My sister in law wrote an email to my wife saying that she wants to send her 11-year old daughter to the US to go to school and live with us. She says that since her daughter has no respect for her and misbehaves all the time, she will do better here. This kid is not being properly cared for by her mother, who is divorced, works full time, but never spends any time with the child and goes out all the time with friends every evening. The kid is left at home with the grandmother, who is rather frail. The kid does not do what she's supposed to , uses foul language constantly, does violence to the grandmother and vandalism to the house, and her mother does nothing about it. I think she doesn't want the child and is trying to see if she can dump her off on someone else. We are the obvious targets for this plot. I already know it's impossible for this kid to get a visa, and also impossible to attend public primary school in the US. Has anyone had an experience with in-laws such as this, and how did you handle it? I've already told my wife that I don't agree with this, but I was very diplomatic (obviously) as I know I don't have to worry it will ever happen-- there is simply no visa available for this situation.

Or, am I wrong? Anyone?

This is only me talking. I would simply say,"no, this is not even open for discussion" but that is me. I made sure Tao was comepletely comfortable with the prospect of no children. Bet I get in trouble with everyone for this one.

There's no immigrant visa petition for nieces.

Tell her that she needs to get her Daughter a F1 Student Visa, send her the link for the Consulate Web site so she can see what she needs to do. That should keep her busy for a long time, or realise the futiliity.

You can go to school in the US if you are here illegally, and it would be reasonable to assume she knows this.

She is prob acting out to get the mothers attention. The mother should be the one to correct this, have a forceful talk with her and let her know, then if nothing changes or the child starts doing more harmful or dangerous, have the authorities check her welfare. STRONG, yes but if the activities are not put in line now this child has no good future ahead of her.

not even the BRATTY-1 visa?

This kid needs mom's TLC! She's screaming for it, sending all kinds of signals.

IMO, this is a problem that the mother needs to solve, she should take care of her own child. Not trying to be mean here, but I think that she's trying to get an easy way out and that won't improve the girl's behaviour, it will get worst.

You may need to talk to your wife and try to explain to her that sending the kid to live with you is not a solution for improving this kid's behaviour, and that a miracle won't happen because she moves to the US...

Good luck!

WHAT THE MOTHER NEEDS IS A SLAP IN THE FACE! SHE NEEDS TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND GET HER ACT TOGETHER. YOU CANT BLAME THE CHILD FOR THE LACK OF LOVE, SUPPORT AND SO ON. ITS APPARENT THAT THE CHILD WANTS ATTENTION, AND IS LASHING OUT DUE TO THE LACK OF ATTENTION SHE IS NOT RECEIVING. AMERICANS SOMETIMES THINK DIFFERENTLY THAN FOREIGNERS. WE FOR THE MOST PART STICK OUR OWN PARENTS IN "RETIREMENT HOMES" DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THEY WILL BE TAKING ON A CHILD? THIS ISNT BRAD AND ANGELINA HERE...........

WHY EVEN POST THIS IF YOUR INTENTION WAS AND IS NOT TO HELP THAT CHILD. IF SO, WHY WOULD YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT ADVICE STRANGERS ON THIS FORUM GIVE YOU? THE ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS IS YOURS AND YOUR WIFES ONLY. THIS ISNT LIKE BUYING A FREAKING VEHICLE. YOUR TALKING ABOUT A PERSONS LIFE. MAYBE YOU NEED TO GO ON DR. PHILL!

First of all, you need to learn to turn the caps OFF! Secondly, the OP has a legitimate concern and he wanted to know what the options are. Simply put, he can't bring the kid over even if he wanted. It is up to the kid's mother to raise her child properly, without trying to pass her off to her sister so the kid would behave better - chances are she wouldn't behave any better.

And lastly, if you're going to bash OP, maybe you should not be on the forum.

Enough said.

I personally took care of my nephew for about a year a few years ago. Kids/teenagers go through a lot of changes that they themselves do not understand and will act out for various reasons. I don't feel I need to tell why my nephew was with me since that's my concern. What I will say is that while with me his behavior was completely different.....for the better. I know all cases are different. I'm also the one that offered for my nephew to come live with me, no one asked me. Dr. Phil was not involved and everything turned out great.

Lesley, i am thinking of my own potential problem. I am not responsible for someone else's kids, sister in law or not. Although, it would be advantageous to be as diplomatic as possible when family is concerned. It's nice to know I won't have to worry about this issue, because there is no way the kid can ever get a visa to come here.

I never had any intention of helping the child. I was only interested in covering my own a**

This is sort of a sore issue with me.....I am sick and tired of parents thinking the answer to any problem is to send their kids away. My Mil always threatens the kids with sending them away if they don't behave. And, my SIL, who only lives with 2 of her 5 kids, just sent her 2 youngest to Jamaica so she can find a job.

Deal with your kids, people, is what I want to tell them!!!!

Whoa... this is three months old. Why bump it?

Well said !