QUOTE(Belly @ Apr 30 2007, 09:34 AM) 
Hi guys... I just wanted to drop in and see how everyone else was doing...Eric, I'm so glad that your wife finally made it...it gives me some sliver of hope that maybe things will work out for me and my fiance...speaking of which...I'm really here to vent....so bear with me...
I knew this whole denial thing was going to be hard on us. I knew to expect rough times, and in a sense, some form of change in our relationship, but I just wasn't prepared to what extent. Honestly, the last couple of months have been the most emotionally and mentally taxing I have ever experienced in my lifetime...I would never wish this kind of turmoil on my worst enemy. I know that we both still very much want to be together and we have every intention on getting married...its just the fact that we really won't be able to be together for another 3 years...what's making it even more difficult is the fact that a few of his friends have gotten married lately, and a couple of my friends have recently become mothers and are doing the whole family thing, and it's just been like, "why can't this be me?" "when will we ever get to experience this happiness?" We both have gone through great lengths to try not to let this whole thing affect how we are with each other, but for as much as we try, it doesn't seem to be working...We haven't been able to see each other for months because I work full time, am a full-time graduate student, and am completing my graduate internship now--20+ hours a week! On top of that, I will be relocating in June to NC, so I haven't had the time, energy, or $$ to go and see him...He always says that he understands why I can't come, but I know it bothers him when he asks when is the next time I'm coming, and all I can give him is an "i don't know"...his whole demeanor becomes so sad, which makes me feel even worse....lately, I've been afraid to call him (although I do and vice versa) because I never know how our conversation is going to end up...there's been yelling and crying and so many apologies, not because anyone has done anything in particular to one another, but just because we are so fed up with this whole thing. I know that God will not give you any more than you can bear, but honestly, I'm not sure if that's true. I talked to him this morning, and for once, it seemed like I had my baby back. He got moved to a permanent position at work and he feels really good about it, so hopefully this will make him feel a little better. A lot of our yelling has been a result of a lot of BS with the way things are going for him at work--how they make him work for weeks at a time b4 giving him a day off, how when it's time to get paid, there's always something mysteriously wrong with the computer system and they can't get their money on that day and so on....I know how frustrating that can be, an unfortunately there's nothing that I can do for him...which drives me even more crazy and leads to me feeling frustrated and sometimes lashing out as well...I don't know...I just feel like I'm in the middle of craziness at this point. I asked him if he thought we should push the wedding back, and he asked "what for?" He was like, if we did that, he felt like he would just die, because there's nothing else that he wants more. And I believe him...His mother even called me to tell me how down he's been and she was wondering what was going on...she's worried about him...and his best friend called the other night to check on me, and to tell me that he was doing his best to take care of him...I just wish that I could be with him right now and support him and hold him and let him know how much I love him...I tell him as much as I can, but sometimes you just need to "feel" the warmth of that person next to you....Sorry for making this so long, but I just needed someone to talk to...Thanks for listening (or not! lol) You guys have a great day
Tamisha
I knew this whole denial thing was going to be hard on us. I knew to expect rough times, and in a sense, some form of change in our relationship, but I just wasn't prepared to what extent. Honestly, the last couple of months have been the most emotionally and mentally taxing I have ever experienced in my lifetime...I would never wish this kind of turmoil on my worst enemy. I know that we both still very much want to be together and we have every intention on getting married...its just the fact that we really won't be able to be together for another 3 years...what's making it even more difficult is the fact that a few of his friends have gotten married lately, and a couple of my friends have recently become mothers and are doing the whole family thing, and it's just been like, "why can't this be me?" "when will we ever get to experience this happiness?" We both have gone through great lengths to try not to let this whole thing affect how we are with each other, but for as much as we try, it doesn't seem to be working...We haven't been able to see each other for months because I work full time, am a full-time graduate student, and am completing my graduate internship now--20+ hours a week! On top of that, I will be relocating in June to NC, so I haven't had the time, energy, or $$ to go and see him...He always says that he understands why I can't come, but I know it bothers him when he asks when is the next time I'm coming, and all I can give him is an "i don't know"...his whole demeanor becomes so sad, which makes me feel even worse....lately, I've been afraid to call him (although I do and vice versa) because I never know how our conversation is going to end up...there's been yelling and crying and so many apologies, not because anyone has done anything in particular to one another, but just because we are so fed up with this whole thing. I know that God will not give you any more than you can bear, but honestly, I'm not sure if that's true. I talked to him this morning, and for once, it seemed like I had my baby back. He got moved to a permanent position at work and he feels really good about it, so hopefully this will make him feel a little better. A lot of our yelling has been a result of a lot of BS with the way things are going for him at work--how they make him work for weeks at a time b4 giving him a day off, how when it's time to get paid, there's always something mysteriously wrong with the computer system and they can't get their money on that day and so on....I know how frustrating that can be, an unfortunately there's nothing that I can do for him...which drives me even more crazy and leads to me feeling frustrated and sometimes lashing out as well...I don't know...I just feel like I'm in the middle of craziness at this point. I asked him if he thought we should push the wedding back, and he asked "what for?" He was like, if we did that, he felt like he would just die, because there's nothing else that he wants more. And I believe him...His mother even called me to tell me how down he's been and she was wondering what was going on...she's worried about him...and his best friend called the other night to check on me, and to tell me that he was doing his best to take care of him...I just wish that I could be with him right now and support him and hold him and let him know how much I love him...I tell him as much as I can, but sometimes you just need to "feel" the warmth of that person next to you....Sorry for making this so long, but I just needed someone to talk to...Thanks for listening (or not! lol) You guys have a great day
Tamisha
my heart goes out to you it really does!!! i am not going to say i know exactly what you are going through but i have been there...with the months of not seeing each other the yelling and crying and not wanting to talk to him because of how the conversation might be...i felt at times this is it i am just going to end and get on with me life...BUT then i would look at a picture or have a memory of something when we were together and realized i just couldn't bring myself to do it....you have to ask do some real soul searching and in the end if this is what you want and will make you happy then you shouldn't second guess yourself and go get married and maybe set aside some extra cash so if a cheap flight comes up when you have some time off you can go see him....take care everything will work itself out!
I want to kind of say that you will feel better soon, but that dosen't really help you feel better. I think about you often. I understand that you are at a loss, I put myself in your shoes everyday. I think a special angel was looking out for you, when he took this person out of your life. I think you would feel a whole lot worse had this person hada came into our home, invading your space, sat while you took care of him for months, living off you and God forbit, actually bonded with your son 
and then up and left 
when he finshed, his feet were soooo green 