Well, I just wanted to say Steve had his interview on Tuesday. It bad. They didnt ask him for really anything. They asked him for my Tax papers from 2004 and he gave them it. Then they asked for our marriage certificate and all of our birth certificates which he had, and gave to them. Then they said how is he forsure that our daughter kelita is his. He gave them the copies of my passport to show when I was there a letter from my doctor stating that I had been pregnant. And then her Birth certificate again showing when she was born. 9 months stupid. But that wasnt enough. the CO wants me to do a DNA test of my daughter and then they well send one to steve for him to do it and when the Results come back they will finish the interview. I AM MAD. to do a DNA test is 700.00 This is money I dont have. Let alone I know that kelita is Steves we dont question that they are. Steve showed them pictures of her. and they said that when she was an infant she looked more like him than she does now. But that still doesnt prove that Kelita is his.
SO, I dont know what to do now. i dont feel I should have to pay for this DNA testing to be done. ANd I dont know why this has come down to this.
I am so tired of this Embassy I await the day when we are done with them.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?
I have my congressman involved but, she is out of the office until monday.
So thanks everyone for your help.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope that your congressman can help you, with this situation. This must be another way of prolonging the visa process.

Good Luck

Well, a little update. my husband went to do his fingerprinting. And it all went well they gave him a paper of what he has to have before he can return to the embassy and it is. The DNA test. So we will see what we are gonna do. I will be contacting Laura(senator) when she is back in the office on Monday. I have to send her some emails so she is aware of everything going on but I have spoken to her assistant and they are aware of everything.
The Co told my husband that once they recieve the DNA testing they will finish the process and it will be issued depending on the DNA test. So, i dont know. I am stressed. But I seriously want to belive that GOD is INCONTROL.
Thanks for all your prayers GOD is pulling us through. Please Pray though.Not for me but for my husband. These trials are hard, he though does not express his fustrations and I can tell in his voice that he is sad. But he keeps saying Honey GOd is INCONTROL. And he is. So thanks everyone for listen to me and being in this Long Journey with me that I pray soooooooooonn will come to an end IN Jesus NAME.

Janita,
Sorry to hear about all this "drama" that they r still putting u guys thru. Yes, GOD is DEFINITELY IN CONTROL! Just go on ahead and do the DNA test b/c there seems to be no way around it. If you need anything, just call us...We r still here!
Michele

Oh my! I didn't know they delve into people personal lives to that extent! I mean to question a baby's father...wow! That man is your husband! You have really tripped me out...I can't believe they are asking for DNA tests! I am so sorry about that. My question is how are they supposed to do the test? Isn't the baby in the states and the father in Nigeria? How will they compare the DNA?

You are in our thoughts and prayers. Continue to stay focused, and never stop trusting in God.

Boaz

That is just so crazy, they do anything to hassle people !

DITTO!!!!!!!

Janita,

Sorry to hear of all your struggles, but as many of us now know, it's probably the best that they be more reserved in just handing out visa's. Many many women have been burned from Nigerians looking to come into the states and scamming every step of the way, only to leave that American women once paperwork, or timing permits.

I'm sure the immigration office is equally as tired of hearing all the stories from us women whom these men choose to use. NOT EVERYONE'S MARRIAGE WILL END IN DIVORCE but I'm sure that the immigration offices get alot of complaints after these men come here and then leave their american families, as they say, once you bring them here, and in some cases file their paperwork, or they receive their greencard, it's then their decission to stay in that marriage. It's then that you realized that he's played you from your first meeting.

Janita, you have been through so-so much, that I'm wishing a happy reunion and life-long marriage, but do keep in mind that some of these men can be so evil and desparate to come to America, that your feelings don't matter, they will say and do what's necessary for you fight for them to come. Then when they are ready to leave, they will turn against you so fast.

I'm currently one of those people who is just as aggressive in asking the immigration to deport my ex-husband back , as I was in bringing him here, and we have a child together.
His first son. At the end of the day none of that mattered, and I feel he'll receive his justice soon and take his flight back to Nigeria with his mind wondering how did this happen!

So even tho it does seem like that immigration office is messing with you all, just take a deep breath, and thank God that they don't let everyone that tries to come into this country come in. Actually it sounds like once you return the blood tests your case will be proved, you know I'm no expert or nothing but that's how I read it, anywho, good luck with everything.

Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I agree that they should be questioned to the highest. I think they should prove every step of the way even DNA. So i consider the immigration officers as my allies. They may see something that I do not see. So whether we like it or not it is a reality and many men who come to this country from NIgeria and the rest of the world give the impression that they are in love today but actually they have an alterior motive in the future!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for pointing that out.

well i just had to add my .02cents again. First of all, I wanna say I know "idocare" and "crazi4christ". Those are 2 of the women here on VJ that I have contact with very often. (Not as much as we used to, but still they my gurlz!!!! )

Now Karen, u didn't even have to go there. Y'all know doggone well them people don't need a damn DNA test. Hell, from the beginning she already gave them the statement from her doctor stating date of conception, not to mention the girl also gave them proof of her travel itinerary showing that she conceived the child there. Oh and let's not forget that she was even there standing in front of those damn people at that interview. Also let's not forget how one Nigerian working at the embassy when Steve was called back after administrative review, damn near just came out and asked for a "bribe" and when he realized he was not getting any, he came up with someother b/s about his paperwork being misplaced or something........ENUF SAID!!! Bottom line is, they are not treating this guy fairly and you know it!!!! Call me when u get a chance!!!!!!!!!!

Ursy, I really don't know you, but I want to say this....Not everything that shines is GOLD!!! And not everything that is good to you is actually good for you. I feel from your reply that you are taking this very personal for one reason or the other. I maybe wrong, but assuming I am correct, ONLY YOU know whether or not you are being deceived or preyed upon by a "scammer." To be honest with you, I think that those of us who have married a foreigner and have found out that they have been scammed just for a green card, already saw the signs and just totally ignored it b/c they were so blinded by love. I don't feel a scammer can keep his act up for that long...somewhere down the line he slipped and it went totally ignored. And then hindsight allows u to see it way after he has found some type of way to leave u.

Nita, u know just continue to P(pray) U(until) S(something) H(happen)!!!!! All those damn no good a** people over there want is some type of bribery. I don't feel u should have to pay for the DNA test of ur daughter since they are the ones requesting it, but I still don't see no way around it. Maybe ur Senator can find some type of loophole. And if you need assistance with financing the DNA test, Iyke said for you to just call and we'll be willing to help out.
Look, Steve is ur husband and I feel that he genuinely loves and care for you and his daughter. Had it not be, he could have been left and forgot about u and Kelita and just go back to Dubai, since it seems all their friends there are doing good anyway. It's not like he didn't have his own business there. Iyke spoke with Steve last weekend and yes he may be getting a bit frustrated with all this drama from the embassy, but everything still remains the same as far as your family is concerned. GOD will see u thru all of this. Besides, those people at the embassy just want to see if either of you will give up and let them win. But remember you have the victory, not them!!! Don't let negative thoughts and comments get to u. Being married to a foreigner, I have really learned what is meant when they say "misery loves company!"

Now this is not intended to start some type of feud here, this is only my comments.
Michele

I am in total disbelief with that US embassy in Nigeria. They do not represent the US beauracy that is here in the US. It makes me believe that they have no clue as to what love is. In a country where fake documentation can be bought at a price to look so authentic, it drives me crazy that they want to see lots of "papers (docs)" before approvng a visa. The CO has complete control over whether a visa is issued or not....bottom line.

For some of the women who have been "played" for a green card I want to ask, Do you think your expectations were not realistic? It is a fact that Every One from a 3rd world country that marries a USC must know that INITALLY the thought in the man/woman's mind is "opportunity to come to America & become rich" Anything else is secondary. Once here and the reality sets in that what they have seen on tv is make believe then the focus is on the spouse. Cultural difference then come into play and may be very hard to overcome. In America, women are more in control of the household and buiness matters than in their home country. In Africa, they hardly ever get divorce & the women are more submissive. A woman has got to be smart prior to getting into the relationship. You must ask them & test them over and over again do you want me soley to come into the US. I did and will continue to ask until we are married for 60 years.

As far as immigration, it is set up to make money. America is a capitalist nation and it does not really care about the spouse loving you. How often is it that you see the government protecting USC. Case in point...look at Katrina and Louisiana. It is so much more difficult to marry someone who is overseas than a person who is here with an expired visa. I don't know how many men have approached me with marriage for green card in mind when on US soil. The embassy has no idea that I as a person have dealt with this very situation on US soil and I would know what to look for. For the most part, I personally know some Nigerians who are here & have told me that the name they are using is not theirs. It is the fakes that get through and the real ones who have hell to get through.

The DNA test I agree should not matter. Even if the daughter is not his(which she is), what difference does it make. It has nothing to do with the marriage. USC married to each other have children that are not even their husbands. What's to say Steve would not adopt her and make a family. That Embassy stands in the way of progress being made here in America. Once the USC has spent all of their money fighting for their spouse, the USC will have to rely on US government assistance. All of the illegal Mexicans walking around here makes me very sick!!! Not to be racist or anything but if more Africans can come up through Mexico then immigration would really put their foot down.

It is funny to me that the USC working in the Embassy can manipulate the Nigerians working there to bring their fellow country men down. The Nigerians that work there are so very brain washed. I wonder if they themselves have ever applied for a visa to travel to the US. It may be the Embassy's policy is that if you work there you are not even allowed to apply to come to the US.

I just wish that a union or some force could be formed to fight against that Embassy. If anyone has any ideas on how to do that, please let me know. I would like it if we all could fly to the Embassy and storm on them as a group. That would be awesome!!!

Well, I am not trying to start anything but it would be foolish for the US embassy not to question the fiance. I and I do not think the DNA test is going too far. As for the comment about the US not concern about its citizens I disagree with that too. The "Katrina"situation does not reflect the government. That situation revealed lack of preparation on the part of the citizens and the devastating effects of poverty. No one who is sane would wait for the government to save their life when facing nature. I live in Louisiana and the hurricane warning was broadcasted for about a week before the event. Everyone was told to leave New Orleans and the vicinity. Louisiana has a long history of hurricanes . The Katrina situation reveals the problems with minimizing the power of nature. Anyone who stays in a place where hurricane is expected to hit is gambling with nature and underestimating the harm it may cause. Too many people depend on the government for things they should handle themselves.
Now Regarding the K-3 visa case
She was not denied just asked for a DNA test. If she truly believes that God is Incontrol then she should give them what they ask for.......... prove her case and she and her husband will be together. That minor extra time should be just a blink of time in their relationship considering they will be together for a lifetime. Sometimes :The greater the test The greater the future blessing will be.

Hey Michelle,

How have you been ? Me and mines are doing fine.

Now to the point, I guess what I was saying is that I see the immigration officer asking for a blood test the same as asking for proof of divorce, or proof of children, my thinking is once they see that he's likely the father, that they MAY not require any more evidence, heck, they have asked them for everything else already over the years, my thinking is that they don't have anything more to dought. ( But I do know were dealing with immigration so who knows)
Then were dealing with a country that's notorious for scamming , so that don't help much either, one more thing, you and I and the consular all know that for the right price you can buy anything in that country, so I feel all this can go against anyone's case if the person being interviewed gives them reason for prying deeper.

alright karen, i feel ya and i do understand totally and completely.
oh btw, we all are fine here also.

but come on now, that girl has been dealing with that no-nonsense embassy since 2004 (their very first interview). Those people have asked for everything from that couple that they could possibly want. Only thing left is the demographics of the conception of the child. They just being some big ole a**holes. Yeah, I think she should just give them the DNA results, but you know as well as I do, they don't really want that nor do they need it. Steve is not being treated fairly and you know that as well. And i won't be surprised that even after the DNA test; they come up with another lame a** excuse asking for something else. Why didn't they just ask for the DNA results even b4 Nita applied for the CR1? They knew of the child back then. Hell she is already a year old. Everytime she gives them what they need, they still ask for more. Seems to me that they keep asking for things they dont feel Janita and Steve can supply them with and when they see that it can be done; they think of something else which they feel will be inevitable. There should be some kinda law in the immigration policy handbook that states a "statue of limitations on RFE's and administrative reviews. There's no need to keep requesting more information and when that is given, u come up with some new request. That ain't nothing but a bunch of beaurocratic ######!!!!I have to agree with Naija princess!!! Even though everything went smooth for Iyke and myself from the beginning to the end without any questions or RFE's; I still feel the same way "princess" does when she said that we should all go there and "storm" on them as a group. Something needs to be done about those people there. Yeah, there are some beneficiaries that go thru that embassy with intent to scam, but there are still some that have good intentions also. And it seems that most of the ones that are getting visas are those that have "no good" intentions. I guess the good have to suffer for the bad. Well anyway, like I said, that is just another ploy by them over there to probably see if they can acquire some type of "bribe" from Steve. And that goes for the American (citizen) CO. Maybe the CO's themselves have been in Naija way 2 long working there and the ways of the "bad" Naija people have come to rub off on them.
MICHELE

Wow were do I start. THanks Michelle and Celeste and Karen and everyone else for your comments.
Michelle thanks for you support.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW NEVER ONCE I HAVE I EVEN THOUGHT MY HUSBAND WAS SCAMING ME!!!! HE DOESNT PLAY GAMES. WE BOTH ARE ADULTS AND DONT DO THAT CRAP. WE ARE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER ALWAYS. I am not like sorry most of you who only met your SO once. I traveled and saw him 3 times before we even got married so yes I do know him very well. All that we are going through is crazy. But God is INCONTROL. I havent given up and I wont. I just dont feel i should have to pay more money into this cause. I know that kelita is steves so why should have i to pay to prove that. So I will be contacting my congress women soon. I pray that she can put an end to all of this. And Mich I agree what will they say they need next. There should be something that states how much they can harrass us. It is crazy.
Well steve Went to the embassy his CO was really Nasty. Steve had all this paper work and proof and the man yelled at him and said I dont need any of that I want a DNA test of your child in America. SO it is just something seriously for them to try and prolong him coming home to be with us. But thats Ok I WONT STOP FIGHTING FOR HIM TO COME. HE WILL, BE HERE SOON WITH US IN JESUS NAME!!!!!!!!
CEL I know that you all are going though your own interview soon. And if you love him and belive in him then fight for him to come. Dont stop. But girl you have to know in your heart if you want this truely or not. NO wavering because it can be a long road>><>
Karen I am sorry that things didnt work out for you. I really am but just because Steve is a N doesnt mean that he is bad like Vic. M and I talked years ago and we had Red flags when you told us about Vic. Steve has never once made me doubt him. Sorry but its true. He a a true MAN OF GOD>
But seriously if someone wants to talk to me and they arent goona try and talk crap if you think there is some kind of Red Flag here that I dont want to see you tell me. I know the truth.
I thank everyone for your comments. Yeah Nigeria Has alot of CORRUPT People but so Does AMERICA. And not only that Nigeria has so many people there from other contries. So It might not even be a true Nigerian doing some of the Crap.
Oh well my thoughts dont matter if you have already made up your minds about it.
But I dont. All I know is that GOD IS INCONTROL>>

THanks for your prayers. God bless you all.

AMEN HE IS IN CONTROL AND NOTHING IN THIS WORLD HAPPENS IF HE DOES NOT ALLOW IT. AND WHAT THE DEVIL MEAN FOR EVIL GOD CAN TURN IT IN TO GOOD. BECAUSE ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD TO THOSE WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.WE ALL SAY WEEPING MAY ENDURE FOR THE NIGHT BUT JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!! SOME OF OUR NIGHTS ARE LONGER THAN OTHERS!!! SO DO ALL THAT YOU CAN .....CONTACT THE REPRESENATIVE....GIVE THE DNA.....BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH .. Do your best and remain consistent. The race wasn't given to the swift nor the battle to the strong but to those who endure to the end. So do your Best and let God do the Rest. Good Luck to All !!

Oh Janita,

My dear friend, I am sorry to hear that the saga continues. I had the pleasure of meeting Steve, and I said to you before that I found him to be an honest sincere person. SO you do you and don't listen to anyone but YOUR GOD, YOUR HEART, and YOUR HUSBAND! Like I told you before, if I had known that my EX husband was such an INCREDIBLE A$$HOLE!!!!!!!! I would have prayed for Steve to have his visa instead of the glob of WHALE FECES that I married getting his. Karen, I understand 100% what you are saying and believe me I can relate to a lot of what you went through, but girlfriend there is a time and a place, and this is not it. Yes, the embassy has better insight as to what really happens there, I give them that, BUT, they also take advantage of the position, and spend WAY too much time persecuting the legitimate people and not enough time rejecting the GARBAGE! If I had found this website before I married that Lagos Boy, I would not have married him, because I would have seen the pattern that they use. 90% if not more of the meeting and dating stories are the same, but to save face, I went through with it. So I have taken my big girl pill, I went to the laundromat, cleaned the BROWN stain off, and I have gone on with my life. I am living with and managing my consequences. Is it easy? HELL NO!!!! But I am determined that I will rise a stronger and better woman from the experience. Plus you all will read all the details in my upcoming book. I have seen many innocent and love sick ladies come on here since I went through my drama, and I see that in a matter of time 9 out of 10 of them are going to have there lives turned upside down and will crash and burn in the end, but I never commented on any. The reason being, when I was being warned, I didn't listen either. People have to live and make their own mistakes PERIOD!!!! As friends, all we can do is support them and help them pick up the pieces. I am grateful for being blessed with an INCREDIBLE support system in my family and friends. ch0c0late1 and her husband are my HEROES and always will be, and guys I promise I am coming to see the new place!!!!! Janita, you were there for me even when you were fighting your own battles and for that you will always have loving support in me. So this is not a slam on Nigerians. It is what I have experinced, learned, witnessed, etc...... I do know that if this is not your story or you are 100% certain that your spouse is on the up and up, then I don't need any angry words shot back at me, but if I struck a nerve, ask yourself if you go through with it will you be strong enough to survive the devastating financial and emotional aftermath? No matter what is said and done it's your life, and your choice. Michele, you better call me GIRL!!!! I left my number for you!! Anyone else want to chat feel free to IM me. Oh, yeah, your girl is on the market again, looking D%$# good, and feeling even better! By the way, the LAGOS BOY who came into my life without a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, still doesn't have a POT. SO if you think you getting over, you may get your green card, BUT GOD gonna get wit dat A$$ if you knowingly and deceitfully mess over somebody!!!! SO if you think you gonna come here and start BIG PIMPIN'. AMERICA IS GONNA WHIP DAT A$$!!!! Ask the Lagos Boy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Janita, call me!!!! I want to try to help too.

Right on!

I am trippin'! I never heard about an african man leaving his child...I am not being rude or funny, but I am really trippin' off this...

Well believe it!!! My Ex was trying to encourage a visajourney member's young husband to leave her, and she is pregnant! He told him that he had to assure his future in America and he did not need her trying to hold him back. He even had the audacity to tell the guy that his wife had him living in a doghouse out in the bush. I told the poor guy, if you saw the living conditions that he came from, you would laugh him under the table! I was just amazed, because I had to ask myself, "Self, you are a reasonable intelligent woman, how could you have been so blind and married someone like that?" I'll be the first to admit that I was taken hook, line, and sinker.

I guess it goes to show you just how desperate they(the scammers) are getting for the green card

Rock on BESANGIN!! Your story is not a funny one but the way you told it had me cracking up. You have a GREAT attitude after what you've been through and I have NO doubt you will recover just fine!!!

Hey All,

I believe it's true that we all have choices to make as far as sending these men here, and the outcome of that decision will also be ours to deal with. Janita, as far as you and Michelle seeing red flags concerning my ex-husband Victor, I believe I could say that possibly every case coming from Nigeria is a red flag. Just the mere fact that they're giving Steve a hard time come on, let's continue to be real here, since you want to call me out. You know that it was you that told those immigration people that you had a child that you didn't have, and answered some of the questions inconsistent and wrong. You Janita brought alarm to your case. Maybe God has already spoken on your situation. Everything that we ask for may not be the best for us. Possibly God will give you the desire of your heart, and it may be a long lasting marriage or it may last long enough for you to find a attorney for your divorce once he arrives and situates himself here. Who Knows, I have never questioned your love for your husband, and you can't speak for your husbands intentions because you don't know, your not in his mind nor can you read his thoughts, at the end of the day, all you have is what he tells you.

And for those who like to say that it's the cultural difference's that break up alot of marriages, please tell me why these cultural differences don't come out until that man is here with you and you have helped him get his green card. Why didn't those same difference's come out while his $%& was still in his Country, that's just a lame excuse for that women or man using you. True you can't totally know a person by visiting them three or four times but if the cultural differences didn't make your Nigerian spouse wanna leave you before you sponsored him why would it post-greencard.

BENSANGIN, How are you doing ??? Very nice to read from you, it's been a while. Glad to hear about the book you intend to write, and if you need anything let me know, I'lll do an interview for you :-) I believe that this is a good site to post my thoughts like anyone else does, the fact that my S#$% isn';t cheery and happy, does not and should not leave me sidelined and speechless. Trust me those who read from this site know that they have an option not to read what I write, but this is my reality, just as they write about their journey, I'll also write about mines and it's not appropiate for anyone to tell me that my visa journey shouldn't be heard in this room. Some may call me negative, and that's fine too, but like Bensangin has wrote about ......unknowingly bringing a scammer into this country, and having this person take.....take.....and take from you all in the name of LOVE, give you a baby and not pay that child any attention, draining you financially, could care less about your emotions, then play mental games with your mind, in his attempt to leave you ( it doesen't happen over nite ) but drive you to want to divorce him is all part of my visa journey.
And I will continue to share it. My ex-husband is a medical doctor in his Nigerian Country, and a scammer that is getting his pay garnished by child support enforcement, due to non-payment for his son in this country. He's having to really work for his small pay and legally can't enjoy the lifestyle of an american doctor. LOOK AT GOD !!!!!

Bensangin I applaud you for coming foward with your story concerning your visa journey there are many women who have been dumped and are too embarrassed to talk about it . I'm personally glad to hear that you have good support from family members because when your trust is broken like that it can be extremely unhealthy.


Janita, the sugar is now off the cookie, and you may of seen flags in my case just as immigration may see flags in your case, so if you want to continue to talk about Victor and the flags that you seen , bring it on !!!!!

If time permits, Masterpiece just may respond to some of these stories. One thing is guaranteed, it may not be too pretty for a lot of people and repsonse will continue unabated no matter whose ox is gored. The word scamming may be dissected and i daresay we may yet find new words describing these trends that have.................On the other hand, i just may let sleeping dogs lie. Sometimes the power of my own words scares me....shitless...................

To all those who feel they have been hurt by Nigerian men, i say this......Let go of the hatred and move on............Oprah would be proud of me for taking this stance. Reconcile within you that you are stronger than you may have let on and oh yeah here`s a thought..............try not to generalize about other Nigerians because of your particular experience. It may constrict and confine you in a box you really do not want to be in this year...2007.

For those who continue to take the leap of faith............do not be dissuaded by stuff you read here because whether the guy was met in downtown Michigan, Atl, or Lagos, for the most part we are all taking leaps of faith. For each story i hear about a guy that "scammed" his way into U.S, there are more storeis about those who have found their soulmates outside the borders of North America.....

I truly wish you all Love, Peace and Joy..........Truly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENUF SAID!!!!

Well I am one of those women who are taking a leap of faith(with my eyes open)
I have a So in NIgeria and I am not bothered by what Idocare and Ben.....and I would like to hear them share their story. Just because they are sharing their stories and what they have learned does not mean that they have not healed and moved on. Actually it is when someone has been truly and totally healed from a hurt that they can share their honest painful stories. And they have that right to share it. There are sides to every coin. As for the Oprah comment. I love Oprah too but honestly Oprah has moved very well but SHE IS NEVER SILENT ABOUT HER HURT , PAINS AND MISTAKES OF THE PAST! In fact that is one of the things that reminds her to reach and help others who may be going through the same things. As it is said earlier all of the fiance should arise a red flag to the embassy.
So Speak Your Mind Girls !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This world does not have sunshines only there are clouds and even storms.

Like I wrote in my post, I don't comment on your relationships and who you are going through the visa process with because like myself, I didn't want to entertain the notion that my at the time love of my life was pursuing me for anything other than love. AGAIN, I will state, NO TWO RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALIKE, and people have to see things and experience them for themselves. I don't recall giving any specifics of what went down between me and him, so I never said that my situation was one of scamming, because honestly, I don't know, and truly don't care. I have a life left to live and there is an honest, gorgeous man out there (In THE STATES OF COURSE, MY CHOICE) with my name on him and I am looking for him. So I telll you all, DO YOU!!!! I pray for all to be happy and prosperous in their relationships. I do have a but however that I will stake my life on and all that I own. There are some warning signs that are clear and obvious, and if any of you told me that you have done one ore more of the following then I would tell you without one doubt that you are in trouble!!!!! I am not going to air all of that here, but there are things you can look for. As untrusting and reasonably intelligent as I am, I threw my reasoning and logic right out the window because all I could see was A "GOOD" MAN, LOVE, and GOOD DING DING!!!!! (He could make a HELL of a glass of iced tea too!) Another thing I learned through my saga, is that Nigerian people don't even trust their own people! I add this because when all the $#&$ went down with us, everyone came out of the woodwork telling me that Nigerian men were no good, and the likelihood of finding a decent one online is slim to none!! Their words, NOT MINE! I said, "Then where the HELL were you when I was telling you that I met this terrific guy, and I was in love?"Not one warning before hand from anyone of Nigerian decent. That does not mean that I blame them or think little of them, I'm sure they had their reasons for keeping quite. But when I heard them speaking out against their own, I was in SHOCK!!!!!! But like I said before if I had this site before I married him, I wouldn't have. The stories read like a recipe to a greencard, mine included so don't get your panties in a bunch. As for the specifics of my story, you got to wait for the book. If you think my posts are something, well you ain't seen NOTHIN' yet. I can tell you, "Hold on TOTO, 'cause you ain't gonna be in Kansas anymore! One more thing I want to add, there was a gentleman on British Expats years ago that I had words with because he was trying to warn women about getting into relationships with Nigerian men. I went off on him so bad in defense of my man. By golly everythong he said to me came to pass! Exactly the way that he said. SO JEFF if you are out there my, deepest apologies to you! A sista just had to defend her man however blindly it was done.

To all those who feel they have been hurt by Nigerian men, i say this......Let go of the hatred and move on............Oprah would be proud of me for taking this stance. Reconcile within you that you are stronger than you may have let on and oh yeah here`s a thought..............try not to generalize about other Nigerians because of your particular experience. It may constrict and confine you in a box you really do not want to be in this year...2007.

Such an enlightening statement. May I share one in return? Since I generalize on my own knowledge and experience about Nigerians, it's mine, and I have a right to express it. You obviously experienced a different side, and it is yours and I respect that. The hatred thing was a bit harsh so let me clear that one up too. If I hated him, he would be severly maimed or hanging in someone's hunter's trophy room, since, he is worth more to me crippled or as a trophy, but I don't hate him, and I don't wish any bad to befall him. In the beginning I can't say that my feelings were that honorable, but now, his fate has already been determined, and if there was any inpropriety on either of our sides, the only Judge and Executioner is going to render His judgement on us. I can say, I go to bed every night and I sleep like a big ol' LOG because I KNOW that my conscience and my heart are clear. Like you stated, I am armed with a new firem, new me, and new dreams, so 2007 is my year to shine, and you can't shine if you hang on to things that tarnish! Peace out.

AMEN SISTA!!!! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT!!!!

AMEN SISTA!!!! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT!!!!
[/quote]


Girl, just telling it like it is, and letting it be known that my blinders are off. I see clearly what I thought was white is really black. You'd think I had Lasik Surgery I see things so clearly now!
I'm starting a new phrase that Sug Avery probably would have said, "I's DIVORCED NOW! I said I's DIVORCED NOW! Damn I crack myself up!

I thought I would add this, since this deals with some issues at hand.....


DISCOVERING SPOUSE IS DIFFERENT THAN WE THOUGHT:
The Leah and Rachel Deception -By Yosef Y. Jacobson

Many of us struggle in marriage when we eventually "discover" negative things about our spouse we never knew before. How we wish we would have known these things before marrying! How could we have been so "blinded" by what we thought to be true love? This even leads some to consider the critical question: Should we remain married to them even though we now feel deceived?

The following insightful article about marriage appeared on a Jewish email list. If you aren't Jewish or a person who studies the Bible, there might be a few words you won't understand, but trust me, this applies to all marriages, Jewish, Christian, or other!

It's difficult not to sympathize with our patriarch, Jacob, who becomes the victim of a last minute switch by his father-in-law, who tricks him into marrying the wrong woman. The Torah relates that Laban had two daughters, Leah and Rachel. "Leah had weak eyes, while Rachel was shapely and beautiful." Jacob loved Rachel and he offered to work seven years for her.

When the seven years were up, Laban substituted Leah for Rachel on the night of the wedding. Jacob discovered the deception only after he'd consummated the marriage with Leah. Jacob accepted his fate and remained with Leah. But he later also married Rachel, the bride of his choice, "and he loved Rachel more than Leah."

Yet, at the end, it was Leah who became Jacob's primary wife. Rachel died at a young age; so that most of Jacob's married life was actually spent with Leah. In addition to this, it was Leah who mothered most of Jacob's children, the future tribes of Israel and it was she, not Rachel, who ultimately was buried with Jacob in the Machpelah cave in Hebron.

Why did this marriage—the marriage that formed the foundation of the Jewish nation, the marriage that produced every single Jew living since, come about in such an appalling manner? And why did Jacob have to go through this absurd experience?

The Secret Behind the Veil:

There's a custom practiced during Jewish weddings known as the "bedeken," or the veiling. Before the wedding ceremony, the groom goes to the room where his bride is sitting on a throne and he covers her face with a veil. Her face remains covered during the entire chupah ceremony.

One of the traditional explanations for this custom is that it commemorates the event that occurred during Jacob's wedding ceremony. Since Jacob's bride was veiled, he didn't realize that he was marrying the wrong woman. But if that's the reason, shouldn't the custom be that the groom uncovers his bride's face to make sure that he's marrying the bride of his choice? Why are we commemorating at each of our weddings this terrible episode that occurred to poor Jacob?

The War that Can Break or Make Us:

In the writings of kabbalah, Leah and Rachel represent two dimensions existing in each of our spouses, women and men alike. Rachel, "the shapely and beautiful sister," embodies the attractive, charming and romantic features of our spouse. In fact, in Hebrew Rachel means "ewe," an animal characterized by its bright white color and its gentle and lovable nature.

Also, the numerology of the Hebrew name Rachel is the same as the numerology of the Hebrew words "and there was light."

Leah, a name that literally means "one, who is weary," represents those elements in our spouse that are more complicated and disturbing. Leah, the weak-eyed sister, weakened from tears and anxiety, embodies our continuous and exhausting struggle with the dark demons and ugly impulses in our lives.

Thus, in Chassidic writings Rachel is associated with the tzaddik-personality , while Leah is associated with the baal-teshuvah (the penitent) figure. The tzaddik is the pure and sacred human being, reflecting the harmony and goodness of his creator. The baal-teshuvah, on the other hand, embodies the individual who must continuously battle the negative urges and destructive habits rooted in his or her psyche.

The drama that occurred at the wedding of the father of the Jewish people occurs at almost every wedding. When you get married, you may think that you're marrying Rachel: the comely, perfect and fictitious spouse that you chose in your dreams. But in reality, you're bound to discover that you ended up with Leah, a human being possessing layers of unresolved wounds and tension.

Initially you may love and appreciate only the Rachel dimension of your marriage partner and despise the Leah part of that individual. Yet as life progresses you'll come to discover that it's precisely the Leah dimension of your spouse, more than anything else, that was always meant for your soul. It's the shortcomings and imperfections of your spouse that can challenge you to transcend your ego and become the person you are capable of being.

Creating a Space for That Which Emerges:

That's the secret behind the veiling. When the groom veils his bride, he's essentially stating that "I will love and respect not only the 'you' who is presently visible to me, but also the 'you' that is still concealed from me and might emerge only later. I'm committed not just to the 'Rachel' in you, but also to the 'Leah' in you.

"As I bond with you in marriage," the groom is saying, "I'm creating a space within me to accept and nurture the totality of your being."

That is a fantastic article, and it is true. When I realized that customs had switched the man I married and gave me someone else, I was committed to him and the vows that I made. I was expecting to be married to him for the rest of my life through good and the bad, and believe me I experienced some bad. But there comes a time when you have decide if you can continue on a path that is proving and will prove to exstinguish the light, joy and soul of who you are as a person. Love does not destroy, it builds you up, and where I was headed in my marriage was not where I was supposed to be. God is no fool and He knows what He is talking about when He says do not be unequally yoked, that does not mean just spiritually. I was beginning to take on the characteristics of my EX that I always despised in people, and when I recognized that, I knew, that I was fighting a losing battle. So I cut my losses, accepted my consequences, and mustered up the strength I needed to pull my life back together. I didn't want to become a bitter woman disillusioned, by men and love. In spite of my drama, I still want to be in love with someone who wants the same things that I do, and his heart and mindset are the same as mine. I'm extremely picky now when it comes to dating. I have a list that I threw away when I met my EX. My big mistake was not holding him to that same standard that I was holding American men to. Because of that I made excuses for him and didn't allow him to prove himself to be a good honorable man. Fatal mistake for most women. Now. I would rather stay single than to be in another relationship like the one I left behind.

Karen I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. YES MY HUSBAND HAS ANOTHER CHILD. HER NAME IS JOY AND I THINK YOU GO THINGS MESSED UP. I AM NOT SURE WERE YOU GOT YOUR INFORMATION FROM. I KNOW YOU TALK TO MICHELLE SO THAT COULD BE. BUT I HAVENT EVER LIED TO THE EMBASSY NOT A ONCE. YEAH I GOT MAD AT THEM BUT WHO DOESNT. SORRY.OH WELL I AM NOT UPSET I AM JUST DEFENDING MY FAMILY. I DONT HAVE NOTHING TO TELL YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU AND THAT IS FINE. I AM SORRY THAT I UPSET YOU. I DO PRAY THE BEST FOR. WHAT EVER YOU WERE TOLD IS WRONG. GOD BLESS YOU.

SONYA GIRL I AM HAPPY YOUR OK I THINK ABOUT YOU OFTEN AND WILL TRY TO CONTACT YOU SOON.

I WILL LET YOU ALL KNOW THE OUT COME FROM THE CONGRESS WOMEN.

Your right each individual has to know its own limits. And I Bless GOD for allowing you to move forward. Some are still working on moving pass the storm. It is a process and as long as we hold on to the "wrongs", the longer the one who wronged us, has a hold on us.

And speaking of standards, I hadn't had to tell my DH that I have zero tolerance policy until recently, but guess what I'm holding to it. There are somethings that have to be nipped in the bud and he has to respect that I want/request that.

[quote name='crazi4christ' date='Jan 17 2007, 09:08 AM' post='667283']
Well, I just wanted to say Steve had his interview on Tuesday. It bad. They didnt ask him for really anything. They asked him for my Tax papers from 2004 and he gave them it. Then they asked for our marriage certificate and all of our birth certificates which he had, and gave to them. Then they said how is he forsure that our daughter kelita is his. He gave them the copies of my passport to show when I was there a letter from my doctor stating that I had been pregnant. And then her Birth certificate again showing when she was born. 9 months stupid. But that wasnt enough. the CO wants me to do a DNA test of my daughter and then they well send one to steve for him to do it and when the Results come back they will finish the interview. I AM MAD. to do a DNA test is 700.00 This is money I dont have. Let alone I know that kelita is Steves we dont question that they are. Steve showed them pictures of her. and they said that when she was an infant she looked more like him than she does now. But that still doesnt prove that Kelita is his.
SO, I dont know what to do now. i dont feel I should have to pay for this DNA testing to be done. ANd I dont know why this has come down to this.
I am so tired of this Embassy I await the day when we are done with them.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?
I have my congressman involved but, she is out of the office until monday.


So thanks everyone for your help.



Sorry to hear that, but it's not unusuall especially in cases involving new born babies for the embassy to request a DNA test prior to visa issuance.
The main thing you should be upset about it's the additional fee.If everything checks out, then you and your fiancee would be winners (Visa in hand).
I wish ya'll good luck.

First of all I want to thank all of you for your different views and experiences. As some have pointed out there are scammers all over. I have been scammed by American men simply looking for a place to lay their head to keep from going back to their momma's basement. I have prayed on my choice and I am grateful that I have friends to stick by me when I am up and have helped piece together my ego when I was left with a sick baby, no job, and no vision to see beyond 1997. I have had 3 american men leave all the raising of the children to me, and 2 be legally forced to take provide monitarily for their children which they still are slack on. I said all this to say, a man's nationality has little do with him honoring you and the promise made before God. You have good American marriages and bad marriages. Plain and simple. While a green card may be motivation for some, it is not for all.

I prayed about my decision before telling Solo I would be his wife. We had an open conversation about how his quality of life will improve as will mine by what he will provide for my household in being present. I have been honest with him about many things, the main one being I will never get a good housekeeping award. I sent him pictures of my home at its WORST after water damage to prepare him. I am honest about finances with him and what my expectations are for what we will send back to Naija on a monthly basis. We have talked about what we consider to be our "deal breakers" in the relationship. Now if he comes here and decides to leave me, I wish him well as I did the 3 American men that have left me. I know my success and happiness only make them realized what they really loss.

Could'nt have said it better!

Blah0323, thank you for sharing those Jewish traditions!

Besangin, your writing is beautiful! I am sorry to hear about your suffering. I look forward to reading your book.

I am new to this site so please bear with me as I navigate my way around.


Naisula.

After post 37, one can only say........"nuff said"!