I'm a big believer in positive thinking and being pro-active about taking control of one's life.

But this whole process is wearing on me the last few weeks. One stressor after another...first separation, then paperwork and interviews, flights, a wedding, more paperwork and another interview, Wes looking for work, health issues, a dying grandmother, a moody teenage son, irritable and nosy co-workers....blah blah blah.

Lately all I can see is gloom and doom. I have no energy yet I don't sleep. I have bags under my eyes the size of Lady Di's train case.

It's damn hard to take care of my man when I'm beginning to wonder what I brought him too in the first place. Londonderry is looking better and better to me all the time....

I'm in a bad, bad mood.........

Many people here are going to feel identify with you .... including me

i hear ya!!!!!!!!!!

Antidepressants?

i'm a firm believer in tackling one thing at a time. don't overwhelm yourself by looking at the 'picture' all at once.

we're all gonna have stressors in our life, becca ... it's life. put all the immigration stuff behind you: wes is here, AOS was passed and lifting conditions isn't for another 20 months.

like i said though, one thing at a time!! and of course, venting here is always a relief!!

*hugs to you*

I can relate. I agree with Monique try and tackle one issue at a time. Try and think positive I know that is easier said than done.
Best wishes to you

Am sorry you are feeling blue becca. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. This whole process from start to finish which doesn't just end on gaining the visa, puts a huge strain on inner resources. We have to dig deep to find it sometimes and sometimes its like going fishing and coming up empty. Somehow we make it through though. Hang in there girl. Am thinking of ya.

*hugs* Becca. Don't know what else to say..we haven't argued at all since Craig got back and feel really lovey, but yesterday and today(nothing bad with US) reality reared it's ugly head again in the form of Craig not knowing if he can do this for all time or not, and Daryl being upset for 1/2 hr on the phone, and crying at school,etc...so our future is pretty up in the air too(as far as where we'll be etc) and very stressful. Sorry, didn't mean to turn that into us again, just saying...can def. relate on the stress front. Hope the tide starts turning for you really soon, and some good news comes along. Thinking of you...M.

Feel for you Rebecca, I have been so down myself lately with this process and everyone on here as picked me up so many times and I am grateful.

You have always been so supportive of others on this site, so where better to come to when you are feeling so low yourself, loads of ****hugs**** to you and I hope that you start to feel much better about everything soon.

Keep your chin up Rebecca, it will all come right in the end and we are all here for you

*hugs Bec*
Girl - you gotta give yourself a BREAK!
Lower your expectations with yourself - are you Superwoman able to carry the whole world on her shoulders? No
Nosy co-workers - tell em to f##k off (seriously - its empowering - and it feels good too )
Moody teenager: nothing you can do - hormone slave until he's older - ask for / demand civility and respect but expect nothing further
Dying relative: Allow yourself time to grieve - dont shut it out because you ahve a lot of other things to do - if you deny yourself time to feel then you will be hurting later
health issues: If they are yours Im not surprised - you are shouldering everything and worrying far too much - somethings gotta give. Tell the world to go away at least once a week and have me or us time. Relax.. let your body and mind take the night off.

Sleep issues - lavender oil and/or lemon grass oil on the pillow (NOT near your face - the oil can burn the skin) are very calming - also added to bath water. Try some deep breathing or yoga to clear your mind. Dont eat highly spiced foods (I dont know why this helps but it does! lol)
You can also try Valerian tablets which are herbal calmative.
All this will pass hun - just dont let it get you down too much
Many many best wishes and mojo!

Awwwwwwww, Rebecca.

Well, you know I've wondered the same thing, as far as whether plucking my man out of bonny Scotland will be the right thing in the long run. I think the thing we both have to remember is that it's not going to be totally evident just yet; Wes has only been here for a few months and Ewen's not here at all, so we all have to try to live in the States for a while and assess how well it's working. I was saying to a co-worker of mine the other day who asked me something about this that every place has its own problems, really, and it just depends which basket of problems you'd prefer to have.

I've never closed myself off to the possibility of going to live in the UK for a time. I'm sure it would be scary for me, but not any more scary than coming over here is going to be for Ewen. Anything we need to do, we'll do it together. And I know that you and Wes know that, too.

Wes left NI to be with you, and that includes being with all your problems, your friends, your family, your fears and doubts and everything, and I'll bet if you ask him, he'll tell you he'd do it all over again. From what I know of Wes, he would not have expected to walk into a fantasy land where nothing ever goes wrong. Him moving here wasn't ever going to solve all your problems; you know that and so does he. It solves probably quite a few big ones, but not all of them. And he promised you to help you ride out all those other problems, and from what I know of Wes, that's a promise he takes seriously.

Be gentle with yourself and each other, and know that everyone here is rooting for you both. I know I am.

Thanks everybody. I wonder if it's partly the winter weather........

Winter weather never helps. I think taking one thing at a time is good advice; if you look at the big picture it's hard not to be overwhelmed sometimes. I know that I can only deal on a short-term, narrow focus right now because otherwise I feel the same. I know that going back to the UK is not an option for Chris and I right now, so it's a case of making the best of what we have here - for the time being, at least. As Pax said, wherever you go there will be problems, it's just about choosing which set you'd prefer. I know the option to move to NI is a very real one for you two, and maybe it's worthy of serious consideration.

As everybody else, I'm thinking of you hon.

Hugs.
panamachic

Lotsa hugs to you

Believe me I know it's hard. Baby steps. You can do it. You are such a beautiful, strong woman.

Hugs Rebecca

Hey Becca,
Sorry to hear you're feeling blue. We all go through different emotions at one time or another. With us, it's Tony wanting to find a job soon. Money, or lack of, stresses the heck out of me!
I thought Abby (Pax) summed it up well in her post. Wes seems like a real good guy and I'm sure he is more than happy to be here with you! He can be a shoulder to lean on too.
Sending you hugs.

Karen

Hugs, rebecca!
I think alot of people know exactly how you feel.
Babysteps, right? We've come so far, we can do it.

Hugs!!!!!!

Hi Rebecca,

I can relate to your feelings, because I have been there many, many times.
But what you must fall back on is the strength that has brought you this far and never forget that part of you. This whole thing is indeed trying.

I have friends that wonder how Graham and I have made it this far, and well...the only thing I can sum this all up is that we have drawn our strength from the fact that whatever higher power that may be has brought us to be together from oceans apart...we are meant to be together. NOTHING and NO ONE can get in the way of that.

I can give you a whole song & dance of all of the hardship I have passed through to get here...We all have our stories, and if I told you our's, you'd be here for days and probably bored to tears...so, I will save that for another time.

At times last year, I thought I would curl up into the fetal position and just twitch...what got me through was the visits that I made to Scotland and his visits to New York. I remember telling him on one of those visits that NOTHING could ever keep me from him, and I held to that. It was the very thing that kept me sane.
We are still apart, and probably will be until he gets here-whenever that may be...
It is that very statement that I made to him that gets me through when things get hairy.

My point here is, do not allow all of the other nonsense to taint how far you have gotten thus far. Anyone of us here knows that it takes an incredible amount of strength to do what we are ALL doing here. Apart from this forum, how many people do you know that have had their hearts tested as we have?
Don't lose sight of HOW you got to be with Wes.


Keep your head up, girl. We are all with you.
Today may not have been so good, but tomorrow is another day.
I wish you peace tonight, and may the sun shine on you tomorrow.

-Rose

Hi

believe me a lot of people here are in a slightly similiar boat... dealing with immigration and the stresses of wedding are bad enough to deal with! just take it one step at a time

I swear no matter how hard I try right now I cannot rise above it.

I know the feeling, Rebecca.

Stay strong and be well; I'm thinking *really* good thoughts for you and Wes.

Then maybe it's your body/mind telling you you need more time to keep processing it.

You sound a LOT like me and I've been down this road before. All the major stuff is behind you, you can just relax and move on with life...but you can't. I'm starting to go through it now again myself...not as badly as in the past, but I have to constantly remind myself that it's normal to be like this.

Good stress has just as much of an impact on us as bad stress - physically, emotionally, mentally. Your body can't tell the difference between good and bad - the physical responses are the same; all it knows is that you had a big wind up for a long time and now it needs to recover. Your mind finds it hard to comprehend the downside because most of these things are good things in your life, so there's no reason to be down or negative. But that's where you are.

Nurture yourself. You need to let your body and mind catch up to all the events and don't pressure yourself on where you feel you *should* be. The process of immigration -is- unnatural and you need to be able to recover from that. Unless you have been clinically diagnosed and need to be on medication, your body/mind will get you there in their own time. (No, not suggesting you need to be diagnosed! )

*hugs* One day at a time sweetie. Remember to breathe, and get lots of hugs from that fella of yours.

Hugs Rebecca

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but just know that you are in my thoughts.

Everything will work out very soon

Hi Rebecca- you WILL get through it. It might not feel like it right now but believe it or not, it will pass. Look how for you and Wes have made it!!!! You've done amazing things, so you know you have it in yourself to overcome lots of different challenges.

Just take it one day at a time and slowly things will get easier. Rough patches are no fun to go through, but you will come out on the other side.

Don't forget to indulge yourself a little bit right now. practicing a little self-indulgence can sometimes go a long way to getting back on your feet. Try to smile and laugh too- if you can't then get Wees to tickle you...there's nothing better than natural laughter.

keep us up to date on how you're doing...everyone here is rooting for you, and believes in you...

Hugs Rebecca.

I know this feeling to right now, and it sucks.

Hope you know I am always here for you, girlfriend. Sorry our Yahoo chat got cut short this morning. I hope we'll have time for another one later this week.

Take care of yourself.

Hey Michelle,

Can not Craig bring his stepson here so that he will feel better?

Big huge Hugs!!!! I'm right there with ya!!! Sheffield has been calling my name... it would have been easier I think to go there... we will make it thru... I know it!!



Patricia

I don't know what to say Rebecca, except I hope you get over this slump and come out stronger. I can't give any advice, as I am the worst in the world for trying to relax my mind, which goes about ninety miles an hour on a slow day. Best wishes to you and Wes

Hello,
Not sure if this will help you, but it always helps me when I am feeling stressed. It is a very long poem, but it is a good one. So here goes......

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann 1952

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyone a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Take care and I wish you all the best!

I love the Desiderata.

But here is my all time favorite

Comes the Dawn

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that love doesnt mean leaning
and company doesnt mean security
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open
with the grace of a woman not the grief of a child.
and learn to build all your roads
on today because tomorrows ground
is to uncertain for plans, and futures have
a way of falling down in mid flight
after awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate
your own soul, instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers
and you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you reallly have worth
and you learn and learn
with every goodbye you learn.

That is awesome.

Today was a little bit better. On my way to my boring office job, I dropped Wes by the hospital and when he was done he went on out looking for work. He mailed applications out for his field (IT), but also responded to an ad for a position in the classified dept. of the local newspaper. Then he went walking on down to the job service, and on the way saw a big 'NOW HIRING' sign at Bob Evans - he said he decided 'what the hell' and went in there and filled out an application. He filled out an app at the job service for Blue Cross/Blue Shield. He went to WalMart in the afternoon and put his details in their job machine.

When we came home after 12, the notice was in our mailbox for me to go down to Public Debt on 4/8 and take the CASP test - maybe someday I'll get a government job. Also our state tax refund was in the mailbox.

We made big burgers for the kids for dinner. Sitting here now stuffed enjoying a cup of tea and waiting for American Idol to come on.

Basically just trying to breathe and not be so gloomy.

Good day it sounds like.

"Breathe.......
breathe in the air.......
don't be afraid to care......
leave, but don't leave me....
look around
choose your own ground.
Long you live and high you fly
smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry;
all you touch and all you see
is all your life will ever be........"

Just one of my favorite songs. Made me think of it when I read the last line of your post.