I can't stop crying.

My fiancé never sent the checklist back with his DS-230. He just today had his medical and just today told me this.

ANOTHER MONTH WASTED. It took enough time for me to somewhat get over the fact that we lost 2 months because we couldn't get Packet 3 in the first place, and now I find out he didn't even send the whole thing back???

All I want to do right now is scream my lungs out. I thought we only had another month or so to go to get an interview... now I find out that we're not even in the running in geting an interview scheduled.

This is pure hell. PURE HELL.

Well, then get him to send the checklist back, and that is all you can do for now. It is a very frustrating process, hopefully you can laugh about this all when you are finally together Good luck!

Sorry to hear that. You've had such a long wait. Get him to send the checklist back RIGHT AWAY!

You know? there's just no coherence right now with regard to how Montreal sets up it's interview schedule. It's NOT necessarily "first come first serve" when it comes to when you sent the checklist back. A month or two (or three) seems to be "in the noise" -- a month delay sending the list back may not necessarily translate to a month delay for the date when the interview will be scheduled. A lot of the frustration w/ the MtL waiting room group is due to the fact that there's no real pattern to when they schedule the interviews or who goes when . . . So, whereas I'm sure that you want to go screaming off into the night -- I have a wierd feeling that we're all in some sort of backlog -- these CR1s/IR1s will go through - and then maybe they'll push a bunch of K1/K3s through. So, don't think of it as "being in line" -- think of it as being in a large pool of folks who have equal chances of getting the next interview date . . . (sounds silly, but it might help).

When you stop crying.. go hit him over the head with a frying pan.'

Hey! It would make me feel better!

Mo

I hope you're right. At this point, I can't even imagine laughing over it.




To add insult to injury, he said he'll send it back tomorrow, even though it was 4 pm his time when I found out about this.

Is there reason to believe that his lack of follow-through is a pattern? If so, you might want to have a thorough talk with him about how it makes you feel, or you're in for years of frustration ahead. Lived and learned THAT particular lesson with my ex....

Jen

Thanks for your words. I'm trying so, so hard to look at the "bright side". At least I wasn't caught in the IMBRA crap. At least I wasn't the one whose fiancé lied about getting divorced from his ex-wife. At least I wasn't the one whose fiancé cheated on her, or beat her... or any other combination of terrible, irreversible things. It's so hard, though... it's bad enough to have to endure things like this when I have mental issues to begin with.

If I was in the position to where I could actually go there to hit him over the head with a frying pan, I wouldn't be so upset. -_- It's not the process... it's the fact that we're so far apart and can't see each other. I don't care what happens in AOS... at least we'll be together... this, though... is getting to be unbearable.

Some people have a natural aversion to paperwork I think... Maybe you should take over the role from now on? My hubby actually is the paperwork guru, so he actually filled everything out, and I sent it in.. basically, he's the better one at detail stuff, so he gets to have the fun of doing it. Dunno.. I wonder though if he finds paperwork as overwhelming as I .. You might want to put together the Package 4 stuff to bring to the interview.. And set about 20 alarms off for him.. no better yet.. be there for the interview Good luck!

Careful what you say......

I know what you mean. There have been some things that he has not done that has upset the hell out of me, such as, for whatever reason, him being so unwilling/putting off getting his birth certificate, even though I've been asking him for months why he won't just go get it.

I don't want to make him look like a bad guy. He's not. In fact, he's been better to me than anyone else has. He honestly believed that he should have waited to send the checklist because that's what the directions said and he didn't know that it was the checklist the determined when he got the interview. Even though I could have SWORN I told him that. *sighs* I don't know.

I did do pretty much all of it, but there are some things I can't do for him because I'm not there. I wasn't able to do the checklist for him. Plus I didn't have his employment info to be able to do the DS-230. I can't control him sending out the paperwork.

I have Packet 4 stuff ready. I've had it ready for months.

When it comes to AOS, though... I will be completely on top of that.

Thanks for the encouraging words.



I'm dead serious. Just as long as we're together.

Maybe you could ask one of the Montreal members here to hit him over the head with a frying pan for you? Cuci and Mephys are both in Montreal I think!

(just trying to bring a smile to your face)

If you explain that his lack of follow-though hurts your feelings because it makes you feel like you aren't a priority to him, perhaps that will give him a clue...

YES!!!! That is EXACTLY how it feels. Especially when he said he would send the checklist out TOMORROW, and this was after I got so upset over it! Salt in the wounds right there. I don't think he means it that way, but that is DEFINITELY how it appears. That's also how it appeared when I asked him to guard his bag with his life on Greyhound (that had the I-129F copy in it, plus the original NOA2), and he ended up putting it in the baggage compartment and then had a huge scare when they lost his bag (which he got back a few weeks later)... and the birth certificate thing...

You are so right...

Are you the "immigration expert" in your relationship? Meaning, are you the one who has done all the research and learning? I know that for us, that is definitely me and knowing the process made me all the more anxious and anal about it. Joe has no clue besides what I tell him, and I think that makes it less urgent for him. He put off petitioning for a month or so, and because of it we ended up going through IMBRA hell. I really had to stay on top of him to get the affidavit of support done, both for the K1 and AOS (and he originally filled out the wrong form for the AOS affidavit). I don't think it's done to be hurtful, so much as it's not in their minds as much as opposed to us who are here everyday, reading the boards and guides and everything we can get our hands on.

Definitely tell him how it makes you feel, JenT hit the nail on the head, that's exactly how it makes you feel. And, even though it sucks to feel like a nag, stay on top of what he's supposed to be doing. Good luck!

The only thing you can do is realize that getting upset about the extra wait is not going to change it. Take a deep breath and focus on the fact that he's going to be here before you know it. You can possibly use the extra month to get everything prepared for him, have a few girls' nights out, etc..

Of course, talk to him and explain to him how it made you feel. You never know, he might have just wanted an extra month at home & the delay had nothing to do with his choice to come to you, it just buys him a little more 'time'. and yeah, I'm speculating, but it could also be that he's bad with paperwork & whatnot...but the best thing is to not let it get you so angry. Because let's face it...nothing can change it now. And anger is a very toxic emotion that does nothing but tear you up inside.

Talk to him.

Man! I am SO sorry to read about another stumble in your process < hugs>

and Im sure this is going to start a firestorm but all I got'ta say is ........

BOYS ARE DUMB!!!!!!!


My gawd girl........Good Luck!!!!!

I am very sorry, I know every delay hurts! I wanted to smack my husband a couple of times - he's slightly ADD, and while I tried to fill out as much as possible, both times he filled out forms he made several mistakes! And he knew it was important, but sometimes he's careless, he's just not a detail oriented kind of guy... but I really sympathize. I hope it doesn't delay you much!

Yeah!! Couple swears in french and a talk about paperwork wouldnt hurt

Seriously, I am the one taking care of most of the stuff....though my US fiance understands all of it, ive always been like that, wanting to take care of everything myself to make sure it was done right!! I jsut need to learn my fiance now cause for once a guy is smart ( oh well around me that is )

But hey Necrotica, tell me, is your fiance French ? or English, or perfectly bilingual ? Cause I am french and seriously took me a while before being 100% in ease with my fiance without a dictionnary or something, and even reading the boards for me a year ago was painful. If he needs some explanation in french about some of the papers to get for his interview (police record, BC, etc) Send me a pm ill be glad to give you my e-mail.

Or i could just kick him a little bit....... Im right in Montreal so...

Mephys

I feel for you, especially after the Greyhound scare. Seems like this immigration process keeps thowing you curveballs.

I am the detail-oriented person and have been doing all the paperwork for this process, except for his checklist and the DS-230. When I got to Vancouver a month ago for his interview, I reviewed his paperwork (copy of DS-230) and wanted to smack the boy .... he put the wrong year for my date of birth AND the guy made me a year older than I am!!! I typed up a new DS-230 and gave it to the woman at the consulate. She then showed me the copy she had, which had my correct DOB (my honey kept a copy of his "error" paperwork and didn't realize it). All I could do at that point is shake my head and remind myself that I love him so much because he balances me. When I get all workaholic, neurotic, stressed, he evens me out ... and conversely, I usually help him be a bit more organized.

Good luck and here's hoping you get a speedy interview date:)

The other night my husband and I were re-visitng the issue of how he will handle the interview ( if it ever gets here) what things he needs to take care of on his end; making copies filling out the DS-156.......blah blah blah........ as soon as the words " I dont see why they require.........".......I heard nothing after that.......well except my own yelling. I think at least weekly he says " im sure glad Im not that guy who put the papers under the bus......you'd still be bitching at me". Tonight he's really glad he isnt that guy who didnt send in the checklist AND put the papers under the bus.

They rely so much on us to make sure the t's are dotted and i's are crossed ( yes I meant that) that I'm certain it's what leads to the laxed attitude they get into.

Say it with me Necrotica......" In 5 years none of this will matter......." and if that doesnt help......

BOYS ARE DUMB!!!

For us, I'm the Canadian and I took care of learning about all of this. Not that I don't trust my husband, but because it affects my life directly (e.g., I'm the one interviewing, I'm the one moving, etc.) so I needed to be involved as much as possible.

So for my own sanity, I pretty much took over this all from learning about the process to filling out most of the forms (the original petitions we went back and forth electronically first). He's been awesome though and scans and emails me anything that he received from USCIS right away. He also asks me frequently, "okay, what else do I need to do for you?" and I send him a list and he gets me everything I need. We even have an I-134 already filled out and notarised with supporting documents (even though Vancouver doesn't require it, I'm still bringing it!).

Or maybe you're all right, maybe it is a girl thing!

Necrotica, hang in there!

Um, I hate to add fuel to the fire, but there is no mail service in Canada on Saturdays. If he puts it in a mailbox, it won't get picked up until Monday.

I think you really really need to tell him exactly how this all makes you feel. He probably just doesn't realise how much of a delay this causes or how important all the other stuff was (like the Greyhound incident).

Good luck and hang in there!

< elbows Misa>

shush fire starter

I feel your Pain...my man hates paper work...and if I left it up to him...
I'd still be waiting for my I130 to be approved! LOL
I knew I had to take control and be all over it!
and re read and re read , double check and double check,
nag and nag and nag!
it was worth it! got it done in with my efficiency!

Girls, do I ever hear ya on this one.

I love my Fiance dearly and he's proven over and over that he would do anything for me, but it doesn't change the fact that little niggly details are not his forte. To give you an example, he spelled my name wrong on the petition! To be fair, I go by a short form of my name and thus never use it, but it was on all of the forms I had to send to him, you think he would have cross-checked...

His response to everything is "Don't worry, it will be okay." Me: It will NOT be 'okay'! Do you understand the concept of BUREAUCRACY?! The 'devil is in the details' is never truer than when it comes to paperwork like this. They are NOT going to 'let things slide' because they like us. They are watching out for any inconsistencies. Do you GET this?! RARRGH!!!

I go over the minute, but still important, details, and then when I mention them again I get "Huh?" and I reflect on how lucky he is that he's out of beating range. I'm not all that great at paperwork myself, but of the two of us, I'm the worrier so I struggle to rise to the challenge.

Still, I love him and we're great together. He calms me down, I light a fire under his rear. This works wonderfully in person, but at a distance it's hell!

Have you told him how this makes you feel? Have you yelled?

C. and I had a huge fight around October because he complained I was nagging him about getting his birth certificate and about the whole process and one night I just lost it. I explained (read: yelled my head off) that in the months I had been researching it, reading immigration law, reading Department of State service manuals, joined VJ, read the forms, figuring out how to co-sponsor, etc, etc, and here he was only doing things because I told him to. Sign here, get this passport photo, order the birth certificate. He didn't even realize there was a fee for the I-129F!

I felt like I was more invested in the process than he was. It improved after I yelled but didn't really sink in until he received Packet 3. "oh. that's a lot of paperwork." EAT IT. And at that point I backed off a lot: it was *my* I-129F, it was *his* K-1.

Sit Réjean down and let him know exactly how you feel, and why you're annoyed. It's looking like he doesn't care if he comes to the U.S. (though I'm sure he does) -- put it plainly -- how is that supposed to anything but upset you?

I hope you two get this resolved...sounds like it's time for a heart to heart discussion. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones...my fiancé (now husband) shared all this with me equally. As for not caring what happens in AOS, I'd take RJ's advice and be careful what you say....getting hung up in AOS namecheck hell as some on here have done isn't any fun at all, regardless of the fact that you are waiting it out together. Watching others get their GC way before you and knowing they filed way AFTER you is also a point of frustration. Just a thought....

Neurotica, he may be sending signals about who he is and how he expects the marriage to unfold.

If he's passive aggressive, that is, telling you what you want to hear but doing something else, it's a major red flag. If he expects you to wory about all the details while he sits back, it could become a nightmare down the road. I'd be questioning if he's truly invested in the relationship, since he blows off so many things.

Ask him point blank what he sees for the future. Who will be the breadwinner? Will there be children? Does he value fidelity? I don't mean to sound like Dr. Phil, but this is not about government forms, it's about trust and partnership.

Oh my god, I know almost exactly how you feel! I'm so sorry that this happened to you!

I do really think this is the way a lot of guys are though. I don't want to sterotype... but how many men have posted complaining about this issue? Why worry about stuff when your woman has you covered? >:(

I have the fortune of being able to stick with my fiance throughout the process, a luxury that many people going through the process do not get to have. With them I deeply sympathize. Everything is worse when you and your loved one are thousands of miles apart... yet, even I have many problems with my fiance's inability to follow through or plan ahead, and probably always will.

There are simply parts of this process that we can not be responsible for.. the US citizen has to do certain things and the beneficiary has to do other things. Short of "nagging" (he undoubtedly sees it as nagging, I see it as necessity to more things foward) my fiance to get copies of his birth certificates, police reports, passport photos, or anything that only *he* can do, it's not really in my control. But, I am the one who keeps everything organized and I get very distressed when he doesn't do these things right away, or when he forgets to do them at all until I remind him AGAIN.

I've told him over and over that he needs to be more responsible and he needs to help me out more, and he has, very sincerely I think, told me that he would. But...

Certainly it is a serious trust and balance of responsibility issue that will most likely plague us throughout our marriage, but hopefully our many good qualities and things we love about eachother will keep us together and let us maintain a healthy relationship for a very long time. I need to learn to be calmer and more patient. He needs to learn to keep to-do lists, and be more cognizant.

*shakes head sadly*

People usually don't change. They are what they are. You know?

As usual, I have no wise wisdom, ok, don't eat yellow snow!! Prior to one making a giant step with anything, one should step back and really think things over and try not to let love shadow everything. Who knows, he may have honestly just forgotten about the paper, not realizing the possible outcome of doing so. If one is thinking, oh he will change when he gets to the USA, maybe he will, probably not. I know I was a bit slow at time swith the immigration paperwork, because I thought I had oodles of time, which we sort of did. Best of luck!!

Just wanted to add that I agree with the others who suggested that you have a nice long chat with your fiance and not only discuss this particular issue but also the larger issue of responsibility in the relationship.

That said, I also wanted to say that my then fiance sent in the Packet 3 checklist 3 weeks after receiving it also, because the instructions did say to send it in when you have everything completed (even though I told him to send it ASAP).