I'm torn on this...I realize registries are a good thing so that the recipients don't get 10 zillion of the same thing...but I also find it rude when the info is given without having been asked for it.

You?

Of course it's not rude. Everyone does it these days. As a separate slip of paper in the same envelope, that is. Not actually on the invite.

I've heard that it is rude, even though I personally would find it helpful, not rude. I guess the protocol is to contact someone "in-the-know" to find out where the couple is registered. It seemed to work out fine for us - nothing mentioned on the invite, but most people did get us things off of our registry after investigating on their own.

I think even with the invite it's rude but I have actually seen it on the invite as well. And one time, I was invited to a showere where everything was over $100. And she was just a coworker, lol

Its more 'done' now than it was, but it gives me the willies.

That said, I'm not registering anyways. Its my second marriage and I have a house, so I already have all the towels and kitchen gadgets I need, thank you very much!

I find it a little tacky, not necessarily rude. Kind of like "come to my wedding but buy me a present".

What I DO find good though is when people don't require presents and include a slip of paper asking for donations to a cancer charity instead. This can be quite common in the UK, especially when the couple have been living together already and have most things that would ordinarily be on a wedding gift list.

That's just strange. Every registry I've ever had to pick from went as low as $10. I'm a big fan of the registry, people are busy and who has the time to figure out what the perfect gift is? Just tell me what ya freakin want!

Tracy,

You can start a registry at a place that doesn't sell kitchen gadgets and towels Seriously those are becoming quite common these days.


That is very nice.

I'll share one 'trend' I really don't like. I see it a lot these days from Indian couples getting married in the US. I never see it in India. Anyway, they send an invite which says "no boxed gifts" please". Then when you get there, there is a big box with an envelope-sized slit through which you can pass your gift of cash

I think you can always ask the bride's mother or groom's mother (or any other family member or maid of honor, etc.) if the couple is registered anywhere.

I LOVE it when couples are registered somewhere so that I know I am getting them a gift they can use and want, but I don't like the idea of including it with the invitation.

I will make it my responsibility to find out if the couple is registered somewhere.

Yeah, I know. I just can't think of anything that we'd really need a lot of - enough to go to the trouble of registering for it. I mean, I'd always take a Lowe's or Home Depot gift card, because you never know what can come up.

I guess I just feel a little weird about asking for gifts for a second wedding. I know its done a lot, but its a personal thing. I'd rather have my friends and family share our day with us moreso than finding gifts for them to give me.

I don't think it is rude... why would it be rude??

Well imo...maybe 'rude' was the wrong word...maybe it is 'tacky' like Mags said. And for the same reason....like 'come to my wedding/shower/etc but buy me summat I want' IImo it detracts from 'come share our/my special day' to 'make sure you get me summat I like!' I think most people wouldn't dream of going to a celebration like that without bringing a gift, and I'd rather contact someone 'in-the-know' (I think jenn mentioned that) to find out where they are registered instead of having it so blatantly out there

LisaD,

Why are you now finally worried about being tacky?

I don't think it is tacky or rude! I think it is HELPFUL! I have given through a registry before, for my brother's wedding - it was so convenient! And there is no order to give - just on the invite so if someone wants to, they can pick out what is really needed.

I don't think it is tacky to say we are registered at such and such a place.... IMO

It would be tacky if they included a list of things they wanted in the invitation....


Do you still consider it tacky if there is a registry listed in a bridal shower invitation?

I dunno....kinda...but as I said before, I'm torn because I can understand the purpose behind it...but I would still rather call someone instead of just being told 'go here'

I take it you don't like being told what to do?

i find it great. i dont have to spend all day shopping for something they dont want. then they gotta spend all day returning things. i think its good for both sides involved.

years ago my cousin wrote on her invitations what she wanted the person to get her which we thought was a little tacky...and to top it off she didnt get married and didnt return the gifts either.

Registries aren't all that common in Germany which is fine because we got a lot of cash instead of gifts. Most of the actual gifts were handmade props or games that ended in cash prizes. We didn't expect anyone to get us anything besides showing up. We were both so floored by the completely unexpected generosity we had the thank you cards and letters all mailed out within two days.

I would be annoyed if the registry was included because it creates the expectation and obligation of buying something in order to attend. I just think I should bring what I think you might like because I want to gift you out of the goodness of my heart and you be grateful enough to accept it gracefully even if it wasn't your thing and it was going on eBay the next day. Maybe that makes me a jerk in some people's books, but whatever.

Whether you find it tacky or not, I do think it's considered incorrect wedding etiquette to include where the registry is with the invitation. But I could be wrong about that, I'm no wedding planner.

For me, it was just easier to follow the etiquette rather than worrying about offending people. We all know that what you think is perfectly acceptable may not be seen that way by other people. I'd rather take an occasion other than my wedding to test the waters!

Ditto




I think people see it as, "well I'm going to buy a gift anyway, so at least I'll know what they need..". The problem with contacting someone in the know, is that they are usually someone who is also busy helping plan the whole thing and it could be hard if a big number of people keep having to contact them asking where someone is registered. It's just easier to get it with the invitation whether it be a baby shower, bridal shower, or wedding.

Now that I think of it, I don't think I put it in our wedding invitations, but that's because from all the families who were coming, someone in the fam had come to my bridal shower and already got the registry info from that invitation.

LOL!

Well, in planning things here, I don't think I'm going to be including a registry. If people want to call my mom, that's one thing...but the people I'm inviting to the wedding can either call my mom or get me whatever they want...because my main priority is just that they share this day with us, not cos of the gift they're bringing.

Oo Lisa I don't know your timeline. Are you getting married soooooon? How exciting, if so.


(Just curious, don't have to answer)

lol, not soon...things have been complicated for us & we're just starting our journey....was just updating my site at theknot and wanted to pose the quezzie here.

I know when i got married the first time back in 1985 i did register for bridal shower gifts.I was 20yrs old and still living at home at the time of my marriage. That being said i guess its the norm for where i live *shrugs* Any invite ive received has a slip of paper inside the invite as to where the person is registered. I dont find it tacky or rude as far as a bridal shower goes IMO What i do find extremely tacky is when you receive a wedding invite that says cash gifts only to help pay for our honeymoon WTF?!?!?!?!?

LisaD,

My personal feeling is that it depends how the information is presented, how it's worded. Ms. Manners might feel differently.

Yodrak

what's the diff in picking out stuff, or asking for cash?

Like i said including where you are registered is the "norm" where i live. Using a register isnt telling people they have to go there to buy you something, but they do have the option of using it or not. I for one wouldnt ask for cash. In fact for my current marriage i never registered or expected anything.

I wasn't bein snippy, I was just expanding my thought...like if a registry is ok, and a lot of ppl like the idea of getting summat the couple/person can use...then what about cash? Why or why not?


I'mma register for my next birthday

We don't want anyone to bring gifts. How can we politely put this in the invitation? Has anyone done this before?

"Although a wedding invitation implies a gift in return, it is considered poor etiquette to mention the names of stores where you are registered on the wedding invitation. Instead, allow your friends to ask you or pass this information along to parents, the bridal party or grandparents who will be happy to inform your guests. Many couples also list their registry information on their wedding website, which is perfectly acceptable. If you do not wish to receive wedding gifts, it is not proper etiquette to print "No Gifts, Please" on the invitation. Again, this information should be shared with close friends and family members who will then communicate your wish to your guests. Many couples who do not wish to receive gifts, which is often the case with second-time bride or groom, will provide the name of a charity organization to which wedding guests can contribute in lieu of buying a wedding gift for the couple. "

http://www.beau-coup.com/wedding-invitations-etiquette.htm

I wasnt being snippy either, just was adding what people do here is all. As far as cash, i always give cash for a wedding gift. But gift cards are popular here as well for showers.

Hmmm, no we don't want gifts and we don't want them to donate to charity. Does anyone have any ideas on how to do that?

Just making sure that you put "no gifts' on the card should be sufficient IMO. If you don't want any charitable donations made in your honour, then don't put any information on the card about donations.

If someone makes a charitable donation in my name, who gets to write the donation off on their taxes?

I would say don't do it. Things like weddings and gifts and the such bring out everyone's previously missing Miss Manners. No matter if it seems logical to include it, it still makes it seem a gift is expected, rather than just their presence at your wedding.

How about you make a faux registry card that says...we are registered NOWHERE! and the only gift we would love is for you to be there to share this momentous occassion




Oh I didn't think you were I just didn't want my answer being misconstrued as sounding like I was bein a smart azz



totally agreed!

No rules expert but would feel to say something about no gifts would be ok. I know i've heard this with 25 yr anniversary 50 yr anniversary gathering, just something like your attendance is the best gift of all

I don't think it's rude. Rude is showing up without bringing any gift even when people tell you not to...

Among my friends, it's been a 50/50 split between including the registry (on a slip of paper in the invitation) and not. I'm not offended by it, but it is a little tacky, and in the cases where it wasn't included, I just e-mailed the bride or groom saying 'do you have a registry?'

I probably won't include it and will put my sister on responding to registries duty.

Perhaps a way round is to put a note that says "Registry information is available through the mother of the bride, however we feel that the gift of your presence is more than sufficient".

I'm probably not qualified to talk about this though - I would have loved to create a registry, but getting married on the fly meant no gifts from anyone with the exception of some cash from my husbands parents.

At the risk of being thought stupid yet again, I'll express my opinion. I think it's rude to include such information in a wedding invitation. It's like asking guests for gifts from a specific place when it (in my HUMBLE opinion) should be up to the guest what to get and where. I would feel bad if the registry were from a place I couldn't afford to buy from.

Again, this is just my opinion.

Karen, no one's called you stupid!

Lisa...I'm not having the best of days today. Sorry.

I think it's beyond tacky. But then I have a southern upbringing and we are ultra-weird about stuff like that.....

What Karen said about receiving a list of 'over-priced' goodies is one reason this is in bad taste. It makes people on a budget feel like paupers.

For a shower invite, that might be different. The purpose of that affair is gift-giving (at least it is in the US). A wedding is supposed to be a celebration. The gift-giving aspect should be optional.

I am actually not planning to Register. I remember it being a huge hassle and I still ended up getting tons of duplicates and things that were not even on my list. However I only registered for my Bridal Shower and not the wedding since we typically only get cash for the wedding.

Jenn is correct. It IS incorrect wedding etiquette. If you follow all that stuff, all that Emily Post and what not, then DON'T do it...Technically it is the maid of honor's responsiblity to get the info out...so people know, if I want to know where she is registered, I call her MOH. In addition, most people my age know to look on Wedding.com. It will show everywhere you are registered. You can also make a wedding web page that has all the info on it!! BUt again, for FORMAL wedding etiquette, you would NOT include that info in your invite...

Now....having said that...we did <sigh>...sort of. For our actual marriage in Australia, his mother didn't get proper, formal invites. She sent out invitations that were just normal invitations..not formal wedding ones, and included the information about the travel agent that was doing our honeymoon registry. We asked for ppl to contribute to that to help us buy Stewart's ticket to America. I knew it was tachy, but I knew without it we couldn't afford his ticket. It worked!! It was a HUGE help...but I mean flights from Australia caost 2,000!!!

Then, for our stateside recepetion, we did FORMAL invites (because my mother wouldn't have it any other way) with NO mention of registrys. Ppl just knew where to find the info I guess bc we got almost all of our stuff we registered for...some ppl called my mom, some just looked online.

SO That's my long answer to an easy questio n:)




Amen!! hehehe.

I couldn't of stated it better.

I think not rude, since I know I rather give someone want they need and want then have to guess...and end up being wrong or giving a sucky gift.