With the different points of views on cheating, and the variety of responses lately, I think it would be interesting to find out just where everyone really stands on this issue, and at what point, you would be willing to end a marriage over it.

Is there really any difference between someone who cheats once, as opposed to someone who cheats twice? Or even three times etc....?

Think of it as a way, for all of us on VJ, to get to know one another just a little better.

Lemme get some more popcorn...

What's up with all the cheating posts lately ?
I am trying to focus more on the positive side.

Cheating is a very big reality in relationships and something every person should give at least a small amount of thought to. I have been cheated on and I have also cheated (in previous relationships) and I know now that a relationship can never really ever be the same once one or both partners has cheated.

I am completely positive that neither my spouse nor myself will ever cheat in this marriage. We both have so much trust, respect and love for each other that cheating is not an option. I know I got it right this time and I have no desire to be with anyone but my wonderful husband for the rest of my life.

for me its not necessarily the amount of times... but HOW they cheated. did he have a one night stand? did he have another girlfriend who he had feelings for? if he had a one night stand and i somehow found out (ughhhh) i'd probably give him another chance. do it again and i find out AGAIN (what a moron) then i'm out.
have a relationship with someone else and i find out? even ONCE? i'm out. thats completely unacceptable.

Once.
Lack of trust.
YEs.

That was my question the other day. IMHO threads like this only put ideas in some people's minds. Not everyone, but there are a few who may not be as strong with their LTR with their fiancé(e) as we've already seen on here lately. I know cheating can be and is a very real thing in life, that's very unfortunate. I'm certainly NOT trying to be the thread police though.

Omoba, you stole the words right out of my mouth.




Right, I'm just curious about all of the cheating threads, also. To answer your question, though...I wouldn't give up on the marriage if he cheated once. I would at least give him a second chance. Any more times after that, though, and it's over. I wouldn't be able to trust him.

No offense, but I think if someone's relationship with their fiance/fiancee, is so tentative, to the point where reading a few threads on a website was enough to make them go out and have a fling with someone else....................then I would also at the same time think that perhaps the 2 involved in that relationsip, should be strongly reconsidering the ardous task of coming to a totally new country, getting married, giving up their life abroad, and making such big steps in their lives....and should strongly begin to reconsider either postponing the marriage, or rethinking the relationship entirely.



It IS unfortunate...........and personally, and from my own view, I have to admit I am blown away with some of the results that I have seen. For example...in regards to the actual number of respondents....that there are MORE people who have been cheated on......than there are that have not.
I really didn't expect such results........and never imagined it was that bad.

At the same time, I do not think it has ever done a couple any good, to avoid talking about what is obviously (even more obvious by this poll)......a very serious and prevalent activity in our society.

My wife and I discussed this issue long ago. We are both VERY firm on what would ever happen if such a thing did occur. We are open about this topic...(although...it doesn't come up much in our conversation.....because I think one serious discussion on the topic is enough...and we don't want to dwell on negatives....as many of you are saying).

But still..............we did not ignore the topic, and I don't think it does people any good to do so. I think couples have to set their expectation from the beginning.....and never be afraid or hesitant to discuss anything.

I don't think that does a relationship any good, either.

What I meant was....putting ideas in the minds of those couples who aren't as strong in their faith with the other. As in the case of a thread started a few days ago where one fiancé was wondering if the other was cheating on her. If one reads these cheating threads it might start them wondering if THEIR fiancé(e) is cheating on them. See what I mean? Of course, if reading these threads influences one to actually go out and cheat, then I'd say that person has a problem.

He did cheat on me .........but I forgave him.
It was a weird situation though.He met her online while he was stationed in Iraq and they met when he came back,then she was here in Germany with him for 3 weeks and about a month after she left we met and slowly but surley fell in love.He was leaving Germany 2 1/2 months after we met because he got out of the Military and his stuff was being sent to her and it was way too late for a European out ,(and he wasn't sure about my reaction if he told me about her and didn't think I would understand and say with him),he went there too.
But couldn't stop thinking of me and fell into a black hole of depression.I found out where he was and he told me everything and left her.She later on confirmed everything he told me about the two months he was living with her and how much he had changed and just didn't want to be around her anymore.
So yeah,due to the fact that this really hurt him and e really did regret what he did,I forgave him.
But if something like this was to happen again-GONE.
Nat

One time is all it would take for me. I'd find out and he'd find his stuff on the front lawn. If he doesn't have enough respect for me, then I'm not hanging around. No amount of reasoning, explanation, or apologizing could make a difference.

Andre has known from the very beginning that this is my stand on the subject. I was involved with someone else when I met him and he knew then I wouldn't cheat even though that guy was an ###. It's always been and always will be my stand on this issue. If you want to cheat, move along first. No use dragging me down with you.

NO second chance policy for both of us.

There is no consideration of children before ending a marriage...that would be the only factor I would personally consider.

I completely agree with this. It's not a quick answer...it would depend on the situation and other things.