I can understand how you feel because I had similar experience before. One time I and my hubby across border to canada for 1 day trip,we didnt have passports and got stuck in immigration office. He was ok because he is USC but I was on student visa back then. The officer asked me where I am from and I told him. He heard it and told me in front of my face...he said " I know you are here (the U.S.) for a better life and I understand that"..........WHAT THE HECK is that?? He basically told me that I am from a poor country and came to the U.S. for a good life. That was an insult to me. I really wanted to tell him that my family can buy his life or something haha....but I didnt because he can deport me. I was quiet and laughed out loud in my mind. I have been here for 5 years and have seen too many americans who think asian are poor......the reason we here because we want a better life. Everytime I hear peple saying that, I always smile to them. I dont make any comments because I think these people will NEVER EVER understand how big the world is. For them, this country is the world or maybe the town they live is the whole world....haha~~~(sorry if I offend someone, i apologize) I really can care less what people think.....be honest~~ yes, I am poor and so what? haha~~at least I am highly educated, no debt, dont need to worry about money issues and be happy....For me, those people just need to move their butt and go visit other countries.

Just wanted to say that our first week together in the US my mother in law sent an e-mail to our joint address (hubby & I ) that was very Anti - Canadian, and said some very cutting things about Canada and Canada's "not so helpful self" in Iraq.

I was shocked when I opened it up.. stunned that my brand new mother in law (of like 2 days) would forward something like that to an e-mail account that we had.

I realized 2 things first:

1. Perhaps she didn't connect how this might offend me
2. I have no control over how others look at my country
3. She would never have ment to cause me pain (what reason could she possibly have for it)?
4. That my hubby was the only one that could handle it, since it's HIS mother

So, I forwarded him the e-mail and said, "honey, I realize that your mother never intended to hurt me, but I find this e-mail very offensive".

He took the hint, and e-mailed his mum and said.. Mum.. we realize you probably just forwarded this without reading it, but there were some very derogotory statements in there about Canada, and my wife has as much love and loyalty to her country as we do to ours, so in the future, please refrain from sending those e-mails to us". She was horrified, and immediatly corrected her forwards to us. YEah for hubby, and yeah for Mom In Law!!!

Being in a foreign country, I guess I expect some to not understand my native country, or it's ways of doing things. I guess, I'm the visitor so I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and just be patient..

Anyway, MUCH different situation than yours. I would have reacted exactly the same way, and cried and cried for days. But I did want to say that others in here have been faced with people saying and spreading negative things about our countries of origin. Hang in there!! Like everyone else has said before me, there are very many different people responding very differently throughout this nation. You'll meet great ones and umm.. others you'll probably not want to meet again

Best of luck!

I think you and your husband need to find a better class of friends with some intelligence. Arguing with this idiot would'nt have gotten you anywhere. I would avoid this person in the future but don't let it get you down, blow it off , explain to your husband you dont care to be around people like him. It was better you both avoided conflict. Sorry this happened to you, but don't let a fool like that bother you .

When I was in china dating a chinese woman she ran into people who were upset that she would date a white man . "how come a chinese man is not good enough for you" Every country has closed minded people in it.

It's great that you can get support from this forum, going the through the visa process is hard enough...having situations like these totally stink!
I have been living in another country (Grenada) for a year and a half, I was here six months before I met my fiance. I had my share of crumby things said to me as I am white and 99.9% of Grenadians are black and/or East Indian. I always dealt with the comments with a 'don't care' attitude but after I was with my fiance, that started to change. I wasn't alone anymore and when he was around when things were said, I expected him to be my champion and say all the right things. This didn't really work for either of us. It wasn't just me getting used to another country, it was him getting used to having a white/foreign fiance in his country. Just like your hubby, he hadn't given it a single thought until the situation came up. I know my fiance wasn't the most graceful and at first didn't say anything at all, which was more humiliating than the original comments. But we continued to talk about it and I began to see how it's not only his job to handle things, but both of ours. He also began to see how comments he has heard his whole life affect me.
As far as your hubby, he sounds like he (in only the way men do) is trying to do the right thing...switching tattoo guys...trying to reassure you by saying it's no big deal. It sounds like you two really care about each other and that is what makes a huge difference in working these things out. Hubby is getting hit twice...not ony is he getting used to a foreign wife....but also getting used to a wife! I think if you asked the majority of newlyweds anywhere they will tell you that unexpected situations can cause not only the greatest challenge, but also the greatest growth in any relationship.
For a little practical advice, I came up with a few standard phrases I can use to diffuse situations here in a foreign country. You'll have to come up with some on your own that fit your situation, but for example, when I get some drunk guys limin' on the block making all sorts of lewd comments to get me to marry them and take them to the US, how much they want to 'be' with a white woman, and all the colorful things they throw in... I just respond to them that I don't like washing anyones underwear buy my own. In a country that most people do their wash by hand in the river, they understand that means I am in no way interested in taking care of them.
I hope you can navigate away from those creeps that want to ruin your day.
Good Luck with everything!
Sue

Dear Wong,
We see and meet jerks everyday. One jerk should not ruin your life and don't let him win. He might talk about other country than China in the same way. Had I there, he would've talked about my corrupted country Indonesia.
(Did I just make a negative comment about my own country ... who cares anyway, it's the truth)
So, chill out, not everything is bad about China, all countries in this world have bad and good sides anyway.
Just forget the jerk.

That's been almost a month ago...I've already forgotten about it..But thanks for your posts.

Welcome to america Love : a free country where people can express anything they want. Between you and me I am a first generation immigrant ( france ) and NO what you discribed is not discrimination (treating someone differently because of race/religion or sexual orientation) . He just expressed a point of view which was not detrimental to your career.
Please do not get upset instead argue with the person point of view and you might be surprised by the reaction you 'd get from them:
+ personally I am married to a chinese citizen and if I was not to lazy or looking for a bargain I would not buy made in China because I saw in first hand the working conditions of people = conscious buying.
+ against or for communism , well my mum taught not to argue about colour and taste.
I think nowadays in general people jump too quickly into their guns about discrimination and that 's where the most serious crimes do not get dealt properly ( by the way I am black ). I have been discriminated in various way by name (arabic name) and colour so trust my experience !!

Dont worry about it. Its not your fault he's ignorant. Dont let it get to you.

Hi Wong,

I understand how you feel. I'm from the Philippines with a Chinese lineage (I don't speak Chinese though). I'm working for an outsourced company and I always get discriminatory remarks from customers. I don't let their comments affect me because I know who I am. There's just too many close-minded people out there who judge right away. Some think that people from third-world countries are no good. Just remember, people can hurt you if you allow them too. Just hold your head up high Just don't let their comments get into you.

that is absolutely rediculous. that guy is an idiot. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you.

I hate to say it...but feel compelled to mention it... A neck tattoo?

That decision will bring a different kind of descrimination...right or wrong..it just will..