Well that's the thing, it's the INS you have to convince you are here legit and getting a second marriage would I'm sure raise a bunch of flags on your status. Anyways things seem to have settled down a bit now, so maybe the councilling will help and you won't have to worry about any of this down the road...