Okay TEXASBOUND!!! Finally came up for air!
How are things going?

....there will come a time when the situation must end, one way or another, and when that time comes, there will be no doubt.....But at least, even if you took the 'wrong path', you will have learned from it, realized that signs should not be ignored....And you will also have the satisfaction of knowing you did everything in your power to do what you thought was right.....

Kelly, If you were my sister, I would tell you where to go with this nonsense. I am the last person who could judge someone, but as an outsider looking in...Yes it is your life. but it is time to be descisive here. Honestly. I hear resentment when you speak about Craig. He dosen't owe you a damn thing!! and If I truely wanted him gone I wouldn't giva a rats flying you know what about what my neighbors think. The truth is You love this man and you want to make this work. The big question is does he love you? Do you feel good, and deep down he makes you feel good, if the answer is no, YOU should be the one makeing the choice. A Man, a mature man, who is sure of himself would never ever compete for your attention with your son. You say this is not affecting your son but why would he make that statement" You don't make Craig......." your son isn't crazy and neither is Craig. He has a lot of growing up to do in my opinion. I worry about your sanity. I truely hope you can have peace in your life. He will never leave b/c he knows you are not going to make him.

Alright...hey everyone! I see we have some drama...

As most of you know I have done this twice with Jamaicans both times. The first time we really grew apart and there were other things out of control that occured. Well this time my marriage is solid and for the most part as good as it can get.

My friend married my husbands brother. I give her advice alot on these similar topics. I have done this twice so now I know my mistakes and expected all these things that are typically trouble the first go around.

I tell her and I am hoping it will help here. We all make huge sacrifices when we decide to enter into a visa/marriage with an immigrant. Marriage is really hard and then you have to add on the visa troubles and cultural differences. My sister in law also sounded just like you Kelly---so upset and feeling as if she has sacrificed and constant troublles etc. I and probably all of us have had similar conversations. I recommend basically making peace with yourself and understand that you have to be pretty much selfless for about 2 years. Sometimes a little less and sometimes more depending on how many cultural differences you have to tackle. You have to be able to understand that you are going to give and give and give for a long while with very little back. I can tell you that after these men get on their feet, understand the cultural differences, feel confident and full of pride again they will reward you with appreciation. The wait can be a long one and very frustrating but I can promise you that it does happen. I saw a movie recently where it said you "Damn americans always think you have to feeeeel everything." I laughed so hard. This is true. We feel somehow unvalidated unappreciated if others dont express thanks or appreciation. Try to patient and remember to listen to each other. Tell him what you need and ask that he deliver a small portion of it to make you feel encouraged and yet make him feel as if he has something that he can give you back. (Like I tell my husband hey even a scribbly message on a napkin will make me feel appreciated.) It doesnt take much, just a little something.

I hope this helped. I can give a lot more advice here and I can relate. I just dont want to take up all the space. Anyone feel free to PM me if you want. I am glad to help or just to listen. Been there done that and doing it again!! Just this time I am more informed and more understanding!

SEEN everyone!! : )

Sara

"I" NEEEEED a vacation !!!!!!!!!!!! I neeeed to send ME away !!! We women should get together and go to a spa somewhere !!!!!

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3 Months???? Just out of curiosity, how was it almost a problem? Was he able to do something to clear it up?


Well, to be honest and only a few knew the real truth about this, but heck....why not tell everyone now....to try to help others....Craig WAS going to denied. I'll really never ever know the *exact* truth because of the many maaaaany lies I've been told by him. When I went down for my interview "I" personally just KNEW that he was going to be denied because I just knew he could never stop. He "stopped" about 2 weeks prior. When we went for the interview his medical wasn't at the Embassy yet.....so before we left Kingston we went over to the medical place to find out what was going on. Craig "said" he spoke to the Lab supervisor...she said his file had already gone to the Embassy....Embassy said they didn't have it....so she asked for his number and said she'll research and call him as soon as possible. We were hanging out at Sandals Whitehouse getting TOTALLY drunk and he received a phone call from her telling her that his test came back positive and for a "price" she could "make it go away"!!!! I was SOOOO PISSED OFF it was not even funny. "I" was NOT going to pay....so Craig had to come up with $330 US dollars. I ended up giving him $100 but after I got back to the states and had to reeeeally think 'bout it. STUPID ME !!!!!!!!!

First off....i want to thank EVERYONE for their kind words to me....it has reallt helped me a lot!!! it is so great to know that even though a lot of you live far away...i still have a great support team!!!
I did ask mike why....and he offered me a couple of things...none of which made me feel any better...
first he said watching the music videos and the celebs...like ummm beyonce', paris hilton ect....put thoughts into his head...also he said when he was walking past the girls and they were looking at him...for whatever reason he had to talk to them....because he wanted a "friend" and when i explained to him what i heard a friend was in Jamaica..(through in Jamie's disclamier) he agreed w/ me....so maybe it was out of anger towards me because i work a lot....or he wanted dutty wine....i don't know...just that he told all of them the same song and dance about how he was w/ his aunt and he was single...
and he did say last night...the JA girl...said well i know we can't be together(b/f,g/f) but at least we could be "friends"....
i don't know what i am going to do...a friend said wait a month to get your head on and figure it ot...which i think is a good idea...because he has been SSSSOO nice...calling me everytime he goes somewhere so...i need to see how long the mr. good guy thing last and if he goes back to the old way...

Well, if you ONLY knew half of our story!!! I NEVER EVER throw in his face or hold it over his head that he can be deported EVER!!! Yes, he DOES need to kiss MY a** and I think you know what I mean!!! I bend over backwards, work 2 full-time jobs, transporting everyone everywhere, doing laundry, making all the meals, cleaning, constantly making HIM feel comfortable, constantly making HIM feel needed AND appreciated ALL OF THE TIME, making sure that HE is "taken care of", making sure that "HE" is happy.....etc etc......okay, so where is MY appreciation?, making ME feel comfortable?, etc etc etc ............the CONSTANT "promises" I had waaaaay before he got here and the way things are here and the CONSTANT battle between my love (and attention) for my son and then the love for Craig......ONLY those that have children (not by our husband) truly KNOW what I'm talking about!!! You're constantly being pulled in EVERY direction and where is "my" time?????

Craig wasn't working when he came here, his closest friends and cousins are here in the states (New York and Philly), his family was ONLY his mother and she ONLY calls when she needs money. I KNOW that he made a sacrifice, but "I" have sacrificed ALOT !!!!

Trust me, those that know my very very well ...and the great friends that I've made on this site just know, that "I" have put up ALOT of crap. Yes, I would absoLUTELY LOVE for this relationship to work out. I do love Craig, but not like it was since the 1st month of him being here. "I" do NOT deserve to be treated the way I am. I do have thick skin and do not let most of his BS get to me. Sometimes I take out the frustration on my son, which is NOT good. I'm ONLY HUMAN !!! Craig's bags have been packed for over a month, he says ALLLLLL of the time he's leaving. He wants ME to pay for him to leave and at one point I was going to. He will NOT go and stay with his family and friends................NO CLUE WHY??? He's EXTREEEMELY jealous of my friendships (mostly because they are men), he's EXTREEEMELY insecure with my relationship with my son !!

When my son wasn't here over spring break, we had a WONDERFUL time together, getting back to the way it was the 1st month that he got here.....an hour before my son came home he TOTALLY TOTALLY CHANGED **BACK** to jerk-off Craig !!!!

At this point, if he leaves.....say-la-ve.....if he stays he KNOWS he has to change alot of the ways he "acts" (which he NEVER EVER acted that way for the yr 1/2 that I knew him before he came here).

I know that Craig loves me. I'm his 1st **real** relationship and on top of that with a child. He KNEW my son and spent ALOT of time with him before he came here. HE throws in MY face ALLLLL of the time, well, if your son needed shoes you'd go and buy them for him, if your son needed this and that, you would go and buy them for him. He canNOT see that my son is a CHILD (even though he's 13), he's still a child who solely depends on ONLY me. His father is not and has never been in the picture. I really don't **think** that "I" shound need to defend myself EVERYtime in regards to my son??!!!

This flippin relationship is unlike any I've ever been in. I've never had to be torn between 2 people I love the most!!! As Shauna said, it's another day...........but..........getting through each day, touch and it's NOT supposed to be THIS TOUGH !!!

Oh.....and for the person that said "I'm whining"........okay, maybe right now I am.......yes, I did have some red flags. Asked God to show me this and/or that.....and yeah, I DO kick my butt for NOT "listening" to those signs, but things do happen for a reason and we sometimes will never know what exactly those reasons are....

Do you mind if I ask, why are you allowing HIM to make the decision of whether he stays or goes? It's your life. If you are unhappy and feel that he is not doing what he needs to do in order to stay, why not just change the locks or something?

Looking at other girls and feeling the need to talk to them is a total cop out. Same with flirting with the girl in JA. He's either commited or not.

Kelly, If you were my sister, I would tell you where to go with this nonsense. I am the last person who could judge someone, but as an outsider looking in...Yes it is your life. but it is time to be descisive here. Honestly. I hear resentment when you speak about Craig. He dosen't owe you a damn thing!! and If I truely wanted him gone I wouldn't giva a rats flying you know what about what my neighbors think. The truth is You love this man and you want to make this work. The big question is does he love you? Do you feel good, and deep down he makes you feel good, if the answer is no, YOU should be the one makeing the choice. A Man, a mature man, who is sure of himself would never ever compete for your attention with your son. You say this is not affecting your son but why would he make that statement" You don't make Craig......." your son isn't crazy and neither is Craig. He has a lot of growing up to do in my opinion. I worry about your sanity. I truely hope you can have peace in your life. He will never leave b/c he knows you are not going to make him.

Alright you tell that bumborasclat man that he is a bioy in a man's body. You tell him that if he needs a FRIEND he should have stayed in Ja where most of the girls are down with dat. He can straighten up and fly right or dont fly at all. AND mostly fight for your marriage, but if he chooses to be ignorant tell him you can't accept someone IGNORANT AND DAAAAAAARK......GROW UP OR MOVE ON...

I don't agree. We all know the trials and tribulations of this truly difficult and long process. It isn't only the Jamaican who gives up everything they know. I have had to rearrange my life more times then I like to count during this process. As I expected Jomo to do everything he could along the way to make it go smoothly, I still expect the same. I expect his love and attention. I expect him to adjust. I expect him to work hard. And, I expect him to respect me and work out our differences in an adult manner. I would be babying him if I didn't. He is a man, not a child. I don't baby him.

I have to agree whole heartedly with this
While I do have grace, patience and compassion for all the adjustment and changes that are going to be happening I still expect him to behave as a man and not a child. I expect him to handle things maturely and to act as the head of our household. Life isn’t easy not matter what situations are thrown your way but it is still your choice how you react and respond. I signed up to be the wife not the mommy.

I don't agree. We all know the trials and tribulations of this truly difficult and long process. It isn't only the Jamaican who gives up everything they know. I have had to rearrange my life more times then I like to count during this process. As I expected Jomo to do everything he could along the way to make it go smoothly, I still expect the same. I expect his love and attention. I expect him to adjust. I expect him to work hard. And, I expect him to respect me and work out our differences in an adult manner. I would be babying him if I didn't. He is a man, not a child. I don't baby him.

I have to agree whole heartedly with this
While I do have grace, patience and compassion for all the adjustment and changes that are going to be happening I still expect him to behave as a man and not a child. I expect him to handle things maturely and to act as the head of our household. Life isn’t easy not matter what situations are thrown your way but it is still your choice how you react and respond. I signed up to be the wife not the mommy.

Wow I know a few men who have never on their girlfriends spouse. My mom and dad are great proof been married happily for 36 years. Most of my best friends in High School all their parents have been together for over 30 years.


There is a happily ever after out there if both people are dedicated to the goods and the bads.

Shauna wishing you all the best through this difficult time.

AMEN SISTAS!!

quote]

3 Months???? Just out of curiosity, how was it almost a problem? Was he able to do something to clear it up?


Well, to be honest and only a few knew the real truth about this, but heck....why not tell everyone now....to try to help others....Craig WAS going to denied. I'll really never ever know the *exact* truth because of the many maaaaany lies I've been told by him. When I went down for my interview "I" personally just KNEW that he was going to be denied because I just knew he could never stop. He "stopped" about 2 weeks prior. When we went for the interview his medical wasn't at the Embassy yet.....so before we left Kingston we went over to the medical place to find out what was going on. Craig "said" he spoke to the Lab supervisor...she said his file had already gone to the Embassy....Embassy said they didn't have it....so she asked for his number and said she'll research and call him as soon as possible. We were hanging out at Sandals Whitehouse getting TOTALLY drunk and he received a phone call from her telling her that his test came back positive and for a "price" she could "make it go away"!!!! I was SOOOO PISSED OFF it was not even funny. "I" was NOT going to pay....so Craig had to come up with $330 US dollars. I ended up giving him $100 but after I got back to the states and had to reeeeally think 'bout it. STUPID ME !!!!!!!!!

quote]

3 Months???? Just out of curiosity, how was it almost a problem? Was he able to do something to clear it up?


Well, to be honest and only a few knew the real truth about this, but heck....why not tell everyone now....to try to help others....Craig WAS going to denied. I'll really never ever know the *exact* truth because of the many maaaaany lies I've been told by him. When I went down for my interview "I" personally just KNEW that he was going to be denied because I just knew he could never stop. He "stopped" about 2 weeks prior. When we went for the interview his medical wasn't at the Embassy yet.....so before we left Kingston we went over to the medical place to find out what was going on. Craig "said" he spoke to the Lab supervisor...she said his file had already gone to the Embassy....Embassy said they didn't have it....so she asked for his number and said she'll research and call him as soon as possible. We were hanging out at Sandals Whitehouse getting TOTALLY drunk and he received a phone call from her telling her that his test came back positive and for a "price" she could "make it go away"!!!! I was SOOOO PISSED OFF it was not even funny. "I" was NOT going to pay....so Craig had to come up with $330 US dollars. I ended up giving him $100 but after I got back to the states and had to reeeeally think 'bout it. STUPID ME !!!!!!!!!

Hey Maria, how are you??? Good to see you.

Wow...I'm sure he was glad he took care of it. He was lucky b/c I know another person that tried the same thing but was denied.

I don't like the "you know how they are" comment. My husband is not like that. Never has been. There are many, many good Jamaican men out there. If he's a dog, he's a dog....call it like it is. If he wants to have "friends" he needs to move along. Otherwise, he is in a committed relationship and he needs to shape up.

Also wanted to comment on the deportation comment that came about because of Luv's post. If we were talking about an American man and an American woman and she said she was going to toss him out to the curb, there would not be this discussion. Same thing. If he needs to go, he needs to go. If that means he stays in the US or hightails it back to Jamaica, that is up to him. She is threateing to boot him out the door cause living together is looking like it is not a viable option anymore.

I don't think you are whining, Kelly. I think you are just telling it like it is.

hi how u been? im in florida. so hows my hometown?

Okay, thanks. But what kind of store, health food store, drug store? How would I know what they are? (I'm sure they don't advertise this use. ) I know that some use golden seal tea. I think there's also a golden seal pill, is that what you're talking about?

I don't recommend golden seal anymore. A lot of doctors are testing for it b/c it was so common. Have your fiance look at something in JA...they have tons and tons of cleansers.

But during the time that you were not with your husband he was doing his own thing.

I have learned about some very disterbing things about what he was doing in JA, and yes, he was doin his own thing. Just like you said. Things were not what I thought they were, even after he arrived. He was sooo perfect. I was on top of the world. I could not believe.

[color=#9932CC]Very well put, Dee....

Here's the thing -- the whole immigration process DOES NOT allow us to really get to know the person as well as we (or they) might like. No bulls*&$ here..... My question is.....would ANY of you marry someone HERE, in America who you met and only saw face-to-face a limited amount of time?

Me -- NO WAY!!! But -- that being said -- I also believe that life is too short to not take chances. You are only given one opportunity here -- what you do with that opportunity is all up to you.

You ladies are very strong and I applaud you for your strength. It's just not something I could do. If I thought my SO, whether BF, fiance, or spouse and whether in JA or USA was cheating, I would not be as nice as you all are being.

I hope it never has happens to you. I wouldn't call it being "nice"....More like "couragous"...It's what allows a person to experience danger and difficulty with firmness and resolve, instead of fear and resentment. Courage comes from God, Fear comes from the devil.

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration, but be of good cheer:meaning be confident, cerain,undaunted! For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you......(John 16:33 and J. Myers

AMEN SISTAS!!

Me -- NO WAY!!! But -- that being said -- I also believe that life is too short to not take chances. You are only given one opportunity here -- what you do with that opportunity is all up to you.
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.the laundry sat in the washing machine for 5 days....got that nice smelly smell to them, so I did them before I went to work today and MOST of them were his clothes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I am going to try and put a disclaimer at the end of every post I am really enjoying it