Please do not be naive enough to believe that the people who left did so because of personal attacks occuring. There is a lot more to it than that. Sometimes, believe it or not, people do have a life. They have moved on to a different stage in their life and VJ does not hold that position it once did.

For me, the middle-school mentality of a lot on this board, and in MENA in particular, is a HUGE reason to back away. What is the point of talking to people who refuse to take out their earplugs and remove their rose-colored glasses? I don't believe in "blowing sunshine up someone's @ss" either.

MENA is still a cool place to be. It is just a select few that love the drama. Alot of us really enjoy each others company on and off the forums.

Jackie

and when is the next mena party in chat?

That would be Sunday night. In July, we have a double Jordan slumber party!!!!!!!! Can ya belive it? A double-header!

Jackie

Based on what I read here in your reply, you don't have to worry about English as a second language, you do better than some who's English is primary! LOL
I just want to say that it was nice to see and hear that so many people do get and agree with my point. I truly am not pointing a finger at anyone, to do so would be to say that I am without fault and that is SO not true It just saddens me to see anyone treated unfairly, for no apparent reason, other than something they brought out into the open here. I am not saying that you have to AGREE with their choices, just to use some common courtesy when you post your opinions. I know kindness and compassion have to still exist in this world today. I know we all have to have somewhat "open" minds, what else could have brought us all here? If I stepped on any toes, that was not my intentions, and I am not naive enough to think I can change everyones way of thinking. If I have touched but one person, to perhaps make them think to soften their words, my goal is accomplished, and I am happy.

ok.. well my take on all this is that when you start putting personal Info into a internet group.. you open up Pandora's Box.. I think in moments of weakness... bordom.. reaching out.. whatever I will vent some personal things on here.. AND i know it can be easy to talk / vent to "strangers".. Or if you are the type secluded to your house.. BUT there is always that vulture.. or Wolf Pack teehee..

you have to be prepared for that IF you chose to post those things..

for instance.. I typically dont like to talk about my kids.. Post pictures of them.. etc. Cause I KNOW.. If someone was to use that against me.. I would be very upset.. SO knowing that.. I try my best NOT to post TMI ! (Although.. I did Mention something about my sons haircut a few minutes ago.. Any one says ANYTHING... you DIE!!!!!!! ) HAHAa

OMG I'm SOOOOO copying that devil!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nuh uh!!!!

I've only seen this one!!!!! Where is the cool one???

nuh uh!!!!

I've only seen this one!!!!! Where is the cool one???

nuh uh!!!!

I've only seen this one!!!!! Where is the cool one???

and you've been here how long?

popcorn?

pass it to the left.......to the left

J

Just to clean up any confusion, I was NOT pointing a finger at any ONE person. I am not vicious in that way. My point was only that sometimes things get taken out of context and it's just not fair for any of us to attack another person when we don't walk in their shoes.
Comments and suggestions can be made without it sounding like a personal attack on someone else's situation.
We are here to gather information to make it easier for us to go thru this process of immigration. To learn how to make the transition easier for our husband or wife. To gain information and to maybe pass on a laugh or two along the way. NOT to rip out someone's throat because their actions don't mirror our own.
We are all individuals, and as such, we all make our own choices, and mine don't have to be the same as yours, and vise versa.

I hope they could add some new ones.. can we make a request??? I need a pullling-the-hair-out... and maybe a hug one...

I understand your point as well, but practically speaking none of this is going to solve anything, really. On the off chance that this *will* change a single poster's behavior, it's not going to make much difference when you look at the big picture. Like I said before, if you have issues with certain topics, exchanges, or posters, you really do need to take it up with Captain Ewok. Trying to regulate behavior in this way is just not going to work, even though I know you have good intentions.

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.
I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

Or maybe they just want someone to hold their hand in silence.

Good post....well said!!

Based on the number of Personal Attacks on vj lately, I would like to post my opinion. If you don't want to hear them, don't read this Post!

Everyone of us has our own reasons for doing what we do. Some of those reasons we make public here, most of them we don't. I don't think any of us are here looking for approval for the choices we make. We are here to learn about the immigration process and to share our experiences. In the past two weeks I have seen two people ran off of vj, and to me it just doesn't seem fair. These people were here to share their experiences with us, so that we could all learn from them, not so that we could pass judgment on them!

Julianna with her quips about waiting for her husband and all the things she was doing to make his adjustment to life here. How could any of that been considered bad? The fact that she could still make jokes about it was amazing to me!

And Together4 Ever? How I feel for her! That anyone could attack her when her life had taken such a momentus turn for the worse, I cannot imagine. No one who has not lived through it can imagine her heartbreak. But to make nasty comments about it, when she was so obviously just looking for someone to understand, what does it say about us as a person? What would we do in the same situation? So sad.

And now, there seems to be another round of attacks going on, and her role of mother is being questioned? Why? Who are we to judge a persons qualities of being a mother? Does being a mother qualify anyone to tell anyone else how to be a "good mother"? I know I am not the one to do it. I have been a single mother for 12 years, and everyday I look at my sons and wonder if my choices in life, my decisions, have been the right ones for them. Are they going to be well adjusted adults, or are they going to have emotional issues? Will they respect all women because of what they have witnessed in my life? Or will they just take it all for granted on the assumption that it was the choice I made for myself? Kind of like you made your bed now sleep in it?

The choice I made when I married my husband, was my choice to make. I asked for no ones opinions, and tried not to be disheartened when I was questioned if he could have married me for a green card. I have to say that I don't think that was the reason. But how do we ever really know what is in anothers heart and mind? Life and love don't come with any guarantees, no refunds, and no exchanges.

I guess my whole point in this post, is simply this.

We make our decisions, based on what is right for us. I am sure we all stop and take into consideration, that not only will we be affected by our choices, but those of us closest to us. Based on that, we make the choice to do what is the best in the long term. Maybe there are those that will not agree, maybe there are those that will not understand, but they don't make the choice for us. They do not live our lives for US.

Oh that's a good idea. When a woman is beat by her husband and posts about it here we can all just hold her hand and tell her everything will work out between her and her husband.

Sorry but Jean's post is a cry for help and I think it is absolutely wrong to give Jean hope about being with a man who hit her. I don't think anyone here knows enough about her situation to tell her that everything will be ok. I still don't understand the "nastiness" that you are talking about towards Jean. Do you honestly think that people giving her advice to leave her husband is nastiness? Everyone who told her not to stay with Mohammed only want the best for Jean.

I think this is an example of what Tammy Sue and others have been saying. Seems you saw Jean's name in the statement of holding someone's hand. You automatically thought that Jean was the person being referred to. Did you even think that someone else was in mind? From your reply....obviously not.

Oh that's right, we're not naming names here. Except for the names Jean, Jess, and Julianna.

Based on the number of Personal Attacks on vj lately, I would like to post my opinion. If you don't want to hear them, don't read this Post!

Everyone of us has our own reasons for doing what we do. Some of those reasons we make public here, most of them we don't. I don't think any of us are here looking for approval for the choices we make. We are here to learn about the immigration process and to share our experiences. In the past two weeks I have seen two people ran off of vj, and to me it just doesn't seem fair. These people were here to share their experiences with us, so that we could all learn from them, not so that we could pass judgment on them!

Julianna with her quips about waiting for her husband and all the things she was doing to make his adjustment to life here. How could any of that been considered bad? The fact that she could still make jokes about it was amazing to me!

And Together4 Ever? How I feel for her! That anyone could attack her when her life had taken such a momentus turn for the worse, I cannot imagine. No one who has not lived through it can imagine her heartbreak. But to make nasty comments about it, when she was so obviously just looking for someone to understand, what does it say about us as a person? What would we do in the same situation? So sad.

And now, there seems to be another round of attacks going on, and her role of mother is being questioned? Why? Who are we to judge a persons qualities of being a mother? Does being a mother qualify anyone to tell anyone else how to be a "good mother"? I know I am not the one to do it. I have been a single mother for 12 years, and everyday I look at my sons and wonder if my choices in life, my decisions, have been the right ones for them. Are they going to be well adjusted adults, or are they going to have emotional issues? Will they respect all women because of what they have witnessed in my life? Or will they just take it all for granted on the assumption that it was the choice I made for myself? Kind of like you made your bed now sleep in it?

The choice I made when I married my husband, was my choice to make. I asked for no ones opinions, and tried not to be disheartened when I was questioned if he could have married me for a green card. I have to say that I don't think that was the reason. But how do we ever really know what is in anothers heart and mind? Life and love don't come with any guarantees, no refunds, and no exchanges.

I guess my whole point in this post, is simply this.

We make our decisions, based on what is right for us. I am sure we all stop and take into consideration, that not only will we be affected by our choices, but those of us closest to us. Based on that, we make the choice to do what is the best in the long term. Maybe there are those that will not agree, maybe there are those that will not understand, but they don't make the choice for us. They do not live our lives for US.

Oh that's a good idea. When a woman is beat by her husband and posts about it here we can all just hold her hand and tell her everything will work out between her and her husband.

Sorry but Jean's post is a cry for help and I think it is absolutely wrong to give Jean hope about being with a man who hit her. I don't think anyone here knows enough about her situation to tell her that everything will be ok. I still don't understand the "nastiness" that you are talking about towards Jean. Do you honestly think that people giving her advice to leave her husband is nastiness? Everyone who told her not to stay with Mohammed only want the best for Jean.

I think this is an example of what Tammy Sue and others have been saying. Seems you saw Jean's name in the statement of holding someone's hand. You automatically thought that Jean was the person being referred to. Did you even think that someone else was in mind? From your reply....obviously not.

I am still waiting on Ewok to disable my account which I have been asking for the last 3 days. Hopefully today will see the end. After checking my personal messages I saw this thread. Since my name is being dragged around repeatedly I have something I want to say. I will do what I am able to do at this time. That is the only defense I can and will give myself. I posted my original post for the purposes of my own healing. It was taking a step to put the truth out there and not hide in shame. I requested no advice, although I knew it would not be respected. Abuse can be verbal as well. Being called a fool and stupid and all the other lovely thing the self-righteous love to hurl with their "good intentions of tough love", or hearing your husband called a monster (remember a husband is a man you love dearly and have betrothed your life too... most do not marry with a throw-away mentality) is not easy, especially when you are struggling to make sense of what is happening to you. Some of the things I have read said on here have hurt me far deeper then his hands ever could. Words do carry weight, whether they are in person or on the internet, especially to a person that hurts. I have been professionally advised to remain away from people who do such things at this time because it is causing more damage and confusion then it is anything positive.

If anyone wants to remain in contact with me, you can email me at touchingthemoon@peoplepc.com. I however am not seeking advice or more insults. I am also not seeking an enabler or someone to rose color things or whatever else the hell people on her love to call compassion. Its just nice to not feel alone in the world and I think a lot of people can understand that. Friendship.

Now I would REALLY appreciate it if people would PLEASE stop dragging my name around. You have no idea what are you doing to me. Thank you.