Just interested ...

Yes and yes. We were lucky to have that opportunity because I don't think I could have done it any other way.

Not sure if you mean living together "before" marriage...(we didn't actually live together before the marriage, but did spend time at each other's residence, etc....and got to know one another pretty well before getting married). We also took a few trips together (Atlanta/Stone Mountain for a few days, and we also stayed overnight in St. Augustine, FL)

My wife and I met in the USA in 2003, while she was attending a university. We got married the next year, and then lived together after the marriage for about 8 months. The reason she is overseas now is because she is serving the 2 year HRR for the j-1 visa she came into the USA on. Were it not for that rule, obviously she would have remained with me here and we would have done AOS in the USA.

I can only imagine how tough it must be for the k-1 people, and those that lived in different coutries when they met, etc..............since the chance to get to know each other that well , before the marriage, must be difficult from such a long distance apart .

Same here.

We met while I (the USC) was living in Brazil. We moved in together and it was VERY difficult for us once we had to do the long distance thing.
I LOVE living with him and can't wait until he's living with me again!

I 100% agree with you! It's difficult for all couples, but I feel that it is definatly worse for those people who've lived with each other and used to that person being around 24/7.

I lived in Vancouver, B.C., my fiance (now husband) lived in Seattle, WA. We spent every single weekend together when we met, and then I moved in with him for the 9 months before my K-1 Visa was approved. I kept my home in Canada until I moved to the U.S. permanently, as I had an adult son living there.

i was planning on moving to morocco so we could be together on a daily basis for a long period of time before i agreed to marriage. but i got such a good job here i really can't let it go and then come back to square one. its a risk....for sure! but i feel like our daily talks, and me visiting four times really helped me get a good picture of who i'm marrying.

no and no. Just the way it worked out.

Me too. My fiancee and I met online last year so we were used to the long distant relationship from the start. My heart goes out to the ones who lived together then have to part for a long time.

No we didn't live together but would have if we'd been able to.

Moved overseas and lived with my SO for almost a year.

no,no

Does living in the same country include a two week arrangement . Techincally we were living and it was in his place... basically I should just answer no and no.

I guess I've never believed this. Separation from one you love it tough no matter whether you've 'lived together' in the past or not.

I also don't think you're doing yourself any favors by trying to elevate your misery to a higher degree than others. It's kind of negative thinking, IMHO.

We lived apart in separate countries until he got his visa.

I don't really think the comment was meant to elevate misery or sound superior. To me it just makes sense because you're not only going through the difficulties of the separation, but you're also coping with a major lifestyle change. For me, it was very tough going from living with my husband to living alone, not just because I missed *him*, but also because I missed living with another person. I ended up getting a roommate to help alleviate that.

I agree

D & I lived together for about 3 years and a bit. I personally couldn't have done this K process without that experience first.

It's hard when you're used to his prescence...opens up a whole new can of worms cos not only are you all angsty and whatnot cos you miss him, you're going thru a major lifestyle change too. He hates being in our house now cos I'm not there. I miss so many things about our lifestyle it's not even funny.

Becca, no one's saying anything's more superior than another....but it seems kind of short sighted to suggest that couples who previously lived together don't face other challenges other than the bog standard LDR ones.

Oh, I mucked up the poll cos I put 'no' in the first question cos I thought it said 'DO you live in the same country'

whoops!

Over the 6 years before I moved here, we had a year together without any separation when he had a sabbatical, and then a total of a few years together on extended visits. Anything from 1 month to 6 months.

Didn't live in the same country, or live together. Unless you count a month and a half visit.

no and no

Yes and no.

Yes and no.

As the others have said I was not trying to sound like my misery is higher than others. It's just a fact. I never said that it isnt hard for everyone, however, if you are used to someone being there 24/7 for over 1 year it is a little different than if you've never known what its like to be in same country as them. As stated before, it's a lifestyle change as well as the seperation. It's one thing to speak to your loved one on msn every night, but its quite different when you are used to kissing that person goodnight every night.

It was shortly after I woke when I typed this and I wasn't making myself real clear. Half awake...but I digress.

I simply meant that I think you are making it harder on yourself IF you believe your situation is more difficult. I mean - this stuff is hard enough as it is without concentrating on the negatives. I believe if any of us become overwrought on what's personally tough for us, we are making our road harder.

I try (sometimes without success) to always remember there are people out there worse off than myself. I think it's vital to do that when we are separated from the person we love. That person may be far away from us physically, but they are well and healthy. You will see them again. You may long for their presence in your daily life - I used to drink from the last teacup Wes had used until he returned to me. You do what you have to do until you see them again.

But we are much better off than those whose spouses are ill or who have passed away. There will be a day we can hold them again. Whether we 'lived together' for months, years or not at all.

Yes and no. Well, unless you count the fact that we got married and moved in together before we filed for AOS. But before we got married, we were living in the same country, but not together.

Obviously we were living in different countries before he got his visa, but we weren't married (or engaged) yet and it wasn't a marriage-based visa.

But Becca, with all due respect, you're sayin it can't be harder, but the truth is you don't really know cos you didn't experience that with Wes. Not trying to sound catty, just stating the facts. D & I did both....before I moved there and he did the regular jaunts here, then now after we lived together. And I can categorically say without a doubt that this is a million times worse.

3 years of living with someone day in and day out and having a life then BOOM! it's all gone....it is a huge adjustment. No one's saying it's the worst possible thing ever or there are not people worse off than any of us here. But imo it is an addition to the complications of the LDR. D hates being in our house. Why? Cos everywhere he looks, he sees me. He recalls the day we saw it for the first time and when he bought it. And it hurts him to the point that he'd prefer being home as little as possible. He can recall how we picked every piece of furniture, and how we had fun decorating the house. And he purposely avoids using my fave cup when he makes tea. Or how he says he comes home to a dark and empty house and how it devastates him everyday cos I was always waiting for him before. And how he misses our routines that we had. He says the house has no spirit now. Blah blah blah I could tell you a million things.

And it's no real picnic for me either...cos all my fricken stories here start with 'when I was in England' because I'm in a new place, without him, without our friends, without the familiarity of everything. I go in my closet to get something and find that it's not here cos I left it there. Or how he tells me how our friends don't ask 'when's she comin back?' every time he sees them anymore, And to this day I wake up in the middle of the night expecting him to be there. I watch tv and miss when he used to stroke my hair, and I actually get sad shopping in Wal-Mart cos it reminds me of when we used to do our weekly shopping at ASDA. I miss him there all the time, I miss our routine, I miss every single thing about our life that we had there. Again, I could tell you a million things that you can get used to in a few years, and then one day BOOM! gone

It's one thing to yearn for your partner, to wait to start a life together...I do believe it's an added complication to have that also with the complete displacement of separating after living together. I'm not saying the former is a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination, btw. No one here I think is implying that somehow we're more special, or our pain more meaningful, or anything like that....but unless you dealt with it...you wouldn't really have a clue as to how odd it is. I don't mean that in a nasty way, btw. It IS harder. I believe it, Tam believes it, Jen did, etc. That's not a bad thing for us to acknowledge. We're not making it harder it by acknowledging it, we're acknowledging it cos we felt it's harder. We could use different words like 'complicate' or 'compound', but it's still the same thing. But eh, it's a subjective thing and everyone has their own idea of how long a piece of string is.

You guys are such a cute couple (it seems). Sounds like you got yourself a keeper, from the above

Ty Alex, he is such a keeper it's not even funny. Seriously, he is everything to me.

I can see how that could be true because Craig only lived here for 3 months, not years, and we still said all of those same things you're saying....I saw him everywhere around town, in the house, etc etc after he left...even after just that long. He felt some of the same things when he went back to places he had taken me to when I was in England after that...not exactly the same, but I know what you're all saying. M.

Yeah Lisa, I can see what you are saying.

I'm just not a big believer in 'living in the past' - and that's my six oclock brain working not phrasing something exactly the best way, btw.

You and I have both been through some very tough stuff, so I think you know what I mean. It's just my style to try and look ahead to what's GOT to be a better day.

I had a very rough weekend - obviously not because I'm apart from my man, as he is here with me - but from some other things we are facing. I've had to hang onto the ravlins of my faith to get through that and I've asked for help with that, here and elsewhere. Saturday morning our future was looking up - a few hours later it was completely yanked out from under us. But I had heard a horrible story that morning about someone who had experienced something much worse, and that story gave me the clarity to see that our situation was nothing compared to what else could be out there.

It's just how I get by. When you are apart from your sweetie, you are kind of 'getting by'. I didn't live with Wes for years - we had a similar 'experiment' as Michelle did. I found it beneficial to try and drink from his cup each day and dream of handing it back to him when he returned. I won't discount the possibility that had we lived together a longer time, it would have been harder for me to look at it that way - to put my emotions in that kind of place. But it's the way I handle my other difficulties. Looking ahead. Looking behind drives me mad.

No Becs, I get what you're sayin here. You know me tho...silver lining and all that. You do what ya gotta do to minimize the pain of being apart. I dont' try to dwell on the past, nor actively think about it...it just will come to me multiple times a day. Every day. When I first got back, it was atrocious. But talkinga bout it doesn't make it worse...sometimes it feels good to acknowledge it, instead of 'sucking it up' and pretending it doesn't exist. Yanno?

I recall this saying my grandfather had...'I once felt sorry for myself for having no shoes, until I met a man with no feet' I keep that in mind and of course, this is not the end of the world. This too shall pass, like everything else.

Anyways, you know I'm thinking about you, and I dunno what you're going thru, nor am I prying...but I just wanted to let you know that you and Wes are in my prayers and if you ever need to talk, you know where I am.

Somebody said to me the other day...

Yeah, well, just because you know your troubles are far less than someone elses, it's still no harm in having your turn on top of the crying heap.....

The question actually could be meaningful for some (if the non-USC started on temp work visa such as H1-b, TN-1, R-1, etc)

i lived in his country for a year while we did the entire visa process

I guess I'm lucky now, but the hard part is coming. I'm in Japan with my SO and we have been living together for 2 1/2 years. We are filing the I-129F tomorrow and we are moving in two weeks (I'm traveling and she is headed home to wait it out) I'll have 2 months in Nepal to distract me and then a short visit in Japan, but after that I return to the US without her and probably major reverse culture shock. Hopefully we'll only be apart for 4-5 months, but who knows. Like everyone else, we'll do what we have to and hope for the best.

I am living in his country, was here 6 months before we met. We'll have been together 1 1/2 years when I go back and will have been living together for a year. I have to leave at the end of August, we are hoping the visa process will be done and we'll have his visa in our hot little hands by then. We really want to fly into the states together. We'll get to have our culture shock together.
We are grateful everyday that we get to wait this out together. Reading posts from others that have to wait apart is heartbreaking. For those who are apart, know that we don't take for granted the good fortune of being together. I hope you are together soon enough!
Sue

no;no

Yes and yes. I wish there was some way I could stay here during the visa process, but I need to get a Real Job as supporting evidence for the I-864. Can't do that here, so back I go. Plus, might as well. I need to set up a whole new household. I am not exicited about being a single mom for the next few months. Hopefully, a year from now we can say it was all worth it.

umm kinda.

we lived together three months a year for 5 years Doesn't EXACTLY count...but there you go.

We have lived together for 5 of our 6.5 years together.

He gets ticked off when I tell him that I'm not quite sure if he'll fit in bed with our dog when he gets here.

I even miss the annoying things he does, like how bad he is in the grocery store with me. Doesn't help me, doesn't answer my questions, and wanders off. I usually find him in produce, eating the grapes.

Hi Everyone,

Good luck on your immigration journeys. What an interesting message topic and general poll, indeed. In answer to the message topic and poll, yes, my husband and I lived together for years (about two-three years or so), and yes, it was in the same country of Canada. Every few weeks or so, he would drive 3 hrs to visit me in Canada and live with me there for several weeks or months at a time (since I couldn't go to live with him in the USA at the time due to my academic, work, and legal obligations). When I was finally able to visit and live in the USA with him, we simply thought "the heck with this long distance living in Canada thing, let's just get married and live here in the USA". So we did, and the rest is history. We are now happily married and living together in the USA....

The best way to know someone is to "live with them". That's the only way that you can really figure out if the other person is right for you. It's the little things that really make it or break it, and the best way to find out is by simply living together before making a big decision such as marriage...

I agree, too, the long distance thing is hard. But think of it has a temporary thing and that in the end, you'll live happily ever after together...

Ant