According to the Korea Herald newspaper, Cho's parents are currently under the
protection of the Virginia State Police...

I feel like I should right a concurring opinion. I agree with the yes, but not necessarily for the explaination given in the poll

Same here. Yes, but not for that reason.

Are you saying it is their fault?

It's not not their fault.

LOL

Yeah, they probably need all the protection they can get right about now. I feel sorry for them.

Of course they will protect them. That is their duty.

I disagree with most of you, I voted NO but not for the reason stated. The parents do not deserve any special police protection. They should get same level of law enforcement coverage that the rest of us get and those of the victums. They do not deserve any special consideration. They did not commit the crime and most americans think like that, but my tax dollars should not go to give people special protections that the rest do not recieve.

I voted yes as well, but not for the reason gave. I also feel sorry for them.

Well, considering Cho's sister is a professional with a degree and hasn't run around shooting 32 people I don't think you can hold his upbringing as too much of a contributing factor.

The kid was mentally unstable and some people are just bad.

The cops will, in theory, make extra effort to protect anyone against whom there is a credible threat.

Doubtless there will be at least one arsehole who thinks that payback against the family is somehow justifiable. Oddly enough you always find that such people have little or no direct connection to the events.

currently there are 4 who voted no. i voted yes the police should as the parents (hopefully the sister too) deserve protection from a lynch mob.
i think this is more about the choices the kid made rather than the way he was raised.

I think Cho was probably seriously mentally ill; some psychoses don't develop until you're in your 20s or 30s and have nothing to do with upbringing. I say protect the family. They didn't do the shooting, they didn't put the guns in his hands; they don't deserve to be torn to pieces.

The parents, and siblings should be protected. They are not the killer. Mass media nowadays promote pointing fingers.

I voted YES.

I knew a family whose son commited a terrible murder, it also had worldwide news coverage, he destroyed the lives of his own family as well as the other famillies involved. It was heartbreaking to see. Their house ended up having to be demolished and I never knew where they ended up moving to.

They were just 'normal' people.

Definitely YES. They deserve as much of our pity as any of the other victims families, IMO. They not only have to lose a child, but they forever have to live with what he did in their minds. Can any one of you imagine *that* as a parent??? I know I can't.

I totally agree with those who say he has a normal sister, appears to have had a decent upbringing...no one really knows...but I mean...he was in his 4th year of college. If his parents didn't really care about him at all, I doubt he'd have the seemingly normal sister, or even BE in college. You know? I feel so sorry for all the victims...but his parents (and sister)are *definitely* included in that group, IMO. M.

PS..to whoever said "they deserve as much protection as the rest of us...etc etc." you may feel differently in this situation. You haven't done anything (or someone in your family hasn't I should say) that would give cause for a lynch mob to come after you....this family *has* had that, therefore they should get more protection. You don't say someone with a stalker shouldn't be looked out for, because *I* don't have a stalker....do you? M.

His parents and sister are as much victims of his actions as all the other victims... my heart goes out to all of them.... I would think his family will have to live with and deal with there own feelings of guilt forever more....

Kez

I voted no. Why should they get any special treatment ?
How in God's name can you not know your child is SO screwed up? I know the guy was 23, but this doesn't happen overnight. They HAD to know something was wrong for a LONG time...there has to be some accountability with the parents.

It's just so sad...

Rose

So I take it your parents know everything you are thinking about and all the things you have planned to do in your life, either good or bad and you have never done anything wrong or stupid that your parents did not know about????? Yes parents should watch for telltail signs of mental problems but some people are very good at hiding their thoughts and feelings from other including their parents....

Kez

I agree, although I wouldn't say that they are accountable for his actions. They did know that he had mental illness, according to news reports. I can't imagine that they had absolutely no clue that he was unstable and that the college environment was likely exacerbating his condition.

This guy didn't just "snap".

ETA: I still think they should be protected though. I just think they may have been in denial about their child's mental illness.

For one thing the guy was 23 and legally an adult. Unless you've dealt with mental illness in some form or other you realise that it isn't easy to get someone to have treatment. You can't force someone to be committed unless they've tried to harm themselves or others. Being 'angry and depressed' doesn't usually cut it. It just isn't that easy - mentally ill people can be devious when it comes to hiding their symptoms from strangers (like doctors), but carrying on 'business as usual' as soon as the coast is clear.

There is a stigma attached to mental illness. People don't understand it, don't know how to handle or what (if anything) to do about it.

I do know that it's difficult to get treatment. I was watching some guy last night who said that he had to lie and say that his bipolar son had threatened to kill him before he could get a bed at a treatment facility. But if your attempts at getting your child who you knew to be mentally ill were not successful, would you throw up your hands and say, "Oh well, we tried. I guess we'll send him to college instead?"

I don't know, I do realize that it's a lot easier to say after the fact that the signs were all there and how could they not see them. We're seeing this guy's past as the media is choosing to portray it.

Not exactly what I meant...I have a child of my own, and I know him inside out. I see his strengths, and his weaknesses. I know what level of respect he has for what's right and wrong-how he treats others, animals, and how he addresses life in general. As a parent, there is a VERY STRONG sense of what is going on in your child's head. If your child is "off"-you know it, and it is incumbent to take steps to help your child. Like I say, this didn't happen overnight. There HAD to be a history of instability, and it should have been addressed better. This guy should had more parental involvment in his illness. Yes, he was a legal adult, but the guy should have been institutionalized, given his history.
I am in no way stating that it is completely their fault-but as a parent-you KNOW your child. And as for police protection for the parents...did they do their part to protect the public from their child? I can answer that one quite clearly.


Rose

I voted yes. I don't think it's their fault what his son did.

Wait until your child is a young adult and then come back and tell me you still Know everthing that is going on in your childs life.... you may think you do but you dont.... did your parents know everything about your life and your inner feelings from age 15 to 23???? I dont think so... As a mother of 2 grown-up children and a Grandmother I know I would like to think I know my kids real well.... but in reality I dont... they had their own lives now and they only let me see and know what they want me to see and know....

Kez

Seeing the signs is not easy - many kids that age are troubled. I'm not sure how easy it is to separate the angst-ridden going through a phase to those who are genuinely dangerous.

Speaking from personal experience - my father gave up trying to get treatment for my mother (after 28 years) who continues to suffer from a psychotic disorder, because without any demonstrable history of violence, self harm or other mental incompetance a person cannot be committed without the person doing so of their own volition.

Long and short of it - people don't know much about mental illness, and they don't want to acknowledge it, much less actually find ways to deal with it. I think its easy to find "should haves", but a much different proposition to actually have to deal with it directly in a loved one.

I agree. Many people think they know their child, or like to think they know their child, but I think they are living in a dream world. I am don't have a mental illness but when I was growing up I got up to stuff my parents would never have dreamed about.

They weren't neglectful or soft, I was just very good at lying. *shrugs*

Reports that I've heard indicate that it wasn't something that developed in Cho's teen years. He was described even by family members as being "cold" and practically mute his whole life.



In my opinion, this is really needs to be addressed. I wish everyone would stop talking about gun control and whether or not he legally purchased the gun blah blah blah. To me, all that is really beside the point. If a "psycho" wants a gun, a "psycho" is gonna get a gun. Shouldn't we be more concerned about the causes and cures for mental illness and what we can do to protect our communities? I do think that the level of personal rights of the mentally ill needs to be revisited.

I voted yes, his parents shouldn't have to suffer because of what he has done.

London Mirror Link



(in response to homesick_american, erekose--no vote though)

I agree it should, but I also agree with Almaty who said yesterday that the mental health issue has classically been an afterthought in cases like this, and sees no reason why this will change in future. Mental healthcare provision lags way behind the rest of the healthcare industry. Its underfunded and is represented largely by various new drugs designed to zone people out.

The lack of money to afford the care is another issue too. After all, states have executed people for committing murders while suffering from undiagnosed mental disorders. That should say something about the perception of these issues in the mind of the general public.

As to the VA killer - again I can't imagine his parents would have thought him capable of doing something like this in a million years. And again, what exactly can you do? Take the kid to a psychologist - they will not (and cannot) do ANYTHING substantive unless the guy has actually harmed himself or others.

As other have already commented on this, about him being an adult, etc, I also wanted to add something.

I know people who have a daughter who is 24 now, and she is out of control. NO matter how they have tried to help her, she keeps doing the same things over and over. She is on and off of cocaine and meth, always in fights with her 'friends', has emotional problems, has been arrested several times, has been baker acted and put into the Harbor(mental health facility), and yet is still out walking the streets today. Her parents have helped her soooo many times. She has a sister who has a normal, happy married life. So it's obviously not her parent's fault that she keeps going down the path of a horrible life and has emotional problems.

Of course I voted that Yes his parents should be protected. They don't deserve a lynch mob. They are probably suffering very badly right now, not only about what their son did but wondering why he did it.

Absolutely. We don't believe in collective guilt in this country.

Any ideas as to why this is? Reluctance to address the issue seems to be deep-seated in our culture and will be tremendously difficult to shake.

My best friend is a social worker who works at a home for the mentally ill. Her salary is laughable while she does one of the most difficult and noble jobs. Such a travesty.

You all make very good points, especially you, Kez. I respect your opinion, and I understand what you all are saying...
I still feel on many levels that his family should have stepped in more to protect their son and the community from himself.

Well...Off to work I go.
Hope you all have a good day-it's Friday !!! Whooo Hoooo....



Ciao !!!

A hint was given in erekose's post (bold part) to which you responded; it's in the vested interest of the pharmas--who are only too willing to fork out much $$ (unfortunately, still chump change compared to the revenue they get for these drugs) to ensure it DOESN't change.

Because mental illness is largely subjective - aside from odd behaviour you don't 'see' the problem - like you do with conventional medicine. Its not a cancer to be removed or a blocked artery to be cleared.

I agree that the parents should be protected, but I don't think we can arrive at the conclusion that because he has a high-functioning sister, they are good parents. It sounds like they never properly dealt with their son's diagnosed autism, and I know there are charitable organizations who help poor families with autistic children. Personally, no matter how poor I was, I would prioritize getting my kid the healthcare he needed. "Worrying" about the kid was obviously not enough. Especially considering they are from Korea, and most Korean kids I knew at school had parents who were much more attentive and protective than the average American parent...

I think the thing to remember here is that we can theorise all we like. We won't ever really know how his parents brought him up and if that had any bearing on his appalling actions at VT.

SAME HERE

Because it's quite likely that someone would physically harm them or even kill them without protection. That isn't special treatment; that's preventing a crime.

I think you'd be surprised at what children can hide from their parents.

Here's what I hid from mine:

* I was sexually assaulted when I was 9. They did not find out until I chose to tell them...11 years later.
* I began self-harming at the age of 9. They never knew about that.
* When I was 17, I developed an eating disorder. They didn't realize it; in fact, they positively encouraged it by telling me how great I looked. They have no idea that at that point I was absorbing MAYBE 400 calories a day and running a mile and a half to burn that off.
* When I was 20, I had a nervous breakdown. They still don't know about that.

etc., etc., etc.

When you combine shame, intelligence, and solid knowledge of the symptoms of mental illness combined with a lifetime of reading mom's lady magazines on the toilet, you can very easily hide whatever you want from your parents. You'd think that those four things would be something good parents would notice. My parents were not bad parents; I was just determined to hide these things from them.

Oh, and if you think that's good...you ought to hear about the girl in my sorority who successfully concealed her anorexia from her parents until she got down below 80 pounds...and she was 5'9"! Amazing what layers of clothing and the power of denial can accomplish.

Perhaps it's just my own experience then...I didn't hide much of anything from my father (my mum was gone when I was 11). Why on Earth would anyone hide things from people who are supposed to love them more than anyone in the universe?

My dad and I talked, and he knew all about me until the day he died. I didn't hide anything because I did not need to...he was always open and accepting of me-he loved me no matter what I did or said. I love my son the same way my father loved me. We talk about everything...he can say anything to me without judgement, as my dad treated me.

Perhaps extraordinary circumstances? I dunno....But I always told my dad everything. He used to say to me, "Say what's on your mind, speak your truth always , and those who cannot handle your truth are the ones who have a problem". I live by these words today. They've gotten me in some hot water with some folk, and my I know I can sometimes be a hard-###, my poor husband isn't used to it sometimes, but he's beginning to understand... I will never change this for anyone.


Rose

I may have read through this too quickly tonight, so please forgive me if this has been said already--but I didn't see it.

I think another point that is being very missed here in this discussion, is so ok....he had a mental illness. Even if his parents knew about it (we have no idea if they did or didn't try to get help for him in the past or whathaveyou) would they *still* have *any* idea whatsoever that he would snap and go kill a bunch of people? IMO, definitely, definitely not. Plenty of people will all *types* of mental illnesses are enrolled in high school and college on any given day of the week. There is no way to guarantee that they won't ever flip out and hurt someone. Even if they weren't in school....they could freak out and go to Walmart and shoot a bunch of people..know what I mean?

The people that got shot got shot for *no reason* at all...I mean as far as their relationship to the shooter,etc. That only leads me to believe that he just wanted to kill some people....anyone who has a mind to do *that* can do it just about anywhere...and there is just no way we will be able to keep anyone with any type of mental illness under lockdown to safeguard the community...you know? (Not that I'm saying anyone was insinuating that we should at all.)

It's just a really, really sad tragic thing that happend. But, and we can agree to disagree then, I don't think his parents deserve one iota of the blame for this. I don't think *any* of us can say we are perfect parents...I'm sure they made mistakes....but I really doubt (and obviously I wasn't there, I know) that they did anything that would have "made" their son into a killer. JMHO.

M.

(totally off topic in a serious discussion, but MrsBruce...I love your name....Rose is my mom's name, and Bruce is one of my brother's name.) M.

The mere fact that you asked that question means I can't answer it. You wouldn't understand.



Well, let's hope that continues. Personally, I think it's completely normal to keep some things secret from your parents. I'd be shocked if he actually told you *everything*.



Like I said, let's hope it continues. Good luck.

Just to make something clear; autism is not a mental illness. It's a developmental disability. The fact that he was in college likely means that his autism was not severe. If he had autism at all (and I'm not sure I believe he did) then it was most likely Asperger's Syndrome. Aspies are not usually violent and if this kid was an Aspie, he was diagnosed when he was 8 years old and should have had access to CBT that adult Aspies could only dream of...since many Aspies are diagnosed as adults. By the time you're an adult there's not a lot they can do for you.

Basically, I don't want anyone here thinking of autism as a mental illness or that it was the cause of his violence.

^^^Good point to make. M.