I have a complicated situation and could use any information you all might have. I married my wife in Brazil in 6/05. She entered the US on her spousal visa 10/05, We had a second marriage here in 06/06.

She is 3 months pregnant, unhappy and threatening to leave and go to back to Brazil.....now. Before the baby is born.

My questions are as folllows:

1) How to proceed with a divorce....here, there or both. Does one supercede the other?
2) If she files in Brazil, am I bound to any judgements, ie child support from a Brazilian court?
3) If I file here, and she is already in Brazil, would I have to pay child support to her in Brazil? Or would a better strategy be for me to file for custody here? Any points in my favor the child could be a US citizen and she is taking it to Brazil? How is she served the divorce papers (am I required to serve her in Brazil?0, how does she file responses, appear, in court here to counter my custody request etc? Bottom line, if she is not here, can she fight me effectivley in court? Her AOS is due 10/07, which means we must file in june. If she is in Brazil and her visa expires, I would think she could not return. Does this help me in court here?

She has basically told me it is her kid and she will have it in Brazil. I need any strategies/thoughts for mitigating the damage and understanding my commitment for a child I will probably never see again..

Thanks in advance for your input and or experience.

best one for this is the mermaid.
in my experience, first one to file has the advantage in location. also, if she returns to brazil, she probably does not have ap to return to the usa does she? on #2, more than likely on child support, as i've heard the usa and brazil have some type of agreement on that topic. she can fight thru an attorney, but that wouldn't be as effective as if she is there.
sorry to hear this has occured, best wishes.

I'd say file here too if you want some sort of upper hand.

I divorced my husband while pregnant and I was made to wait till the child was born to finalize the divorce. The child was appointed a guardian ad litem (sp?) to make sure the best interest of the child was considered. Paternity was not an issue, nor were we made to prove anything cause we were in agreement. We just had to testify to the fact after the child was born.

I’m using my husbands account to answer …

Hi. Well I don’t know what happened between you and her, and actually this is not my business, but as far as I can see, you are only interested to know about the divorce procedures and custody, not in keeping your wife. The way you wrote, her reaction…it seems that you screwed up with her…..but I’m not going to question that. I don’t know who is right or wrong. I think that now is time to think about this innocent child that will be born in the middle of a fight.

I’ll start with some advices. I don’t know if you have any other child with her or another woman. You made the comment that you would like to keep the child here….are you 100% sure that you will be a good Mr. mom ? Are you going to provide everything that a child needs materially and emotionally ?? Do you know how bad it can be for a child to be kept away from the mother in her first years ? The contact, the caress, attention… are you willing to wake up in the middle of the night several times to give the child the necessary attention? Change diapers, play, identify what does the child is telling with the different ways to cry ?? Special food, vitamins, exams, doctor one a month at least, diseases, cold, flu …I think you should think more about that…take the child away from the mother and keep her with the grandparents is not fair. Are you going to hire a nurse 24/7 instead?? The star is the child here, not you.

A pregnant woman is something very complicated many times. Insecurity is the most common feeling. I’m also a brazilian woman, married with an American man, and I feel insecurity about being pregnant here, away from my family, not having my mother here with me all the time to give me the necessary advices and support. I talk with her everyday by the phone, but this is not the same. Do you know what is my worse fear ?? Go to the hospital and talk Portuguese all the time, not understanding what the doctors are saying or doing….because when you are feeling pain, giving a birth your mind will be so focused on this task that you aren’t able to think right and make people understand what you are feeling and describe that. Have you ever figured that ? It’ s not easy to leave your entire life back, family, friends, job…just for one person, to live a new challenge, in a new country, new language, new habits, culture, the food too…. Communication is very important, because to become accustomed with that will take many years…the feelings of lost are very bad some times. Have you given her the necessary support she needs? No matter how independent your wife is…..how strong she seems to be….she will always be a woman and need attention, support, caress, feel loved. During the pregnancy every woman will feel that she is not desirable, going to be fat…some loose her sexual desire, and thinks the man will find another woman to have sex during this period….many many things like that.

I’m sorry if I don’s answer you exactly what you are asking for…. I know some of the answers….but first I want to make sure that you really realize everything involved in the process of divorce and custody, sure about the divorce as the best solution for your relation, and if you are willing to spend this amount of money to do that. This is going to be very very expensive. Make up usually is less expensive and better for the child and the couple. Can you give you both another chance? You will always be the father and have your rights assured, but, is she going to register the child with the father's name ? If not, you will have to request even a DNA exam to prove to be the father, and it will cost you. After everything is proved, you can get the custody but you will have to travel to visit until the child is old enough to make the trip, or decide to live with the father or mother. The child will be eligible for the 2 citizenships.

DavidTX,

You need to talk to a divorce attorney in your state.

The little information you provide about her immigration status is confusing. She entered on an immigrant visa? And here conditional LPR status expires in October? (In which case her visa is long expired and she will be applying for removal of conditions, not adjustment of status.)

Yodrak

Hi

what a terrible thing to happen....She wants to go back to Brazil...and she is pregrant...

I found this page
you can check,
maybe there is something you can learn here

http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction/c...untry_3056.html

I appreciate your comments. Guess I need to clarify a few things. I understand all the issues of culture shock, away from family etc. But she has bee inflexible on a variety of issues. Whether she is from Brazil, China, the USA or the Moon, this is what has led to this impass. I certainly understand it takes two to tango, but she has not taken the steps to try and be committed to living here. Her only thought is how fast she can return to Brazil. We had discussed moving there in 5 or 6 years. But now she is stating she is leaving with "her" child. It is only mine when she talks about me paying for things since if she returns she is not working and has no helalth plan. She is clear that she is leaving and I have no say in the matter. And realistically, with her BS, I really have no problem if she leaves now.

As harsh as I know it is, my issue now is extracting myself from this with the least financial damage. While she wants her independent life in Brazil, I must continue here. Giving her 15-20% of my salary is the golden ticket when compared to the cost of living in Brazil. I have no problem being "fair", but I do not think I will see that word pop up very often over the next few months.

You are correct, her LPR is due 10/2007, not her AOS. Sorry, wrong terminology. So my question was regarding her behavior, whether she leaves now or it flares up again in a couple of months, am I better not filing for the LPR? Even if she stays through the birth, next time she visits and tries to return, no visa...........part of the problem solved.

Bottom line is I do not want to pay child support for the next 18 years to her in Brazil when I will never see this child. When I talk about obtaining custody, it is where I have "legal custody", hence no child support, but clearly she would have possession.

Thinking out loud, just trying not to get burned like a french fry.

Well you said you got married in Brazil and USA. In this case it will be easier for you to file here in the USA for the divorce, and she will have to sent a copy of the Divorce Decree to be recognized also in Brazil pay for that (not cheap). You are not a Brazilian citzen, so don't worry about that if you do not intend to marry another Brazilian. If your concern is about the financil support, I don't think this is big issue. She is leaving you and home...it means ABANDON...usually it means you give up in many "rights" and maybe the financial is one of them..I'm not 100% sure. Also to get money from you, she would have to pay for the attorney + expenses of the International lawsuit and hardly would get something. Have you created a commom property ? This is also something to worry about. If you want to keep the child here and raise your son/ daugther you can make a special request to the Court and prove you can offer a better life for the child. She will have to prove she can offer more/better life quality. It's up to you. You really should contact an attorney to explain better your situation, with all the details.

I urderstand that you don't want to give money montly to the "b" who would deny you access to your child, and it could be longer that 18 years...could be 24 if the child prove to be a student (til after the college' graduation), also in Brasil the % is higher than what you've mentioned, but once this is an international issue, I don't know how the judge would make the calculus, but you are not obligated to pay for all her expenses with doctors, etc....We have free doctors and the service is not that bad in some States. It's not like the USA....actully most of people don't have health insurance, and the government supports them, pay for the medicine, treatments, surgery ...... With this short period of marriage I don't think you should have to pay her anything. This is her decision to abandon you without filing the divorce first.... Another issue is about which kind of mother do you think she would be? Will she be unhappy and blame the child for that ? Treat the child bad ? Tell the child how mean his father was in the past? No matter your decision now...it will affect your relationship with your offspring. When the child is old enough I'm sure he/she will desire to know you and the American family... will the child feel regret and abandon by her/his father ?? There are many many issues far beyond the money issue. Think about that... no matter what is the situation or how she became pregnant... neither she made the child alone nor was fecunded by God spirit....so you have your 50% of participation, and we are talking about a human being that will grow and also have feelings.

From another mother who got a whoping 80 in child support over 18 years,.....you don't pay to see the kid, you pay because you played. SImple as that. Kids need food. I think this does not speak of your real character, I hope you are angry and upset and not really thinking that you can just forget you are a parent now. That child will never forget and will come looking for you one day. What is the story you want to tell at that point?

Took the words outta my mouth.