Last night hubby and I went to one of his friend's(who's a tattoo artist) house so that hubby can get the tattoo on his neck done.

We were first having a good time...you know, watching the football game, and having casual conversations...
and I don't even know when did it all started, when hubby's friend started talking sh!t about my home country right in front of my face when he's working on the tattoo on hubby's neck...saying that I came from a poor and communist country(China), Communisim is really bad, that's why US went to war with Vietnam...that nothing he owns is made in China because before he buys something, he always makes sure that it's not made in China..saying that nobody should buy anything from CHina because they use child labor and they should not feed the communist country. I talked back, and he got more pissed and said that maybe the US should start dropping bombs on other countries like they used to...hubby finally told him that's enough and he finally shut his God Dam mouth

I was completely insulted...devastated...I couldn't even talk back anymore because I already started tearing up...

After we left his house I asked hubby why didn't he stuck up for me and told him to fxcking stop, hubby said that he got pissed when I talked back and he poked the tattoo needle even harder on his neck...He told him that's enough and that's all he could do...

Guys I'm sorry but I'm still really upset over this. Makes me want to leave here and never come back...
Hubby told me not to let that bother me, but...I dunno how am I supposed to deal with this

#1. That guy was a JERK...I'm being politer than I normally would be as 'adult' words aren't allowed.
#2. I wouldn't return to the mans house if I were you.
#3. Remember not all Americans are like that.
#4. I'm really wanting to say something about your husband's reaction, but am at a loss.

I hate to break it to you but there are actually ignorant people in every country

I wouldn't let one ignoramus send me packing back home.

I usually take it easy but it really gets me this time...the fact that he insulted me right in my face in front of my husband and hubby said he couldn't really say anything about it...really makes me want to stab him in the face with a knife..(just joking)

I love crabs and seafood and I'm going out with my friend tonight and eat seafood so I hope it'll make me feel better..

So are you more upset by what idiot boy said or the fact that your hubby didn't stand up for you immediately?

Sort of two different things - one of which would be way more upsetting to me than the other.

really, both.

Well, I really am sorry. I hope you know that what the idiot said to you is HIS opinion, and was uncalled for. Not all Americans feel that way, too.

As for your husband, he may not realize that his lack of reaction hurt your feelings so much. Talk to him about it.

In defense of the husband, he DID have a guy with a tattoo needle at his neck. Which in my book makes the 'artist' a double a$$hole for picking that particular point in time to start running his mouth.

But ya still need to talk to your husband and get the whole thing straightened out.

This doesnt sound like a good friend to either of you, he didnt respect you or your husbands choice to be with you. THe needle at the neck would be little touchy but i would make it plain i wouldnt go around there again and speak to your husband about how hurt you felt.

DelcoCouple

Most Americans are good people. It's unfortunate that in your infancy of American life that you had to run across a jerk. Most people with strong opinions are pig headed. So even if you argued logical and valid points, it wouldn't have mattered. People are going to believe whatever they want. Yes, his friend was wrong and disrespectful. You can't blame your husband. He was probably just as shocked as you were by that man's statements and was probably expecting him to say what he thought and moved on with the conversation, which is probably why he waiting to interject.

As a suggestion, unless it's totally necessary, I recommend that you do not argue with his friends. Take up your grievances with your husband (simply have a calm conversation and express what you feel) and allow him to resolve them for you. Believe me, your husband cares about what you feel and think. He wants you to be happy and comfortable in every situation.

I'm really sorry that you had to go through that. Please try not to be hard on him.

Sheriff Uling

p.s. - These are just my opinions...

I agree.

Sorry this happened to you.

I am not the OP

I just like your username.... LOL! My bad!!!


Wong Watkins

Most Americans are good people. It's unfortunate that in your infancy of American life that you had to run across a jerk. Most people with strong opinions are pig headed. So even if you argued logical and valid points, it wouldn't have mattered. People are going to believe whatever they want. Yes, his friend was wrong and disrespectful. You can't blame your husband. He was probably just as shocked as you were by that man's statements and was probably expecting him to say what he thought and moved on with the conversation, which is probably why he waiting to interject.

As a suggestion, unless it's totally necessary, I recommend that you do not argue with his friends. Take up your grievances with your husband (simply have a calm conversation and express what you feel) and allow him to resolve them for you. Believe me, your husband cares about what you feel and think. He wants you to be happy and comfortable in every situation.

I'm really sorry that you had to go through that. Please try not to be hard on him.

Sheriff Uling

p.s. - These are just my opinions...

I am sorry also that you had to experience that. That so called friend of your husband was totally out of line. I can understand you being hurt by your husband telling you its not a big deal and to forget it Hopefully you will get things sorted out with your husband, if it were me i'd make it very clear you wont be associating with that so called friend of his anymore.

Just my opinion for what its worth

Wong,

I am sorry that you were exposed to someone of such ignorance and cruelty. I have to agree with some of the other posters, in your hubbys defense. He did have a tattoo needle at his neck. However, I see where your coming from in wanting him to defend you. As others have said, talk to him about this and let him know how you feel. Its not always easy to adapt to a new life, but talking alot helps.



JMO, but I wouldnt tell anyone not to stand up for themselves, no matter the situation. Some people thrive on bullying others as long as they know that they can get away with it. If you back down once it makes it harder to stand up for yourself in the future. I really dont think its her hubbys place to deal with her grievances, but to help her deal with them.

Well, all I can say is, were it me, and I were in another country (perhaps Turkey for example, where my wife is from) , and while there some of her friends started to insult the USA..........I don't see how that would bother me so much (Heck, Americans get insulted practically every day in this world.....around the globe....it's almost a hobby for foriegn countries to dislike and criticize us )

But, I feel very proud of where I am from, and feel I could defend this country very well in an argument. Sure, we have our flaws, but so do other countries.

I hate to say it, but it seems to me that you might have an inferiority complex when it comes to your country. Otherwise, why not defend China and bring up the good aspects of your country. It's not like China doesn't have a lot to be proud of. Starting with their food

But, I mean, why didn't you debate the good aspects of your country (or former one)with that jerk? Like how China is becoming an increasingly strong financial and trade power around the globe? They have a rich history, and are a highly disciplined people. Maybe that guy was saying what he said with a little hidden jealousy?

In either case, you shouldn't have taken it so personally. How much does that dummy really know about China anyhow? Or most people for that matter...if they have never been there?

I will say though...after all this.....that I do agree and that your husband should have spoken up. I personally........besides the fact that I love Turkey and it's culture.......wouldn't have let some guy, friend or not , insult my wife and her country while I was there standing next to her and hearing it all. I know my wife , like you, would have been offended......which would have bothered me to see her get hurt.......and I would have spoken up.

He acted like he already knew it all, so it wouldn't have mattered whether I said something good about my country or not. He's one of those idiots that don't know what they're talking about, but totally believe in what they say anyway.

I do not have an inferiority complex when it comes to my country. I love my country so much and I'm so proud of it that when somebody says something like that, it hurts me very much.

Just like you say, if your wife was in a situation like that you know she would have got offended and you would have spoken up for her, how come you still told me not to take it so personally? I thought there was just a little bit of contradiction....

Does it mean that you don't like my username? LOL..

You know, I did feel a little stupid when I talked back....I was getting pissed and he probably thought he was winning.

Welcome to the biggest melting pot in the world. You will not only encounter all different types of ethnic groups during your life but you will also hear and see how horrible people can treat each other.

We haven't come that far since the days of Martin Luther King, but we are far from what once was. I promise you that this won't be your last experience dealing with such events. Don't let it get you down, enjoy the country where freedom of speech still exists.

Interesting point.

When I was in the UK, I got to hear - more than once - what the person I was speaking with thought of the US. And it usually wasn't pretty!

It was kind of hard to take, but I didn't take it personally. In other words it didn't ruin my day.

You were not discriminated against.

And I would have told my wife the same thing I told you. (Not that she'd probably listen....but's that's besides the point

A situation like the one you describe, to me, is nothing to get so upset about....especially if deep inside, you knew he was wrong. So, why worry about it? Unless you felt there was some truth in what he said, just ignore him like the dummy he seems he was..........or if it bothered you so much, speak up then and defend your country.

5 things..

1. Refuse to go there again, because it's a hostile place for you..
2. Don't let him win by packing your bags
3. Check your Husbands Balls.. make sure he has some.
4. Wonder why your hubby hangs with people like this
5. Wonder why the tatoo was more important then your feelings were

This crap would've lastest 2 sec's with me... and it would've been the last time this jerk would've had the chance to do this to Veronica.. PERIOD!

Now on a better note... talk to your hubby explain to him how this hurt you and how it was showing disrespect...to you as his wife.. maybe he just didn't see it the way you did...and probably 99% of the population..of the United States..

Just to speak a little bit for the hubby, because I could actually imagine how Javier would react to something like this... I think your husband's reaction was appropriate, given the situation. When someone's got a needle to your neck and you're halfway through a tattoo is not the time to start an argument, and a POINTLESS argument at that. Hubby was wise enough to know that nothing he could have said would have made any difference to his "friend" or to how it made you feel. His tendency to brush it off as "no big deal" is probably his misguided attempt at helping you to get over it...like maybe if I say it's not a big deal, she'll believe me, and stop being so upset by it. He probably hates to see you upset and is trying to move past it as quickly as possible. It's not to say that he doesn't care-quite the opposite, but we all know that men often times have ways of showing that which make no sense.

*nods* Yup, I agree completely. This fella sounds like he was deliberately goading you into a confrontation. It's just best to ignore people like this. Don't come down to their level and start arguing back.

Thank you for your kind advice..(I mean, just the kind ones)
I'm not upset about it anymore...Still I would not let anybody talk to me like that again, ever...Next time if he ever happens to come to my store I will make him leave, and I will never want to see him again.

Hubby's a tough guy, but I understand that he really did have a needle on his neck...he couldn't really say anything..who know what that idiot would do..
Hubby was actually talking about another way better tattoo artist in town last night. He was telling me how his A$$hole friend's work sucks comparing to the other better tattoo artist. He was really trying to make me feel better~~

Well it does sound like your hubby is trying to keep piece..by going to a different tatto artist.. That is good..!!

I'll tell ya... the min. that Monkey started sticking that needle deeper then it needs to go...I'd say...stop.. I need a pee break.. I'd get up..and beat the ######-Ola outta him.. and give him a tatto that said..A$$Hole hahahhahaha Well I hope I made you laugh alittle.. Sounds like your hubby is doing right now....

Haha...thank you...it really did make me laugh

I don't think it was discrimination.

She used the wrong word, give her a break, I'd like to see you explain it in Chinese.

Wong, I will say one thing. I think you are letting other people's words influence you too much. Nobody should be able to affect your emotions in such a strong way by simply stating their opinions. In this case, the man was ignorant about the Chinese society and many other things. What a wonderful opportunity for you to shed some light on a subject you know about first hand. Don't let him feed off your anger, instead state the facts that you know in a calm and assertive way - many people are flocking from the countryside to work at those "low paying slave labor" jobs, because they actually afford better livings than farming. The government is deregulating so much in the past few years to allow industrialization, publicly run companies, and foreign investment. China is on the rise, has an enormous population, and is experiencing huge economic growth. Soon they will be a legitimate force in the world's economy.

Don't let one idiot ruin your day, because let me be first to break the bad news to you - there are a lot of idiots out there in the world! 50% of people are by definition dumber than average, and nothing against tattoo artists, but they aren't necessarily known for their civil discourse.

You sound like a smart and successful woman who runs her own business. Take that confidence with you everywhere, as if you're the shop owner in every situation. Once you realize you can stand up for yourself, and not be sucked into an idiot's fight, you will feel even better than if your husband had stuck up for you more. There's a saying that goes something like, "It's not wise to argue with an idiot, because from afar people can't tell who is who." Take people's opinions, evaluate the statement's worth objectively, and then react accordingly.

Good luck, you will do just fine.

Well if it was the wrong word, then how will she know if no one tells her?

As an American who lived abroad, I heard many a negative impression of America...people will have their opinions, and you can either choose to enlighten them as to the good, or you can ignore it. There are many a negative opinion of things that are actually based in fact.

The OP might not use the right term, but it does not negate that the friend was a complete idiot.

I agree with what ctjwa wrote. Try to move on because there will be more idiots to come your way

I don't think I needed you to tell me that. Whether it was discrimination or not is not really that important at this point.
I just needed some nice input.

I believe that everyone truly understands what you meant. Don't mind comments that are not in line with the information that you want to receive. I pray that all is well and good with you. Cheers!!!

it wasn't important? Isn't that the crux of your post?

VJ sheesh

here, have a rainbow

Don't you think that kind of mentality is kind of strange? Don't mind comments that do not conform to what you want to hear? Seriously, have we gotten this PC now?

The guy was a jerk, but it wasn't discrimination. And it happens to everyone no matter where you are from, and where you are visiting. And you can either try to enlighten them or let it roll off your back..and surely this bit of advice is just as helpful as 'oh not all Americans are like this! I'm sorry he was such a jerk'

But whatever...

That sentence in red above reminds me of a thread somewhere else here on VJ from a girl who's 17, and getting mad at people who are telling her that she has to either wait until she is "free to marry" when she turns 18, or get a letter from her parents... She's only listening to people who "think" that she "might" be able to write a letter, and is going to talk to someone somewhere when she visits the US. But, like I told her, when I was 17, I only listed to the answers I wanted to hear!!

But, in response to the OP, it makes me sad that people can't discuss things without attacking. I was worrying about this last night, when my fiance comes here. He's from France, has a FANTASTIC French accent... but I live in Boston, and I think people here can be mean. And I would hate for people to be mean to him. But if anyone said anything about him, his accent, his country, I'd be there in a second defending him. But, I think that's the responsibility of the couple to be supportive whenever, wherever... particularly when you feel your SO is being attacked (or when your SO feels they're being attacked).

I do agree with the folks here who have said that you shouldn't take it personally - he's ignorant, doesn't understand your country or culture, and that's just sad for him. I'm glad your husband is trying to make you feel better.

Is statement "X" true?

If statement "X" is true, I'll be happy.
If statement "X" is not true, I will not be happy.

Please do not respond if you think statement "X" is not true, because I want to come to the conclusion from the responses that statement "X" is true so I can be happy.

Statement "X"?

Please don't question my statement. Just tell me it is true.

Does the content of statement "X" matter?
Is it ureasonable of me to expect only positive responses?
Should the response be based on the content of Statement "X" and answered based on the content?

...

I agree. It was an unreasonable expectation ... now reread this thread.

Dont get mad, get debatable

My apology for not being precise in my point, I meant that the OP should ignore the comments from VJ members who stated that "wong_watkins" was NOT a victim of discrimination. The OP seemed irritated by the fact that some VJ members do NOT see here situation as discriminatory. I'm presuming that my first post to the OP was overlooked by VJ members.

By the by, what is PC?

Sheriff Uling

PC=Politically correct.

No, you were precise enough...I got your jist. My point is...why must ppl ignore other POVs? Are you saying that a differing POV is not welcome or valid?

What kind of place is this where one should ignore something that is not 'in line' with what one 'wants to hear'. No one has to agree all the time...man this place would be redundant and boring if so. Perhaps before shooting the messenger, those who are confused by a differing POV could ask for more of an explanation instead of discounting the message as 'ignorable'

You are right on the money. I do see your point. Hey, with all the variety here on VJ, there is no way the any OP can worry about not getting a potential wide range of responses. i know that I have in the past, and I personally operate on the ignore POVs that aren't in line with what I'm looking for... LOL! Different strokes for different folks! However, a wide variety of responses is better than no response at all. You know that I like variety because my wife is not my nationality, but again, I ignored all the others who weren't in line with my POV. LOL!

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

LisaD...I agree with you this time

It doesn't make sense to argue with an ignoramus - you can't fix stupid, and you'll just waste your time trying to talk sense into somebody who's incapable of logical thinking. People (in all countries!) who lack education and who haven't travelled enough in their lives are doomed to have narrow-minded opinions about other countries. I try to avoid people like that - they make me sick and I don't want to waste my precious time on them

I hope you got yourself some nice seafood I like seafood too!

I hope the seafood fixed you up too! And I hope your husband has some better friends too.... For what it's worth, I've spent a lot of time in France (I'm American) and people there are constantly telling me how awful my country and culture are.

Of course, a lot of what they think I agree with.... But it still blows me away that someone can meet a foreigner and immediately start insulting their home. (And yet I married one of those Frogs anyway! :-)