[quote name='MyDestinyAwaits' date='Apr 11 2007, 11:52 PM' post='832951']
Never 1
Sometimes 1
Yes Indeed 1


I've added Craig to the list. He was an everyday smoker, several times a day. Since he's been here, he's only done it 3x that "I" know of. Because of work....can't. Being a "responsible" step-parent...can't. Also....almost a problem when it came to the medical !! Keep in mind ladies that it can remain in your system (blood tests are done) for UP TO 3 MONTHS!!!

I've been to Jamaica 26x ....never touched the stuff. I've never gotten high on any drug....well, except drink --socially. People NEVER believe me when I tell them I don't smoke!!!

BEEN THERE DONE THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just AMAZES me that there are sooooooooooooooooo many men (doesn't matter what race, nationality, old, young, etc etc)....that do this !!! For example, I just found that one of my GOOD clients (that I've known for 10 yrs) and that was married for 30 yrs and he's 52 and cheated on his wife with a chic that's 28 and was not even married to HER husband for a year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNOW that I'm starting something again....but ....we BUST our butts to get them here, *THINK* that we (women) are going to be "respected" and treated as they treated us in the 2 yrs or however long that they did while we were "courting" and then WHAM !!!!!!!!!! step foot into this country and where does the respect go ????????????

Girl you know my heart goes out to you!!! You KNOW that I'm here for you, always !!!

3 Months???? Just out of curiosity, how was it almost a problem? Was he able to do something to clear it up?



Hmm. Might need some of these. Where would I get them?

.....they are like "kids in the candy store" and that's the truth.....

I personally think all men cheat....maybe not during the entire relationship but at some point. I don't know one man that never cheated in his life!! I'm just so sorry it happen to you Shauna. I too know how you feel it happened to me more then once. ((((hugs))))

Do not worry put your employer on the list. I did that last year not wanting my job to find out that I was searching. I got called for an interview and they never called my employer to ask me for the interview. They will call your employer after the interview if they are interested in you.

Wow I know a few men who have never on their girlfriends spouse. My mom and dad are great proof been married happily for 36 years. Most of my best friends in High School all their parents have been together for over 30 years.


There is a happily ever after out there if both people are dedicated to the goods and the bads.

Shauna wishing you all the best through this difficult time.

New list with Sarah's name on it

Jax
Jonesie
Elizabeth
Lurissa
Rhonda
Sarah
Mindy
Shemanya
Squitto
Shauna
Anna
Dee

Never 1
Sometimes 1
Yes Indeed 1
Did but not anymore 1


I added an option because I wasn't sure where to it would go. Andre did smoke a lot in high school and boarding school but hasn't smoked since he became a Christian about 8-9 years ago.

I have never done it...never interested

So true

Disclaimer: Of course by "they" I mean only the men that I know personally and have heard about personally via friends, relatives or media outlets. In no way do I imply ALL men of a certain ethnic origin, religious background or any other "group".



Couldn't resist

Awww shux! And thanks!

Looking good one vote for each category. My friends don't believe me when I say all the people I hang out with in JA have never smoked. My good friend and her husband go down to JA just for this recreation and then complain that it is not that great. She calls me a goodie to shoe. Whatever just because I use to be a church girl. Dwain was like we aint going to her house then he is so against it. I couldn't believe it.

Ok Rhonda I will PM you.

quote]

3 Months???? Just out of curiosity, how was it almost a problem? Was he able to do something to clear it up?


Well, to be honest and only a few knew the real truth about this, but heck....why not tell everyone now....to try to help others....Craig WAS going to denied. I'll really never ever know the *exact* truth because of the many maaaaany lies I've been told by him. When I went down for my interview "I" personally just KNEW that he was going to be denied because I just knew he could never stop. He "stopped" about 2 weeks prior. When we went for the interview his medical wasn't at the Embassy yet.....so before we left Kingston we went over to the medical place to find out what was going on. Craig "said" he spoke to the Lab supervisor...she said his file had already gone to the Embassy....Embassy said they didn't have it....so she asked for his number and said she'll research and call him as soon as possible. We were hanging out at Sandals Whitehouse getting TOTALLY drunk and he received a phone call from her telling her that his test came back positive and for a "price" she could "make it go away"!!!! I was SOOOO PISSED OFF it was not even funny. "I" was NOT going to pay....so Craig had to come up with $330 US dollars. I ended up giving him $100 but after I got back to the states and had to reeeeally think 'bout it. STUPID ME !!!!!!!!!

OK OK! I wanna be added to the list! Seeing that I won't see my man for another 4 months, I'm not gonna be starting soon. But come Aug 18th, I may have to give you ladies a run for your money!

Updated list Marlita added

Jax
Jonesie
Elizabeth
Lurissa
Rhonda
Marlita
Sarah
Mindy
Shemanya
Squitto
Shauna
Anna
Dee

S00000000000000000000000 S0000000000000000 TRUE...... BUT...... the women that they come in contact with?????
S-T-U-P-I-D and to think that a Jamaican man (sorry to throw the "jamaican part out there, but whilst this is a jamaican thread) over here, no job....riding the bus or at the mall in the middle of the day is NOT "taken"!!!! Kids in the candy store shoot Mindy...TOTAL understatement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These women just do NOT care if "I" am with my man, holding hands...Craigs eyes get him into ALOT of trouble !!! I'm like you just say thank you and move on.......no "chit chatting" after that !!!! I've been TOTALLY disrespected by women that act like I'm NOT even standing there and I'm NOT one to be jealous but dag......they could CARE LESS that you're WITH your man !!!!!! Imagine what they do when you're NOT with them !!!!!

My man is NOT the only one with a "wondering Jamaican eye" !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Wow but in Jamaica this doesn't surprise me at all. It just like how you get your drivers licenses there wetting the palm of the examiner.

Disclaimer: Of course by "they" I mean only the men that I know personally and have heard about personally via friends, relatives or media outlets. In no way do I imply ALL men of a certain ethnic origin, religious background or any other "group".


J ---tooooo darn funny !!!

Doesn't surprise me at all either, but ....why us ???? How did they flag HIS medical ??? Meanwhile he "tells" me that his friend knows the chic (the supervisor)..........who knows???

I do know she does not work there any longer !!!

This is what my professor told me for years. That a lot were like this looking for a ride to opportunity in the US. When she gave me her blessing I couldn't believe she drilled Dwain over and over again why he loved me. I think she has been a lot harder than the VISA interview coming up. He convinced her finally after 8 years she believed him. I respect her view she has been teaching in Jamaica for almost 30 years. This is my statement and my 2 cents on my life experiences.

Disclaimer: Of course by "they" I mean only the men that I know personally and have heard about personally via friends, relatives or media outlets. In no way do I imply ALL men of a certain ethnic origin, religious background or any other "group".

I Love this

Well my husband had his medical and it lasted 2 hours. He says he has to go back for the follow up shot on May 22nd. What is this follow up shot for? He said he could do it in JA or USA. I didn't ask him what shot it was but now I am curious.

Oh wow. On one hand, I can understand your anger over it. On the other, I could see how you or me or any one of us would be relieved that he had not been denied.

I agree. My hubby isn't feeln our Dog. He pretended in the begining, but now Like I said before he would rather I get rid of the Dog. He dosen't care that the kids actually "care" for the dog and I just can't get rid of him. We are moving and the place we are moving to dose not allow pets, so my sister is going to keep the Dog for a while, so I he'll get a rest from mr grumpy.

Very, at times and at other time little to nothing at all, but I swear with the heavy times I truely felt like I was pregnent before:unsure: sometimes I wonder????? If I spontaniously you know..

Ditto.

At times I think it would have been a TOTAL blessing to have him denied to have gone through all that I've gone through ...and still some BS to this date.

We still have NOT filed for our AOS because of **stuff** !!!

Do you think you will considered filling AOS? or will u wait until the last minute if things get better?

Ditto

YOU are not STUPID. You are like me and many other women. Looking for love in all the wrong places. We come into these situations with unrealistic expectations. If I do all this then he is sure to know that I love him and will love me unconditionally the same way. Well, No !!!!I'm learning it dosen't work that way. Unconditional love can only come from one place, the man up above!!!!

Do you think you will considered filling AOS? or will u wait until the last minute if things get better?
[/quote]


I have no intentions of it as of right now. At this point, I don't think things will get any better....well one minute they're great and the wind blows east and they are back to worse again. You would ***think*** that if he WANTED to be here in the good ole opportunity USofA he'd be a complete a** kisser !!!!

He knows that he could be sent back at ANY time, but I've also done a TON of research and there's really no "deadline" for filing AOS as a K1. He can't legally work, but seems to get work anyway.

It is the truth, and I don't mean Jamcaians. I mean men in genreal. Men will look at what is pleasing to the eye. They need to learn where to draw the line

Yall might think I'm crazy but....I went to a religious conference the year before I started this process. I remember once being on my knees praying crying about the descision I had made and was asking God to send me a sign that I was making the right choice, You know the next day a Bynium spoke and she was talking about choices, so she stands up and states. You need to leave that man in Jamacia!!!! You cannot not image everything that was going through my mind. The next day another Lady who was speaking, just about said the same thing I was really confused then. Is he trying to tell me something here I thought????? Is it a couicedence(sp)?? that I had obstaciles with this process no!! I think not! I think GOD sends us signals when someting is not right. We are too busy acting on our feelings to realize what is going on. I think if we ask for direction he sends he signals, but we are usually not in tune to when he speaks to us. Now I get on my knees and pray and ask for forgiveness for not paying attention to him and to please turn my mess into a miricle, and if this person is not meant for me please remove him from my life. EVERY thing happens for a reason. My situation isn't perfect. this has not been all bad by any means. This has truely been a learning experience for me, not just about men, or Ja men but about myself, about truely loving youself and knowing that GOD loves me and that he will provide others, including a husband who will as well, if not now in his good timing Stay strong One

Very well said

I think in almost every situation, hindsight is 20/20. You look back and can see the signs that you shouldn't have done something a MILE off, but when you were being sent them, you refused to see and acknowledge them for what they were.....But at the end of the day, there will come a time when the situation must end, one way or another, and when that time comes, there will be no doubt.....But at least, even if you took the 'wrong path', you will have learned from it, realized that signs should not be ignored....And you will also have the satisfaction of knowing you did everything in your power to do what you thought was right.....

Oh my Gosh!!! I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is my worst fear too Did he say WHY he felt compelled to talk to other women??? What are you gonna do next?

Good luck with everything

I got them at a local store near me. You could probably check online for stores in your area.

Hey, wait a minute!! I think someone changed the order around a bit


Jamie, that's why I love you

I really don't think him kissing your butt is the solution to your problems!!! Is he supposed to be eternally grateful to you for bringing him here? You guys were/are supposed to be in LOVE. Isn't the whole reason he's here is so you two can be together? If you expect him to feel "indebted" to you for giving him this "wonderful opportunity" that could explain why your relationship isn't working. Also, constantly holding it over his head that he he can be deported at any time that you get the notion to do so.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean. I went through some of the same things with Tony when he first came here. Many, many times I felt he should feel grateful to me for everything I've done for him, but it doesn't work that way It has to be a 2 way street. He has to feel needed and appreciated too or it won't work. Not like you did him some giant favor by bringing him here. He had to leave his family, friends, home, job - everything he knew and loved - to come here. He made a big sacrifice too. I remind myself of this often

First off....i want to thank EVERYONE for their kind words to me....it has reallt helped me a lot!!! it is so great to know that even though a lot of you live far away...i still have a great support team!!!
I did ask mike why....and he offered me a couple of things...none of which made me feel any better...
first he said watching the music videos and the celebs...like ummm beyonce', paris hilton ect....put thoughts into his head...also he said when he was walking past the girls and they were looking at him...for whatever reason he had to talk to them....because he wanted a "friend" and when i explained to him what i heard a friend was in Jamaica..(through in Jamie's disclamier) he agreed w/ me....so maybe it was out of anger towards me because i work a lot....or he wanted dutty wine....i don't know...just that he told all of them the same song and dance about how he was w/ his aunt and he was single...
and he did say last night...the JA girl...said well i know we can't be together(b/f,g/f) but at least we could be "friends"....
i don't know what i am going to do...a friend said wait a month to get your head on and figure it ot...which i think is a good idea...because he has been SSSSOO nice...calling me everytime he goes somewhere so...i need to see how long the mr. good guy thing last and if he goes back to the old way...

Good morning,

I am glad that the support you have here has helped you. I know this isn't easy to deal with, but hang in there.

Okay, thanks. But what kind of store, health food store, drug store? How would I know what they are? (I'm sure they don't advertise this use. ) I know that some use golden seal tea. I think there's also a golden seal pill, is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, you don't want to do anything immediately. Take some time to think and step back from it a little. Evaluate your relationship and decide whether you feel you would be able to trust him again. And evaluate his willingness to continue the relationship without doing anything like that again. And if you do decide to go on, let him know that there won't be a 3rd chance.

Well, if you ONLY knew half of our story!!! I NEVER EVER throw in his face or hold it over his head that he can be deported EVER!!! Yes, he DOES need to kiss MY a** and I think you know what I mean!!! I bend over backwards, work 2 full-time jobs, transporting everyone everywhere, doing laundry, making all the meals, cleaning, constantly making HIM feel comfortable, constantly making HIM feel needed AND appreciated ALL OF THE TIME, making sure that HE is "taken care of", making sure that "HE" is happy.....etc etc......okay, so where is MY appreciation?, making ME feel comfortable?, etc etc etc ............the CONSTANT "promises" I had waaaaay before he got here and the way things are here and the CONSTANT battle between my love (and attention) for my son and then the love for Craig......ONLY those that have children (not by our husband) truly KNOW what I'm talking about!!! You're constantly being pulled in EVERY direction and where is "my" time?????

Craig wasn't working when he came here, his closest friends and cousins are here in the states (New York and Philly), his family was ONLY his mother and she ONLY calls when she needs money. I KNOW that he made a sacrifice, but "I" have sacrificed ALOT !!!!

Trust me, those that know my very very well ...and the great friends that I've made on this site just know, that "I" have put up ALOT of crap. Yes, I would absoLUTELY LOVE for this relationship to work out. I do love Craig, but not like it was since the 1st month of him being here. "I" do NOT deserve to be treated the way I am. I do have thick skin and do not let most of his BS get to me. Sometimes I take out the frustration on my son, which is NOT good. I'm ONLY HUMAN !!! Craig's bags have been packed for over a month, he says ALLLLLL of the time he's leaving. He wants ME to pay for him to leave and at one point I was going to. He will NOT go and stay with his family and friends................NO CLUE WHY??? He's EXTREEEMELY jealous of my friendships (mostly because they are men), he's EXTREEEMELY insecure with my relationship with my son !!

When my son wasn't here over spring break, we had a WONDERFUL time together, getting back to the way it was the 1st month that he got here.....an hour before my son came home he TOTALLY TOTALLY CHANGED **BACK** to jerk-off Craig !!!!

At this point, if he leaves.....say-la-ve.....if he stays he KNOWS he has to change alot of the ways he "acts" (which he NEVER EVER acted that way for the yr 1/2 that I knew him before he came here).

I know that Craig loves me. I'm his 1st **real** relationship and on top of that with a child. He KNEW my son and spent ALOT of time with him before he came here. HE throws in MY face ALLLLL of the time, well, if your son needed shoes you'd go and buy them for him, if your son needed this and that, you would go and buy them for him. He canNOT see that my son is a CHILD (even though he's 13), he's still a child who solely depends on ONLY me. His father is not and has never been in the picture. I really don't **think** that "I" shound need to defend myself EVERYtime in regards to my son??!!!

This flippin relationship is unlike any I've ever been in. I've never had to be torn between 2 people I love the most!!! As Shauna said, it's another day...........but..........getting through each day, touch and it's NOT supposed to be THIS TOUGH !!!

Oh.....and for the person that said "I'm whining"........okay, maybe right now I am.......yes, I did have some red flags. Asked God to show me this and/or that.....and yeah, I DO kick my butt for NOT "listening" to those signs, but things do happen for a reason and we sometimes will never know what exactly those reasons are....

i agree to disagre.....yes he did give up a lot to be here this is true...not going to take that away from him...BUT!!!!!! i have and a lot of other vj'rs have as well made sacraficed for the SO to come here.. like you said it is a 2 way street...i'm not going to continue to bend of backwards for him and try to make him feel needed and comfortable when being treated the way that i have been and am being treated....i'm sorry just not fair..

Kelly!

One word of advice from me. DO NOT jepordize your relationship with your son. You have only one son but can have many men in your life. I went through a horrible relationship with my second husband. and it was a great relationship for the first few years. He had a daughter and I had my son. It was a constant battle. His daughter did no wrong, my son did no right. My son bore the brunt of it although he was is still is no angle. (28 years old now) I would NEVER do that again. My son still bears the scars of our constant bickering.... Think about it. If the tables were turned would you want to be in you son's position?

Thanks Darlene,

Oh but trust me.....Craig would be WAY gone if this really and truly affected my relationship with my son. I do make a point to spend quality time with my son. We have really good talks in the car to and from soccer practice/games/tournaments. My son tells me more stuff than "I" need to know (which is a good thing he does, cause to this day, I still can't tell my parents stuff). I apologized to my son for taking out my frustrations on him last night and assured him that it was NOT him and that "I" promise to do better. My son acts WAY more mature than Craig...most times. Craig and Austin get along GREAT. They sat and played a baseball video game last night and were laaaaaughin and having such a great time....then I got a call from a friend (female) and the switch went on and Craig stopped playing and said that "he" needed to make a call and then the battle was on. No yelling and screaming, I am mostly calm -which makes Craig even more upset ....and then he left. My son also *tries* to do the things that Craig does.....learned behavior....slurp his food, not put the laundry in the basket, not put dishes away, clean up after himself etc etc...."I" can tell my son to do this n that, but I'm not going to tell Craig that and I CONSTANTLY hear ....well, Craig doesn't have to do that. I say, well I'm NOT Craig's mom and I'm yours so YOU will do what I ask you to do. Then Craig will say, well you pick up your sons stuff......and then I'm like, here we go again !!!

"I" NEEEEED a vacation !!!!!!!!!!!! I neeeed to send ME away !!! We women should get together and go to a spa somewhere !!!!!

Craig's "deal".........50 % immaturity / 50% cultural !!!!!! He even said to me the other day that he "acted" more mature when he was in Jamaica than here and I was like .........daaaahhhh ya think ???? cause IF you would have "acted" this way, we would have NEVER been in any type of relationship !!!!!!!!!

[/size] TGIF !!!!!!!!!!!

QUOTE(luvtravlin @ Apr 13 2007, 09:48 AM)

Craig's "deal".........50 % immaturity / 50% cultural !!!!!! He even said to me the other day that he "acted" more mature when he was in Jamaica than here and I was like .........daaaahhhh ya think ???? cause IF you would have "acted" this way, we would have NEVER been in any type of relationship !!!!!!!!!

[size="6"] TGIF !!!!!!!!!!!

Dag I wanted to make the TGIF --bigger !!!!???? Whagawaan??

OKAY, I have no clue how to work the system on here !! Sorry 'bout that folks...

Okay TEXASBOUND!!! Finally came up for air!
How are things going?

Good morning VJ family .

Do you mind if I ask, why are you allowing HIM to ma