I know we've had this thread before but not in a while.

For those of you who's spouses are here, what were the hardest things they had to adjust to, coming from the Middle East/North America? Was it the language, the food, the quietness of the new neighborhood, etc. Anything you would have done differently to prepare them?

I would get a satellite dish so your spouse can watch tv tv from the middle east- my husband loves it!

Well, I think at first, it was more culture than anything else. Spending hours hanging out with friends and family, going to mosque, listening to arabic news and music, having big family dinners... It was all a sudden change. Luckily, I'm very close with my parents, and we spent a lot of time with them, which kind of helped fill the familial void he was feeling.

Later on, the biggest adjustment became the working environment. I don't think he expected to have to come over here and work like a dog, day in and day out, have a large portion of his check be taken by taxes, and then not get at least 1 month's vacation every year. The working world is very strict over here compared to over there.

I just asked my husband this question and his answer was...searching for work by myself and building new friendships. Nothing specific to MENA. I asked if there was anything I could have done prior to his arrival to help him. He said, nothing you can do to make my life easier before I actually live there. He also said, the best thing you can do is to love me even if I'm in a bad mood and handle my "shet".

Language-He speaks, reads, writes and comprehends English. The only trouble he's had is with fast or low talkers. If they slow it down or speak up, he's good.

Food-We have food here. If I don't know how to cook something he likes, we ask his sisters. He's pretty easy about food. He likes all kinds of food except certain stir-fry concoctions.

Quietness of the neighborhood-He does miss the street noise but it's not something major that brings him sadness.

I honestly can't think of anything he's had issues with so far. He's so laid back and easy going that it doesn't surprise me much. I ask him pretty much daily how he's feeling about things and if he's bored or depressed.

About the Arabic satellite...it really depends on the man and whether or not he's big into TV or if he really needs that connection to the Arab world. We have an Arabic channel on our cable and Mo really doesn't watch it. He'll switch it on occasionally and watch for a few minutes but that's it. I asked him if he'd watch Arabic satellite if we got it and he said, ok I will do like I do with the cable. Meaning, he wouldn't really watch it. If a news item comes on about the Mid East particularly about the war in Iraq or Palestine he immediately changes the channel. He doesn't want to see it. He says he's seen enough while in Egypt.

A few more comments from Mo...if I miss something from Arab or Egypt that means I am so empty from inside and I don't carry that stuff inside me. I am the character for the Egyptian ppl, how will I miss myself when I'm with him 24 hrs a day?

I think the hardest part for my husband is missing his family, especially his mom.

He left his computer there and taught his sister how to use the yahoo, webcam, and headset. This way he can stay in touch. It isn't perfect, yesterday as his mom told him good bye she started to cry, which in turn caused him to cry. This is when he goes through the worst part.

Other than that he seems to be adjusting fairly well. I still can't believe he is here! lol

that was deep

Yeah I'm married to the Egyptian Socrates.

My fiance has only been here a few days. He told me the other day to forget about making him feel "at home" he is at home and this is his country now. Oh and the smoking, I warned him, but he didn't believe me about not being able to smoke most places. Also, clothes - he thinks americans have old-fashioned style.

Punctuality. People here actually expect that you're going to do something when you say you're gonna do it. Meet me at 5 does not mean meet me sometime between 6 and 7. Due dates are not suggestions. After growing up in Morocco and then 5 years in Italy, which I dare say is worse in that regard, it's been a shock. Personally, I prefer life on Italian time, but no such luck here.

if you were gonna move back to Italy.. where would you move?

Back to Genova. That's where all our friends are and I just fell in love with the Italian Riviera. Miss it so much.

Yeah that's gonna be a hard one. When he says I'll be there in a hour I know not to expect him for at least two.

Usually it's not for lack of trying though. It's just that on his way there he meets about ten friends who he stops and talks to. They sit, have tea, smoke, etc.

Ever see that old Dennis the Menace cartoon that used to be in the papers? They sometimes showed a map of the neighborhood and his mom would send him for a bottle of milk or something which was across the street and you'd see that he hopped the neighbor's fence, played with the dog, kicked a ball to another yard, talked to some kid, kicked another ball, etc. and finally came back at night with the milk.

I heard work in Italy was good.. even washing car for a living - you would make good money..

Wow is that the truth! Getting him to get ready on time for a doctor or dentist appointment is horrible...I dread it. One time we were 30 minutes late for a doctors appointment. Secretly I was hoping that they would turn him away and charge us anyway so he could see my point but they didn't even mention that he was late. Just my luck!

They did stress to him at his work that 1 time late okay, second time buh-bye. He hasn't been late yet.

The clothes thing made me laugh - my husband hates American shoes. He actually had his mom bring shoes with her for our wedding!

I found all of the halal store locations before he came so it would be easy to find the things he likes. We can also get the Mid East satelite from the same merchants that run the halal store. So we'll be getting the arab tv stations soon. He thinks it's so strange to see Animal Hospitals on every corner here.

Ahmed isnt here yet but the animals made me think, i had mentioned taking my dog to the vet and groomers. He mentioned how strange people there need doctors so bad and here we take the dog.

Hey, Jenn, my family is having an Italian 'exchange' student (sorta, more like family friends of family friends' son) from Genova. He's 17 and my mom wants Rey and me to do a lot of the "showing him around" stuff. I'm excited. What kind of culture is he coming from in Genova?

My husband misses his sisters and friends, and transportation (he does not drive yet) He also misses the fact that he cannot teach yet here....he needs to go back to school which we just cannot afford right now. He did just start a new job last week that so far he is vry happy with. He actually loves the food here (which I like egyptian food better).

Punctuality.....yes Jenn.....this is soooo true! He never understands why I want to be somewhere when I'm supposed to be there.

I'll have to ask him later about some others.

The biggest adjustment for our situation has been employment. I think my husband got here thinking he was going to land some great high paying job right off the bat and that has not been the case, as I am sure many of you who already have their spouses here can relate to. Education and prior job experience dont transfer very well and Adnan was unpleasantly surprised at the actual choices he's had as far as jobs go. I know he would love to be the provider of the household but at this time I am still the 'primary' breadwinner and while we are both happy that I have a job that supports us I know it eats at his pride and he is counting the days until he can offer me the option to stay home ( not sure I would take it, but thats a different conversation...)

Hi Sara! Congrats on the pregnancy! I agree with you. Mohammed's hardest adjustment was the employment issue.

Jackie

That's funny, Hassan actually is working at an animal hospital now, and when he told his friends and family they all cracked up over it. Adjustments...hmmm I think the employment, the taxes get him, also he found a big difference in peoples care for one another, if someone gets sick there the whole neighborhood will come to check on you, here you get at best a phone call, if anything at all. He adjusted to the food just fine...gained a few pounds lol.