Just curious

We send money to Sujeet's family...because my father in law's pension has been cut off temporarily for the time being by the idiot governments of Bihar and Jharkhand. Because they split into 2 states years ago (instead of just Bihar), now they are arguing who should be responsible for the pensions and both refused to pay!!! Now it's in the courts or whatever and my father in law along with probably thousands and thousands of retired men have not gotten their pension since last Sept!!!

So that means zero income for my 70yr old father in law. The pension was a few hundred a month (in India that's decent). That really boils my blood. So we send him money monthly to compensate for his loss of pension, and we've been doing it since Sept. When he retired from working with the gov't(not as an official but an engineer) they lived in Bihar, but now the actual city he retired in, is in Jharkhand. The whole issue is supposed to be cleared up soon. But you know how Indian government is. Anyway, we are sending them a couple hundred a month and so you can imagine how it hinders us saving any money here. The govt over there better get their act together!

My grandparents on both sides had the same problem. Getting a state government to pay the pension they promised is like pulling teeth in that country. I wish you all good luck.

Thank you! The thing to be grateful for is that his father is in India where we can at least send the couple hundred a month to help them...instead of it being somewhere else and thousands per month. That is one great thing about the US/Indian relationship...it's not as hard to send a couple hundred over there which really will pay all their bills.

I was warned about women from the Philippines marrying men just so they could get here to send money back to their family, so I made it clear up front that we/I will not be supporting her family. Send a box of things we have accomlated every three or four months, but never cash.

My favorite story is that I ordered the wife's family a washing machine and I don't know if anyone has ever used it, because her brothers, sisters and parents got into a big fight over who was going to pay for the water and electricity. LOL

Yup. It's so easy for us to help them that I feel badly if we don't!

I agee with you! I was told pakistani men, marry american women for the same thing.
I dont support sending money back to my husbands family. I dont mind sending someting from time to time.
frankly, I dont intend on making his family our second household. I wont be budgeting for them.
this has been a sore subject with me. he tells me his parents are old. WTF. my parents are much older than his - I tell him tell his father get his lazy azz a job- support his mama. My parents work. he11 i dont think so. my husband was talking about us paying for his sisters wedding. oh He11 no. if I pay for anyones wedding it will be for our own kids.

In desi culture, a man is supposed to contribute handsomely towards his sisters wedding. The thought of not doing that has actually never crossed my mind. My wife, thankfully, is ok with it too.

The same is true for parents. The culture requires that the son take care of the parents. My parents have saved enough money where I don't anticipate they will be needing me much, but if they do I'll be there.

The way I figure it, as long as I do what's right, the rest will take care of itself. IM me in 50 years and I'll tell you how that theory worked out

I think thats cool If you can afford it and it helps your SO's family why not?

yes

Sujeet didn't come to the US and marry me just so he could send money to his family. I understand why some people are paranoid about people using them for sending money to their family since it has happened to many people. But when family needs your help, if you are able to, you should help. Helping isn't being taken advantage of, you would know the difference between actually helping and getting taken advantage of.

We didn't send money until his family needed it because of his dad's pension issues. And I feel it's our responsibility to help them since we can. Otherwise, the family would be getting hardly any monthly income. My father in law is too old to work, he's been reitred for awhile. I wouldn't say that we'd never send his family back in India money. They are our family and we should help them if we can. Also I would not be against helping to pay for one of Sujeet's sisters weddings since I know that is their culture. Sure it'd have to be reasonable with what we can contribute so that we didn't go broke here. I'd also help to pay for my own sisters wedding here in the US when she gets married one day, if I am able to. That's what family does in my opinion. I grew up in a family where sometimes it was hard to make ends meet. Not rich at all! And so we have learned that sometimes we have to help eachother.

My parents are both over 70 and have retired. They say they don't need regular amounts to be sent and they do live comfortably off their pensions. But we have sent money from time to time as gifts and when an emergency comes up.

I'll answer for my husband. He sends money to his father from time to time. its not regular and its out of love, not obligation. I don't mind at all. we also helped with my husband's sister's wedding, which was a great to way to be there without actually being there.

I send money monthly to my little girl along with toys and other things.

I might be presumptuous but this poll really only concerns people who married a beneficiary from the 3rd world. My presumption gets even more support when considering the poll about whose standard of living has increased or decreased in the US:
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=6293
What we have over there are people from Western Europe, Australia, and Canada complaining about their lowered standard of living. Not too many people from Russia, Philippines, or Pakistan complaining about their low quality of life and low wages in the US

No.

My parents are doing fine. My two adult daughters work full time and have their own places so they are ok too.

Just send gifts back for special occasions.

We are complaining. We can have own driver and maid in my wife's country and do not think we could ever dream about having those luxury here in US

You don't have an option for THEY give US money! My parents have helped us out substantially in the last year and we're extremely grateful to them.

I don't send money for now since I already left them with quite a big chunk before I moved here, it should be enough if they have emergency. I would like to send some soon though. Back home we don't have any pension (unless if you work for government) so it's a norm that children take care of their parents when they are old. My parents still work, they own a small store, they love to work and they have enough for living. But I still like to give them some extra, just so they know that I still remember them and care about them (not that they don't if I don't send money).

My hubby understands about this situation, and I also work here anyway so I have my own contribution to whatever thing that I sent for my parents. It doesn't work the other way around though, I mean we won't send money for his parent. My consideration is that seniors here get "pension", at least from social security, so they won't have to worry too much about their financial situations once they are out of workforce market. But that's just me...

Well, 22 respondents and almost one-third of them (7) send money back home regularly or from time to time. Given the fact that most VJers are first-worlders, that is pretty damn impressive. Maybe I should have added a question regarding country of origin, I have a feeling the % of people who send money back (regularly or from time to time) is quite high among those from the developing/undeveloped world. Kudos to you all.

well.. actually my folks have helped me a lot.. lol.. I send bday gifts or sometimes money to my brother, or when they need some electronic gizmo. then i send it and usually dont charge them anything.. but that's about it... of course if they needed money i'd send them some.. but they are still working.. so.. no biggie

Claudeth and I have been sending money every month since she arrived last July. She quit her job today but does have enough in the bank to sustain them until the fall so has plenty of time to look for a suitable job. In the mean time we are going to Laughlin!

hello
well i must say that when i marry my baby in june and we get all our stuff done
i wll send her mother and father some money to help them out . Not because my wife to be wants me too
As a matter of fact she does not even know that is part of my plan. The reason is i will do this is because my mother and father have passed on and i helped them out and now her mother and father become's my family. and every little bit helps.and anthing i can do for thr family i will do no big deal

Paul & Wubit

I wish we were in a position to send money or gifts to my family in Israel, like on birthdays or holidays occasions... My parents are sending us money all the time instead. When I just came to the US, before I was able to get a job, my parents were sending us about $200 every month, they also paid about 85% of the wedding cost, and now that I had to quit my job they are sending us money again. I'm so grateful my parents help us so much, if it wouldn't be for their help we would probably starve here or something

It had never occurred to me that so many people would be getting financial assistance from their parents.

Live and learn, I guess.

When i first met my husband, i was upfront about the money issue. I told him, if he wants to send his family money, then its going to be HIS money, not MY money. I saw my dad do that to my mom on a regular basis, he would send THEIR money to his parents overseas (and not hundreds, but thousands on an annual basis) without so much as consulting with my mom first. I work hard for my money, my money goes to pay my bills and feed my family....if he has any money left over after he takes care of other bills then thats fine with me.

Its a cultural thing where my husband is from for the sons to take care of the parents....my husband has two brothers that both live with the parents (10 people all live together in that house), so why should my husband who barely makes enough to support his growing family here have to support his family there too.

In the two years he has been here, he gave them money twice. Once was for a holiday and the other was when we were there this december, he gave them some of our vacation money that we didn't end up needing.

Same way I feel. My wife has a total of 5 other brother's and sisters, so they can take care of mom and dad. What would they have done if I hadn't come along. Plus if her brothers and sisters would stop having kids like puppies they might have enough money to support their own families as well.

John and I will be sending money home to his parents, he is the oldest son and that's just the way life is going to be. I already support several children in Uganda and I don't mind adding his fmaily to the list, though we both know we will not be able to afford it for the first couple of months/years :-). But as soon as we are on are feet and able to save a little each month we will send probablly 100 to uganda a month. And eventually I am sure we will pay for the youngst two (twins) to either go to school or we will adopt them and bring them here.
Just the way life is marrying a Ugandan, I want to be part of his family, I want to help them. Just so long as they understand just because we are in america dosn't mean we are RICH and can totally support them :-)

My parents paid for my college tuition in France, then the US for quite a number of years. I've always wanted to "pay" them back but they've always refused... It makes me feel guilty at times... The same with my brother. It's true that they are comfortable financially in French Guyana, probably much better off than me here! They only want me to come and visit them. That's what make them happy.

I have sent money home though, but this was to pay for the house I am still financing there. My husband will be here soon and I'll have no problem with him sending money to his family in Uganda. A couple of hundred dollars can do a lot there.

I am against it!!! I dont see none of them people helping my azz when things hit the fan!!
frankly, I dont bust my azz working to support 2 households no way!!! if that is all he want me for is
to use me - he know he can keep his azz in pakistan. obviously, if that is motive then why dragg me in
his familys sytt..

I can offer limited assistance to my wifes family in India with about zero impact to my lifestyle here. Given how far that limited assistance can go in India, with exchange rates being what they are, I absolutely intend to do so. I believe it's the right thing to do.

Clearly, you have other thoughts on the matter and that is fine. We will have to agree to disagree.

My wife had bought a house prior to our marriage and rents it out. That money she gives to her folks.


Daniel

Since my wife started working she has been sending money back to her mother. She never asked me to send one dime and is intent on using the money she earns. I have asked her to make sure she puts our family first and forego sending or reducing the amount she sends if we ever need it. Until that time comes she can do what she wants.

i guess completely different here for us, since geoff is from england. his parents are very well off and have told us that we are to inherit their estate one day as he is their only child. we'll decide then what to do with the property, either rent it, sell it or retire there.

but if he was from an impoverished country, i would certainly set aside 'x' amount of money per month for his family if our finances allowed it.

well that is a good story. If your parents are just happy to see you, just save up money and get a ticket and go spend time. it is like spending money on your parents

Where's the option "My family outside the U.S. has been sending me money"?

My fiance is not here yet but we have discussed this and we will only send money if there is an emergency. I found a web site for a Grocery store in Jamaica where we can buy grocery credits for them so they can go buy groceries, I think we are going to do that for the holidays and other special occasions...some people in his family have bad drinking problems and we really dont want them to use money we would send for alcohol...with doing the grocery credits that way they can buy food and other needed things.

Didn't think of it. I just assumed if you were married you could support yourself. Clearly, I was mistaken.

Does the same apply if your family need some fiancial help in the future? will he get a say whether you help them out at all?....just wondering...

I send a $1000.00 a month to my Mother in-law and if she ever needed more she would have it!

I dont send my mom and dad money! they have both have retirement < military >checks comming in.
mom is about to retire again this june and dad is not retiring again just yet.

That is very smart of you

you know: she didn't ask if you send your parents money NOW... she asked what if they needed help at some point in the future. What if there was some natural disaster or something and they lost their home... what if they just needed some help from their child until they could get back on their feet? When you're on a pension, it's a pretty fixed income. You usually can't plan for unexpected events and build that into your budget.

Would you help them? If so, what kind of say would your husband have in the matter... I mean... they're not there, helping his AZZ out, are they?

I'm not in the US yet, but if my parents needed, I'm positive Dave wouldn't mind helping. The same way I wouldn't mind helping his parents if they ever needed financial or any other kind of help.
But that won't be an issue for us anytime soon because our families don't have money problems. My family is considered middle class here in Brazil so there's no need for me to send them money, we're not rich but money is not an issue, we have a comfortable life. But since noone knows what's gonna happen in the future, we've decided that helping our parents if they're in need is the least we can do for them....
I have to say that my family will probably be helping us a lot more than we'll be helping them! Like sending me medication since it's so much cheaper than it is in the US, sending me clothes that my mom knows I'd like every now and then, beauty products, and in the future, baby stuff. I've already told them they'll be sending me everything that is possible when I get pregnant Just like my family did when my cousin got pregnant while living in England!

Clearly, our families overseas are supposedly adults as well, and they should be able to support themselves.

My parents have prepared for their future dont worry about it ... if they need money they have resources. they can take care of themselfs. I take care of myself and my household. thats it.

Yes, they should be able to. As a married person, you should be able to support yourself as well.

But that's ideal.

In the real world, you are not. Many people will have parents that are not. That's life.

So the question is, if you're in that situation, are you willing to help?

For some people the question is a hypothetical. For some people, the question is very real.

excellent point, and not necessary over-seas..i know a few folks who help support their parents here in america...

I do when I can afford it (which is not often), because I owe my parents. Otherwise I wouldn't.