It's ok if we disagree.

I am not the only one who said it was insensitive.

i just have to say, the real work begins after your SO enters the country. Visa stuff is just nasty paperwork in the way of reaching your ultimate goal.

I also had a similar reaction as rebecca - i had to re-adjust to being a partner vs. head of household. we are still adjusting more than a year later.

Our 130 was approved first but I still went for the K3. The K3 moves faster through NVC. The CR1 stays at the NVC for months before it moves to Cairo. The benefit is that your husband would come in on a conditional GC but the wait IMO is not worth it. It is for some but not for me.

I read Moody's post and then I re-read it after seeing the replies. The way I read it, her ONLY objection was to still talking about the separation once someone's husband is here. I did not read it to mean she was talking about the other struggles newly married couples face when reunited but specifically continued discussion about the separation evenm though the couple is reunited.

Moody has at times drawn upon experiences in her first marriage to share in discussions regarding adjustment issues, so I don't think she has any issue with this. I have appreciated her insight in these discussions. I think think a very specific thing (talking about the separation) is being lumped into a larger issue (adjustment overall) and that was not what she meant.




I am glad I am not the only one I was starting to feel abnormal

Everyone has their sensitive times, I have been seperated for 14 months from my fiance so I can understand how Moody feels as well as how Jean feels. The point is that Moody's post makes seem sound like she is ungrateful and she clearly is not. Jean has always used VJ as way to vent and talk about her feelings, I think most of us have come to terms with that after a few bumpy rides. If Jean's post bugs someone then they should not read them.

I don't think Jean's posts or anyone elses post are going to make this process any easier for those of us that are waiting. I don't think it's insensitive either for her to post about it either. Seperation is hard and no matter what you do it only gets harder, not easier.

Thanks, Bosco...yes that is what I was talking about. I wasn't talking about the adjustment once the SO gets here. I know how difficult that can be.

That's it exactly... I didn't mean that the adjustment is easy and that she isn't allowed to talk about it. You hit the nail on the head.

JP...I don't think Jean is ungrateful at all. Quite the contrary she's probably over the moon about her Mohammed being here. I just have noticed that she hasn't given herself a break with the stressing which makes her appear to be complaining to just complain. I'm not saying that's what she's doing but honestly that's what it seems like. I understand she must be having residual affects from this process. I understand she had an extremely difficult and long wait. Adjustment from living a single life to being married is hard enough without immigration thrown in. I get that and understand.

I realize that you do understand but I just don't get what you beef is with her posts. She isn't doing anything wrong.

JP..I PMed you. Maybe that will explain it better. I hope

right back at ya babe.

WOW take it easy people just have fun enjoy VJ

Wowza, I have not been here in a while and seems every time I do happen to pop in there is forever so kind of conflict going on which is why I don't come around here much. I did not reads Jean's post as being negative at all being that I sympathize with her completely. This whole experience has been mind boggling to me and continues to be so. Take a walk in our shoes and one may understand. I pray others going through this process do not have to wait so long to be with our SO like we had to. Maybe if some of you knew what it was like to be away from the one closest to your heart for so long you could be more understanding.

I think most people here with SO's in or from different countries can understand being apart for long periods of time.

I can't believe I am yet again forced to repeat myself. I am NOT complaining. I started a discussion because I was curious what people found in themselves after their SO arrived after all that time apart. If you all want to read more into it, that's fine. But my position remains, I simply wanted to discuss. But then again, its Thursday and time to wind up for the Friday night fights. I won't be participating in the usual rubbish.

we got plenty of spectator seats still open. call your local ticket office

Ohhhhhhhh how I can relate!

At first i wasn't sure what you meant, but then I got the picture. We waited 3 long years to be together. I did go stay with him during this time but it was agony to have to leave hin behind.

Now, we are inseparable. He has been here 5 months and we still find it so difficult to be apart. I don't know when it will end. We are lucky in that we both work opposite shifts I think. He is sleeping while I am at work and I am sleeping while he is at work. We both miss each other when we are apart.

When will that stop??? I am not complaining but it is scary. Its like a fear that somehow someone is going to take us apart. We do not take anything for granted. Nothing. We do everything togther when we are awake. I mean everything. If he is on line I am in there with him reading a book. If I am on line he might be next to doing suduku or watching a movie. He cooks for me I cook for him. It's so weird how we are like twins in a way. Lol...maybe we are. I know we are soulmates but I never dreamed we would be so close after all this time.

I guess we will just take it one day at a time and hope we can let up on the feeling of loosing one another.

chi

I guess I don't really understand the part about being at work. I think most grown up married couples are working couples these days. Isn't it normal to be at work all day and see your husband/wife at night?

Sarah - I think chiquita was saying they work opposite shifts, she works during the day and he works at night for example so they don't see each other for any big part of the day. At least that's what I understood from reading it

For me, there wasn't so much baggage from the visa journey, as it was my own expectations. I never knew I had these ideas that wives were supposed to be a certain way. I was miserable at first because I thought I was not doing everything the way I should. Once I realized it, I talked with my husband about it and he helped me (as always) find some peace.

Twila

P.S. Our real trial came not during the visa journey but the AOS journey. Everything got delayed because of a hurricane that hit our area and turned biometrics into the worst backlog ever! It was really hard for my husband to just sit home, not work, and to feel something less than human (I can understand...I probably would have been much worse).

I understand what you meant. I think that you have anxiety about all the changes you are faced with now. Those are very big changes. A new person to share a bed with everyday, share bathrooms. Toilet seat up or down, lol. Just the fact that your space has an additional person in it now. Then comes all the major things. It is not simple. Being married and divorced before, relationships are hard. You have to work at it each and every day. Sometimes every second. But then that is when maturity kicks in and you realize that you both are in it for the long haul.

I am glad you posted something you were feeling and it was honest. I could not be that honest and post something like that because people always have away to change what you meant around and look to the negative about it. It is called their baggage they have to carry with them that makes people act like that. Regardless as to how they may feel or think, the responses on here should be tactful.

Let the subject people be GOOD BEHAVIOR fo 2007. MANNERS.

I could complain that when I have a problem with my man, he seems to always turn it around like he is the victim. No sense of Ownership. But guess what I will not complain because then people will have something to say. LOL

gosh, I didn't realize that my baggage and I had been introduced to you yet. Maybe you would be willing to remind me what my baggage is also, I seem to have forgotten.

Your baggage is Samsonite. Samsonite, this is Sarah. Sarah, this is Samonsite. Samonsite and Sarah, that was your free psychoanalysis.

Seems to be a common thought tonight, something must be weighing down someone's carry on.

Oh phew, thank you! I must say that Samsonite luggage is quite wonderful.

I will be tactful. But why wold you assume I am speaking to you directly from the many post on the topic. Since you do not know what baggage is, i will forwar you a poem on it for your pleasure.

Glad my baggage got lost before I landed at this airport . . . .

You aren't being tactful, you are being presumptuous and arrogant. Do you have a phD in Baggage? If not, I'd suggest following your own rule of politeness and step off telling someone what it is and that they have it.

Holy Crap look who's talking!!!! YOU ... the one posting a mocking thread about someone who calls her dear one "my morrocan" has the audacity to come into this thread and dis long time members by accusing them of not having manners????? If you're talking about Sarah I'm sorry but one thing she does have is manners...you might learn a few lessons from her.

Geesh what a way to come into a board. If this keeps up I'll need a LOT of popcorn!!!

awww crap i missed all the fun

Well I just want to Thank you for your post. I thought the point was to discuss emotional baggage that the process may have left you or your SO with or maybe just to vent...or express frustration at the whole process. I guess I expected that it would all be over once my sweetie was here but it just irritates me knowing I have to again go to an interview to prove my love to him. He is here. That is true that is all that matters and for those who's SO isn't here yet I think after that person arrives and they are in bliss they will understand...if they don't already how damn annoying it is when time starts ticking and the next step in the process is due..rudely interrupting the blissful happiness that Citizens of the same country who fall in love get to continue on without ever having to struggle with...I don't think your post was insensitive at all. But people will always have their own opinions. all I want to say is Thanks. I feel better having vented

I like Hartman. But it's so dang expensive.

Arrogant...I am glad you see me as that way. However, i again stated my opinion to someones post. As a matter of fact i do have a phd in baggage. I am also glad you were able to recognize that as well. I never attacked anyone on this post.

Did i ever mention her name? No. But I am glad you are her personal body guard. Yes, grab some popcorn, have a seat, and get a life. Actually if you check past post from me, someone on VJ attacked my fiance and yes her post was a reminder of that to me. I never attacked anyone like you are doing right now. Fortunately, I have enough sense to know that this is an online forum and just not that serious to me. I simply stated my thoughts on that idea. My position remains the same.

Yet another forum that's becoming a boxing match. Baggage, well, I guess I could say I have a lot of emotional baggage that I just cannot get rid of even though I think I have. During the whole K-! I started having panic attacks which I had never had in my life. Of course I was always the one saying people that had them were crazy, so now I'm crazy too! I actually thought I was having a heart attack the first time I had one, I was quite embassassed when I was told it was a panic attack. So now we are together and waiting for Amr's AOS and I still on occasion will feel a panic attack coming on and I don't understand why. There are nights that I wake myself {and Amr } up screaming. If I wake up and he is in the other room, I freak out. I know there is no reason for it now and I tell myself this all the time, but I guess my brain isn't listening to me. My doctor also thinks I have fibromyalgia now. Once again, I always thought this was a made up condition. He said he has seen many patients that have been or are very stresses develop this. Don't know if this is true or not, but it's not fun feeling like I have run 10 miles on some days. So that's my baggage. Thank you to my goverment.

OMG- I hope you feel better. You have those kids to think about. Wishing you much health and happiness. I have baggage right about now too. I'm pregnant. Alone even though Omar is in my heart everyday and wherever I go, I am going through this alone. I was sooooooooo sick a week ago and very very angry. I started and picking fights with my fiance everyday. When I started feeling better I stopped picking fights with him. I hope that if I feel really sick again and want to start fights in the middle of the nights, he understand what I am going through. Now that is sad, right? I pray that when I get sick again from the baby, I can still be kind and nice to my fiance. Especially since he does whatever I want to make me happy, including working two jobs now to save money for us and the baby.