You are correct, i am not sending anyone back, bad use of words, but immigration is taking care of that. again, i want everyone to understand that i am definitely not bashing FSU women. For me personally, i am finished with searching oversea's, there are enough women here in the USA, and marriage is the farthest thing from my mind. I had my personal reasons for traveling to the FSU, but it was definitely not because there were not wonderful women available here in America. The immigration process is long, emotional, as well as expensive, particularly for a family of three. I learned a lot from this experience and even though i feel the disdain from this experience, i know that i will love again, the time will come when i can move on. But i will definitely keep my eye's wide open !! Sorry if i snapped a little, but the wounds are still open...my situation is far more reaching than most, and when it is finally over, i will be able to explain it fully.

What? What does it mean?


And again you are right! There is such a discrepancy between cultures that either a HUUUUGE love of an omnipotent $ can overcome it!

Speaking for myself: yes, I would still be with my man if he were Russian and living in Russia. In fact this whole immigration thing is absolutely a pain in the ### for me and I would rather he moved to live with me in Moscow - but that's not an option unfortunately. Yes, I overlook his lack of Russian language and culture because we are both well-versed in World culture, we had read the same books and we are on that level of development where language differences no longer matter.

However, despite all our great love we may one day call it quits for one reason or the other. Now, according to this "deport the b@%ch " logic, if after some years we decide to divorce, will I be labeled a scammer unless I move back to my country and start my life from scratch?
It kinda bothers me that immigration - something I consider a sacrifice on my part - is generally considered such a great gift for which we FSU ladies must be eternally grateful.

What did your wife say?

Everyone is subject to being hurt in life... one way or another and normally it is the most kind hearted people and the most loving of people that this happens too. There are some good actors and actresses out in the world and they are in all countries and they are in all parts of the world. Sure some people are blind to the signs and some people are just simply in love without a sign of fraud... nevertheless it does not mean that all of us are not subject to this happening. There is a lot of trust that goes into online relationships and immigration. There is a lot of work and effort behind it and there are some that win and some that lose.

The reality behind it can be bliss and sometimes it can be a painful learning experience. This does not mean that all people are "out to get someone" or that all people are "gold diggers" and in anger, we can try to sway others from continuing on the same path so that they may learn from our mistakes and this is also a normal human nature. Support and guidance from one good heart to another good heart can hardly be seen as bad and these stories keep us all in check toward reality in some way.

Thank you for posting your story and I read the entire thread. My thoughts are with you and I am glad to see that justice will serve you well. Those who are genuine and truthful and good will normally prevail from situations like this. may you find a new love and life and remember that this hard stuff will make you more aware and more keen.

Learn, live and move on toward happiness.

Now I am confused. Which part are you confused about?

Wissoner, I was born in the former USSR, my wife and I speak the same language fluently (Russian). I have a pretty good grasp of the Russian culture despite living here the last 18 years of my life. I am able to get by in Russia as a local despite having a US passport, mindset, clothing, etc. We are both in the same age group, early 20's. We are both very poor and still students. Today she talks like Blues Fairy and in the past she also wished we'd live in Russia instead. As for love at first sight, perhaps not. Blame the Internet for that. It changes the usual way of meeting. You get to know the person before you get to really interact with them, usually it is the other way around.

I hear these things daily.

I asked my wife, after reading this thread with her, why she's still with me if she complains about all these things daily. Her answer - "because we will see."

I too have a laundry list of complaints, and I guess the answer is the same for me.

We'll see.

Never mind, I got it now - the highlighted combination of words.

Yeah, this is the worst thing about it:
a typical male opinion, playing God: "I gave you the GC, I gave you life, and I am free to take it away any time I want!" And it is encouraged by the system to some extend, the whole process of AOS being 100% dependent on the petitioner. This situation dictates positions in the relationship that are not very equal even in the social meaning. That bites big time!

Well, just about every other country in the world operates with similar rules. The same thing happens to foreign workers when their job ends - no job, no more residency. Or international students who flunk out of school, they are expected to leave as well.

Everything is based on the interest of the petitioner - wouldn't make much sense if it were the other way around.

The alternative would be moving to the US on a non-marriage related visa. L-1 would be the easiest.

I guess I can add my opinion and experience to this discussion. What the heck!

I think you take a HUGE risk when you are involved in ANY relationship where this is a large discreprency between your two incomes and/or social standings. It is more obvious with the Russian/American relationships because it is the poorer and socially lower Russians who 'advertise'. They do not see any other way to 'climb the ladder' and plan to use a Foreign man to gain this. In some cases, it’s like, so what, who cares? -Such as when a Foreign man is aware of the intent and they are both using each other. It’s what marriage was based on untill very recently humans came up with this strange notion of 'marrying for love'.

In any case, most men on here need to be cautious and understand this. Don't delude yourself with fairy tale endings and such. These stories should serve as warnings. If you accept the risks and don't mind the consequences, by all means, more power to you, forge ahead. If your spouse lies to you, I say screw her, she deserves everything she gets, but on the same hand, you deserve it too for getting played like that. I know that sounds harsh, but it is life.

Might I get played like that? Sure. Have I searched for warning signs? You bet! It comes with the territory. But we were not that different socially and economically speaking, so it lessened the risk. But I didn't put my head in the sand, (as much as I wanted to!). Yes we are "happy". Yes we still "fight". If we didn't i would be more worried. She could leave after removing conditions. Its life. But on the other hand, I didn't go to Russia with intent to get married. Stuff just happens. But I am not going to sit on the sidelines and watch life go by just because there is a "risk".

Good luck to everyone!

Not exactly. For foreign workers who get their green cards through a US employer, they can quit their jobs the next day. I believe the regulation even lets you quit something like 6 months after filing for employment based AOS. There is no lifting condition stage, etc. There is for people who come over on the 5th preference, $1 million start their own business 10 employees, etc. But those are very rare.
For those here on H, E, or O visas they can secure alternative employment within a certain period without being forced to go home and have the new employer file another I-129 and keep their visa. Students can likewise change status to another non-immigrant or even adjust status through marriage to a USC while in the US.
But K1 holders can't do any of these options. All options without going home involve adjusting through the petitioner.

Depends on specific cirumstances - an H1-B will need to be sponsored by a new employer generally to move to another job. F-1 students who do not enroll for classes are also out of luck if they have no other way of adjusting status or changing to another visa type.

In my business, there are a large number of Indian immigrants - the H1-B and GC crowds. The H1-Bs often work for substantially lower pay, and are willing to put up with a lot more BS, since it is often difficult for them to find new sponsors. A friend of mine had 22 people working for him, all from India (here in FL). The reason for such a high number of Indians? The employer in question decided to cut the pay for this team basically in half. Every US citizen quit, though the H1-Bs have a lot more to lose by quiting. From what I have seen, most large employers are interested in more H1-Bs not because they can't find employees here, but because they want to drive down salaries. This is having the odd effect of making goverment jobs pay higher than private employers in some sectors, as H1-Bs can not generally get security clearances or be government employees. H1Bs also get tricked into signing employment contracts that americans never would, such as being liable to repay all of their past salary should they change jobs/be fired/etc.

Investing $1 million is also a good option, I know someone who did (he bought a hotel). If you are coming from a wealthy country, this is not so impossible. There are lots of millionaires in the world. The weak US dollar is making a bunch more outside the US every day.

I think I've talked to about half those guys when I called the help desk.

Me: "Hello, I have no internet service."
Guy on phone with thick Indian accent: "It is no problem sir. Just log on to our website at...."
Me: "HELLLLLLLLLOOOO, I have no internet service!"

Actually, I'm usually pretty impressed by these guys. They seem very knowledgeable and most speak excellent English. They're going to be the downfall of uneducated Americans. A college educated Indian (or similarly educated foreigner) will work for less than what an uneducated American will. And since we're becoming increasingly more high-tech, guess who's going to get the jobs?

If you are speaking with them on the phone, chances are they are still in India. A buddy of mine
flies over there doing this for American companies. Call centers are set up there, though they pretend to be in America on the phone.

The biggest problem with Indian H1-Bs (for some reason, most H1-Bs are from India) is that it is very
difficult to check references. Many come through staffing firms, and these recruiters are not known
for honesty in marketing their clients. There are rumors of grossly exaggerated resumes of many of these
engineers. I don't know how true this is.

The quality of Indian engineers from US Universities I deal with tends to be much higher than H1-Bs (i.e., equal to American and European ones)

Well, back to losing my shirt day trading... Intraday $INDU futures are killing me.

If you want to gamble, I recommend Blackjack.



Edited: I almost forgot about the topic here. (Blackjack makes my mind wander the same way BBQ, good beer, and pu.... anyway) Yes, the Indian guys on the phone are usually in India. I know they're doing a lot of work out of South America as well, but it's the same basic deal. Call 800 number, get transferred to foreign country call center. The funniest ones for me though are the ones right here in the U.S. in places like North Dakota. Talk about a funny accent! I can better understand most Indians, don'cha know!

No slim youve got that wrong you are calling North Dakota, the company built a call center there and its staffed by indians I believe they are Sioux but I dont know my tribes that well.

Reminds me of Jay-Z's lyrics "aksed her which tribe she wit' - red dot or feather...."

and the movie Good Will Hunting (which I first saw in North Dakota) where Robin Williams is talking to the other dude "Indian..... feathers, not dots."

Silly Columbus.

When my wife and I were walking through a museum she asked me what we call them, I told her indians, she said no they are not from india, I replied tell that to columbus, she asked who he was. Sometimes I forget she doesnt know any american history, which is why movies like blazing saddles make no sense to her.

Pardon me but Columbus is not just American history. Every school kid in Russia knows about the Great Discoveries and all. Did your wife go to school?

SKINSFAN...

I have a few questions.

How long did you date her before she actually flew to USA to marry you?

How many times did you visit her before bringing her to the USA?

How much total time with her did you spend in Russia before her coming to you?

Did you have an affectionate relationship before/after being married?

Did you live with her - in her flat or home - in her home town - for any of your visits?

Just curious.

A large number of girls here could scarcely tell you who Columbus was or what he was famous for. This probably accounts for the "who was he?" more than the fact that she's from Russia. Ponce de Leon is about as important to most American women as Dolgoruki is to women from Vladivostok.

History, discoveries, geography.... these are filed under "useless information" for most women whether from Russia or the U.S. Before the popcorn gets thrown at me, this is a broad generalization (no pun intended) and doesn't mean women aren't as smart as men in these fields, I'm just saying generally speaking, women care less about these sorts of things than men.

Going off topic for a minute here - to throw lots of popcorn at Slim. . . what a ridiculous comment! I have spent nearly 35 years working in the heritage field/history field in Canada and the US, and from personal knowledge and experience, have seen far more women interested and involved in history and heritage than men. At the professional level the involvement is about evenly split between men and women; at the volunteer/interest level, there are definitely more women than men involved.

Back on topic - Skinsfan, I am so sorry you have had such a sad experience with your wife and am glad that you are able to move on. You have taken the correct steps to do so, as well as to protect yourself from someone who has a different agenda than yours. For those like Citycat who questioned why he notified USCIS when his wife left under the circumstances she did, it is important to remember that he signed an Affidavit of Support for her. Even if he divorces, he is still financially liable under the terms contracted by that Affidavit for as long as she is in the US. It certainly seems unfair, especially under the circumstances, but it is a reality. This has nothing to do with being vindictive - Skinsfan strikes me as anything but - and everything to do with protecting himself from unreasonable actions from someone whom he has every reason to mistrust.

As well, it appears she was hoping to use the domestic violence charge as a way to file under VAWA so it would be unlikely she had her green card already. As it turns out, she did not and is now facing the consequences of her actions. The only person she has to blame for what happens to her now is herself.

Well said.

Actually my wife did go to school and she is very intelligent, the fact that she did not know who columbus was has nothing to do with her education or her intelligence, it had more to do with frame of reference and differences in language. She will often ask me a who or what question and when I give her the answer she will usually say that she learned it differently but she knows what I am talking about.

And as far as useless information I give her plenty of that all day long, she probably gets tired of all of the useless stuff Im filling her head with. Soon my son will be here and I can fill his head with the stuff that is keeping the pea in my head company.

I meant no offence, I was just surprised. Education in Russian schools used to be very thorough.
But perhaps the American pronunciation of Columbus was not instantly recognizable to her.

Of course, in any field, you're going to see people involved "in that field" but what I'm referring to is the average, everyday women versus men and importance of history as common knowledge debate.

I would speculate if you were to ask 100 men and 100 women who a historical figure was/is, you would tend to have more men be correct than women due to men remembering that sort of thing more than women. I'm not saying women don't know about history, all I'm saying is men generally know more about history than women because men are more into it.

i would get a copy of her phone bill,visa cards, etc. It may help

You are kidding, right?

Next time you're at the bar.... ask everyone who Hernando de Soto was. I George Foreman guarantee you there will be more guys who will be correct than girls.

Yea but they named a car after De Soto and guys are into classic cars. Maybe we should try Vaspuses (sp?) See if more guys or gals would kinow what they named after him!

It's the 21st century, but misogyny is still alive and well!

So sorry to hear your story..I read today on russian fiancee forum that some women even go to live in shelters afterwards to prove that they been kicked out from home ..make sure you will suggest her place for stay so you can defend yourself later about it.
Hope the guys is not andy thats what russian page tells about girl that went to live with friends and lied to friends that husband tourtured her but at the end they figured she has a lover.
OMG i wish such women never come across any of good people like you guys!Because of these cases the people that love have to go through all this bullshit waiting process.
I wish you all the best!stay strong!Make sure your credit card is protected and she can not fraud your check book.since when she arrived you signed a paper to take care of her till she has a citizenship.

this thread is so interesting

Off Topic has nothing on us.

maybe...but can you compete with mena?

I've never actually been over to MENA. I've heard they're our alter-ego, so I give them respect, but I choose to post in the region-specific forums about (at least at first) regionally-specific topics. I think stirring someone else's pot specifically for that purpose is for the OT forum or for sites other than VJ.

But, Charles, as Bro Dean would say "you're a right thinking kind of guy" and I wouldn't mind seeing you here at all. Most of the "visitors" that we've had that p!$$ me off are generally females from (or with fiances from) Canada or the U.K. that come here specifically to tell us how chauvinistic we are. I've heard MENA gets the same thing (only opposite direction....) but I'm not really interested in actively seeking out more ignorance. There's plenty of MENA related ignorance in the media everyday. I don't need to visit their forum to know they get more than they deserve.

What kind of thinking do you consider "right"? I'm just curious.

People who are left brained I assume.....

People who have the cojones enough to state their own opinion but still respect the position of others without getting all 3rd grade on them. Charles has demonstrated several times in the OT forum his ability to make, and hold, his own point while there's popcorn being slung all around him..... even sometimes AT him!

Respecting someone's point of view is a good way of putting it.

"You're wrong... but you're allowed to be wrong."

popcorn being thrown at me is sometimes the least of my worries

but mena is still the most fun for forums

I'm so sorry!