I am in a situation that puts me in limbo. My USC spouse has hit me, (still does) abuses me, and i am scared.

I called immigration in regards to my case and asked them if i were to leave her due to abuse "how much" evidence do i have to have?, what types of evidence and "how many times" does it have to occur before they consider it abuse.

The immigration officer told me "i can not tell you that, there is no certain amout, it could be once, or 100 times". But that i had to have "strong evidence" such as a police report. I then asked him "how many? 1? and will 1 be sufficient? 2 or 3?", which in reply he said "i can't tell you that either, but your USC spouse will not help you out in your situation either"

I do have photos that i personally took of an incident that occured where she hit me and my chest was all scratched up and bleeding all because i could not help her carry something (as i already had my hands full carrying something else)

Another unfortunate case, she has stated that she will "not give me a divorce" either due to her knowledge of me as a conditional resident and to see my life made as she states, " a living hell" . So my question is.....HOW could i file a waiver if she would not be willing to even sign a divorce?...i would be stuck, no divorce decree to file an abused waiver, and i would get put into deportation proceedings.(which i want to avoid) My USC spouse knows that i am a conditional resident, and has stated that she would never be willing to co-operate and do the opposite.

In the beginning, she was very nice to me, but within a few months, she changed.Since immigrating here, she has constantly hit me, gets in my face, and "threatens" me about deportation all the time if i dont do whatever it is that she wants. It is like she is witholding me to see the worst for me

What makes matters worse, is that she has some family who are lawyers in high places and tells me that she will "make sure" that my life will be made hell, that her family members (who are lawyers there are 2 that are) will assure that i will be deported and banned from ever entering the U.S. again even if i am a permanent resident/citizen. Her 2 family members that are lawyers have also threatened me with that aswell. One is a lawyer in the senate. (what is a lawyer in the senate?and are they that powerful?)

I dont know what to do, i have absolutely nothing back in my home country,no family at all, no job,no home. I have established a life here in the U.S. i have a job, i am taking college classes. I am a conditional resident and have to file to lift the conditions soon.

What do i do??????....hang on until the conditions are lifted, THEN divorce her? and hope for the best? i have what i believe is sufficient evidence, that could see me through filing jointly because i know she will not give me a divorce and do everything she can to see me deported by calling immigration.

If i was to ever make it through this nightmate, and eventualy apply for citizenship, would all her false accusations against me come up at the interview?

It is not fair, and i don't feel that it is right to bring someone here to the U.S. and then if they do not do everything you want them to do as a slave to them, they can hit you, abuse you, threaten to call immigration on you, then throw you away in the trash after they've done. Help me please.

Stories like this always sadden me. I don't know how one goes from loving someone enough to want to be married, and all that goes with those feelings, to being so hate-filled and abusive.

You need to find an attorney, who can help guide you.... if nothing else, but for your own protection. Contact your local office for Catholic Family Charities.... you don't need to be Catholic to receive assistance.

Jen

But how??? how can i have protection???.....the second i announce "im leaving because of this abuse and im not putting up with it anymore", she will turn around, call her family that are lawyers, call immigration, WONT give me a divorce (just to make my life hard)kick me out onto the street and then i'll really have problems

How do people get like this? i dont know how. I do admit however, when we have had arguements, she calls me names, and of course i call her back names defending myself, the only difference is that when i stand up to her in defending myself and not allowing her to treat me like she does, she just hits me in the face, pushes me then starts her threats.

This is my dilemma,

Follow the advice to seek legal counsel. Individuals who are abusers tend to wrap their victims up in stories that will cause fear and panic in the victim. Domestic violence is so much more complex and involved than random violence between strangers. You have a mutual relationship, and some kind of life together. There is never a need to 'stick it out' in an abusive relationship. I understand you are very concerned about your ability to stay in the states, and it is something you need to look into. By going to Catholic Charities or any free legal counsel that provides immigration help you can look into your options in a CONFIDENTIAL way. The US is a big place. No one is going to be getting your counsel to give up any of your information to them, especially if you don't tell your wife that you are seeking counsel.
An abuser doesn't just hit, they also create emotional wounds that keep you from helping yourself. You will need to file a police report to record the abuse. Even if there aren't big bleeding wounds, if there is violence, you should call the police. Remember that she will try to fight your alligations, so don't do anything that will give her any more ammunition. Don't hit her back...unless you are in fear for your life. Just get out of the situation as fast as possible and call the police. Try not to get into the verbal arguments where she can say you have 'verbally abused' her. You will need to build a case and it is much harder for a man to do that than a woman in cases of domestic violence. But don't give up hope.
I do not know the immigration laws pertaining to you staying even though you are conditional. I would ask this at Catholic Charities or another lawyer. Don't believe what your wife is telling you. If she does know the laws, she will not tell you which ones are there to protect you. She will just try to manipulate them against you. but do ask a lawyer and do call the police during any violent outbreaks.
My fiance was in a similar situation in the past and at one point he video taped her outburst. He was arrested for her allegation that he abused her, when the judge was presented the recording, he released My fiance and dropped all charges. I don't know if this will work in your situation, or if it could make matters worse, but it may be an option.
Good Luck to you, This will not be an easy road, but keep your faith that things will work out.
Sue

You are a conditional permanent resident... you are not out of status. No can can begin removal proceedings. She's bluffing in that regard. Make some plans behind her back if you need to.... there are shelters that can take you in.... you need to do some research. Catholic Family Services can help... there's nothing more we can do for you here, other than provide support. If you want things to change, YOU'RE going to have to make it happen.

I agree, you need to find an attorney or contact The Catholic Family Services. There is a website called assitonline (not sure of the exact spelling) which supports people in this situation and can maybe point you in the right direction. Try downloading the VAWA manual 2002. It's a lot 316 pages but gives great insight into the VAWA process including those with Conditional Permanent residency and what to do in abusive situations. I think there is a whole chapter on it stating what kind of evidence you will need. Try and get to see a councellor too, get things recorded, get affadvits from people who know you. I had to get a police protection order( which anyone can apply for regardless of status), I have hospital records when I broke down and couldn't take any more. I didn't have any police records because I was too scared to contact the police due to my ex's threats, constant threat of deportation (which I find myself in ). I did , however go to the police 2 weeks after my MIL hit me and my ex-husband watched ,but the police said it was too late to do anything.


If you need any other information PM me. If I can help I will . You don't need to live in this hell anymore and you don't need to be intimidated. No-one deserves it

You are at least luckier than I am in so far as I never even got to the conditional stage. This will make it far easier for you. Just remember you are not alone.


Shona

I wonder what the other side to the story is.

You are able to work, you either leave or stay.

If you want to divorce then consult with a Divorce Lawyer, she can not prevent it happening, maybe delay it but that's it.

That was very good advice, I'd also like to add a voice activated recorder works well too, just cover the red light with a piece of tape and put it where she can't see it. Save all the recordings and do not argue back. If she hits you, say why did you hit me. You will be the one that needs evidence. If it is possible try to wait it out, you don't want to end up in an abuse shelter either.

Boiler...if you HAVENT read,...the other side of the story is there, as stated in my second posting to this thread. we argue yes like any other couple, however the difference with her is that she turns very violent, very quick and just hits me.

And thats exactly where i DONT want to find myself in pleading before a judge as to why i shouldn't be deported fighting a prima facie case (as yet i have not READ/HEARD or KNOWN of a successful prima facie case) when she's the abuser, im going to guess the situation your in right now and you've probably been put into deportation proceedings and have had to appear before an immigration judge and try to prove WHY you SHOULDN'T be deported (even when it was his fault, and by what i see, you have what looks like ALOT of strong evidnece, and look where your at still no approval, i would think that you would be approved)

I havent got not even got a drop of evidence that you have, i guess i could go to a psychiatrist and tell what happened, get that doctor to document everything.


Im close however to removing conditions, so maybe i could wait it out???....it could save me ALOT of trouble going through court and having her family do that to me.....i dont know....im that scared i can't even sleep.

i asked about recording someone in this type of situation, and the police said that its a crime to do that because the other party doesnt know that they are being recorded that they would be recorded without their permission, even if they are in the wrong.



Shona, i will also download those forms, thank you.

plus boiler, you say "only can delay"...yes it will delay and put me into what i dont want to go into, deportation proceedings. and i know she wont sign a divorce and drag out the process.

What state do you reside in?

If the deadline to file the I-751 is close, my recommendation would be to jointly file the I-751, and await receipt of the NOA extending your status for one more year. Make sure you keep a copy of the filing for yourself, along with clean copies of any and all evidence provided to assert the bona fide nature of your marriage (you'll need this evidence later) and if possible, keep it somewhere other than at home. Make sure you submit the joint petition by return receipt (via USPS) so you have a record of it, and that you personally check the mail once the check has been cashed by USCIS, to get the NOA that will be issued. This is to ensure that it is not diverted by your spouse. Then once you have that, make surreptitious plans to move out and then petition for divorce, immediately.

Once the divorce is final, and without knowing your state I can't estimate how long that might take, you would then request the jointly filed I-751 be withdrawn and replace it with a self-petition (waiver) to which you would attach the same evidence (that which you made copies of before). You could use any and all grounds applicable for the waiver. Bona fide marriage that terminated in divorce, and battered spouse. Incidentally, this sort of emotional control does fall under the abuse category, and having to go through such contortions to make sure a filing is made, would qualify in my opinion. You'd be wise to try to document all of your concerns and the threats she has made with respect to what she will do to your immigration status of you do not cooperate with a social worker, confidentially, so that you can all upon them at waiver time to corroborate what you will declare in the wiaver.

In the meantime, the jointly-filed I-751 would be in place, your status preserved, and you would have satisfied any filing deadlines. If she delays the divorce, it would not be as precarious, since you would have already received the NOA extending your green card and benefits for a period of 12 months.

Hi thank you Diadromous Mermaid.

I prefer not to reveal the state im in due to that there are not many people here from that particular state. I did some research myself on divorce within the state that i live in and that it can take at least 1 year IF all the documents are in order, PLUS EVERYONE is co-operative with the divorce.

In turn, i called a lawyer and asked about what was meant by "co-operative with everyone", the lawyer said that someone had to begin the petition for the divorce (that would be me) but both parties would have to show up to court in order to start the proceedings with the pre-hearing (which is something she WONT do) and from there, explain the case and come back later on for the actual hearing (which i know she WONT do either).

The lawyer that i spoke to said that when the spouse decides not to co-operate and show up at court, is when they adjourn it until both parties appear to state their cases as the judge needs to know both sides of the case. AND THIS is where he said it drags out.

He explained to me about the 1 year extension, and that if it expires, i can go and get another 1 year extension until the divorce is finalized, (but if that be the case, im going to be going back every year for the next 10 years at my rate!!!!).

What was also mentioned was preciseley that i was afraid of that it can lapse and because there has been no decision on the divorce shown, it can slip and i find myself in deportation proceedings. (Something the lawyer told me to watch very closely as that happens)


So in the waiver.....what box would i check??? the one that states that i entered into the marriage in bona fide OR do i check the box where it ses that im divorcing her based on the grounds of abuse???

Which one will give me the least problems???....

Will this ever end???

evidence i have is of the following is it strong or weak???


-Lease agreement with both names on it
-Video membership
-Sams Club
-Trip we took together (can get photocopy of her/mine passport stamps from that particular country)
-Cards adressed to us

........the best i can do

On the waiver, mark "d" ~ bonafide marriage that terminated in divorce, and you could mark the one that pertains to abuse as well, if you have evidence to present.

What about finances?
Bank statements for a joint checking or savings account?
Tax returns filed as married?
Drivers license showing your joint marital address
Credit card statements?
Utility bills paid by you or your spouse that show your marital address?
What about auto insurance? In your name? Or are you covered on the policy?
Health Insurance. Are you a beneficiary of hers?
Life insurane policy?
Do you have an auto titled in both names?

finances i guess i could get as well as bank statements.

Tax returns, well didnt make enough to file one (or can you file one jointly even if you didnt make enough together as a couple?)

Credit card statements, havent got a sufficient income to pay on a credit card,

Utility bills are only put in one name (the water and electricity only allows one person)

Auto insurance is paid for by her grandparents, life insurance policy have not taken out either. and the auto is in her grandparents name.


So how can i resolve all this with what i just mention? i can get a bank account statement (that i do have)

Without specific state information I can't really question what you've been told, but it seems to paint a rather grim picture, which goes against the tenets of family alw that I am aware of.

Normally, one party can file for divorce and the other party cannot prevent the divorce from occuring, especially if the state in which you reside honours "no fault" grounds for divorce. The process commences with a petition for divorce filed by one party. A response is required within a number of days. If the party does not respond, then after a certain specified period of time, the claim can be granted by default. Usually, the court might require a genuine attempt to inform the other party that divorce is sought. I'm not aware of a state where a party cannot become divorced, if he or she has grounds, simply due to the obstinent nature of an opposing party.

What you are referring to sounds to me like mediation, which is often mandated by the court in order for the parties to come to some resolution without litigation. Mediation is recommended to get the parties together with an impartial arbitor to iron out differences of opinion with regard to settling the division of responsibilities and assets. Oftentimes, even if parties enter mediation with an open mind to resolving conflict, they can leave without having reached resolution, which simply throws the matter before the judge to adjudicate. While it can prolong the divorce process by a matter of 30-60 days, I'm not aware of it forestalling the process entirely.

I'd recommend calling the lawyer's referral service in your area and getting someone to explain the process once more.

good! Get a good sampling from the period you were married, say one every month or two to show the account is a joint account

You should file a tax return each year if you make anything over $400.00 or so self employed, or as married $16,800 jointly. However, if her family helps you out financially, and she is declared a dependent on their return then a tax return should be filed if:




OK. Not necessary

Get copies of them anyway with her name and your joint address on them it shows you resided together. Same thing with any bills you receive at your home.

Are you noted as a second driver on the policy? Do you have a driver's license?

I live in the state of Florida, but was married in the U.S. Virgin Islands.


Ok, so what would be the process with that then? do i do it here in Florida or do i have to go back to the U.S.V.I. to do the divorce.

We have no great assets together, no house or car together.


As in regard to taxes, even if we earned nothing over $3,000 last financial year we still file taxes??? (should i do it in regards to helping out my case? never thought about that)


Thank you about the bills that are in one name, i never knew that at all. So even if they are in only 1 name, but yet the same address shows for different accounts that are joint such as bank, tenant lease and what not, immigration will get the picture of it and see that we do/did live together and had a shared life together?

Call the cops. Nobody is allowed to beat on anybody in Flordida, or anywhere else in America. Although it is uncommon for women to beat on men there is no difference in the law.
Like DM says get all of the evidence you have and put it somewhere off site.
Don't put up with this crap. It will only get worse. You don't say where you come from but surely it can't be worse than living in America getting worked over by some insane woman.

Sorry to hear of the bad deal you have received.

With that in mind, you need evidence of the domestic abuse. Setting aside what DM said, this would be appropriate in an amicable dissolution of the marriage. You have issues, that preclude that sort of friendly negotiation. I Would call the police in each event of abuse and get a documented record of this activity.

With no respect to the Lawyers that you feel threaten you, Lawyers are Pr!cks and can be beat. Especially when the evidence is stacked against your spouse. Hell, Scooter Libby is down for 30 in Federal prison.

Get evidence, get retribution, get citizenship. You entered a legit relationship and the petitioner Fcuked you. You are entitled to benefits of citizenship, provided that your characterization of the events are accurate.

Fix it, and fix it now.

Best of luck mate.

You do not need to be divorced to file a battered spouse waiver. You can still be married and file it.

These crazy abusive people piss me off more than anybody else.

Sorry but this whole thing smell funny! How come there is no time line, photos or any previous history here? Do I smell a Troll?

Please clarify...

Rob

Rob and Melinda,....maybe your nose is too close to your ### and thats the only thing you smell,...this is real and it is happening right as i type this.

Reason that there is no time line, is because i am a member from the past on here, and do not wish to give out my details.

UPDATE:.........................................................................
........................
Last night i gathered evidence of what i have (which isnt a great deal) and have put it into one folder.
The second folder i made was that of all the threatening letters her family has made to me that i have kept and the threatening letters her family lawyers have sent me.

I also secured all the visa papers that went along with my petition

I'll be sending them ALL off far away to a friend who will keep them safe, this means that my wife will not know about them being sent off or know where they are at when she decides to do what she is intending to do to me.


Its just extremly hard on me. Im in a "catch 22" situation,....i've come THIS far into the process, to me, its not worth bailing out now, go back home to absolutley nothing because i am being abused.

I'm not no saint, and i will admit that. HOWEVER, as all arguements between couples start, one person ses something, and of course naturally, the other party in turn ses something back defending themselves (wich is what i did), maybe they were harsher replies,....maybe she got offended easier, who knows, but i draw the line where she starts hitting me as if i was getting hit by another man

I have a right to stay, i entered into this in good faith, wanting to make it work, unfortunately, in time,...i saw the other side of the coin, and the first time she hit me i didnt want to believe it, but i forgave her and gave her another chance,...then it happened again, and again, and again.

I will be going to see the police today to see what my options are on it.

How late can i file taxes???? up to what month and how much does it cost to do that?

Succinctly, a successful waiver will require documentation that demonstrates the following:
Evidence that the couple mingled their financial affairs, and placed assets in joint names (bear in mind that this can only be done if there are financial assets to mingle to begin with)
Evidence that the couple cohabited.

Tax returns can be filed any time, if they have not been filed. Tax returns that have already been filed can also be amended (changed) up to three years later, I believe, and this would involve filing a 1040X.

and the tax returns can be done in both names without a problem then?

Joint tax returns require endorsement by both parties. Think your wife would be inclined to cooperate?

yeah, i hope so, last night we got into an arguement and she tried to strangle me, she put her hands directly on my throat and i couldn't breath threatening that i would not walk out alive, i didn't know what to do,.....i want to just hit her to get her off me but at the same time i would've felt bad if i did. So i just eventually pushed her off me

Im so screwed,

Im going to have to do this as smooth as possible to get everything that i need without her knowing what im trying to do.


What would annoy me however is people on here then turning around and thinking that im doing this by fraud with what im about to do in gathering evidence without her knowing what im trying to do in order to build up my case against her.

You need to call the police.

Pictures are not proof of abuse, cos let's face it...anyone can take piccies.

You need to call the police on her the next time she attacks you. You need a police report.

Also, I agree about the tape recorder...laws in your state might prevent them from being admissible. But check it out anyway. Also, if she were ever to leave you a voicemail addressing her abuse, such as an 'I'm sorry' or anything like that, I believe those ARE admissible because she would know she was being recorded.

Your problems would be less if you would simply call the police, then the abuse is documented otherwise its just hearsay on your part. You will never have proof of abuse until she is reported. I have an aunt who got in an argument with her husband, who we all knew was abusive to not only her but to his own child. She would never report him, and finally one day she punched him in the face.....guess what he called the police and she spent the night in jail. Since she had never reported him for all of his abuse, she was the one found guilty not him. You better cover your a** now, or you might pay dearly for it later if she decides to claim abuse agains you first!

I agree call police that way you have it as proof do it after next time you are abused . Sometimes the police will take pictures to show proof if they decide to arrest .

well, the next time that it happens, i'll call the police, im just wondering how everything will turn out however, weather i'll get kicked out and she'll start calling her family that are lawyers and start her crap.

Has anyone ever known of a Prima Facie case that was approved before??? how long? and what was the grounds and were there many difficulties??

I have spoken to people (women mainly ) who have had their cases approved after receiving a Prima Facie. Even though one may recieve this , this however is not an approval. One woman I spoke to -it took just a few months. My case has taken 1 year and 4 months and I'm still waiting. To give you a very rough idea look at the processing times for I 360's in Vermont.

Cases vary, some include physical abuse , some just mental and emotionally and others both. Please do a search and read the VAWA manual 2002. I found it informative. It tells you everything you may need and illustrates scenarios. Contact the Catholic Charities as mentioned before. Please, please call the call the police if anything happens again. I like you was too scared to, I wish I had. You really need to leave this situation as hard as it may be, otherwise you'll end up having a breakdown like I did.

Shona

You are a conditional permanent resident, and passed the adjustment of status stage in the immigration journey. At the point that you were conferred conditional PR the Service was satisfied that the marriage appeared to be genuine. If the marriage was/is bona fide and you can place your hands on sufficient evidence that you resided together and co-mingled your financial affairs, self-petitioning on the basis of a good faith marriage that terminated in divorce would preclude the need for a prima facie determination.

well, as for now im building up my evidence, slowly but surely, i always wonder actually how many "men" this has happened to aswell.

Wow - whoever you are (and I probably know you, don't I?! ) this is really very bad.

Thing is, when one is going through something like this, what one doesn't know is that the actions of the other person involved are twisting one's mind to think differently. You have to keep it simple right now, to avoid insanity; thus, know the following:

No matter whether it's a guy or a girl doing the abusing, please understand that people kill people all the time. That's the long and short of it. just because she's a girl, don't think she doesn't have the mental "balls" to accidentally go too far one day - especially with things like strangulation. let me make no bones about it - there are female prisons in this country and across the world who house ladies with all manner of convictions, including murder. You're right to think that men have a higher rate of violent crime than women, but let's face it, you're in a relationship with the percentage of violent crime being committed by women.

Don't be fooled by society's viewpoint or Hollywood films, who often portray the man as the "strong" one, able to defend himself against any woman because he's stronger than she is. Trust me, if the lady come out and garottes you in your sleep, you won't have a seond to think about it. I don't mean to frighten you, but it does sound like she has a few mental problems at the very least, and you need to realise that you're more precious than this: there's no need to lay down and potentially be killed or seriously wounded for the sake of someone else's mental problem. See what I'm getting at?

Now we've got that crazy part out of the way, let me just say that if you let this lady continue her rampage, untold amounts of mental hurt may be inflicted upon you - more than you know. Men are taught, for teh most part, from a very early age that expressing emotion is not a good thing to do - very "un-manly". If your mother dies, it's okay to cry, but other things like stubbing your toe, getting laid off, missing out on a promotion at work - all these are examples of when many men are taught to "tough it out" and not get upset. "Deal with it" or "solve the situation", just like that.

But in reality while there may be subtle differences between the way men and women think, many of these differences are in fact taught to us by the societies we live in; by our parents and by those we respect or are afraid of. The way this lady is speaking to you during an argument must no doubt be hurting you to the very core of your soul. I don't see you saying much about the exact words she's saying, but perhaps that's why - you need to be "tough" and "deal". But the hurt you are experiencing, you cannot just "deal" with. it's nothing to do with being weak, or un-manly, the crux of it is that what she is saying to you will cause lasting and deep scars within your heart and soul.

I know nobody's perfect, but living like this is going to change you if you don't get out and find somewhere stable to be - even if it's a motel room. I know you say that you fight WITH each other as well as her being violent with you, but right now you cannot see it from an outside point of view - you need to remove yourself from the situation and THEN you'll see what's really going on. Help yourself by gently packing a few things, gently walking out of the house and leaving her alone. She has some big issues here, but it's not your job to sacrafice your life, your heart and your soul to her. Your Mom and Dad would not want you to have to feel this pain.

From a distance, things can seem a lot clearer. You've lost a gigantic portion of your self esteem as a man and that's okay - now settle back and be alone for a few days, and you will find it coming back to you, and you'll know what to do. It's amazing to recover the power of self esteem - it will be like an elixir of new life to you.

I also lived for a while with a guy who enjoyed nothing more than choking me and dragging me around, restraining me and asphyxiating me - because he never used a closed fist on me, he rationalized it as "not abusive". When I left him, the very, very fist thing he did was panic. I had to leave in the company of friends, and I was so calm knowing I was safe at that moment. All he could do was watch TV and go quiet. The next day he called, BEGGING me to come back and telling me he'd do anything I wanted. I did not come back. Instead I told his family what he'd been doing and no longer kept it quiet. I told his friends. They all spoke to him and at first he was angry -that lasted about two weeks, but then he had to calm down because for the most part, it was a good thing everyone knew because finally he'd been made to face the demons that had been haunting him for much longer than I'd been there. This entire process meant he was FORCED to seek help.

What I'm saying is that it sounds like she's afraid as well - talking about all these high priced lawyers, putting on this big costume show of being very scary and lashing out in a physical way. People who are stable and have self esteem and who know they speak the truth don't need all these "props" to make them seem bigger and better - they are able to talk things out and sway people's respect toward them using the power of honestly and morality. I really think she's "having a fit and throwing the toys out of the pram" as it were, rather than being completely rational.

She cannot have you thrown out of the country - that's utter crap - so please don't worry yourself about that at this moment. Just calmly leave, find yourself ANYWHERE (and even a friend's floor) to just be totally calm, have a cry about things (it's very good for you, you know - even if you're a big toughie!) and try to collect yourself. THEN worry about the divorce and immigration.

There are laws that protect you just as much as they protect her - don't assume she can puppet your life like this because she can't. And plus please remember - USCIS use "corporate speak" much of the time, which is why they can be vague - it's to protect their a$$es! Don't panic. Everything will be okay - just get a good night's sleep in the full knowledge that you won't get woken up by arguing or screaming.

Sorry this post has been so long!

If this thread topic is true, then I don't know what to say.

I have doubts regarding this thread. I find it very hard to believe that you are being abused by your wife. I think this thread is an indication that you want to get your green card and move on with your life. I find this technique of immigration maneuvering disturbing and unfair for all of us. If this thread topic is true, then you are on your own.

Wow...and your problem is....??????

I think if you read back you'll find that he HAS his green card already. For your information, there are lots of men that this happens to. It's not just women who are abused. IF you can only offer sarcasm may I suggest you post somewhere else?

Sheesh...

Sometimes I find it weird how women now are very aggressive towards their husbands. Along time ago, it wasn't like this. I am a man, and young as well. I just find it very hard to believe how in the past men was the dominant figure than it is now. Yes, time and culture change. Society is a slow changing entity, so it will take a while for women to be more dominant and begin to force their husband into househusband. It's very weird.

Yeah, he already gotten his greencard. If you know what I was implying, I wanted to say that he " wants out after he received his greencard." It's just very hard to believe.

I certainly hope you don't lump ALL women into your assumptions. I am not trying to be dominant of my husband and neither is he trying to dominate me. My last marriage was like this with my ex being the dominant one and there is no way in he|| I would do that to another living person. I am sure there are women like that, and it is sad. However, not all are nor do I see society as a whole turning towards the trend you imply.

Hmm....You don't see that society? Explain why women want rights equal to men? Hmmm....Yes, you see society is changing into that era where women has higher rights. That is what I wanted to imply into my statement. I hope you would be educated as to infer from my message. If you are, then you should understand why society is changing to that extent.

You do not see women as equals? I am not implying at all that women should be placed higher than men. Nor should men be placed higher than women. It should be equal. What is wrong with women having equal rights? This sounds like something from the 19th century, where women were thought of as second class, the chattel of her husband, having no say in anything. I am quite educated as it happens but I cannot for the life of me see how this society is changing and going in the direction you infer.

Uh oh.

...

I am shocked that this needs an explanation. Like actually speechless

Stranded,
people are giving you good advice but it is up to you to find the courage to take it....

My husband was abused by his ex wife and I can tell you from his experience, do NOT allow the abuse to go on without a police record. The sad truth is that it is much much harder for men to prove abuse, then it is for women.... which is exactly why you need to have a police record of incidents...
You are lucky if she gets violent and I say that because at least you will have marks on your body to go with your claims.

Psych abuse is much harder to prove but it can be done, there is something called post- traumatic stress disorder and it does apply to dealing with abusive spouses as well. Talk to a good psych.....
My husband made a mistake of never reporting it, he just wanted to get himself and his son out of an abusive situation as soon as possible.... As a result, he got royaly sc***** in the custody agreement and despite her abuse she has daily visitation with the son even though he lives with us.

I am pretty sure that Florida is a "no fault" state, and I know for a fact that my husband's divorce went through without her even showing up in the courtroom.... and there weren't even lawyers involved, he drew up all the paperwork himself.

I understand that you also have the whole deportation issue to consider, but the more important thing is to get out of an abusive relationship as soon as you can with as much proof as you can get about what was done to you...
Do not calculate and plan on sticking it out to make the immigration process "easier", sticking it out might result in her cracking your head open in an act of rage and then whether you are deported or not won't make the slightest bit of difference.

Thank-you everyone for your replies and concerns, they have been very appreciated (apart from one, Consolemaster)


Yes, i am waiting for the next physical attack to call the police, and yes i will have a police report against her. As mentioned in the above posts written, there is also ALOT of psychological abuse aswell, that's an everyday occurance, talking to the lawyer that i have been talking to they have explained that i will need to get an evaluation of the whole experience for it to be documented as evidence.

Consolemaster, what you dont understand that women are just as equal as men are, always has been, but unfortunately its never been allowed. They also have as many rights aswell.

It happens, women do abuse men aswell. Its sad, what i thought at first was something good, within a few months turned absolutley a nightmare.

I have taken the advice of everyone here, and the next incident i will be calling the police and getting a report,and keeping it along with all my other evidence that i have gathered. i thought about it alot over the weekend, and its something that i dont have to stand for and neither should anyone else, whether it is a man or a woman.

Good luck mate, hope all goes well for you in the end.

Aussielad