OK, since every argument has two sides, I'll put both up for you to see, in a non-gender-descriptive way so there'll be no bias as to whether you like me more than them.

Side #1

"You travel 1000 miles to see a band with your other half, you hate the band, they're the lowest point in music you've heard since agadoo, but you go anyway, becaause your just that nice and think your other half deserves it.

You get in to the concert, you're surrounded by emo cretins, and ageing rockers, and rhythymically challenged hippies. You settle in and the band plays, and they're just as bad as you knew they would be, so you sit, bide your time.

Your other half has been pogoing his/her azz off for a while, seemingly oblivious to your utter boredom (you don't mind, you had an idea it would be like this) BUT! they then turn to you give you a smirk and say, "I know you're not enjoying this, but I am, so..."

Was the last word of the unfinished sentence more likely to be:
Thank you
or
F*ck you "


Side #2

"So say you haven't been to a concert in 10 years and your OH knows this and wants to take you to see your favorite band, even though he/she thinks they are sh*t.

They drive through the night to get you to the concert on time, and sit there patiently while you have a really great time. Every time you look over at them, you see how bored they are and wish they could be having as much fun as you.

You're overwhelmed by how much they must care for you to sit and listen to music they hate just so you can have a good time, and want to acknowledge this fact, but don't know what to say.

You say "I know you're not having a good time, but I am so..." and then don't know how to continue.

Option A : Thank You

Option B: F*ck you."


Thanks in advance. Like I said, it's been going on for two years.

Slightly confused here, but voted "thank you." I can't imagine anyone saying "fukc you" in that situation unless it was just a joke or something.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you were the one who didn't like the band....

I voted thank you because I don't think I would say F-U to my other half... Plus for me this situation really doesn't call for a F-U

I would say Thank you, you are talking about your other aren't you... There is no call to say F to your other.....But to say next time lets choose a band that we together can relate to and enjoy.....You are a special person to endure this for a love one or friend...


Nancy

ditto

Good thing there was no bias...


I see the two sides as...Selfless and Selfish.

1. Selfless brings his/her dumba$$ SO to a concert because he/she wants to be together.
2. Selfish is a spoiled brat of a wanna-be-music-snob who stomps his/her feet and gets mad 'cause he/she doesn't like the band...waaaaahhhh Somebody needs a spanking and a time-out.

~Rant

I voted for thank you...

If it were "f*** you' then you wouldn't need to ask.... there would be other relationship evidence of this sort of answer being a typical response.

I could see another part of the story being that the person who didn't want to go was being a real arse about it the whole time (and their SO had indeed perceived their utter boredom) and then they might kind of deserve a tamer version of F* U.

PS in this situation I would not have gone to the show at all. Rey and I share a lot of music we both like but his all time favorite stuff is like nails on a chalkboard to me. There is no way I'm going with him to that, because I probably could ONLY act like you described--bored and irritated and anxious to go home.

eta: if i wanted to be part of his religious experience of seeing a band he loves, I might surprise him with tix for him and a friend

Thank You, as some things are better off unspoken.

A concert doesn't last that long, so even if I went to something with Sujeet that I hated, I would be fine and would make it through the night. No big deal.

I can't say which one I think the person would say since I don't know the person or their personality. Saying F you may not be a big deal to them. I would never say that to Sujeet but I never say the F word anyway. Some people say it every other word. So they might not think it's that wrong to say even to their SO. But who knows.

If this happened 2 years ago, yet you are still together and in love(I'm assuming), then why not just forgive each other? Yesterday at church we heard about forgiveness and if you don't forgive it turns into bitterness.

If he/she think they said "F you" to them, after 2 years can't you just forgive each other? And if he/she was mad that whoever was acting bored, can't he/she forgive them for acting bored? I think there is no point to go on even longer with this argument. It's not worth it in my opinion. If you love each other, just try to forgive each other and get on with it. Sometimes people say mean things to each other even when they are married, but they don't mean it. So even if the person said F you, it's time to move on and forget about it unless it's something that has affected every moment of your marriage since then. Then it's a huge issue. If not, then time to move on.

The lesson I am finally coming to terms with?

Don't "try" to please unless you know for certain the OH is craving the missing whatever.

Ours goes like this:
"Ooh, we're in Mexico, we can get Nescafe at this here supermarket for such a good price!"
A: I can get it at home at the Mexican shop. It only costs a dollar more.
"Ooh, you can get Paracetemol here!"
A: I like Advil now.
"Ooh, look, mushy peas in a can!"
A: Do you want some? (as if)

I've finally explained that all of the above As sound like F U. The correct answer is "Thank you for thinking of me. I'm perfectly happy with everything we get at home now".

I voted "Thank You".

For us, it would be "thank you".

(while the tone may not be too nice, any arguments would be settled quickly)

Thank you but more in a sarcasting way to bring attention to the other partner INSENSITIVITY.

We enjoy the same kinda of music but at time we do have our differences in taste but yet my wife is always loving and patient and try to understand what's the music is about the story behind it, a little background sometimes help.

I think it's thank you.

D & I like the same music, but he's a Kevin Smith nut and we actually went down to London for one of those 'evening with ks.' I think they're stupid, I think his movies are 'EH' and the whole 'ooooh lemme ask you questions and you can tell stories for 4 hours!' was not what I wanted to do.

I did it anyways, D enjoyed himself soooo much. I thought it was pretty sh!t, but I enjoyed the fact that he was like a pig in sh!t.

And he said 'thank you baybee, you're the bestest'

Why would a concert be such a big deal?

I've been reading the replies, and there are some very good points being made, but I feel I need to clarify a few things.

The argument has never been about the concert; it's about the perceived unspoken words at the end of that sentence.

Person # 1 is dead sure person #2 meant "F*uck you"
Person # 2 Is dead sure they meant "Thank You"

This only gets argued about because it gets dragged up during arguments about other things as evidence that Person # 1 can in fact read minds.


Also: Each "side" was written by a different person, and then I copy/pasted those perspectives into the post.


As to the selfish/selfless assumption: I think it was pretty freaking selfless for person #1 to offer (without being asked by person #2 at all) to drive 1000 miles out of the way while they were on a road trip, pay for tickets to person #2s favorite band, and sit through what they consider to be a crappy band. Maybe person #2 was selfish in wanting to see the band and enjoying themselves in spite of Person #1s obvious boredom and discomfort?

I'm still confused. What was actually said???

"I know you're <bored>/<not having fun>/<etc...>, but I am, so..."

And there was a pause, so there was something unsaid in that instant.


It must be pointed out that there were many "thank you"s and "I love you"s and "you're so freaking awesome"s that arose from this situation.
The argument isn't about whether a thank you was ever said or not, but what was meant in that one instance.

maybe it is fluck you given the other party's inflammatory posting history

unless this isnt an isolated incident, i fail to see how a *pause* two years ago is relevant in fights today.

See now, this is why I just copy-pasted his non-gender-specific view and my non-gender-specific view. I knew some people might remember his posting style and have a bias against him.

I'm still not going to say which one of us was person #1 and which was person #2, but assuming things based on past behavior in this situation isn't going to help.

past behavior does not point you towards what was more likely said?

context and behavior patterns have everything to do with it. I am not biased against the other, the flock you may have well been cheeky, but I just have doubts that it would be a *thank you* coming from someone who is loose with language.

So, if He was person #2, you'd assume it was a "f*ck you" response?

What if I was person #2, which response would you assume it to be?

::Deleted Post::

Oh damn, now I forgot what your fiance's nick was, luva

This sexy creature: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showuser=19920

my thoughts - why dwell on it?
and i remember that user name. why isn't he on anymore?

We don't argue about it every day. In fact, I think this is only the 2nd time it's been brought up in these two years. As I said before: it was brought up in the midst of another conversation as proof that one of us can read minds.

He was banned for asking some pointed questions about another member's past profession.

oh yeah i remember that now

in addition to the previous answer, i think it's a bit much to drag someone a thousand miles to an event they probably would not enjoy.

eta: he's not banned now, i just checked the profile status.

I agree, but that's not the case in this situation. One person was not "dragged" 1000 miles to an event they didn't want to go to. One person bought another tickets to a concert as a gift, even though this person didn't like the band. That person then drove the giftee 1000 miles to the show, and stayed with them of their own volition, purely out of kindness. No one was forced or coerced or guilted into doing anything.

I voted "thank you" but something is telling me I'm not correct.

Thank you seemed so obvious to me at first, but as more and more is revealed, I'm definitely changing my mind....