This is another type of visa tale. While most write their "happily ever after" stories and experiences here, I am writing another type of story. Consider it part of my healing. I am tired of hiding. I refuse to be a victim even though I still have some pretty weak moments where I go off and cry rivers of self pity.

Most of you know the story of our visa journey. I lived almost a year in Egypt with Mohammed. We were as happy as Egypt would allow us to be. Our relationship grew strong and tight. I was forced to leave Egypt and return to the USA to rebuild my life with nothing but the suitcase I was lugging behind me on the promise I would bring him here. He was in the same boat in Egypt. I worked through my heartbreak to begin building my life, finding a job, securing a job and a car and as much sanity as I could muster so I could get him here as soon as possible. I missed him terribly and we were both in pretty desperate situations.

A year and a half after I had to leave him crying in the airport, his visa was granted and he arrived in the USA. Three days later we were married. AOS was filed. We happily made our plans for the future. Unfortunately this is where my story takes a turn.

Mohammed started acting very strangely. He would crawl off alone and sulk. When I would finally get him to tell me what was wrong he would give me some fairytale scenario about my plans to dump him, or something else equally ridiculous and I would explain endlessly these things were his own manifestations and not true. These episodes got worse. I realized he was placing blame on me for his own fears and frustrations as he struggled to adjust. I talked myself blue. Some days he would relax and be himself. Most days his mood was foul and his temper horrible and I found myself becoming more and more nervous. That's when he started hitting me.

Five times I suffered through his bruisings, each time was worse then the time before. Each time I would find myself getting more and more angry as my bruises throbbed reminding me what I sacrificed for him and that it was not returned. Tuesday was the last straw. As I suffered his hammering fists he punched me in the chest as hard as he could, right exactly where my heart is. It knocked the breath out of me and as I got up off the floor I made a decision. I called the police.

They took him away in cuffs. My bruises were photographed by an uncaring female police officer and I was given a rather stern talking to by the paramedics and the first police officer that arrived. "He will do it again." Those are the words stuck in my darkest nightmares now.

He is in jail. I was assured he would be released the next day at the time of his arrest, my family all but forced me to file the restraining order to protect myself and still it was not my will to do it. The next morning I discovered he was placed on $3,000 bond. He did something stupid I'm sure. This is not "normal". I will face him in court in a week and I have no idea what to expect or even what to do. I am financially ruined. I have no way to bail him out.

All I know is I'm alone again. My body is covered in bruises and it still hurts to take a deep breath. My husband... my god I sent my husband to JAIL. The man I yearned for, longed for, cried for, fought for and waited for... is now in jail. I cannot find the proper words to explain even how that feels. Medication helps me live with myself. I don't know what to do now.

I really don't want advice. I've already heard it all. It all just makes an ugly smelly mud between my ears that keeps me awake at night. I would not wish this on anyone and my prayers are that all who are awaiting their reunions are blessed with happy and wonderful lives. Thank you for reading my words. As I said, this is my way of attempting to heal and bring sense to the chaos my life has become.

You are a strong beautiful woman I pray for you to have the strength to find your happiness and peace in your heart.

I am so sorry that you have had to endure this. Please do whatever you need to do protect yourself. I hope you are able to confide in your family about this and that they can help you through this time.

Oh honey words cannot describe how much I want to hug you (gently) right now and just take you under my wing until you heal.



You don't need to be quiet at all. Vent all you want here. Let it out and let us hold you and comfort you in this time of need. I can only imagine what you are feeling because I have such a pit in my stomach and tears are streaming down my face reading this. I'm in shock. Complete shock.

You dont' have to answer this but did you see any signs that you just brushed into the back of your mind before? I think it's important for others to know what to look for, you know?

Have you been to a doctor? If not please go because you could have internal bleeding and not even know it. This isn't anything to mess with.

I don't know the technical aspects of getting him back to Egypt but I would work on that NOW while he's in jail and you are safe. That way once he gets out of jail you can have the wheels already in motion.

Again.....................I am so so sorry for you hon. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

WOW! What courage it took to post your story, Jean. I'm so, so very sorry this is happening to you. I don't know what else to say except I will make dua for you. You are much cared for here and you will not have to endure this alone.

I am so sorry this happened to you. May you find the strength to persevere through what is an unimaginably hard situation.
You are in my prayers.

You will be in my prayers.

Thank you for being brave enough to share this with the group. You are not alone. Stay strong.

Jackie

I'm so sad to read about this. I will keep you in my dua. Remember we are here for you.

Jean I am in shock. I am sorry to hear this. I think it's best that you can't bail him out. Good luck in the future and of course we're all here for you.

I just wanted to add that this is not your fault. You sent your husband to jail to protect yourself. You did what you had to do, Jean, and please do not question whether you did the right thing.

You are a wonderful women Jean. I wish there was a way I could take all your hurt away. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I agree. You did the right thing.

I can't express enough how sorry I am to hear this. You are an incredibly strong woman. Like Jenn said, you did what you did to protect yourself. You are not at fault. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jean

Jean, I have huge tears welling up as I read this. I cannot begin to express how sorry I feel.

PS - I know that women who are beaten by their SOs often blame themselves for their attacker's choices, and I got a hint in your post that this is happening to you, Jean. One thing to remember and believe is that what has happened to Moh is NOT YOUR FAULT! No matter how he is feeling, you do not deserve to be hit and you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. He is a grown man, made his own choices and didn't not respect your sacrifices to make a life for the two of you here. Keep that in mind. Bad behavior has consequences and you did the best you could.

I am so sorry that you had to go through this horror. My heart goes out to you and my prayers go up for you.

I'm so sorry Jean, I know what a difficult road this has been. You absolutely, positively did the right thing. It wasn't you who sent him to jail. He got *himself* sent to jail. He's the one who decided to hurt you, and only he is to blame for what has happened.

I am glad you shared your abuse saga. your gonna hate me but, please dont. I have to be frank because, my besfriend is in the same situation. I have been in the same situation as alot of ladies on this board and in your community.

if you stay in the relationship and accept his abuse you cant say nothing!! ! - no one would want to hear it either!!! its true when ladies get abused they RUN BACK TO HIM!!! now you are running back to him!!! your situation is not unique. your not telling anyone here nothing new. your actully trying to justify his actions and your actions. now because, you got abused by him you are trying to mentally abuse your family members and friends. they want to help you ..when you run back to him your causng your those around you the same abuse and frustrations.
to make my point valid you are involving your family and friends with the intention to "RUN BACK TO HIM". so what is it you want your family and friends to do? you really think they wanna hear your justifications about your husbands actions or your actions? no they want you to move on and get over that monster. They want to help you be the lady they know you to be!!

when I got abused by my ex. the police did the same to me. my situation was a lot diffrent but, then not really. I got abused the first day he stepped off the plane from his country. unlike you I listioned to my friends and got out the marriage after 21 days of marriage. I know we all expect the perfect marriage and our knight in shinning armour. when that dont happen we justify things. I questioned maybe I did not love him like he wanted. no I cant love a rapist or an abuser. thats what he was doing to me. I like you was embarrassed to tell my family and friends. after all I petitoned for the SOB to come here.

My mom told me this.
"you can NOT make anyone love you!!!! "

I refuse to allow any one to love me to DEATH.

each beating - will be worse than the last. until you wind up in the hospital and left for dead like my best friend. oh and yeah she still is with the man that nearly killed her.

my advise to her is DONT EVER TELL ME WHEN HE HITS YOU. - I dont want to know. because, you refuse to do anything about it. and its the same advise to you I give!

I am sorry if I upset you. I did not mean to. I do hope you get healing and move on.

I really have no words, (hug)
Know your not alone, and believe in YOUrself.

edit: I am sorry to say baby bunny is right though.

I'm not sorry to say it, Shon is right, and we know she means well and speaks from experience.

I am so sorry you are going through this,but you did the right thing. Your husband is mentally sick and needs help and he can only blame himself for his predicament. It took a great deal of courage to post this,but you never know who also may be suffering and maybe you will be an inspiration to someone else to say enough.

Jean,

I am so sad to hear this has happened and I agree with everyone that you are a brave woman for telling your story. Whatever you do please dont feel guilty about having your husband arrested, your health and well being comes first, what he did was unexcusable.

I know from reading all the posts you wrote that you loved him and wanted to share your life with him. The only one at fault in this is him because he had a wife who loved him completely and did everything to bring him here and help him adjust and he threw it all away. You did nothing to feel guilty about and I hope you know this. If you ever want to talk or vent we are here for you.

<<<HUGS>>> if there is anything I can do for you please pm me at any time.

I am so sorry. You did the right thing. It was not your fault.

You will get through this and a brighter day will come !

I'm very sorry, how devastating. Don't blame yourself in this, do what's best for you and protect yourself. You're in my prayers.

I'm am stunned and so sorry to hear this. I agree you did the right thing and I also agree w/ Shon.
(((((hugs)))))

No one will ever think you wanted this or asked for it, no one will ever think you didn't love him because of this, and no one will ever accuse you of doing this to him-- because none of that is true. But you do need to stick with this decision. After he either kills you or moves on, he will continue this. If you cannot do this for yourself, do it for other women. You can have him sent back I am fairly sure... use the current difficulties in immigration to your best advantage. Then, unlike American women with American abusers you can rest a bit easier, knowing you sent him back where he was happy but also? Where he is FAR, FAR away from you. This will not go away. And in the end, this will take you months and months to put behind you, maybe longer than the process took itself, maybe longer than you knew him for... but you will feel better during this time eventually, and you will learn to put it behind you. You won't feel like this forever.

I am so sorry to read this


You did the RIGHT thing

Well said.

I agree with both Julianna and Shon. If he can do it once, twice, five times...he can easily continue. Please take care of yourself, Jean.

It's great that you came here to post and vent. Some of us have been through this with american men. Either way, it's wrong! I'm so sorry you had to go through this. May God be with you and keep you safe and peaceful!

I am very pleased to see your spirit isn't broken and that you are able to speak of what has happend to you. It is the first step to healing. You are going to experience so many different emotions please allow yourself to feel them and move through them. Healing is a feeling process and it does take time, I wish this healing Journey you are now on will be a fest one. You have a support systmen here in place and many who honestly care about you as a person. We are here to help others as we become friends.

“Now the great thing is this: we are consecrated and dedicated to God in order that we may thereafter think, speak, meditate, and do, nothing except to his glory. For a sacred thing may not be applied to profane uses without marked injury to him.”

—John Calvin

I have been in a abusive marriage and abusive relationships, for me using the 12 steps or Recovery is what help me, not sure if it will help you or if your willing to try it. If you would like information please let me know I will give you or anyone else the information. See the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous can be used for many different things not just alcohol. It can be used for people, places, things, situations and activities.

The main thing to remeber is you don't have to do this alone!

May God be present in all of your thoughts and decisions.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I also think you did the right thing! I know you feel guilty for putting someone you loved in jail, but what about what he's done to you? Its time to think about yourself. Protect yourself. And NEVER take abuse from anyone. Hchouma on him...
We're all here for you!

Jean one more thing....I would look for a battered or abused wives group in your area. Being in a group setting with others who understand what you are going through can be very therapeutic and they can be your "real life" support system. It will also help you heal since they will tell you the stages that you will go through and what to expect.

I read your story shortly after you posted it and two more times since then. I've thought about you all day and what you are going through. I've never been in your situation before so I can only vaguely imagine what you must be going through. Since I've never experienced anything like what you are going through, I won't give you any advice.....you asked for none anyway.

I do want to say this though.....I admire and respect your courage. You are an example and inspiration to all who have been where you are and also those of us who have not. You will be in my thoughts and my prayers as you face so many difficult decisions and whatever your decisions are, whether I agree or disagree, they are your decisions and I stand behind you 100%.

May God Bless You.

Connie

I've read this over and over, and I just have to add that *I **do not** support any decision that involves you going back to him or bailing his azz out of jail. Sorry, just had to say it - and you know I love you Jean.

I have been in an abusive relationship..and it is really a good thing that you cant get him out. If you had the means you probably would..I did and it doesnt change, your just walking on eggshells waiting on the next time. Just posting this here shows what strength you have..you will need that , the bruises fade...inside takes longer. But it can be done, you have my support and my prayers..stay strong and know that you did the right thing.

Jean....I'm saying that I may not support or agree with your decision, but I'll not criticize you no matter what your decision is. I don't believe that's what you want or need right now. I believe in standing behind a friend in time of trouble. I nor anyone else can make any decisions for you. We can just pray that God will lead you to the right decision.

Connie

Jean, I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm very shocked and saddened for you. I know you're going through a whirlwind right now, but please, don't feel guilty for calling the police. He did this to himself the second he hit you. You need to protect yourself and your children. Moh has made his bed. Let him face the consequences. There is never an excuse to resort to violence, especially not against someone you've pledged your life to support, honor, and protect.

Good luck, and we are all here rooting for you.

I'm sorry to hear about you gettign hurt...But you've found your solution: the police. Give yourself a little more time, cry your heart out. Then get up and restart your life! Next time, learn to love yourself than you do other. Close your door forever for "da...ba..rd"

Thank you for your words. You can never know how much it means. I have never faced anything like this in my life. I'm numb. I can make no one any promises about anything, not my family, not my friends because nothing makes any sense to me now so I can't even promise myself. One thing I do know, and I can say this with 100% honesty, no one can know the sh*t storm of this until they experience it for themselves. Its so very easy to say dump the b*stard or forget him. He is still, unfortunately, my husband and I still carry his name. There is much more to work through here then just the simple facts. Connie, you have said exactly what I needed to hear. I need to do what is best and God only knows what that is right now for me. My first goal is getting out of bed in the morning, the next step is putting one foot in front of the other with as much intelligence as I can muster, but the pain is always there. I love my husband and I also hate the life I was living with him recently, so there you go. I ask God why he brought all this to me and I pray for the strength to sort it all out. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just simply don't know anything at all except that this really hurts. I thank you again for allowing me to vent, I thank you for your words, and I pray if anyone else out there is going through this, you step up and do something about it. Hiding bruises is the demeaning part. Lying to your family, friends and coworkers is the demeaning part. Standing up for yourself is NOT the demeaning part. Neither is bearing the bruises in the first place. I know my husband has something in him that goes black and snaps when he gets angry. I know I am the only target for his frustrations. That does NOT make him evil nor does it make any of this my fault. It's just a very unforunate mix of circumstances and that does not make any of it RIGHT. I just know I do not want to live like THIS. God bless you all.

My prayers are going up for you in your situation right now, that He will give you the courage and the wisdom to make the right decisions for every day. Every day will bring a new set of circumstances and hurdles to face and I pray that you will have the fortitude and strength to face every coming day through this painful and difficult time. I have walked in your shoes and know it can be done, although not without much suffering.

I am so glad that you took the courage to share this story here with us and you are in all my prayers for protection and strength and guidance.

Becky

AMEN! There is only one thing here, we soften as we look back at the love. The only problem, once they hit, they keep hitting, I can tell you this from personal experience. You can do the world for them, but the inside anger is in them from God knows when. The only thing that will help them is therapy and it takes a verrrrrrrrrrrry long time. Even then, the one time position you once knew, is and will not be the same. Now if you can convince him to get help, not from you, but from a professional, maybe there is a chance. I hate to sound blunt, but I can't help reading what you wrote and seeing the forgiveness in your words. It's okay to forgive, but the forgiveness that you give immediately will not be the true forgiveness for it will take you a very long time to get this out of your system. Your life is your choice, but to walk on eggshells, to duck because you are afraid he will explode and hit you again, is a life of hell! Been there! The more you take, the more you will need to release and one never knows when we've released for good. Once you hit the plateau where you feel free and secure again, you will forgive him, even if it is silently said. Until you retrieve your soul back to you, the decisions are iffy! Good luck! Really, I am praying for the two of you. What you went through to get him here, the times you spend with him in Egypt, it's very hard right now for you. You will think of this and the good times over and over to wash the negative he's done to you. To me, a man is not a man if he uses his fist, but a raging tyrant. IF it helps any, think of other countries who have taken beatings and rapes under tyrant forces. Not to sound extreme, but a beating is a beating, even if it's a slap across the face.

Jean, I was just reading all of this. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through!

I've spent so many years with my ex who'd snap out of nowhere, just once in a while... He could be soooooooooooo sweet... if he wanted to. But as time went by he wanted to be sweet less and less! I had to suffer so much and I was here all by myself, nobody else to turn to - no family or anyone.... It wasn't very often but...

When I finally left him only one of my kids followed me due to the brainwashing from the now officially 'evil' ex. Well, not even 'evil' - he's just a little off mentally. Not enough for a hospital, but enough to make people believe that they're crazy, not him.

I know you put so much into getting your Moh over here! I know (or can imagine pretty well) what you're thinking about now. I know that what girls wrote here is TRUE and their advice is basically the same. I have to agree with it as much as it hurts me to say this!

May God give you strength, wisdom, health and whatever else you need to put this all behind you! Please stay safe and PM me if you need anything! Hope I can help you somehow!

(((hugs)))
T

Please don't misunderstand understanding for forgiveness. I am ANGRY as hell and will have a very hard time forgiving a lot that has transpired. Understanding the why's does not make them "ok". It just is what it is. Yes, he'll do it again. I am not the type to cry "but I love him" and take him back. If I ever see him again it will be for my own closure and not to believe for a moment anything can ever be the same. I am just being honest when I say that not a whole lot makes sense to me right now. Therefore I am having a hard time knowing exactly what it is I need to do.

My prayer for HIM is that he gets help. He cried and told me he hates the way he is. That pain too is real. But he has to WANT help. There is absolutely nothing I can do for him. As he says, it is his "sick".

Jean, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I cant even imagine what you have been through. I cried when I read your story and I knew how hard it was for you to write it. I agree, Mo needs help and I hope he can get it. I am praying for you. And Mo. Take care

Meriem.

all i can tell you whenever you need to talk or need a friend PM me please .

Jean, your posts show a strength and an insight that is truly admirable. I am thinking a lot about you today and praying for you. take care, and know you have friends here.

I am just being honest when I say that not a whole lot makes sense to me right now.

Those words I understand all too well. I have a story, too, from very long ago, but those words bring it all back. I remember the confusion and the furied mix of emotions the incongruity of action to belief brought about. Because I remember all too well what that was like, you have been on my mind all day, too, Jean. Because I remember, I know this will pass for you, you will go on to pick up the pieces, and life will be good again, insha'allah!

God bless you, sis!

oh give me a break! stop justifying him and your situation. your saying NOTHING we as abused women have faced or felt. you have to wake up and move on. no one can force you to. so what you married him - you want a reward? you wont get it from me. what you can get is some direction on how to get out of the situation you are in. but you have to want it. you want a life where you have to FIGHT your husband?? where you are fearing the man you love? you want a life where he will some day toss you in the Emergency room, and leave you for dead? you want a life where one day he hurts you so bad- you cant even breathe? you think you can change this man? jsut because your his wife? you call going back to him standing up for yourself? no standing up for yourself is moving on.
you can do bad all by yourself - you dont need him to assist you with that.

look at your life before him and this drama. look at how your friends have respected you and some even looked up to you. look at how proud your family was of you before this drama.
now look at yourself NOW..

my bestfriend did not turn on her cell phone on this one day. it was due to the fact at the ticket counter- cell phones must be off or on vibrate. she forgot to turn it on - simple mistake really. she walked into the house. her husband demanded to know why she did not turn the cell phone on. she tried to explain that she forgot. unfortunately for her the door was still opend. he knocked her down 3 flights of stairs. she suffered
broken bones, busted mouth, cracked ribs and black eyes.

she called me while I was at work. I took off and went to her. when I reached the ER I was in utter horror.

my bestfriend is a beautiful lady. she has the most striking green eyes - like grapes and wonderful red hair. - why would a man beat up a precious creature like her