I'm getting a bit annoyed with the way some people respond to questions from new members.

Just because they may seem like obvious questions and may have been answered a hundred times before, just because they are answered in timelines etc etc etc..... this process is daunting for everyone and we all need support.

Have you considered the fact that maybe asking an obvious question might just be the only way to introduce oneself when new on the site? Also, although thousands of people are applying for the same visas, we were all new and unsure when we started this.

I must say that most people are wonderful on here, but SOME sound rude and irritable when answering new people's questions (you know who you are) and I, for one, feel saddened by this when I see it.

I see nothing wrong w/ telling someone to read the guides or create their timelines. Timelines are essential because how can we help them when we don't know what visa, when it was filed, etc etc? Guides are essential because you'll find 90% of the questions one has when new to the process in there. No one has the time to answer the same questions that are answered in the guides 200 times a day - if there were no guides, that's what we'd be doing. I don't find it unreasonable to ask people to read the guides to educate themselves to make the process easier on THEM and so that simple questions don't overshadow those that are unique, harder to answer issues.

We're friendlier than a USCIS agent who stamps "denied" on a petition with mistakes on it because a person didn't read up for themselves on how to do things!

I thought people were a bit terse with me when I first joined as well - I asked some simple questions and got some "Read the guides" responses and some less-nice responses than those. I don't think being rude is called for, but when I see a question that implies a person hasn't even read the plain instructions that come with the form they are filling out, I am less likely to use kid gloves and coddle the poster than I am to say "hey, wake up, this is a tedious, detail-oriented process and you better shape up, pay attention, and not be overly-reliant on VJ."

I think it serves anyone better in the long run.

I am not talking about WHAT people are told, just how. Each to their own, I know but there's nothing wrong with sounding friendly when people join the site however "silly" someone may feel their question is. I think my first post points out what I mean, I have read a couple of posts (and received one when new myself), where some people sounded very chiding at asking a question. Now I have had more time to explore, I have found the areas I need, at the start, I didn't know. If I can find the posts I read I will include them as an example if needed but I am sure you get my drift (?)

I think sometimes many new members want the answers and the process spoon-fed to them. This is not a helpdesk...we can help each other out, but it's up to the individual to take full responsibility byfamiliarizing him/herself with the process.

I think that it's true that many seasoned posters seem very irritated with new VJers who ask obvious questions. (And I know I would be, too. That's why I tend to stay off the K1 board sometimes--my temper is famously short.) Yes, they could be more friendly answering your questions, but the bottom line is that they ARE answering your obvious questions. In other words, they are doing the work for you, and that takes an enormous amount of patience, especially when you consider that new people ask the SAME obvious questions over and over. Accept the gift and stop criticizing the packaging, IMO.

PS to the OP: asking an obvious question is not the only way to introduce yourself; we have an entire forum for just that ("Introducing Our Members").

I hate this kind of discussion, but maybe it's useful.

When I go to a new online community (and it's often when I am looking for URGENT help with something that I didn't study up on ahead of time when I should have known better) I do not expect the members of an existing group (that has its own way of doing things, its own culture and its own lingo) to drop what they are doing and give me a crash course on my question (like, How do I write HTML?).
No wonder people LOVE it when that happens here!

So I stop, read the sticky post at the top of whatever forum, read the FAQs if there are a million notes around saying to do so, read a few posts, try out the search feature.. IOW, I TRY to find what I'm looking for. I also get a pulse for how people talk to each other in that venue and see if the answers are usually harsh or jokey or serious or not. If they look harsh, and I still want the info, I put on a flame retardent suit and some skin toughener.

Then I go and ask my n00b question. I also say: hey, I'm a n00b at this, I read this that and the other thing, and it appears that the answer to my question is "this"--is that right?
I get really good receptions to these posts.

I'm polite and generally sensitive to people's situations here. But yesterday was a good example of someone getting their nose pushed out of shape over *nothing*. Review of that person's past participation convinces me that the poster is just an a-hole, and he probably "sees" that response wherever he goes.
Some people are always going to see themselves as picked on. There's a limit to how much others will reasonably accomodate that.

i dont think i get this question. You dont like how people reply to you? Simple read the all the guides and you really dont need to ask any questions. I have asked a lot of stupid questions on here that I know for a fact are in the guide. The reason i do this is honestly its easier for me to just ask instead of read through everything for every detail i need. I did read the guides before asking questions but honestly this is a long process and forgot a lot along the way. When i ask a question that i am too lazy to look up, which happens im not lying about that. I accept all answers given to me and yes some are a bit smart ###, but i expect that when i am lazy by not looking it up in past posts and the guides. This is really a bad toppic to start as 99% of the people here will answer your question, i guess not in the manner you would like.

Problem: i dont like how you answer me
Solution 1: dont ak the question.
Solution 2: realize you are being lazy (me) and respect the fact that someone is taking there time to answer your question.

I have been here for a long time, not as long as many but have never heard this nonsense ever on this site.

Exactly, I tend to post quotes from sources like USCIS website, Department of State, and the consulates, and embassies, as well as links to the guides, and FAQ here on VJ. If I can find the answers in the obvious locations why don't they?

I get a bit alloyed when the poster, posts questions, and they dont take the time to fill in the blanks in their profile, things like Immigrant Country, Service center, Immigration status, and timelines go a long way in helping answer questions, this data helps understand better their situation and what they are asking. Filed for N/A, Country N/A and no timeline does not help.

Having the details filled out US THEM

Your patience with replying to these posts always astounds me. Good job!

Uzume,

It isn't only new members who ask obvious questions or questions that are asked numerous times every hour. Some people simply don't look for information, their nature is to ask questions without regard to whether or not the information is readily available. Other people like to read a lot, and ask questions only when they've exhausted all of the sources that they can find.

Looking at it from the other side of the issue, some people are happy to respond to any post no matter what the question and whether or not they know the answer.

Takes all kinds, I guess.

Yodrak

I love to spoon-feed people, that way I can become their leader. LOL. Just kidding.

Well, the thing that I have noticed is that when a member here DOES respond politely, takes time to write a reply and gives great information, that there is quite a lot of the newer members who don't take the time to thank that person either.

It's a two way street IMO; it goes both ways (obviously!).

The other thing I find is that the guides are just that, a guide. They shouldn't be quoted here there and everywhere as the golden ticket to USCIS. They should be used alongside other information, mainly from the USCIS sites. Yet they are treated as the be all and end all by some. Yes, they are helpful, they helped me, but they are not the only source of information available.

yeah, I agree...

there is a polite way of helping people... you can point them in the right direction but you don't have to be snippy and rude about it.... I am not referring to you mags ....

I agree with you there Marilyn, you should treat people as you yourself would wish to be treated. That's what I was always told.

It really bothers me when someone VOLUNTEERS themselves to do something, then promptly complains about doing it later.
I see that alot on here...People WILLINGLY sitting on forums and immediatly answering questions ( which is great)-then afterwards complaining about it; and feeling entitled to be snippy and abrasive especially to newer members ( who in time will keep the site alive).
No one is forced to answer questions here; although it IS much appreciated, lets get real....Answering people's questions is a CHOICE and if it is becoming a source of irritation to you or is bringing about snippy feelings, then don't!


Don't volunteer yourself, then complain afterwards!

Yanno what Shele? I completely agree & you've changed my mind!

I believe you are reffering to me.... Below is a portion of your FIRST post to me. I guess we have different definitions of what polite is... I found it quite condescending.
If you are referring to me, I'm not quite sure of what "past participation" you're speaking of? I'm realtively new to the site.

Some of us are just rude and irritable by nature Don't take it too much to heart.

ITA...so what was bothering you?

Hi Yodrak,

Many thanks for your reply. This is exactly my point - why bother replying if it's all such a waste of time for someone? Just leave it to those who are happy to do so without being terse or impatient.

When i first joined, I read a lot of the stuff on here but, as a human, missed some bits, as others obviously have also.

Reading through some of the responses here, I had to laugh as someone said they "hate these kinds of discussions" and then gave very lengthy response whilst others responded in a way that can only mean THEY didn't read the post properly - not a criticism as it proves my point beautifully when considering the amount of information to take in at the start of this process when directed here, there and everywhere.

- so yes... it certainly does take all sorts. I would think that it makes sense to reply to posts one wants to reply to and not reply to those of no interest - perhaps i am missing something here but responding to what one feel demands a "spoon feeding" reply just to be terse or "show them" in some way seems a little odd and, (dare i say it without someone responding with "I hate answering posts about spoon feeding with terse replies" before delivering a tome) juvenile.

amen sister lisa

*LOL* I'm not that thin skinned, just wanted to make a point. Thanks for making me laugh

Ty Dean, but now I've flip-flopped to the other side thanks to Tmma's post. So here's a big ME TOO to her

Even though I still feel how I wrote above, Tmma's post has made me see that no one's forcing anyone to respond....and that's the point, I guess

Don't answer them then, do something else. I'm sure no-one asks a question just to annoy you in particular!

When I first joined I was a complete nutcase. Trying to find answers about Immigration can really be a nightmare. I had been led down so many different roads and given so much conflicting advice, I didn't know what to do. There is so much to learn about this process- I will always have questions. Some things I may not know even after reading the Guides. The guides are great, but advice and opinions from others who have been through it is better. Also sometimes I may know the answer but still need confirmation about it.

When I first joined here- it took some time to get to know the Board as well. Back then I didn't know the difference between CR1 and K3 and K1,etc so I didn't always know where and how to post.

I am pretty patient with newcomers, I know what it is like to feel so lost and hopeless.

Besides, what ever happened to the old saying "No question is a dumb question?"

Excellent points there Mags, thanks for that (taking your point on board there....eh?)

But seriously, i think your point about the "guides" is a great one and just because they are there (an useful as they may be), other people on here may have different experiences, comments, ways of doing things etc etc.... otherwise what is the point of having this forum? why not just have the guides on a site and no way of communicating at all???

Here here!!! You and me both (nutcases that is!) I felt totally lost and miserable when starting this process (apart from the excitement of what I am trying to achieve with my fiance of course). I am planning a wedding and a huge life change by moving across the atlantic, leaving all of my family and friends (including my son) behind. I feel like I have an imaginary friend because I am doing it all on my own as the time we can spend together is so limited. When i found this site, as you will see from my first ever post, I was overjoyed. All it took was for some dimwit to become annoyed when i added a post asking about february NOA 1s and received a very disappointing response from one person. Although all the others ranged from OK to fantastic, that one kept making feel that even here I was isolated.

Basically, if someone is actually taking the time to write "CHECK THE TIMELINES", how much more effort anf time does it take to write something along the lines of "welcome, you may find that the timelines and other info on here will help to answer your questions". An extra 2 seconds? If that?

Anyway, my summarised point about all of this is: If new posts which seem obvious are just SOOOOO offensive to those who, quite frankly do seem to have an awful lot of time to answer so many "obvious" questions, then click onto something else and don't bother with it. I am sure we would all be much happer getting one polite post directing us to the areas we need than 6,7,8, capitalised posts ordering us around and sounding very unfriendly. It would be interesting to know exactly how these people found things when they started and just how many "stupid" questions they really asked at the start!!

This post wasn't just started due to my experience, it was in response to other posts I have read to others questions and as we are all here for the same reason, it can't hurt to be nice as sometimes it is the more cutting things which stay on one's mind.

Thankfully, as I have said, most of you are pretty damn gorgeous and I thank you for all your positivity and generosity.

Belonging to a message board community is a lot like life.

a. Look both ways before you cross the street.
b. Always buckle your seatbelt.
c. Read before assembly.
d. Do unto others.
e. May be hazardous to your health.
f. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Especially that one!

small stuff is relative. i guess i just never thought a month or two or three wait was anything to whine about.


/bitter today... should step away

A two to three month wait ISN'T anything to whine about. *hands Laura a BIG drink* Chug that down luv.

I am sending well-wishes your way, Laura.

I'm sorry

lol ty ty sian! (i dont have a handy accent on my keyboard!)... i *do* have baileys stashed in the fridge. mmmmmmmmmmmmm



ty meowwwww i will feel better tomorrow!

Is it wrong to go "mmmm Bailey's" at 9.50am????

Hell no!

Well, THAT'S a relief!

Your cat pictures are so cute *LOL*

And I think Baileys can be enjoyed at any time ;-)

It's not wrong to say "mmmm Bailey's" at 9.50am", but is it wrong to add ice?