Hi Everyone,

Good luck on your immigration journeys. Before I begin, let me say that this message thread is not about me or my situation (see my timeline for my situation). Rather, it is for a friend of my husband's and mine. I am just asking for an honest opinion from the rest of the VJ community about this, in hopes to share this information for this friend of ours, as we are really concerned about this.

Ok, the friend's situation is:
A friend of ours met this woman on the internet and have been communicating for about a few months or so before they met. She first lied online about where she was from (the USA, which she is not from) and wanted to get married when they first met in person a few months later when he went overseas to visit her. He is from the USA (a USC) and she is from the Philippines. They only met twice in person in the Philippines, once in May 2006, and the second time in December 2006. On the second visit, they got married. He paid for all of the wedding expenses and everything else when they met, even though she has a job. Heck, he even gave her his bank card (and boy, were we surprised to hear this). He is now applying for a IR-1/CR-1 visa for her to come to the USA. He is not going to visit her in-person again and she will attend the immigration interview by herself in the Philippines. He also says that when she works here, she will send some of her paycheque money back to her family overseas.

Our Opinions:
Ant: I don't think that they will be approved. And even if they had a slim chance of being approved, I think that their marriage will be in trouble. In other words, the marriage is a fraud and she's a fraud (sorry, about being blunt about this, but that's what I feel is the truth). And yes, I am really concerned about this friend in the USA and his well-being.
D: Perhaps they will be approved. Maybe she's not a fraud after all?

So, whose opinion is right or wrong in this case? Ant or D?...

Any ideas, suggestions, and comments, would be helpful. Thanks.

Ant

well - i cant say tehy wont get approved
there are some people that have it against thier religition to meet before marriage, and they are allowed to get visas to come here

ok so thats a fiance visa..........
lets talk spousal

i know that plenty of people that have arranged marriages - and 2 days after marriage apply for the visa
i know of people that go overseas to pick out a wife, maybe visit 1 or 2 times. they get visas

so - im not sure that the visa would be denied.
think about it
immigration sees it all. im sure they have seen weirder.

i do think its good your supportive to your friend.
i think the fact she wants to come here and work and send money home, shows that she cares for her family. and his willingness shows that they agree on it. a dollar goes a long way in other countries. when my husband gets here i know we will be sending some money. maybe not always, but, we both know that we can help some of his family in india that we really care about.

i think that if you really care for your friend, you will just remain his friend and support. the one thing that made me angry after i got engaged was how many people immediately thought i was being used to get a visa. my best friend and her husband really killed me. thier words hurt so much. my thoughts were - do you think im such an idiot that i would make a stupid decision to marry without thinking of the possibilities and consequences. i was aware that people get used just to get visas. obviously i wouldnt have married if i thought for a second my husband had that in mind. also - the reaction of my friends husband made me feel as if there wasnt a possibility that the man could actually love me. was i so repulsive?

so - be careful with your response.
i no longer speak to my friend or her husband. i was her maid of honor.
this was all when i got engaged, she doesnt even know i got married. i dont know if i will speak to her.

ok - that being said

its weird she lied in the beginning. but - i lie if im in a chat room too. i put up my pic of pamela anderson and say im 21. makes better conversation.

its also weird she wanted to marry right away. do you know what thier chats were about? were the chats romantic at all before they met?

i dont think it makes a difference that he paid for the wedding. i dont think that has any significance unlss im missing something.

do some investigating on your own...........
ask him questions about her.
what her favorite foods are
what her favorite tv shows are
does she like to dance
does she like beer or wine.....
what is her parents like
do they like him
how big is her family
whats her life story.......school, places traveled,
do they want to have children
where do they plan to live int he states
does she have relatives here in the US
what things tick her off? meaning whats her buttons


what im getting at is that you can tell from questions like this how much they have talked about real life things. as a friend i think it would show your interest and he will like that. and it might help you decide if you think this is real or not. its not bad that you see red flags, it shows you care for your friend.

hope this helps and i wish your friend the best. hope it works out as he plans.

sam

about the wedding... FYI
here in the Philippines its a custom for the groom to cover all the wedding expenses unlike in the States...

about sending money...
we Filipinos have a close tie with our family, if we can help them.. will do...
its up to her husband if he will allow it...

how old is your friend?
if his old enough, i think he knows what he's doing and he'll take full responsibility of every decision they make as a couple..

about you being concerned...
i think your a good friend and just concerned about him,
but try to accept that he got married already and even though she cannot have a visa,
he will still be married to her whether they are together or not...

about the visa approval...
she might be approved if her husband can proved that he can support her wife...

What is the fraud?

Hi Everyone,

Good luck on your immigration journey. Thanks for your replies to this message thread. As I said before, my main concern in this situation is that friend of mine in the USA. I try and be supportive to him about this as I don't have anything against this friend nor how they are as a person.

But the bottom line is that I just don't feel that his situation is right. Something just feels odd (kind of like an intuitative sense that I can't explain). But hey, who am I to say anything about it? Eventually, he'll learn and see if it this marriage to this specific person is right for him. If it is well, then I am happy for him. If it isn't well, then I hate to be the one that said "I told you so" and have him miserable for the rest of his life for having married the wrong person.

So I guess in the meantime I'll just have to pretend to be happy about all of this and try and be supportive, as a good friend to him should do.

From all of your posts though, I have learned to see the other side of the situation too (especially in the cultural differences from overseas that I never understood before, although the other person should try and understand the culture in the USA when they move here too).

I'm glad that it worked out for all of you VJers in your relationships to people overseas. So thanks in your posts for making me see the other side of the situation to help my friend and me in this case.

Ant