Come on then. Let's discuss

yikes wrong forum, someone move pls!

No. I will let her be free, except for cheating.

I'm not sure how to answer yet.

There's one issue that we've been round and round over. He wants a rottweiler. I hate big scary dogs. Luckily, we can't possibly have a rottweiler in our apartment. But when we do have a house, I'm afraid the issue will come up again. Now, I'm pretty confident that when it comes down to it, he won't go out and buy a rottweiler when I've expressed how much I dislike them. But at the same time, he also doesn't understand what my problem is. This might be an issue that will come to me "disallowing" a rottweiler in the house.

So, I guess as of right now, those words aren't in our marital vocab, but I can't say that they won't be added in the future...

A good relationship demands 50-50 participation in decision making.

Imposing your will on your SO is just wrong and would not fly in our house.

Ugh, we have a new neighbour in the apt building with a rottweiler. You never know how it's going to react to you getting out of your car with groceries or going to check the mail. Sometimes it'll come towards you all excited wanting to be petted and other times it leaps at you, stopping half way barking and growling.
They're scary and she's driving my cat nuts whenever they let her run around the building.
I almost cried this morning when I was heading outside to put bills in the mail. Stupid thing was running at me and hiding between parked cars growling and barking and doing the whole ready for attack thing.

Friendly enough thread for now...how long til it gets closed?

Thanks for this anecdote. Rest assured it will be used in a future discussion.

Aren't dogs suppose to be tied up? I dont like big dogs either

Jenn, why does it have to be a rottie? Could he be convinced to get a larger shelter dog? Rottweiler is not the best breed to have around, especially if you want to have kids, although I know some people just love them.

That's what I thought. Oh well, I hear the landlord is having problems with them not paying their rent on time so hopefully they won't be here for much longer! I think we're the only ones in the building who get their rent cheque in on time every time.


ANYHOW.

On topic: erm I don't.
The only kinda rule we have that goes for the both of us is: always let the other person know where you're going and how long you'll be.
D. has lost two friends/relatives to train accidents and he used to walk to work and had to cross the tracks and I used to go for bike rides and sometimes had to cross there too, so that's kinda the reasoning behind that implicit rule.

Believe me, I wish I knew. I don't know why he likes them so much, it's not like he's even ever had a dog. I'm hoping it's some odd phase that he will grow out of.

We are only prisoners of love. We don't follow rules because there isn't any, and no way would I want to be shackled to a ball and chain, and neither does he. He don't sign my paycheques and I sure don't sign his. It just works for us that way.

How i see it, i am not his mother, nor is he my father. We are in a 50/50 relationship. When issues come up for discussion we both share our feelings and opinions on the matter and make a decision together.

Hehe let's hope so. Slowly make him feel guilty for wanted a purebred dog.

Hes not here yet but we are good to talk things over. To forbid sounds like you rule or are the boss, thats not the way i see it.

We are in a 50/50 relationship as well................................besides the fact that my wife is wayyyyyyy too tough for me to EVER impose anything on her!

Were I to ever try that....I'd be in BIG trouble!

The only rule I have is do not drive when you have been drinking!

That is mutual rule here. Taxi's are expensive, but we pay up anyway. The only responsible way to use alcohol when you are out and about.

What was OP topic again..?

Oh yeah... I absolutely forbid my dog to drive drunk. The cat on the other hand... makes the baby jesus mcjesus cry, and you just cant tell him anything.

I don't like those words in our household vocabulary at all, they = trouble. That's ancient, cavemanish stuff. So, no.

No.

We "strongly encourage" and "strongly discourage" things If that fails, we "lodge a strong protest" and "express our profound disappointment".

Dems words bees trouble!!!

I wanna know who the two are who voted yes. I think I know who one of em is

Show some moxy and come talk to us.

I hope it wasn't Lira

Well, you know him. Is he someone who loves them because they can be trained to be mean and scary, or someone who loves them because they're smart as heck and will bend over backwards to please their owners?

If the latter, think about other dogs that are particularly clever (though any dog that's smart will turn hyperactive or even mean if it doesn't have enough to do). If the former,... err, well, if my husband wanted a dog because he could make it mean and scary, I'd be thinking "trial separation."

We almost took a rottie mix puppy home last week--we didn't know she was at first, she looked like a black lab with some brown markings. I don't particularly want one, because that's a heck of a lot of dog to be responsible for, but if you have the time to devote to training them well, they're supposed to be utterly fantastic. I mean, you have to want a dog that's protective, but properly trained, they're not dangerous unless you threaten their people. And, as I said, incredibly intelligent and want to please their people.

I have a co-worker who has three kids under the age of four, and he has a husky now but always had rottweilers before, and he says he'd rather have a rottie around his kids any day, he can't even let the husky near them. In fact, he used to have a rottweiler at the same time he had the husky, and the husky used to beat up the rottie. And I have another set of friends who have two rottweilers that they got as puppies and immediately put in obedience classes, their son climbs all over them and pulls on their ears and takes their food and everything, and they're just sweet and quiet all the time.

One of my parents' dogs is a Rottie/something mutt mix. She's adorable and sweet to us, but was obviously very badly abused as a baby (we got her at the shelter) and only recently has she been able to make friends with male people. It took about four tries til she greeted Rey like family. But if she doesn't know you, watch out. With a Rottie, you have to train them very very carefully and I understand they are the sweetest dogs then. However, my family also has a coonhound who suffered similar abuse and has always been just a sweetheart. His reaction to abuse was being a bit more jumpy, although at age 10 he no longer is. The circumstances he was in were different but to some degree I think turning mean is also a function of the breed of the female dog.

Gosh, We have lots of rules, but we have set them together, with many discussions. And they are always open for discussion. We are partners, not boss and servant.

Rules...we don't need no steeenking rules..


p.s.
Has anyone walked past a Pomeranian before? what vicious little sh**s they are..

In a real marriage no one has to impose rules on anyone. If the marriage is based on the right kind of love, then there is trust, consideration, and forethought in every action and word spoken.

Rob

Well we aren't together yet so I am not sure anyone will be imposing any rules.

I mean...
I've got to say that Chris plays drums...I might have to impose a rule..no drums before 10am. Ya know something along that line.

But we have been alive and on our own long enough to have our own set of rules. I just can't imagine that any thing terrible comes up.

But I will let you know in a few months!

I knew you'd set this up Lisa

we have no rules, we don't use words like allow or disallow. it would be very insulting to our relationship.

I'm actually quite curious tho.

I wanna talk to the 8 who voted Yes!

I've heard the same and this is why he wants a rottweiler. My fear is that dogs can "flip" even if properly trained. Isn't that true?

Sorry, Lisa, not trying to hijack....

No allow/forbid in our home.


Jenn- make a trip to the SPCA when you are ready to get a dog, Wadi will fall in love with some cute little pooch and then- poof- no need for a rottie!

Sol-de-Verano, is that a cup of illy in your avatar? yummy!

There's no such thing here, he's not my father, I'm not his mother. Not even my father would try to impose any rules at this stage of my life, I'm a grown up, not a kid, nobody tells me what to do. Plus I wouldn't marry someone who even tried to impose anything or told me to do so. We have mutual agreements, the stronger one is about cheating. It's the only big no no in our relationship. The rest are discussed, asked ''it would be nice if you didn't do this, for the reason ...'', never ''you are not allowed to do this, because I say so''

Been there...and won't ever go there again. My ex was a control freak and it was his way or no way. I had to ask permission to even spend a bit more on groceries...or go visit a friend. He did forbid me a lot of things.

My sweet husband now...*sigh* We are partners. We don't tell each other what to do or what not to do. A real marriage (which I have now) doesn't work that way. For the 8 of you who voted yes....wow. Rather archaic.

Yes. I will shameless admit I impose a rule. I know. It's brazen. I have told the man, if he can't throw away an empty bottle I am allowed to pummel him ceasely with it until he actually does place it in the trash bin.

I love him. He's wonderful. But he cannot, for some reason, bring it upon himself to throw away ANY empty bottle.

(tongue in cheek of course)

you've been studying the politics in the un, haven't you?

About the Rottie...I personally love them, but would always choose a shelter pupper.

I don't know where you live but around here, if you rent an apartment, they simply won't let you have one. If the landlord does, the city won't...certain breeds are not allowed in many urban areas. And in the burbs here, you have to pay extra on your homeowner's insurance.

Nope, no rule imposing here. If there is something one of us wants and the other does not, then we would discuss it, not say "I forbid you to eat that piece of cheese" or so on.

I mean...this is 2007 not the bleedin' dark ages.

P.S. The people who answered "yes" won't dare to come on a state their piece. Scaredy cats!

What if the cheese is high in cholesterol?

Cheese is high in cholesterol?

Same here - he's not here yet, but we pretty much talk about everything. Relationships require compromise, so saying that something is now allowed or forbidden just seems like the start of a problem to me. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I see it.

ok, i'll bite. i said yes

have you told Nessa these 'rules' yet?

Hehehe maybe it's Nessa makin' the rules

yup, then i went back to washing the dishes


no comment

*incredulous look* Ermmmm....no. If either Craig or I said I will allow you, or I forbid you to the other in all seriousness....I think the other would stop dead, turn round and say somthing to the effect of "are you SERIOUS?" Well, you know what I mean anyway...basically what everyone else is saying. I see there's 11 yes now..yipes. M.

You know what, though? The more I think about this, the less bothered I am by the idea of there being rules in a marriage. I mean, everyone has their own personal rules they live by, things they do and don't do. Some of mine include not keeping any meat except seafood in the house, worshipping the cat as a god, and that young kids should have a stay-at-home parent and it ain't gonna be me. And anyone who wants to live with me had darn well better agree to not keep meat in the house, worship the cat, and be a stay-at-home parent if we ever had kids. Gareth knew that was the way I want to live my life before he married me, and he accepted that as part of the package; I wouldn't have married him if he didn't. Not because I want to force him to follow my rules, but because I have certain beliefs about how life should be lived and how I want my life to be, and anyone who wants to share my life obviously has to accept my beliefs about how to live it, including my personal rules about how to do so.

I mean, using the words "forbid" and "allow" is a bit harsh, but when it comes down to it, if Gareth wanted to have steak every night, or failed to appreciate how truly wonderful my cat is, or expected me to stay home with the kids, the relationship would be fundamentally unworkable. So while I'd never actually say the words "I forbid you to have meat in the house," in the end, if he was unwilling to live without meat in the house, then there would not be a marriage.

BTW, on the topic, he says "Yeah, I mean, if I wanted to eat steak every night, our relationship just wouldn't work."

There is a few rules in our house but there rules for the two of us, things like, Dont drink and drive, Dont cheat, respect for each other, that kind of thing.