It it hurts that much to be apart then spending 6 months or so waiting for a whole life together seems worth it although it's pretty tough at the time. Whatever you decide, good luck

Just wanted to make clear that I wasn't suggesting that the good people of VJ could or should help decide THAT one - just that it's a good place for the OP to get info about what would be involved while they're weighing the whole thing up. And I'm sure you weren't talking about my post anyway, but I just realised that I did make it sound like VJ could assist in that particular decision, and that is (obviously) not what I meant. Wanted to clear that one up.

But yeah... OP, if you decide not to continue the relationship, that is of course entirely up to you - but it's certainly not something anyone here was advising. And as for 'taking him away from everything he's known'... well presumably you were aware BEFORE you started this thread that moving from the UK to the US involves 'giving up' a certain amount of what you know, etc etc... you can't pin that one on the advice you've received here! We've all either done it ourselves, or are in the process of doing it - and, speaking for myself here, it's really not that big a deal. Listen to what jundp says... and if what he'd be 'giving up' in the UK to make his home here with you is really what you're worried about... well, let him be the one to make that decision!

I'm glad you changed your mind! I would hate to think we scared you outta marrying him. I would still look at the guides up top for AOS so you have a better handle on the process when your lawyer is filing everything. Good luck.

And I know what you mean about leaving friends and family. I feel very guilty about it, but there's cheap flights and calling and I'm not about to let being guilty over something he wants to do ruin the best thing that's ever happened to either of us. Don't let this all overwhelm you. Good luck!

I think the comments everyone left you were very helpful. We did the best we could to give you the information you asked for. People here aren't experts on immigration, we're in the same boat as you. We've just done research and try to help each other out when we can.

Another thing I meant to say... you mentioned a 'financial burden' right at the beginning of this thread, as being one reason why you want him to come on the VWP and stay. Okay... first of all, you shouldn't have to spend $500 a month on phone calls - have you looked into Skype or any of the other massively cheaper options out there?

Secondly... if finances are a problem, whichever route you choose to go, visa or no visa, you're going to need to pay for adjustment of status for him to become a permanent resident, and those fees are WAY more expensive than the costs of getting a visa - so if you can't afford the visa, you definitely won't be able to afford to file for AOS for a while. When you *do* file for AOS, you will need a sponsor - either yourself or someone else such as a family member, etc - to satisfy USCIS that you/they have sufficient income or assets to ensure the immigrant won't become a public charge. There are certain levels of income that MUST be met (or must be made up with assets), or the AOS will be denied. Something to think about...

Also... if you do decide that he's going to move to the US to be with you, he might want to think about getting as much money saved in the UK as he can beforehand... the exchange rate is good right now (hopefully it will stay that way), that will at least help while he's unable to work! Speaking of which... if he enters on the VWP, he will not be work authorised when he gets to the US (you can apply for work authorisation with the AOS application, but that will take a few months to be approved) - whereas if he enters on a K-1 visa, he can get employment authorisation for the first 90 days after his arrival. Something to think about if money's tight... having him unable to accept employment for months isn't going to help matters if that's the case!

Um....I know this is well intentioned, but if the OP is gonna freak about visa fees, this info might be a bit to much to handle.

Money for the AOS can be gathered up. Even if they filed for a visa immediately, that step is a few months down the road.

And yeah I'd seriously suggest an alternate calling plan for communications. I had one through AT&T that was 40 bucks a month, unlimited calling to the UK.

Sorry... I just meant that bringing him over ASAP on the VWP could prove a costly exercise if money is likely to be a problem! (and editing to add that, yep, AOS can be saved up for - while waiting for the visa, for example... that's kinda what I meant). Was trying to say that what might seem like the cheapest way to do things won't necessarily be so, if you see what I mean... but was trying to type super-fast while waiting for something to cook! Not trying to freak the OP out at all... honest!

No joke. For once, I agree.

Believe me, the UK doesn't really want you there. They don't like immigrants in the UK; trust me, I just came back from there. Their immigration procedures are much more streamlined but they also don't have NEARLY the illegal immigrant problem that we have. A visa in the UK is not a guarantee; if you don't meet their requirements then no visa; it's as simple as that. They can be just as judgemental and hard-a$$ed as the US. They just process the apps quicker because they don't have nearly the volume that the USCIS does.

So...you think that the US isn't free because you can't just come in with no visa, get married, and stay? You DO realize that it works the same way in the UK, right? US immigration law allows for more wiggle room and exceptions than UK immigration law, you know. Quicker does NOT equal better. If you enter the UK on a tourist visa you can't get married...PERIOD. You can in the US. You have to enter the UK on a fiance visa to get married, no ifs ands or buts. When you go to the registry office to get married, they ASK TO SEE THE VISA. You better believe it. The UK doesn't require a medical exam, but I think they should since they're starting to have some problems with tuberculosis and immigrants bringing in HIV. You don't even have to be screened for TB to immigrate to the UK; that's INSANE.

I think you need a serious reality check. Getting a visa is a serious and lengthy procedure but you shouldn't whine. Your SO is from the UK and it is piss easy for Brits to get visas. Very few of the British applicants here have had serious problems or lengthy delays. Go look in the MENA forum and compare your 'sob story' to some of theirs. If you're not patient enough to endure the process, perhaps breaking up IS the best thing to do.

Sometimes lawyers and official sources give bad advice. This message board is littered with people who made bad decisions based on what someone they trusted told them. I have seen more than one person in the AOS forum who have tried to adjust from a tourist visa encounter difficulty because the question of intent came up. Many adjust with no problems (who I'm sure knew what they were up to when they landed at the POE).

Anyways, if you can't afford the visa fees for a K-1 or K-3 then you can't afford to immigrate. It costs a lot less than lost salary while waiting for an EAD to arrive.

Eh, you're right about that. At least when filing for a K visa your expenses can be strung out a bit over time. I knew ya meant well! I could almost see you typing and breathing fast at the same time - lol!

All very true. And HA brings up a very salient point about immigration going in that direction vs. coming here. I've read dozens of 'whines' over the years about UK immigration speed vs. immigration to the US. It is simply, as HA says here, about the numbers. A lot fewer applications.

Plus a UK fiancee' visa is a heck of a lot more expensive than a US K1. Multiply that expense times three for the OP. She mentions having two children. If she's taking them with her to the UK, the expense just grows and grows.

Sounds like it to me.

I agree with the direction of your post, but this part isn't necessarily true. I got married in the UK on a tourist visit. Came back to the US and then got my leave to enter.

BTW, I don't understand why everyone gets upset when people offer their opinion - not just in this thread, but in general. This IS a forum site and people are here to give their views - simple as.

I think that changed in 2005 - they made it a requirement to get the fiance visa in order to get married in the UK. I believe you can apply for Leave to Remain in the UK if you enter as a tourist and are already married.

Oh d, you and your red pen of proof.

Okay, then it is. You win. You got me. Wait, let me insert your fav emoticon:

But I don't regret saying any of it. And it seems that the OP has taken a lot of the comments here to heart and decided to be a bit more studious in her pursuit of options and coming to a decision about them. Good for her. She'll work something out.

As another member pointed out, we can find an example of all scenarios here on VJ: people who took member advice and got burned, people who opted for attorney advice and got burned, people burned by supposed expert government employees, misinformation lines, members of congress, blah blah blah.

At the end of the day, all we can do here is give the best information we have and along with that all members have to know that the decision rests with them and all successes or failures reside solely in them because they made the final call on using the information they have gathered. Some can share credit or blame where either is due. But the buck stops with each VJer.

Judgment is in the eye of the beholder. Personal sympathies can alter the meaning one takes from any statement.

Strange, because:



When I got married in 2001, I was asked for my fiance visa.

http://www.ukvisas.gov.uk/servlet/Front?pa...d=1106654124706

Just pointing out the truth. I'm sure you would always return the favor & are quick to point out other's wrongdoings.

The OP came here to get opinions, not be told her relationship is better off broken up.

It must have changed then - I got married back in 1997 in Gretna Green (not sure if laws in Scotland are different). I was extremely naive, I was 17 and didn't even look into anything visa wise until after I was married.

Whatever you say, d.

edited to add: At any rate, like I said, I'm glad the OP seems to be getting more information and exploring options, sources for information and opinion, and is hopefully on whichever road is best for her.

Yes, 'jundp' provided a good link.... he can come in on the VWP.


The highlighted words are key. You have not made a decision as yet, but if you do make that decision and get married while he is here.... yes, he can stay and apply to adjust status.


Age difference does not seem to be a major factor for USCIS. Fraudulent relationships are.

On a personal note, I don't know what the "big age difference" is, but it sounds like something that only you, yourself, have a concern with. I know quite a few happily married couples with large age differences, on both the male and female side. It doesn't appear to be a factor with them, or with any of their friends and family. This is something you will need to resolve in your own mind. I think allowing him to come to visit will give you the opportunity to explore that concern.

I wish you all the best, FFXImomma.

FFXI, don't let the enormity of the information overwhelm you...use the simple fact that this message board has a huge member list as proof positive that it can all be done...one step at a time.

Each and every one of us had to learn the process...hell, when I started, I thought immigration was like that 'Green Card' movie. We were planning a Carribbean cruise wedding whilst thinking we could get a K-1. *you cannot leave the country without AP if you file for a K-1 btw*

ahh good times.

Anyways, if you and your man are serious and want to live a life together, all obstacles can be overcome. But you have a lot of reading to do because this process is confusing. But it's not impossible...nowhere near!

Oh, btw...I'd suggest searching for decent VOIP phone service. My Brit boy has Vonage in the UK and it has been a Godsend. I think it's like 15 quid a month and it's free for him to call me...and for like 3 quid, he has a virtual number which is in my area code, so I can call him for free too. It's also great cos when I'm out and only have my cellphone, I can call him and it only costs me my plan minutes. But I just ring and say 'call me back' cos my incoming mins are free, lol. It also has free call forwarding and you can access the control panel online. So if I know he's out, I get online, fwd to wherever he is, then call him.

I really do wish you the best of luck.

I second this. I also have vonage and it is fantastic. Calling UK landlines for free for $25 a month - who can beat that??

Skype also has very cheap calling plans to landlines -- and of course, if you are both Skype users it's free!